Would you let him go on holiday...???

Fittle

Bit of background here.

I'm a single mum with an 8yr old boy. Dad not involved. Have good support around me, and he has no 'attachment' issues. Goes on sleepovers no problem, has a childminder - has never 'fretted' for me even as a younger child. Loves to saunter off with pals and never looks back, or looks for mammy...having said that, he's quite a soft kid and very much a mammies boy:D

So my friend has asked if she can take him to disneyland in florida with her (and her family) for 2 weeks next february...I have to decide in the next two weeks before she books the holiday.

On the one hand, I SO don't want him not to miss this opportunity, as there's very little chance I'll have the finances to bring him myself in the next few years.

But on the other hand, I'm terrified that something will happen to him, something will happen to me - what if he needs me in some shape or form and I can't get to him etc.

I know on the big scale of things, that this isn't a 'problem' - like it's a wonderful opportunity for him...but on the other hand, I don't know how I'd cope for those 2wks....any thoughts?
And before anyone asks, not a hope I could go on the holiday myself.
Thanks

trickywitch

Ah. You sound completely torn. My advice - if you know the family well and trust them completely - consider letting him go. If you feel you can cope, keep yourself busy and distracted while he is away. Knowing youself as only you can - if you feel that letting him go would stress you out beyond belief then don't. It's not worth that. While you can't be with him every minute and you are raising him to be independent at the end of the day - at 8 years old there will be plenty of time in the future for other opportunities to come his way.

metrovelvet

I would have said YES to this pre 911. Now I'm too paranoid.

Shelflife

being honest the only thing i would be worried about is would he be up to being away from you for two weeks, id be worried that he would get "homesick".

Assuming that you know and trust the family involved then everything else would be ok.

Fittle

Thanks for replies.

I know the family very well - the mum is my best friend. There are two kids around my sons age. He gets on ok with them, but has had sleepovers and often gets very bored and is not overly fond of the youngest child if I'm honest.

I trust the family completely with his safety. Completely.

But I have had children for sleepovers or long weekends stay with us - and if I'm very honest (although I'd never tell the mother of the child I have to stay, this), I would always favour my own child above the kids who stay with us.

I haven't mentioned it to him at all. Really appreciate your replies because I was wondering if i was just being an over protective mammy....I would dearly love to experience disneyland with him. But there's no chance of that in the foreseeable.

m'lady

As other posters have said presuming you and also your son know this family well, and you know they are trustworthy and you also know that your friend would be motherly enough to understand if he does get homesick that she can deal with it as best she can, then I have to say I would let him go.

Also it could be arranged that he spoke to you on the phone every second day or so.

Perhaps ask your son in a hypothetical type question, how he would feel about spending 2 weeks away from you?

He sounds quite independent, and not 'clingy', and Im sure if you let him go he really will appreciate it in years to come!
Maybe look at the 2 weeks as a break for yourself, its not easy doing it all!!

metrovelvet

If you send him make sure you give him plenty of pocket money. I wouldnt like to put him in a position where he has to ask for money or is left out of the souvenir purchases.

planetX

I'm a single mum with a 9 year old boy, and my answer to your question would be no. Just because I'd feel 2 weeks would be too long, and because you mentioned he gets a bit bored with them. I'd worry that the two kids of the family would be calling the shots and he'd have to fit in. Disneyland is great, but there's only so much you can take - they must be doing other stuff as well. He might be dragged shopping...
For me it would be 'thanks, maybe in a few years time', and I'd get planning a holiday here for us instead.

scorpioishere

To be honest i would say no. Parents should accompany their child wherever they go and not to send with friends or best friend or anybody they know. Imagine something happen there and you will not forgive yourself after. What if the other two kids fight with him and he wants to come back. What if he doesn't fit in that family, being drag everywhere they go,things they will do and do thing different way you use to do with him. Save some money and may be in 3/4/6/10 years you will be able to do that trip with your son very confident and happy.

trickywitch

scorpioishere wrote: »

To be honest i would say no. Parents should accompany their child wherever they go and not to send with friends or best friend or anybody they know. Imagine something happen there and you will not forgive yourself after. What if the other two kids fight with him and he wants to come back. What if he doesn't fit in that family, being drag everywhere they go,things they will do and do thing different way you use to do with him. Save some money and may be in 3/4/6/10 years you will be able to do that trip with your son very confident and happy.

Eh what??? You can't put him in a bubble until he's 21! Do whatever you feel is right yourself OP. I Don't know about other people but I'm always much more concerned about the friend who comes on holiday with us than my own kids. Don't worry about the what if's - or you'll go insane. There are pros and cons on both sides and it sounds to me that your boy would be absoultely fine if he went and stayed in contact with you. The problem seems to be that it's not sitting well with you and that's the main thing.

wagon_repair

The kid is 8 not 17 so I don't think ur comment is any bit valid about keeping him in a bubble, maybe u could say that when he's a teenager but not now. He is still pretty young

Fittle

See that's my concern, that something might happen and I'd never forgive myself...

My gut reaction is to say no.

If i put it to him, he'll say yes immediately - that much I do know!

I might just thank them but say no, politely. My friend is great with him - and I'm sure would give him all the mothering he'd need...but she's not his mammy:D:D

I think I'll just say thanks, but no thanks and start saving for our own trip there, in a few years....

Thanks for input guys - helped me see it a bit clearer.

trickywitch

wagon_repair wrote: »

The kid is 8 not 17 so I don't think ur comment is any bit valid about keeping him in a bubble, maybe u could say that when he's a teenager but not now. He is still pretty young

It was the comment that parents should accompany their child wherever they go that bothered me here. Helicopter...... He would be going with a close friend of the mother not Jack the Ripper.

Cat Melodeon

I'd let him go. If he's the kind of child you describe, he's old enough. It would be a shame to have him miss out on an opportunity like this. The only reason I wouldn't let him go would be if you really thought he wouldn't get on with the other kids.

If you decide not to let him go, make sure he never finds out that the offer was there, as he could be very resentful!

HereIGo

I'd say no. It's very good of your friend to offer, but if it was me, I would want to be there with him to enjoy him enjoying the holiday. That's one of the better parts of rearing children, sharing the experience and getting pleasure out of their experiences. I feel you are still his parent, love him very much and want to do your best. Don't underestimate yourself - money is not everything to a child. Lots of children never get to Disneyland and grow up to be happy balanced people.

scorpioishere

trickywitch wrote: »

It was the comment that parents should accompany their child wherever they go that bothered me here. Helicopter...... He would be going with a close friend of the mother not Jack the Ripper.

Bother you or not i dont care.

lynski

I used to take my niece all the time when she was younger to visit me in dubllin for a week or more at a time. we took her to spain with us when she was 10 for 2 weeks.
i know we are family, but we lived the other end of the country so she saw very little of us.
I would let him go, if it were me.

we'llallhavetea_old

no way. i would have a meltdown being seperated from my child for that length of time. and once the plane takes off, thats it, he cannot come home for two weeks! argh!

op, maybe you could save up for a trip to euro disney?

How Strange

Personally I'd let him go. It's incredibly kind of your friend to consider him and imo Disney is one of those places that agroup of kids would enjoy far more than 1 kid and parent.

I'd be concerned about 2 weeks but if you decide to let him go I'd talk
to him about it. He can always phone you in the evenings etc.

Going to Disney was always a childhood dream of mine and if I ever found out my parents turned down an invite for me to go with another family I'd be devastated even now as an adult.

efb

Yes let him go. Your friend will be in loco parentis and I'm sure will take great care of your son.

Use the two weeks to take a break yourself somewhere. Raising a child alone to 9 I'm sure you deserve it.

Your son could be killed crossing the road with you at home while they're on holidays.

He's at no greater risk with them.

See this as a great oppertunity for both of you.

Nevyn

While it a is a wonderful thing for your friend to offer, only you can make the call.
Personally I would have not let either of mine go on a trip like that at age 8 with out me.
But your kids are not mine and you have to make the best call you can.

metrovelvet

I dont think I would let him go thinking on it. If something happenned, even something like the flu, it would be very expensive and time consuming to get to Florida.

If something more serious happenned, you would not be there to give consent to anything medical.

I know you can't live your life as if disaster could strike at any minute, but the thing is - things do happen and Florida isnt the easiest or cheapest place to get to if you were needed.

And he is only eight.

thesimpsons

I personally wouldn't let him go - : two weeks can be a long time away for young child if they were to feel homesick or lonely. Even with people he knows well, you said he is not always comfortable in the presence of one of the kids. Being with them 24/7 might be clostraphobic for him. a group of 3 can often not be a great dynamic as often when there is pairing off (eg rides that are in pairs, etc) who will be the odd one out.

my own 11yr old went to gaelteacht with 2 others years ago. It led to all sorts of trouble in the pairing off activities. My heart nearly broke when my normally happy and confident daughter rang me in tears cos X had chosen the other girl again for her partner. My girl stayed the full course and ended up having a great time with heaps of new friends, but it does stick in my mind when I hear of threesomes heading off every summer to gaelteacht.

Also if there is a kids argument, would your son have someone to be on his side? The other two kids would have their own parents to side up with.

Yes it might be a chance in a lifetime but he has a whole lifetime to have holidays. Weighing up all the things, I wouldn't allow it.

Fittle

Thanks again guys.

You see, if it was even Eurodisney, I think I'd be much more agreeable to it - I could get to him pretty quickly if he was there. But florida is just so damn far away!!!

To be honest, I never went to disneyland either and as an adult now, I honestly wouldn't give a toss if I'd been told there was an opportunity for me to go and my mum turned it down at 8.

The best part of being a parent IS enjoying stuff WITH him and there's not a hope I could do much myself those 2wks....

As I said, it's only the two of us and we have a pretty strong bond....when thinking about this holiday, I'm actually more concerned about how I'd cope without him rather than the other way around!!!

He's been camping with cubs a few times and never wanted to come home he enjoyed it that much - but that's been 2 nights max...
I hadn't thought of the 3 kids dynamic and how the rides would work on that level - oh I dunno, decisions, decisions!!!!!!!! I've to let her know by friday as she's booking the holiday then....
I had made up my mind yesterday, but on this glorious sunny morning I'm once again feeling am I depriving him of something???

angelfire9

I have a 9 year old and if she was offered this opportunity I'd let her go
My sister has taken mini me on holidays to New York and Paris without me twice or three times in the last few years and she has loved it they are going again at Halloween to NYC and i'd love to go but just can't afford it

we'llallhavetea_old

angelfire9 wrote: »

I have a 9 year old and if she was offered this opportunity I'd let her go
My sister has taken mini me on holidays to New York and Paris without me twice or three times in the last few years and she has loved it they are going again at Halloween to NYC and i'd love to go but just can't afford it

with other kids or on their own? i think that makes a difference tbh.

Fittle

Fittle wrote: »

Thanks for replies.

I know the family very well - the mum is my best friend. There are two kids around my sons age. He gets on ok with them, but has had sleepovers and often gets very bored and is not overly fond of the youngest child if I'm honest.

Recipe for disaster imo

Fittle

The kids are 11 and 9, so the younger guy is closest in age to him.

But he gets on better with the 11yr old and even when he's been to their house for a while, he always complains about the younger lad annoying them....might be a recipe for disaster alright....

He kind of looks up to the 11yr old (who is a bit young for his age, which suits my lad perfectly), but the younger kid is an awful whinge and gets quite jealous when the other two are together...

Actually, as I'm writing this down, I suppose I should really focus on how he'd get on in that family dynamic rather than the destination and length of this holiday....

freida

Imho, basically only you know what is right for him. I have a few kids they are all different.
Tbh I doubt he would be bored with them, they will be exhausted but happy.
I think the mum (your friend) asked him because she knows he's a great little fella and would be grand. No-body would offer to bring along a kid who was moaning all the time.
That said I think he will be homesick, in fact I'm sure of it. Because there is nothing like someone elses family to make you want your own. But kids are distractable, he will get over it.
Its a great oppurtunity for him, one that you may never get to give him, but it still has to feel right for you. End of the day whats the worst thing that could happen? you could be knocked down by the proverbial bus outside your own door, freaky things happen all the time.
We faced similar ourselves with someone taking our child to a premier league football match, (though it wasn't as far or for as long) I was sure she would be crushed, killed, kidnapped by the white slave trade. in the end it was lucky they had her she was the only one who could make sense of the tube lol.
Go with your gut, but don't let that gut be ruled by invisible threats.
Its only two weeks after all, f

PandyAndy

Hey Fittle, been to Florida twice before when I was 20 and 22 and went to all the theme parks etc... We were there for 10 days and my god it felt like such a loooong time.

There really is only so much to do before it all becomes repetitive, I'd imagine yer kid will be kinda bored after a week.

That said though I would leave him go if he wanted to. Not too sure if it's been mentioned or asked but will the US Customs etc be ok with yer child travelling with an unrelated family? Might be worthwhile to check on that before all tickets and stuff are paid for.

And total travelling time will be in around 15-16hrs.

Fittle

Freida, you post made me laugh (particularly the bit about the white slave trade:D).

Thanks pandyandy for that info - hadn't thought of the kid with the strange family at customs either:p

Anyway, I'm making a decision on this today because it's driving me demented.

I'm 80/20 against it.