Signle Father and guardianship worries

Zulu

The Corinthian wrote: »

As I suggested earlier, one reason that guardianship is opposed is that the mother wants to keep her options open. In that context anything that threatens that aim would be considered "outrageously controlling and paranoid", which is actually ironic.

However, I can also see many cases where it would be exactly that. It depends upon the situation.

Of course it does, and I accept that, however...

I don't see why, in the parenting forum, that the OP isn't afforded the benefit of doubt! To me it's a simple matter of courtesy & manners (in relation to this thread). The OP has given no evidence to suggest he isn't being honest, so shouldn't we treat him as such? Using inflammatory language only acts to silence & belittle posters, which I would suggest is contrary to the purpose of the thread & nature of the forum.

My 2 cents anyway. And, classically, I'm now guilty of what it was I had an issue with (derailing the thread).

Dammit.

metrovelvet

Thaedydal wrote: »

metrovelvet we get that you think that do so would be unwise, you have made your point.
Please remember this is not about your situation.

I am well aware this is not about my situation. Can you try to remember that too?

Nevyn

Can we keep posts civil and helpful please instead of projecting what we may personally feel about a possible situation, thanks.

metrovelvet

Zulu wrote: »

Of course it does, and I accept that, however...

I don't see why, in the parenting forum, that the OP isn't afforded the benefit of doubt! To me it's a simple matter of courtesy & manners (in relation to this thread). The OP has given no evidence to suggest he isn't being honest, so shouldn't we treat him as such? Using inflammatory language only acts to silence & belittle posters, which I would suggest is contrary to the purpose of the thread & nature of the forum.

My 2 cents anyway. And, classically, I'm now guilty of what it was I had an issue with (derailing the thread).

Dammit.

Right but I wasnt talking about the OP. I was talking about someone else's advice, advice which I think is inflammatory and could really wreak havoc on relations, which is based on different circumstances than the OPs to make contact with the passport office to intervene on an application which may or may not be made.

OPS ex is not a foreign national from an outside EU country.She is IRish. Her child is Irish. He is IRish and a residence of France. It is pretty low risk and imo looks really out there and suspicious to do something like that especially if the OP is no longer an Irish resident himself.

Zulu

The OP's concerns include "Potential adoption or leaving the country with our child without my knowledge etc!"

Doing something to prevent that from happening & protecting his child is responsible & good parenting. Writing a letter to the department of foreign affairs to highlight a concern you have about your child being issued a passport & being removed from the country isn't controlling - it's being protective.

Fair enough you believe it's "outrageously controlling and paranoid" & a "dumb idea", I don't. It's probably worth investigating with a solicitor.

<edit> I'll add that the only dumb idea here is to do nothing.

Khannie

Alright people....I'm just gonna temp lock this for a bit while I get a chance to read back through it. I also think it'll give everyone a chance to just chill out for a bit. I'll reopen it in a bit.

Khannie

Alright, I've read through the thread. I would ask a few things of people:

1) Please try to keep it to the original post. This is not a humanities thread.
2) Please keep things civil and be courteous to other posters at all times
3) Please stay calm. If you find yourself getting overly worked up, take a break from the thread. It'll still be here tomorrow.

Thanks.

K-9

worried_in_france wrote: »

I realise this is an issue more suited to the parenting forum, but I wanted to go anon for advice. My situation is as follows: I am a single father (20-25 age bracket), with a young child (less than 1 year old). Myself and my former partner had our child outside of marriage and the relationship has come to an end not long after the birth. Not getting into the reasons for this.

Now my situation is as follows: I have had to leave Ireland in order to work, as I was out of work at home for more than a year ... this was 'not' for lack of trying or qualifications.

I had to make a decision to leave and find work overseas for a period of time, not an easy one considering the age of our child, and to be honest I'm doubting this choice every waking moment. This move had the support of everyone initially, and I have an abundance of texts/emails and similar communications to back this fact up.

I am sending home an agreed amount, thought we did not go to court for this - flying home as often as possible, and the family at home are keeping regular contact.

You seem to being doing your very best with the cards dealt to you. I can imagine being in your situation and it must feel terrible being abroad and restricted in what you can do for your child. To me, you appear to be making the best of a bad lot with circumstances that are largely beyond your control.

worried_in_france wrote: »

The real problem begins here: the mother has refused on several occasions (bordering on hostility) when the subject of my guardianship has come up, and did actively try to have my name not put on the birth cert initially. This guardianship issue really concerns me. Potential adoption or leaving the country with our child without my knowledge etc!

Now I will not be in France forever (another 6-9 months max.), but could this absense be held against me in any family court, despite the fact I am doing my level best to provide from here? And what say do I have, if any, as it stands.

Has anyone been in a similar situation to offer me some advice?

Thank you in advance.

Tbh, it will depend on the judge on the day and what humour they are in. Being abroad does complicate the issue, but if you can show that you are as involved in the child's life as practically possible, given the circumstances, I'd say you have a good shout. Again though, it's the judge who will decide. Get as many records as you can on flights etc. to show you are making an effort to continue being involved in the child's life.

dahat wrote: »

sorry to butt in here.........

this form when filled in,does it need to be sent to somewhere in particular?
Or is it to be kept as a reference in case of something happening........
also if your name is on the birth cert are you automatically a guardian or do i need this document?

There is no register for Guardianship. Mary Coughlan didn't see the importance of having one, which kind of sums up the Governments attitude to the whole issue of Unmarried Dads rights. Keep it somewhere safe in case you need it.

The name on the birth cert confers no rights on an unmarried Dad, so you do need to get it yourself. If the mother has no issue with it, there is a form that can be signed by both parents and witnessed by a Solicitor or similar:

Guardianship declaration

If she doesn't agree you would have to take a case to the District Court.

Over 90% of cases that go in front of the Judge succeed, which to me is telling in many ways!

wolfpawnat

OP, I can see the reason for your fears. You are not abroad and skipping out on your child financially, you come home when you can and you are concerned for the rearing of your child. You are a good parent and there needs to be more parents both male and female like you.

You may have to go through the solicitors and go to court and contest half guardianship. I cannot see how leaving the country for work and sending home money can be held against you. My father was in the navy, many men work on trawlers and on oil rigs too, your occupation is irrelevant.

She can contest it, but with no good reason to deny it, you should pending the judge get it.

I can see it is not a case of getting a passport and leaving for a 2 week holiday to Spain you are worried about, it is about her upping and moving transatlantic is your worry, and as half guardian you can have a bit more of a say in that.

I know it is nicer not to have to go through these things with animosity, but sadly sometimes this has to happen.:(

I wish you the best