Lovely flatmate, nasty boyfriend

kippy

emmabrighton wrote: »

Well, exactly. Its a really difficult situation. Nothing can be proven and Im a heavy sleeper at the best of times so I cant even act as a second witness.

Of course, its not like anything happened. But the point is, it could have. And that is what frightens me.

Like i said, I wasnt afraid of him before saturday night, I was just afraid in general that is why I locked my bedroom door.

I know that his reasons dont matter but my friend and I discussed this yesterday. Is it possible that because he was drunk he thought that it was ok? Maybe he feels bad about it now. He has been acting weird around me. I go into the kitchen, he goes out to the bedroom. I barricade myself in the bedroom, he comes in to watch tv.

TBH, I reckon he remembers and he suspects my friend told me what happened.

Again,
Whatever the circumstances say this to your housemate when she is alone in the house with you.
You really have to raise these type of issues in an adult manner with the people around you or you will never get through life without being constantly stressed.

Depending on the outcome of that conversation you make your further decisions.

Being the leaseholder in this instance makes it a bit more complicated for you just to move out (not impossible, just could be more complicated)

Obviously it is an awkward situation, but situations like this have to be approached in an adult manner.

I've been unlucky enough to have lived with "awkward" situations when sharing houses in the past and found discussion being the first line of action.

emmabrighton

Joeyjoejoe83 wrote: »

Sorry your in this position, I don't envy you! Can I just ask though, what was your opinion of him before this incident? Don't know if youve mentioned already but I think its relevant before taking any advice.

Eh... i wasn't afraid of him, I just didnt think they were a good fit and was surprised that he was her boyfriend...

But I know saying anymore is going to land me in it....

Lets just say that my flatmate is reading Medicine in TCD and he is an unemployed something or other who has already fathered three kids with two other women, neither of whom sees any child support... a real model citizen. He aparantly sponges off her because he is out of work, but still has the money to make the trip to dublin on the weekends. Yuck!

so thats all ill say :eek:

ztoical

User Friendly wrote: »

Actually the whole story is none of my business nor is it yours for that matter,ive made a suggestion to the poster,instead of drinking wine during the week,she could/should learn to cook.

The OP has posted on a public message board asking for comments so she has made it anyone who reads and posts on this board business, your comments, however, were not helpful. why should the OP not drink wine during the week or learn to cook? It has nothing to do with the issue. I know plenty of people well past the age of 28 who can't cook, what the hell has that got to do with any of it? This is the accommodation forum so focus is on the living situation and the OP has the right to feel comfortable in her own home regardless of whatever the hell she is doing in it.

baldbear

You have to tell you're housemate what a grease bastárd boyfriend she has. She'll thank you in the end and you'll feel better.

I had to confront a weird housemate before and it worked out grand even though i was dreading the confrontation. Do it!!!

the_syco

You ever find out why she had to move from her last place? All I'm saying is that she may have heard of these accusations before...

Capt'n Midnight

if you move out you are probably saying goodbye to your flatmate so you've got nothing to loose by mentioning the incident, if she rein's in the boyfriend or ditches him it's win-win too

tara73

yes, definetely try and talk to her about the situation. much depends how you approach her and how you say it. if you explain yourself to her, that you feel very bad as well to talk about it and are afraid, she can see that you not wanting to cause senseless trouble. but make clear that you yourself can't live with the fear somebody coming into your room or sth. like that.

and why should she think you would make such a story up? you sound like a nice person and you are getting on well with your flatmate, so if she doesn't believe you in one way or the other there must be something wrong with her.

probably she will defend her bf but if you talk to her in a nice manner, why should it escalate? and if it does, it's her fault, she should reflect about herself and her bf. and if she's angry, then she should be the one who has to move out, not you.

be aware, you can move around every month if you don't stand up for yourself because if you share with other people there will ALWAYS be issues and in the next apartment there's another problem or even the same...:eek::)

good luck!

Scambuster

SHe is subletting so you control her tenancy. Set her straight on her boyfriend and do her a favour.

Mr. Loverman

Is there any chance your friend is making it up? I know of two incidents where it turned out the girls were psycho attention whores. I know this is unlikely but don't dismiss it.

I agree you should not tell your flatmate. I agree she won't believe you. People tend to believe whichever explanation is the least painful, and it is easy to assume you or your friend are crazy.

I know "on principle" you shouldn't have to move out, but **** it, why have stress in your life? Just get someone for your room and move out. I am sure the landlord will be fine transferring the lease into the other persons name.

the_syco

I do not know this part in tenatn rights. If the OP is subletting the apartment, does the subletter have any rights, or is it along the lines of owner-occupier rules? If the latter, could the OP just throw the woman out should she not comply with the OP's wishes for the BF not to ever come back?

Scambuster

the_syco wrote: »

I do not know this part in tenatn rights. If the OP is subletting the apartment, does the subletter have any rights, or is it along the lines of owner-occupier rules? If the latter, could the OP just throw the woman out should she not comply with the OP's wishes for the BF not to ever come back?

I'm fairy certain it is a similar situation to somebody living under licence.

Victor

Scambuster wrote: »

I'm fairy certain it is a similar situation to somebody living under licence.

OP, you might talk to Threshold to confirm this point. www.threshold.ie If she is a licencee, she is only entitled to reasonable notice and you can bar him from the premises completely. If he shows up, you can treat him as a trespasser and call the Garda.

I think you need to have a conversation with your friend to set up the following situation. Agree when she is available and how the scenario will play out.

1. Get your flatmate at a time when you can talk uninterrupted for at least 30 minutes.
2. Explain to her that you want to discuss something that happened at the weekend.
3. Phone your friend and put her on speaker phone, so that you and the flatmate can take part in the conversation.
4. Get your friend to explain what happened on speakerphone.
5. Keeping the friend on speakerphone, ask the flat mate how she would like to proceed.

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Now, not wishing to scare you and perhaps expressing my own parranoia. Just in case any messing goes on from the flatmate/boyfriend over the next while. Make sure that any valubles you have are safe and any data backed-up off premises