Is there anything you would like to say to your parents?

How Strange

Speaking of hugs and parents my mother and I used to have a very difficult relationship. she was always very cold towards me. My dad was always much closer to me and showed as much affection as a man of his generation could.

A couple of years ago my mother took to hugging me. I was sceptical at first thinking it would only last a while but she still does it. I've never really asked her why she started being affectionate to me all of a sudden but I suspect she had some counselling or spoke to a close friend about her relationship with me.

Every day I promise myself I'll never be they kind of a mother to my kids because it's not nice growing up constantly trying to please someone who never appreciates it.

padr81

I think theres not alot i'd say to them, they got everything right in my eyes tbh. Maybe "thanks for making me who I am", all my strengths and weaknesses come from how I was raised.

While my parents like everyone elses weren't perfect, they raised 7 of us pretty well (no psychos, serial killers etc... well not that i know of).

I think most ppl are in a simular situation with regards there father, my dad never once that I can remember did hugs, kisses or even said nice things but he was always there and would I know gladly die for anyone of the 7 of us. When my life was tough (depression etc..) it was hard to suffer it with his comments of "the only way to beat it is to get off ur lazy arse and do something" etc... It was like his way of helping, hurtful at times but he meant well. As much as I love him things like that do stick with me and I make sure to tell my kids every night how much I love them, even by phone now we're not together full time.

Interestingly enough since he's seen how myself and my 2 brothers are affectionate with our kids, he's starting to open up a bit, constantly hugging and kissing his grandkids and much more open in his feelings to us.

I think even 20 years ago it wasn't manly to show affection to your kids. The mother did all that and the father did the work and the discipline.

stovelid

My dad was affectionate when we were children but not at all when I was older and was a very traditional man so I was closer to my mother. While it would have been nice (and I very much want an affectionate and close relationship with my sons) to be closer to my dad, I don't forget that his primary role wasn't to be a friend, but a father. He was very different to many fathers where we grew up: he always worked hard - often too hard; he didn't drink the money away; provided everything he could for us and (with my mum) kept us out of trouble and away from other temptations.

You don't have to be buddies with your kids to be a good parent (and for your kids to love you) although I hope I can do both with my sons.

Klingon Hamlet

Showing me what strength really means: the ability to let our guard down, show your true colours, and cry when you feel like it, and laugh afterwards...

Letting me be me.

Teaching me that making mistakes is the most important part of living.

Loving me even when I was a little b@stard.

Always being there for me whenever I needed them.

Doing what they could when they could to add a little magic to each day.

Crying in front of me---I'll never forget realising they're my parents but they're only human...and THEN realising that makes them superhuman.

Always showing me the bright side of things, even when all hope seems lost.

Movie Nights. I loved them, and my child will too.

All the memories:

• Jurassic Park premiere (and the Supermacs balloon that decided to float up and block the camera lens)
• Picnics in Phoenix park with our toys and the sunshine
• Trips to Mosney and Howth and Bray Head

Helping me be a good dad.

di11on

metrovelvet wrote: »

Sometimes the evidence of love is not obvious. My father was old school Irish. No I love yous. No hugs and kisses.

But he got up with me in the mornings when I had to go to school. He had a hot cup of tea ready for me and some toast and he would chat to me and make sure I left on time. This to me was love. It was loved because he cared and he knew how lonely I found school mornings and because he cared enough to make sure I did not miss school. It was also discipline, which he had showed me is a part of love, is doing things you just dont damn well feel like.

My mother and I have always had a troubled friendship. Last year I fell asleep on her couch in the afternoon, and as I was drifting off,she put a blanket over me. I felt this was the most loving thing she has done in many many years.

There is a poem I love because it reminds me to look at the little things. That is all some people can do to express affection and love.

Those Winter Sundays

Sundays too my father got up early
And put his clothes on in the blueback cold,
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.

I'd wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.
When the rooms were warm, he'd call,
and slowly I would rise and dress,
fearing the chronic angers of that house,

Speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well.
What did I know, what did I know
of love's austere and lonely offices?

Robert Hayden

I would have preferred this kind of meaningful, action backed love growing up than all the hugs and kisses in the world.

username123

My parents had a troubled marriage, a difficult life, and my father suffered with severe alcoholism which sucked away his personality and turned him into a monster. I was estranged from them both for a couple of years before they died although my relationnship with me fathher was destroyed by alcohol years before that.

In saying that, when we were young they tried very hard to love us, teach us good values, and help us when they could. both of them were very generous people and my father thought nothing of paying for a gang of kids to play snooker or go to rainbow rapids - and wasnt bothered when the favour wasnt returned. My mother would talk to us for hours and tell us stories of her youth and how the world had changed. Both of them were proud of us for any achievements we made and were comforting in the face of any failures. They taught us good discipline and my mother passed on her cooking skills, my father passed on ambition, and both passed on intelligence and a love of books, documentaries and academic persuits.

A lot of my memories are now coloured with the dreadful events that went on when the alcohol took over, but as time passes I find it easier and easier to look back and see the good stuff too.

Although it may sound odd - I have learned as a woman to be independant (both financially and emotionally) as a result of my mother not being so, I have learned to be an equal in my marraige as a result of her not being so, and I have learned to stay away from alcohol from my fathers destructive slide into its grip.

I think my parents tried their best but they lost their way.

Fittle

I just wanted to say that that's a lovely post username123. It really is..

I've done alot of work around forgiveness, purely so I can move on. And I have so many negative memories of my folks. But I think it's about perspective.

My mother also spoke alot about days gone by and how things had changed...my dad was also an alcoholic, but was one of those less obvious alcoholics, who went to the pub every nite (so was absent) and fell home so drunk that he could barely speak. But it meant that there was no trouble (from him anyway) in the home. So often, alcoholics bring so much trouble and fighting...as is their 'package' (I've a few brothers who would fall into that category, so I know what I'm talking about)...

But my perspective on my life was so different to yours - but you've given me alot to think about, so thanks for that.

username123

Fittle wrote: »

But my perspective on my life was so different to yours - but you've given me alot to think about, so thanks for that.

Aw thanks Fittle. Its taken me a long time to come round to forgiveness but I am getting there bit by bit. It helps me too because the more I can forgive the less nasty baggage I have to carry around with me - otherwise I could be very bitter and angry - but who wants to feel bitter and angry all the time eh?

caprilicious

Cat Melodeon wrote: »

I'd like to tell them that I think they were brilliant. They came from nothing, really nothing, and worked their behinds off to put us all through school and college, to give us music lessons, to send us on trips with the school and so on. Our clothes were generally second hand and the house was basic, but we were fed good food, read bedtime stories and tickled til we cried. They were affectionate, loving, strict when necessary, forgiving of us turning into absolute witches when we were teens, and the best parents I could possibly have wished for. I hope to be half as good a parent to my wee boy.

Beautifully put Cat Melodeon, I really couldn't put it better myself.

I would also tell them sorry from the bottom of my heart for the hurt and worry I caused them when I was younger & apologise for not being better at expressing how much they both mean to me & how lost I be without them both.