Saturday funnies

dxhound2005

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”



a man goes into a bar with his younger brother and orders two drinks. The bar-man says “that’ll be €10 please”. The mans brother says he’ll pay and puts ten buttons on the bar.
The barman isnt too happy and is about to ask them to leave until the older bro calls the barman aside and tells him how his brother is a bit mad and asks him to play along while keeping a tab.
The barman understands and tells him not to worry so.
After a few drinks the older brother asks if he can pay the bill and thanks the barman for putting up with his bro. The bar man tells him that it comes to €80 all together.

The older brother puts a frisbee on the counter and tells the barman to keep the change.



A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed,' she replied..

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'

I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad I came. "

dexter647

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he
asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.' A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
'The big sissy.'