Monday Funnies

MonkieSocks

4 old mischievous Grandmas were sitting at a table in a nursing home.

About then an old Grandpa walked in.

One of the old grandmas’ yelled out saying, ‘We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.

‘The old man said, ‘There ain’t no way you can guess it, you old fools.

‘One of the old Grandmas said,

‘Sure we can! Just drop your pants & under shorts & we can tell your exact age.

‘Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers.

The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times & to jump up & down several times.

Then they all piped up & said, ‘You’re 87 years old!

‘Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, ‘How in the world did you guess?


‘Slapping their knees & grinning from ear to ear, all 4 old ladies happily yelled in unison,



We were at your birthday party yesterday!’


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A little old lady answers a knock at the door to be met by a travelling vacuum salesman.

Before she has a chance to speak, the man tips a bucket full of dog **** over her hall carpet.

He then explains, ''Madam, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of that dog **** on your carpet, I'll eat whats left.''

''Well she says, I hope you're fookin hungry, cos the bastards have cut my electricity off this morning!"

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I surveyed 100 women and asked them which shampoo they used when showering? 98% of them said'





"How the fook did you get in here?"