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Dad had to go to nursing home - how to cope?

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Comments

  • #32
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    It took my dad nearly two years to come back from his strokes. He'd one big one and then two small ones, he was lost to us and when he did come back for brief lucid periods he was soo angry at being trapped in his own body.

    He was in hospital for a little over 6 monhts, and then down at the stroke unit as a day patient for OT for another 6 months. It aged him terribly but, he fought back and having family around him and talking to him pushed him to talk and to be more active and while certain parts of the brain didn't recover the brain the being the wonderful organ it is adapted, he had to re learn many things, and we tought he would never walk with out a frame for the longest time, but he's a stuborm bastard.

    He still has to watch his diet and the balance of his meds (aside for the heart condition there are other long term illness factors invovled) he gets tired easily but he is there.
    He's back roaring abuse at the tv and buttonholing politcal canvassers who are unfortunate to ring the door bell and writing letters of complaint to the council.

    Post stroke can be very, very bleak, there is no way to know or measure how much of a return a person can make but alot is possible if they have support and stimulation needed. Talk to the stroke team incharge of your Dad's care, get as much info as you can.


  • #33
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks Walls and Thaedydal, appreciate your comments.

    Walls I know I am only adding to the problem, but what can I do when I seem to be having bad days every day? I wish there was a nurse or someone with from the medical profession in our family but there isn't - so tbh, none of us have a clue & getting lists of medicines etc. from the head nurse at the home doesn't really enlighten us that much. Plus its probably mainly the people who knew him best that realise how much of him has gone - and no one is ever going to be able to tell us if or how much of Dad might ever come back to us :(

    I dont know what topics of conversation to even have with Dad anymore, as everything seems to lead back to him not being able to lead the life he once had and as yet I dont think he understands this. He will ask when we are taking him home, and I will have to lie to him and say not until he is a bit better & then I'll feel as if I've let him down yet again.
    I know I'm feeling sorry for myself, I know it doesn't help the situation, I know I didn't do anything that caused him to have the stroke in the first place.

    What I dont know is how people live with this & how they can manage to get out of this black hole of desperation and hopefulessness that I'm in. Had a huge row with my OH yesterday as he said I'm never 'here' anymore, my mind is always on Dad & that is not healthy.
    I will try & be positive this weekend with Dad, will put on a smile & try to think of stories to tell him etc. But I will be glad when I'm back in the car on Sunday, which in turn will make me feel like a rubbish daughter & thus the circle begins again.
    Sorry for being so moaning, dark days for me right now but I really hope there will be light soon.


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