Burglars breaking into houses - do you have a plan?

losthorizon

I was talking to my other half yesterday and she was telling me that the discussion got round to house break-ins at her place of work. She couldn't believe what people were telling her and neither could I but apparently they were perfectly serious. Three of the lads she works with have baseball bats under their beds to deal with any burglars and another has a hurley. One of the other guys there said he goes hunting and has two guns and would have no hesitation in using it if someone broke into his house.

The rest said they had plans made out if someone broke in.

Now, from someone whos never really given the subject much thought I think these people seem a bit paranoid .

listermint

Yes obviously,

Ill pay them to leave with my euromillions winnings.. :cool:

Sanjuro

Sit in the corner, gently rocking back and forth while weeping and soiling myself until they leave in disgust.











Oh wait, burglars? I mistook this thread for one about sexual practices.

some_dose

I have a hunting bow under my bed. That's all I need

demakinz

Snooker cue to the face.

Pyr0

some_dose wrote: »

I have a hunting bow under my bed. That's all I need

All you need now is your explosive tip arrow heads and a red bandanna, Rambo!

sellerbarry

No offence, but anyone who breaks into my house whilst my wife and child are in it, better not expect a cuppa.;)

FreudianSlippers

My plan is just to break in when nobody is home

sensibleken

I do have a four and a half foot claymore in my room but its a bit unwieldly. I also have a banjo so i guess i could go deliverance on them

FunkZ

My house was broken into in July when I was way.

Next time though I'm gonna pour ketchup all over myself, run down stairs and scream 'he beats me, he beats me'.

They'll get the **** out if they see a 100KG guy acting like that

KeithM89_old

I keep a certain item in a drawer beside my bed that could cause them considerable pain / death.
My bedroom is the only one downstairs so im kind of a 'security guard' for the rest of my family

GalwayKiefer

KeithM89 wrote: »

I keep a certain item in a drawer beside my bed that could cause them considerable pain / death.

15" rubber dildo?

KeithM89_old

GalKiefer wrote: »

15" rubber dildo?

I wish!!!

bonerm

Yeah, let them take what they want from the downstairs of the house.

I'm not gonna risk doing time for the sake of some scumbag or my gear.

Love all the hardmen on here btw.

cherryghost

Football in the groin! Football in the groin!

Gran Hermano

I'd open a can of McNally on them.

Black Swan

Leave milk and cookies near the fireplace

MagicMarker

I have a machete and a chainsaw.

Paulyh

Have a garda batton ready to go beside my bed, (my father is a retired guard). I have'nt had to use it, and hopefully i never will, but I have no hesitation throwing the first hit to protect my family.

I also have a vicious beast in the form of my OH lying next to me too;)
Oh god help them!!!

admiralofthefleet

a girl i work with has an office knife hidden in her room and she is the type of girl that would have no hesitation to use

me ive no plan, i would just kick 7 shades of shite out of a burglar

Pauleta

Water pistol filled with Ammonia. Also dont underestimate the power of a phone charger. You get good distance and a plug in the the head should hurt enough.

Dyr

baseball bats and hurleys are'nt great options for houses, not enough clearance to get a swing in

WindSock

I scatter the garden furniture around the patio so it's like an obstacle course for them.

SadieSue

I'd ask them which end of the human centipede do they want to be?

R P McMurphy

Two large german shepherds and one belgian malinois live in my house so if someone manages to get past all three and to the upstairs of the house they are doing well. If they did then I have no specific plans and would have to play it by ear

bonerm

WindSock wrote: »

I scatter the garden furniture around the patio so it's like an obstacle course for them.

Are you expecting to be robbed by Helen Keller?

msg11

WindSock wrote: »

I scatter the garden furniture around the patio so it's like an obstacle course for them.

Pro Active approach, if they make a load of noise someone will hear them and have a look then spooking them.

Most breakins happen between 9:30 and 10:30, during the Garda shift change and while your out. So we were told anyway, although around here alot of break ins seem to happen between 1-5am while people are asleep. Although, I don't go asleep till late.

Thinking of getting some network cameras from maplin to put around the house.

I wouldn't be one to launch an attack , they ain't stupid to go lone solider into someone's house, there could be two or three. And your attack could go against yourself.

I would do a MI5 job and tie the ***** up.

Degsy

Bambi wrote: »

baseball bats and hurleys are'nt great options for houses, not enough clearance to get a swing in

A sword is better..thrust for the goolies or belly AND they cant grab it off you.

GalwayKiefer

I'll keep my defenses to myself to avoid incrimation but there's one mad baxtard I know who has in his bedroom a lighter and a hard plastic sports bottle with a squeezy top thats filled with petrol. He reckons once he sprays them and they get the smell of the petrol, then see the lighter in his hand, they'll leg it.

Thankfully he hasn't had grounds to test it out yet cos it'd be whole lot of fun explaining that fire to his insurance company.

WindSock

R P McMurphy wrote: »

Two large german shepherds and one belgian malinois live in my house so if someone manages to get past all three and to the upstairs of the house they are doing well. If they did then I have no specific plans and would have to play it by ear

It's good to have a large growler to scare them off with

bonerm wrote: »

Are you expecting to be robbed by Helen Keller?

She's dead, but I have a different approach for a zombie invasion.

stovelid

Boasting to workmates about keeping a hurley/baseball bat/rifle/cat o nine tails != using hurley/baseball bat/rifle/cat o nine tails when burglar actually breaks in.

Yakult

Golf clubs in my room, they hurt like hell.

alexa5x5

I keep a large knife beside my bed for just the occasion.

jesus_thats_gre

You would want to corner them in a fairly big room if you plan on using that baseball bat or hurl..

WindSock

A box of spiders, there's an idea.

sensibleken

Go downstairs with a Bible and ask them if theyve heard the good news.

That'll get them to fúck off pronto.

blackbird98

can't beat a Mossberg pump action!!!

RedXIV

My grandad, god bless him, was in his 60s when someone tried to rob him in the middle of the night. He came down when he heard a noise, hurl in hand and saw a guy lifting his TV.

WHACK

Guy gets hit in the back of the knees and falls on his back

WHACK

my grandad hits him again in the side of the chest. Looks down to see the guy smiling up and my grandad in a mixture of fear and fury starts a flurry of whacks roaring "what the %&*£ are you smiling at eh!?!"

Eventually my grandad reachs down to grab the guy by the hair and pulls off a clown mask smiling at him while the burgler was crying underneath..


My grandad was awesome

Lex_Diamonds

I live in a ****ty ghost estate house with no insulation so I, after watching Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, decided to fill all the cavities of my house with giant creepy-crawlies. Problem is the Irish winter gets to them so I have to refill every year.

Its very effective though when any potential burgler has to stick his hand into the morass in order to get the keys to my '94 Starlet.

KeithAFC

I have two shotguns for this.

Biggins

losthorizon wrote: »

Burglars breaking into houses - do you have a plan?

Yes. Enough said - legal reasons.

Magic Pips

upside down plugs... all over the place! I hope they dont wake me on their way out!

Paulyh

Lex_Diamonds wrote: »

I live in a ****ty ghost estate house with no insulation so I after watching Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom I decided to fill all the cavities of my house with giant creepy-crawlies. Problem is the Irish winter gets to them so I have to refill every year.

Its very effective though when any potential burgler has to stick his hand into the morass in order to get the keys to my '94 Starlet.

I want whatever he's smoking :cool:

Pompey Magnus

I will just stand perfectly still, I believe their vision is based on movement so I should be ok.

biko

I have a cat.

hadook

R P McMurphy wrote: »

Two large german shepherds and one belgian malinois live in my house so if someone manages to get past all three and to the upstairs of the house they are doing well. If they did then I have no specific plans and would have to play it by ear

One large great dane and one fear aggressive spaniel cross cover one part of the house. Several cats who believe it is their mission in life to trip up anyone wandering around in the dark should deal with the rest. If they make it past the animals I plan to feel sorry for them as there's nothing worth stealing that hasn't been ruined already by cat hair and dog drool

A friend of mine once had a plan. If the alarm went off or if they heard burglars, her and her husband would go into the kids room, push the chest of drawers in front of the door and call the police. Good plan yeh?

So, one night the alarm goes off, all plans go out the window, husband runs out of the room, baseball in hand, sees the burglar on the stairs and starts screaming like a madman "I'll f*cking kill you, I'll kill you, I'll kill you" and waving the baseball bat in the air. He then hears crying and stops to look at the "burglar" and instead saw his 4 yr old daughter standing on the stairs piddling her pants and sobbing. Poor thing had only gotten up to get a drink.

FreudianSlippers

Pompey Magnus wrote: »

I will just stand perfectly still, I believe their vision is based on movement so I should be ok.

That's correct. Or wait am I thinking of the T-Rex?

sensibleken

Set fire to the house and watch em burn.

_Whimsical_

I was thinking I might hide. Pity you can't hide under beds anymore... damned solid divans.

WindSock

Deleted User wrote: »

instead saw his 4 yr old daughter standing on the stairs piddling her pants and sobbing. Poor thing had only gotten up to get a drink.

Better off doing that than calling the Gardai for that though