Win an iPhone4 thanks to 3

jcsoulinger

The anticipation is killing me!:eek:

Raoul

Thought the winner was meant to be announced yesterday?? My bday was yesterday, so I def should win.

Thor

HMM how about a joke or 2 while we wait to congrdulate the winner.

First joke
A couple of irish hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”


Joke 2
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.

“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!

Ah go on, One more it is
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Raoul

Have heard number one and three recently. Thanks, I enjoyed them!!! holmes one was really good

magoko101

should check the comp date next time :-)

Esel

irelandjoe wrote: »

...I was Gathering up the Babies bottles after a long day in the office. Grabbed the bottle and proceeded to the Sick (sic) in the untility room where I wash them. I placed all the bottles into the sick (sic)....

That's just sink (sic)! Your daughter will hate you when she learns to read and sees this.

irelandjoe

esel wrote: »

That's just sink (sic)! Your daughter will hate you when she learns to read and sees this.

Hahahaha not once but 3 times I spelt it wrong. !!!!! this is what happens when you have young babies in the house!!!!!
thanks for pointing out

whelanmark70

Has anybody won that iphone! tap,tap,tap,tap........

Jumpy

Hey, he said he will be drawing the winner on the 22nd Oct. Not announcing it

Plus he didnt say 2010

Raoul

still nothing?? :eek:

TanG411

Like Jumpy said, they were only drawing the winner yesterday, not announcing the winner. But it would be nice to hear the winner soon.

It might be worth the wait.

whelanmark70

Suppose so.....but thought we'd know by the end of 22nd!

JayoFella

anticipation

YourName

JayoFella wrote: »

anticipation

Its killing me . . . .

Scuid Mhór

i suggest we tell more jokes until we find out who's won. i'll go next:

House: As I suspected, you have significant losses in the upper right quadrant of your visual field.
Evan Greer: Are you serious?
House: No, it's a joke. Two guys go into a bar and one has significant losses in the upper right quadrant of his visual field. And the other one says, 'You're gonna need an MRI to confirm the type and location of the tumor.'

mrmac

House is both the sickest, and coolest, TV character created this century!

House: "Arrogance has to be earned. Tell me what you've done to earn yours."

House: "You are one evil, cunning woman. It's a massive turn on."

david75

It's a bank holiday tomorrow also, so we probably won't find out til tuesday...ah well..

whelanmark70

Two packets of crisps were making their way down the road. A car pulled up and asked them if they wanted a lift. They replied 'No thanks, we're Walkers':)

yeahme

what was Ghandi's first name?

goosey goosey

Piste

What's black and rhymes with Snoop?

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.Dr. Dre

Thor

wow this whole joke thing took off.

Anyway, Here is a few one liners

1. Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.
   
   
2. Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic
   
   
3. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
   
   
4. Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
   
   
5. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
   
   
6. They call it PMS because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
   
   
7. The statement following is true. The statement prior is false.(This one really gets me)
   
   
8. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

And last but not least

Failure is not an option. It already comes with windows

mrmac

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers!

mrmac

Paddy and Hans are the only survivors of a plane crash on a desert island. After scouring the island for food, Hans finds a bottle. He rubs it and a genie appears.

The genie roars, "I will grant each of you one wish. But, I warn you, anything you wish for, the other man will get twice the amount."

Hans goes first. He says "I'll have a glass of Dortmunder Pilsner Beer. That way that Irish bastard will get two glasses of it, and see what a real beer tastes like!"

The genie agrees, and suddenly Hans is holding a glass of fine German beer, and Paddy is holding two glasses of the same beer.

Hans starts to laugh, "Now taste a real beer, not that Irish Guinness shíte!"

The genie then turns to Paddy and proclaims "Now it's your turn, but remember the other person will get twice what you wish for."

Paddy, without a second thought, says...

"Eh Genie, see that stick over there? I want you to beat me half to death with it!." :eek:



:cool:

david75

fellas drivin down the road with 3 penguins in the back of the car..

garda pulls him over..'what the hell are you doing with three penguins in the back of the car?'
'they have their seatbelts on, whats the problem?' says the fella.
'get them penguins to the zoo now' says the garda. 'you cant be driving round with three penguins in the car, the zoo. now.'

off drives the fella.

next day the same garda is standing there and the same car comes along with the same three penguins in the back but this time theyve sunglasses on' Garda pulls him over
'i thought i told you to take them penguins toi the zoo!?' he says
'i did!!' says the fella 'they loved it! they wanna go the beach today!'



hehe

St._Andalou

Why did the Mexican run over his mother-in-law?

Tequila.

mrmac

What's the difference between a hedgehog and a BMW?

A hedgehog has the pricks on the outside!

:eek:

denballs

wardy79 wrote: »

i bought a new phone as i was heading overseas to africa with the defence forces.on my second day there i had my phone in my top trouser pocket and a bottle of sparkling water in my lower trouser pocket.....after half hour walking about camp in serious heat i heard i loud pop and my trousers were soaked the bottled waters lid flew clean off the top and the water erupted like a volcano,i pulled my phone out of my pocket along with my wallet and they were destroyed but at least everybody had good laugh at me !

havent you noticed this is now a joke section............or have you.........perhaps you were makeing a joke of the defence forces saying they run around with sparkling water...........or was this a female regiment of the fca/vdf or something.............

mrmac

Ok - Time for Halloween Jokes!

What’s the difference between a politician and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks the blood out of you at night.

/jeez, but the old ones are topical again!

dimejinky9

I think Meteor's customer service is a joke.

what's that brown stuff on me nose?

Darragh

Ahem. We're getting the entries judged at the moment. Will be back to you