How do you prepare yourself for someone's death

LegacyUser

Ok this is the story my father is not well and quite weak so we are all on high alert that it could happen any day,what i want to know is how do prepare yourself for it?

I'm scared because i hate funerals and everything that goes with it, the whole funeral home and church thing frightens the life out of me i'm quite a shy person and hate all public things. I just wish i could be strong.

liah

Unfortunately, there's no real way to prepare yourself for this. It's going to be hard no matter what we could tell you to do. You just have to keep telling yourself that it will get better with time and that you must focus on the best parts of their life and how you felt lucky to have them instead of how much you're going to miss them when they're gone.

It will leave a massive hole in your heart. For what you will feel like is eternity, you will not be able to come to grips with the simple fact that that person will not be in your life anymore, and that is a deep agony. But it will pass, and the agony will turn into a pain, the pain into an ache, the ache into a few tears, and then all you'll be left with are the best memories possible.

Remember to celebrate their life and what they gave to you and the world, and remember to just give it time. Don't worry about the funeral or the church. All those people will be experiencing exactly what you are. Nobody will judge you, and in fact, will be the most accepting of you then. Don't focus on them, just focus on celebrating your father when the time comes.

My condolences for your father, I wish you all the best.

LegacyUser

Take it day by day, and value the time you have with your father now. Relatives and friends will be there to help you through the funeral process. Don't be afraid to cry, and don't be afraid to talk. Look after yourself, eat regularly. If you can't stomach food, take vitamins. You'll be emotionally drained, you don't want to be physically drained too. And always remember that you'll get through it. Seems impossible, but there will be a time when you'll be worried about trivial things like bills, traffic, getting to work on time, job hunting etc.

Take care

Fittle

Having lost both my parents, I can tell you that there is no way to prepare for your dads death.

None whatsoever.

The 'public' side of it wont be as obvious to you - we all hate funerals, but your dads funeral won't seem like the ones you've been through. So just go through the motions, and accept the chat from those who don't know what to say to the ones who know exactly what to say. Funny enough, it all helps and you remember it.

My thoughts are with you OP - I hope you have support around you, but you can't prepare - it's the circle of life that none of us can change.

And be as strong or as weak as feels natural to you. If you want to fall apart - do. If you feel you need to be strong for other family, and you can be, then do. Whatever happens, will happen.

Death is an unfortunate part of life OP - I wish you dad a peaceful passing.

psycho-hope

Op I dont think there is anyway to prepare yourself. My grandfather is more or less on borrowed time, he was given a year to live 18 months ago following a serious heart attack. Mum raised me on her own so Grandad is my father figure.

Try and spend time with your dad and your family, and dont be afraid to cry, my bf is going through something similar with his grandmother so we can lean on each other.

Take care of yourself and I hope when your Dad does pass he has a peaceful passing

jos28

So sorry to hear about your Dad, this is an awful time for you all. Both my parents have passed and the only way I got through it all is to think of the removal/funeral/burial etc as a series of hurdles to get over. Every step of the way was a hurdle that I braced myself for, got it over and done with and then thought to myself that its over and I never have to do that again. Take the advice of other posters and take care of yourself. Relish the time you have left with your Dad and savour the nice things that people will say about him when he moves on. I wish him a peaceful passing.

fataltragedy

I might be too late for replying to this - and my condolences if I am.

You may be surprised at how you react after he passes. It's always hard to know how you'll be in a situation that you haven't experienced before.

I think, and hope, you'll be surprised at how strong you can be. Experiencing the death of someone you love is one of the most breaking things that can happen to us, but, once they have passed, and are at lifelong sleep, you may find the company of others comforting - or, even having tasks to do like organising everything that goes with it, keeps you busy - and not having to think about what's happened.

Be strong - as you can be, but don't be afraid to break down either. Everything helps to comfort, and grieve, and heal. Thoughts are with you.

Reesy

Hi OP,

Having lost my Dad this year here in my humble & ignorant opinion are two practical things you might consider:
- If he is still with you now, and conscious, talk to him. Say the things that you want to say. Me, it was thanking Dad for being a brilliant father - but everyone's words are different - forgiveness, thanks, making up. I'm so glad I had, and took, the opportunity.

- And second, try to look after the other people who are grieving - for me, it was my brother, sister & Mum. Sticking together helped us all.

Big hug to you.

metrovelvet

There is no way to prepare yourself for it, there is no getting out of the grief that will follow.

Saying that, what you can do, is help your father through this. In other words give him your permission to die. He needs to hear you are ok and all grown up now and will be ok without him. You may not feel it is true, but you must help him make this passage. It will break your heart like nothing else possibly can, but it is the right and noble way to usher your father into death. Tell him you are proud of him and say all the things he gave you you are thankful for, especially the store of memories that you will draw on.

And be kind to yourself.

LegacyUser

Thanks to everyone for the replies they really helped. My dad did pass away but only three weeks ago he kept going for as long as he could.

The weird thing is the comfort and support we got from people was unreal it really helped us get through it.I never realised how strong i was until those days and as a family we pulled together.

jos28

I am sorry to hear of your Dad's passing. I am glad that you got support from family and friends. People really are kind and incredibly supportive during difficult times. You will have some tough days ahead but with good family and friends around they will be so much easier to get through. Remember to be kind to yourself.