Sorry kids. Christmas cancelled due to lack of funds.

Fighting Irish

Sorry we ****ed up big time and didnt bother saving for a rainy day, it's ok though cos it's the banks/governemtns fault

SeaFields

AH humour aside....what a depressing fcuking thread.

Misanthrope

Kids I've got some terrible news! I just found out that Santa is GAY!!!!!!!

You wouldn't want gay presents now would you*



*won't work on gay kids

Chuchoter

This thread is really depressing

How old are the kids involved? If they are young you could try some kind of making things Christmas (is that ****? I remember thinking that clay you made out of salt and flour and put in the microwave was amazing until I was like 8. You could make signs for everyones door) and tell them Santa had too many houses and you're friends with him so you volunteered to help out? If they're any older than 10 you might just have to explain the situation.

starbelgrade

crayolastereo wrote: »

This thread is really depressing

How old are the kids involved?

3, 6 and 8

The three year old is deaf, dumb & blind, the 6 year old has an uncurable disease and has a month to live & the 8 year old has been traumatised ever since she found her grandad dead on top of her grandma, still in a 69 position and she hasn't spoken since, just cries all day.

So don't worry about it - the last thing they care about is Christmas presents.


Hope that cheers you up.

Mits

Money is tight for Santa so SHE is hoping to pick up a something cheap in the sales

Misanthrope

crayolastereo wrote: »

This thread is really depressing

How old are the kids involved? If they are young you could try some kind of making things Christmas (is that ****? I remember thinking that clay you made out of salt and flour and put in the microwave was amazing until I was like 8. You could make signs for everyones door) and tell them Santa had too many houses and you're friends with him so you volunteered to help out? If they're any older than 10 you might just have to explain the situation.

It is and even though I am cracking jokes in here,it's just to try an elevate the mood a little.I genuinely empathise with the OP.Had I kids, I would probably be in the same boat.

I wish I had the answer.How many kids and any sort of a budget at all?

Maybe you could print a book of jokes pertaining to the thread title with a serious side commentary on how it really is.Plug it on Joe Duffy.The woman from Terenyuuuuure will be horrified and you'll sell a load.Do Xmas cards with the jokes too.
You can have my 'wise'cracks royalty free,but if you make a mint I want a christmas present next year.

hick

Santa thought cos you liked your presents so much last year he'd wrap em up and give em to you again

orourkeda

You could just tell them " listen here ye little bollix, santy's not f*ckin' coming to this house. Do you hear me? Now get up them stairs before I give you a good crack on the arse"

seanob43

Why the **** should Santa always give you presents?This time Santa wants some damn presents!:mad:

Capt'n Midnight

since kids usually end up playing with the box you don't have to cancel Christmas

just get some empty boxes and some toys you picked up at a charity shop

Misanthrope

My folks signed me up for the local rugby club when I was 9.Got a members book(fierce important), a club to play at and hang out at and a bunch of new friends.It was better than any christmas present and cost feck all.

Maybe you could sign them up to something like that.Still doesn't cover the christmas morning experience though unless you can afford a ball/raquet/stick whatever is required.

Right I'm going back to tasteless jokes and farcical solutions for a while.

Make it look like the house was broken into after Santa had been (because the fat prick decided to go out the window instead of up the chimney and left it open) and as luck would have it the burglar stole the presents.

You can leave some fancy looking wrapping paper all torn on the floor and perhaps some ripped open boxes from cool toys.

Your kids will: obviously be distraught
realise that life is not fair,at a good young age
learn a priceless(literally) lesson in home security
get an A+ in their back2school 'What I did for Xmas' essay
not be as quick to invest their faith and hopes in a morbidly obese,elf exploiting,booze n flying, idiot like Santa and in future and focus on more realistic and dependable goals.


Thats better than any present

smodgley

give them batteries amd say toys not included

_Whimsical_

Leave them a lump of coal each on Christmas eve. Then on Christmas morning feign horror at the lack of presents and blame them for being bold over the past year.

Problem solved AND guaranteed better behaved children for at least 12 months into the bargain. Can't lose!

Princess Peach

Its Daddy's other family's turn to get presents this year.

brummytom

Kill them, then you won't have to tell them anything

citizen_p

honesty is best,
simply "kids we're broke"
or kids santas broke if they are under 8

Denzil2222

Galway K9 wrote: »

Fire away now!

tell them santa has cancer

CrazyRabbit

"Well, since mummy refuses to have sex with strangers in exchange for money, we can't afford any toys this year."

Richard Noggin

Bring them to see Santa's grave.

The Waltzing Consumer

Well kids, you are spoilt brats and the fact we spent hundreds of Euro in past years on expensive gifts makes us stupid idiots. Instead of trying to be decent parents, we have bought gifts in the past that occupy your time for hours at end and let us ignore you for much longer. This year we are forced to buy you inexpensive gifts and toys that might force us to interact and god forbid, form some type of bond with you.

This is what happens when you are born a little celtic runt.

FatRat

"Your gettin' pants and a yo-yo"

-Gounded for Life

TwoShedsJackson

Rip off Alexei Sayle and give them an empty box, when they ask you what it is tell them it's an Action Man Deserter (tm)

stovelid

"Distasteful seasonal display of materialism or a children's home: your choice."

strokemyclover

How can anyone not afford christmas presents? If you can't get anything from shop then make a present for your child! This year I'm making a McDonald's restaurant play set for my kids made from old John Player Blue packets.

Hours of fun!

Galway K9

Guys this is not a serious thread!

farna_boy

You could always just do this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA9iPadxE0U

phill106

Just buy cheaper toys. Lots of deals around with them at the moment, for instance half price toys in tesco.
Its not the price of the toy, its the idea of it.

weldoninhio

farna_boy wrote: »

You could always just do this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA9iPadxE0U

That is the most horrible video i have ever seen. How can scum like that be allowed have kids. That is mental torture for a kid on xmas day. And then taunting and laughing at him.

phasers

Jaysus, go to a €2 shop and buy some crappy toys and sweets. Start now and you'll be grand. 1 thing per week, it all adds up.

I could do Christmas morning for €4 per kid ffs, and obviously once the kids turn 12 they get fcuk all.

For dinner just get chicken fillet rolls and cans of coke from one of the Spars that will be open, it will go down way better than nasty turney believe me.

Tins of sweets go for a fiver before Christmas, get one. Stick up some cheapo decorations from the €2 shop.

If you bought your kids laptops and stuff before this then that's your problem for spoiling your kids. get a big empty box and fill it with smaller and smaller boxes. Watch their reactions, That's your gift to yourself.

4zn76tysfajdxp

phasers wrote: »

Jaysus, go to a €2 shop and buy some crappy toys and sweets. Start now and you'll be grand. 1 thing per week, it all adds up.

I could do Christmas morning for €4 per kid ffs.

Not many parents spend over two weeks saving up for their kid's Christmas presents. phasers is an example of fine, modern parenting.

phasers

Martha Rhythmic Test wrote: »

Not many parents spend over two weeks saving up for their kid's Christmas presents. phasers is an example of fine, modern parenting.

:cool:

TimeToShine

weldoninhio wrote: »

That is the most horrible video i have ever seen. How can scum like that be allowed have kids. That is mental torture for a kid on xmas day. And then taunting and laughing at him.

He actually gets the XBox in the end but it's still pretty sad

up for anything

Misanthrope wrote: »

Your kids will: not be as quick to invest their faith and hopes in a morbidly obese,elf exploiting,booze n flying, idiot like Cowen and in future and focus on more realistic and dependable goals[/I].

FYP

Mousey- wrote: »

honesty is best,
simply "kids we're broke"
or kids santas broke if they are under 8

Since when does belief in Santa stop when you're 8?

For Christmas this year the kids will wake up, run downstairs and discover that Mummy has has slit her wrists and has exsanguinated under the Christmas tree because there was no last minute reprieve in the form of a real Santa Claus turning up with the items on their Santy letters. That should take their minds off presents!

robbie_998

phasers wrote: »

Jaysus, go to a €2 shop and buy some crappy toys and sweets. Start now and you'll be grand. 1 thing per week, it all adds up.

I could do Christmas morning for €4 per kid ffs, and obviously once the kids turn 12 they get fcuk all.

For dinner just get chicken fillet rolls and cans of coke from one of the Spars that will be open, it will go down way better than nasty turney believe me.

Tins of sweets go for a fiver before Christmas, get one. Stick up some cheapo decorations from the €2 shop.

If you bought your kids laptops and stuff before this then that's your problem for spoiling your kids. get a big empty box and fill it with smaller and smaller boxes. Watch their reactions, That's your gift to yourself.

whoa whoa whoa !

where the hell are you going with your spar ?

centra chicken rolls are way nicer and only €3.00 ! or in town (Dublin for all you bog heads) €2.00 !

phasers

robbie_998 wrote: »

whoa whoa whoa !

where the hell are you going with your spar ?

centra chicken rolls are way nicer and only €3.00 ! or in town (Dublin for all you bog heads) €2.00 !

The one in my local Spar is so feckin good, the girl has the ratios absolutely perfect.

Centra's good too, Londis ones are awful though.

Faith+1

farna_boy wrote: »

You could always just do this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA9iPadxE0U

Awww the poor little guy

Can't see the funny side to this.

dav3

farna_boy wrote: »

You could always just do this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA9iPadxE0U

Hopefully he does get the xbox, or 10 years from now that kid is going to be shooting up a mall after killing his entire family.

Oranage2

Just tell the kid that Santa is a pedophile and he touches kids in the private parts when they're asleep.

Galway K9

"Kids no presents from santa this year as Santa has abandoned his ****ing wife and kids for a new christmassy ho-ho-HO! and left mrs clause up the duff again!"

Celly Smunt

Sorry kids. Christmas cancelled due to lack of funds.




fin.

davepatr07

Show them pictures of Lenihan or BIFFO as the Grinch stealing all the presents under the tree, then hijacking Santa's sleigh with an image of two fingers next to a map of Ireland on the side of the sleigh!

gurramok

Sorry kids, did you say that you wanted the computer game Monster Truck Madness instead of a real truck?
Why can't the 5euro dingy Monster Truck I got for you suffice? Its the latest fad, playstations are extinct, real toys are back in I tell ya!

previous user

Galway K9 wrote: »

What to tell your kids when you can't afford christmas this year? Have you tried explaining NAMA to a 5 year old?
Fire away now!

Kids don't mind, one christmas I got a shoeshine kit with a few little bits and bobs, and I was pretty satisfied.

achtungbarry

I can't wait to give my kids an orange for christmas and then say "In my day it was different, I used to get playstations and bikes and computers! It was great"

Galway K9

previous user wrote: »

Kids don't mind, one christmas I got a shoeshine kit with a few little bits and bobs, and I was pretty satisfied.

Its not a serious thread for advice its a comical alternative.:D

Alter-Ego

"We're poor as fcuk and Santa's not real. Now eat your tin of beans and STFU."

Darksaga87

I needed a new iphone.

mistermouse

"Its your best Christmas Yet - We got bought you a Bank, actually two and lots of Ghost Estates, some useless development land and lots of unfinished buildings, spent almost €40billion on you this year but you'll have to share with all the other kids, and all the new babies for a few generations"

We'll explain the useless bonds and loss of economic independance at your first communion

We would have bought you a few more toys too but the shops were closed cause of high rents.

Make sure you take German Language Studies when you get to secondary School if you are not fluent by then

Jesus Wept

'Listen, this is the least of your concerns, you won't be retiring till your 90.'