Sleeping arrangements with a newborn

NextSteps

There seem to be all sorts of opinions about what the best arrangement is for sleeping when a newborn arrives. I'd love to hear the from-experience pros and cons of the different approaches.

• Own room (probably not a good idea? Lonely for the baby?)
• Moses basket/crib in parents' room
• Cot in parents' room (maybe no need to have a moses basket at all if the room is big enough?)
• Co-sleeping (some books - 'The Baby Book' by Sears - recommend it as being good for the baby and for attachment/bonding, others say it's a really bad idea. One parent told me that if I started co-sleeping, the kid would still be in the bed in 2 years' time, and there'd be no moving it... But might be good for breastfeeding?)
• Co-sleeper cot/crib attached to the parents' bed (could be a good compromise?)
• Other? Some combination of the above?

Thanks!

gandalf

Our youngster is 4 and half months now.

For the first 5 weeks we had him in a Moses basket beside our bed. But because he grew so quickly we transferred him out of the basket and into his cot in his own room and he has been fine there ever since. He is up to sleeping for at least 9 hours every night now and is as happy as Larry. From a relationship point of view we feel its better as well as we can have some time alone.

I would steer away from co-sleeping as one its quite dangerous if you move around a lot in the bed and because of the reason you have listed which is its quite hard to get the child to stay out of your bed later on.

Moonbeam

I had my baby in the moses basket in my room until she was about 7/8 months and then it got dangerous so she had to move to a cot.
When I was breast feeding her as a little baby some nights she slept with me and some in the basket.
I would not have slept so well with her in a different room.

NextSteps

Moonbeam wrote: »

When I was breast feeding her as a little baby some nights she slept with me and some in the basket.

And did that work - she didn't insist on being in the bed all the time?

[absolute beginner here - can you tell? ]

Hannibal Smith

I dont think there are any hard and fast rules, it's basically what suits you best.

We had our little fella in a moses basket in our room up until he was 6 weeks. Then he was moved to his cot in his own room. We mainly moved him because he was a noisy sleeper and kept us awake lol also he was sleeping with one leg out of the basket and I was afraid he'd tip it over

The only reason I wouldn't put them in the cot from birth is because they're so ickle and they look so lost in it. The moses baskets just seem so tight and cosy. But then again, some kids won't sleep in them for love nor money.

You'll know what's best for your little one at the time.

Nevyn

Combination of the moses basket and co sleeping as I breastfed.
The moses basket was wonderful as it could be carryed up and down the stairs with the stand so that the baby was lying flat and usually in the same room as me, and the basket could just be carried up stairs at night would out waking them.

As I was breastfeeding the late night feeds we'd fall asleep together but the baby would usually go back to sleep after the early morning feed in the basket.

Co Sleeping is not dangerous as long as parents are sensible and it's what was done for thousands of years. The notion of the baby in a cot away in the nursery is a victorian idea but honestly what ever works best for you and your child, what ever means you get enough sleep.

Mine were in the cot in the same room until they were 6 months and then in the room next door in the cot and went into a bed with bumbers at about 1 year. Yes until they were about 2 and 1/2 if they woke in the middle of the night or very early in the morning they'd come into our bed, we'd here the bump as they got out of the bed and the patter of feet as they'd come in and snuggle between us.

But it was rare enough and only twice a week until they grew out of it, they did have a very good going to sleep routine and that then kept them in bed and they would go back to sleep themselves when they were a little older, I never had the issue of having to try banish them from the parental bed.

Hannibal Smith

Thaedydal wrote: »

Combination of the moses basket and co sleeping as I breastfed.
The moses basket was wonderful as it could be carryed up and down the stairs with the stand so that the baby was lying flat and usually in the same room as me, and the basket could just be carried up stairs at night would out waking them.

As I was breastfeeding the late night feeds we'd fall asleep together but the baby would usually go back to sleep after the early morning feed in the basket.

Co Sleeping is not dangerous as long as parents are sensible and it's what was done for thousands of years. The notion of the baby in a cot away in the nursery is a victorian idea but honestly what ever works best for you and your child, what ever means you get enough sleep.

Mine were in the cot in the same room until they were 6 months and then in the room next door in the cot and went into a bed with bumbers at about 1 year. Yes until they were about 2 and 1/2 if they woke in the middle of the night or very early in the morning they'd come into our bed, we'd here the bump as they got out of the bed and the patter of feet as they'd come in and snuggle between us.

But it was rare enough and only twice a week until they grew out of it, they did have a very good going to sleep routine and that then kept them in bed and they would go back to sleep themselves when they were a little older, I never had the issue of having to try banish them from the parental bed.

oooh do you mind if I butt in here. Our little fella is 18 months and he's still in a cot, what age do you move them to a bed? Do they tend to wander around at night?

Arciphel

Thaedydal wrote: »

The moses basket was wonderful as it could be carryed up and down the stairs with the stand so that the baby was lying flat and usually in the same room as me, and the basket could just be carried up stairs at night would out waking them.

I thought it was a big no-no to carry a child up/down the stairs in a moses basket - this was stressed to us many times at antenatal classes and also by our public health nurse.

Moonbeam

NextSteps wrote: »

And did that work - she didn't insist on being in the bed all the time?

[absolute beginner here - can you tell? ]

I am very lucky like that.
She went from moses basket to travel cot to big girl cot with out batting an eye lid.
At about 4 months old,we spent a month in France and she slept with me the whole time and again when we came home she didn't mind gonig back in her basket.
Once she has her teddy she is happy.

It depends on the child:)

January

Arciphel wrote: »

I thought it was a big no-no to carry a child up/down the stairs in a moses basket - this was stressed to us many times at antenatal classes and also by our public health nurse.

We used to carry both girls up in the moses basket when they were very small, well my partner did cos he's stronger than me and I felt more comfortable with him doing it. But it's fine as long as you're careful and who likes to wake a sleeping baby to move them upstairs??

Nevyn

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

oooh do you mind if I butt in here. Our little fella is 18 months and he's still in a cot, what age do you move them to a bed? Do they tend to wander around at night?

Once they can climb in and out of the bed by themselves, we would close all the doors bar our one and secure the baby gate at the top of the stairs. Once they have a good sleeping routine they should just sleep the night through.

Arciphel wrote: »

I thought it was a big no-no to carry a child up/down the stairs in a moses basket - this was stressed to us many times at antenatal classes and also by our public health nurse.

My kids are 10 and 12 so it's along time ago from when they were newborns,
I never carried the moses basket up but their Dad did so there was no way I was putting strain on myself in the weeks after the birth or either of them at risk from me dropping the basket.

lolli

Oh god I have nightmares about people putting babies into bed with them. I only let Saoirse in the odd time in the morning. I know of two cases where people put their baby into bed with them and the baby smothered during the night.

Saoirse was in a crib for 6 months. Shes in a cot now still in my room.

lynski

My son is almost 4, upto 12 wks he was in a moses basket next to bed and then he moved to cot in his own room. We were adamant that he was 'never' going to sleep with us. From 12 wks to about 8mts he was a pretty good sleeper from 8 mths on he has not regularly slept through the night. He nows sleeps with us 2-3 nights per wk from about 4am because i do not have the energy to fight him in the night.
My daughter is almost 2, she slept in our room in a moses basket, and a cot until she was 9/10 mths, she slept with us about 2/3 nights per week sometimes every night , mostly due to night feeds and every morning for at least an hr after her morning feed. After that she moved into a room with her brother, she sleeps 12 hrs a night, almost every night, through his tantrums and night waking. (he does wake her sometimes for a play around 4am)
There is no hard and fast rule for every child never mind every family. do what works for you.

Cat Melodeon

My lad is nearly 15 months now. We started by cosleeping as I was breastfeeding. He came into bed for feeds and then I transferred him into the cosleeper cot beside the bed. We had an Armsreach cosleeper - I highly recommend it. It was very securely attached to the bed, had wheels at one end so was very easy to move about the house for daytime naps (our house is on one level) and he didn't grow out of it until he was about 7.5 months, so no Moses basket required, straight into a cotbed at that stage. Transfering him from the bed to the cot was simple, I didn't even have to sit up in the bed, so no cold feet or banging of toes in the dark.

When we moved him to the cotbed at 7.5 months, we kept him in the bedroom with us, he stayed there until he turned 13 months. He would still come into the bed for night-time feeds, and sometimes would stay for a cuddle. Co-sleeping is not at all dangerous as long as you do it right. You have to have a suitable mattress and bed covers and neither parent can be a smoker or have drink taken. If your baby is breastfed, it's the easiest and most natural way to sleep, and studies show that cosleeping breastfeeding mothers get more sleep than any other kind! (skeptics, read: Quillin, S. I. M., & Glenn, L. L. (2004). Interaction between feeding method and co-sleeping on maternal-newborn sleep. Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic and Neonatal Nursing, 33(5), 580-588). Co-sleeping and room-sharing are also related to lower incidences of SIDS. I think the benefits begin to fade once a child reaches 12 months old, certainly this is when we moved our boy into his own room.

Regarding co-sleeping and getting your bed back, yes, it can be an issue, although I think it is more down to the type of parent than cosleeping being problematic in itself. I am tired, have been tired for over a year now. I know that if my son wakes up crying because of teething/wind/bad dreams/growing pains that I can get him back to sleep in 30 seconds if I bring him in to bed with me. It's very very tempting, so yes, we have continued to cosleep. If I was less lazy, I would probably do the whole comfort/pick-up-put-down thing, but I LOVE bed and will do anything to get back into it. So cosleeping works for us. Having said that, we've had three nights in a row of undisturbed sleep (touch wood no jinxies) so here's hoping that will last.

OP, do whatever works and feels most natural and aids your sanity, but if breastfeeding is planned, I cannot recommend highly enough co-sleeping of some form.

Cat Melodeon

lynski wrote: »

(he does wake her sometimes for a play around 4am)

:eek:

implausible

My wee buck is five months old and I'm in the middle of doing up his room so I can ship him out to it. He has slept through the night since he was 5 weeks old, so I could easily have moved him sooner; I just love the sound of his little breaths.

He slept in the cot from the beginning and we only used the moses basket downstairs until he grew out of it around 6 weeks. When he starts escaping from the cot, I intend to put him into a normal bed and use a safety rail.

As for the co-sleeping, I don't fully practise it, but for breastfeeding it's a life-saver. I can't imagine having to sit up in the cold and dark to do it. Lying down to feed him is a cinch and after his morning feed (around 7), he goes back to sleep until 9:30ish. I don't worry about smothering as I've learned to sleep with my arm at a demented angle and I'm always aware that he's there (I've often woke in a panic with a space beside me and then realised he was in the cot!).

lynski

Cat Melodeon wrote: »

:eek:

ROFL

Nevyn

lolli wrote: »

Oh god I have nightmares about people putting babies into bed with them. I only let Saoirse in the odd time in the morning. I know of two cases where people put their baby into bed with them and the baby smothered during the night.

Saoirse was in a crib for 6 months. Shes in a cot now still in my room.

And I know of over 30 parents peronally who co slept responsibly with their infants and never had an issue.

lolli

Thaedydal wrote: »

And I know of over 30 parents peronally who co slept responsibly with their infants and never had an issue.

Well obviously I know not all babies who sleep with their parents are going to die. It rather traumatised me because in my previous job a young couple had put their baby into the bed with them and the baby died, there wasnt a mark on the baby apart from a drop of blood on its nose. The reason why it traumatised me so much was because they took photos of the dead baby and brought them into where I was working at the time. I'm sure for that reason you couldn't blame me for being wary about it.

Nevyn

lolli wrote: »

Well obviously I know not all babies who sleep with their parents are going to die. It rather traumatised me because in my previous job a young couple had put their baby into the bed with them and the baby died, there wasnt a mark on the baby apart from a drop of blood on its nose. The reason why it traumatised me so much was because they took photos of the dead baby and brought them into where I was working at the time. I'm sure for that reason you couldn't blame me for being wary about it.

I would automatically be asking questions like had either of them been drinking, or were either of them on medication, or had taken any drugs, or was sick, or was either of them prone to extreme deep sleeping, or lashing out in their sleep or seizures or was the bed not suitible for co sleeping in.

Responsible co sleeping is safe.

implausible

lolli wrote: »

The reason why it traumatised me so much was because they took photos of the dead baby and brought them into where I was working at the time.

They did WHAT? Why?:eek: No wonder you're freaked out.

lolli

deemark wrote: »

They did WHAT? Why?:eek: No wonder you're freaked out.

They were applying for something and they thought if they brought in the pictures they'd get it sooner.

NextSteps

Cat Melodeon wrote: »

We had an Armsreach cosleeper - I highly recommend it. It was very securely attached to the bed, had wheels at one end so was very easy to move about the house for daytime naps (our house is on one level) and he didn't grow out of it until he was about 7.5 months, so no Moses basket required, straight into a cotbed at that stage. Transfering him from the bed to the cot was simple, I didn't even have to sit up in the bed, so no cold feet or banging of toes in the dark.

Yeah, that sounds really good, it's what I'm leaning towards.

Cat Melodeon wrote: »

...Co-sleeping is not at all dangerous as long as you do it right. You have to have a suitable mattress and bed covers and neither parent can be a smoker or have drink taken.

I'll have to read up on the mattress and covers. We don't smoke, won't drink - my only worry is about my partner or I not sleeping right ourselves because of the baby being there and fear of hurting it.

Khannie

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

oooh do you mind if I butt in here. Our little fella is 18 months and he's still in a cot, what age do you move them to a bed? Do they tend to wander around at night?

We did it at around 2 for the middle one as I recall. (recollection slightly fuzzy )

caprilicious

deemark wrote: »

..... I just love the sound of his little breaths

Ditto! This is lame I know, but when we did put our little lady in her own room I hated it because I couldn't hear her (well could on monitor) & couldn't reach out to check if she was ok

I'm another fan of the Arms Reach co-sleeper. We kept our little lady in the moses basket, til she was about 4 weeks I think, then moved to the co-sleeper.

Initially I thought they were a gimic, but I was intrigued none the less & found myself with a baby getting a bit too big for her moses basket/but too tiny for her big cot.
I picked up a co-sleeper second hand for €100, it was definitely money well spent!

I still have her in it, though I don't think I'll get much longer out of it as she's now 8 months & getting a bit too big for it!

We did put her into her own room at 4 months old, she went in not a bother & settled well.
However she had a really bad flu a few weeks after & was coughing a lot so I brought her back into our room to keep her close & she's been there ever since!

We frequently co-sleep, particularly at the weekend after she has her first bottle so we can have a bit of a lie in
Initially I did sleep terribly when she was in the bed, I kept waking up worrying the duvet had gone over her head (never had).
Now she had a new game of pulling all the hairs off her daddy's arms or pulling mammy's fringe while we sleep, so we do get better sleep when she's in the co-sleeper!

MrsA

As far as I remember the WHO recommend keeping the baby in the room with you until they are at least 6 months. It is to do with SIDS and the baby matching their breathing with yours or something like that.

I personally would not put a baby under 6 months in their own room. In fact our 19 month old still sleeps in our room and we co-sleep with our other son, so all 4 of us sleep in the same bedroom!

January

MrsA wrote: »

As far as I remember the WHO recommend keeping the baby in the room with you until they are at least 6 months. It is to do with SIDS and the baby matching their breathing with yours or something like that.

I personally would not put a baby under 6 months in their own room. In fact our 19 month old still sleeps in our room and we co-sleep with our other son, so all 4 of us sleep in the same bedroom!

Both my babies were in their own rooms from maximum of 12 weeks and they were fine. If it suits then there's no reason not to do it and a good baby monitor such as the Angel Sounds will keep you sane.

We had to do it though, it was that or ship snoring daddy out of the room for months.

Swizzles

My daughter is 14 weeks and at the start i would fall asleep with her in my arms for an hour or two and then put her back in the cot..She was a long baby so wasnt in the moses basket for long and by about 3 weeks was in the cot..I put the side of the cot down and it came to the same height as the bed so it was almost like a cheaper version of those co-sleeper attachment thingys (Sorry dont know the name)
Anyway will try and keep her in the same room until shes about one but thats a bit away and if she keeps sleeping through may move her earlier but i love waking up and shes the first thing i see so i duno if the hormones will allow me :rolleyes:

About the co sleeping i was a deep sleeper but i found after having her i was such a light sleeper..I agree if you follow the "rules" regarding co sleeping you make it a safer enviroment for baby

giftgrub

we had our lad in a moses basket beside us to begin with, then we moved house and only our room was ready to begin with.

he was then in a cot in the room, but kept waking, so we ended up co sleeping. as he'd settle when he was picked up.

he's 20 months now and in his own room, but still wakes up at around 2am. when he does, either me or my wife goes in and grabs him, and brings him in with us.

we dont mind and it beats the hell out of staying up rubbing his head or whatever in the middle of them night. everyone gets a good night's sleep and i find it kind of funny to wake up with a small foot in my face!!

we asked our gp about this ages ago, she has 6 kids and told us "whatever works for you"

DublinWriter

lolli wrote: »

They were applying for something and they thought if they brought in the pictures they'd get it sooner.

That's so weird, I'm not even going there!

Ours we had in a swinging-cot by our double bed, moved to a cot-bed recently a little distance for the double-bed (getting too big for the cot!) in the same room.

MisterMom

Both of my kids were in a moses basket for about 2 months in our room, then put them into a cot and kept them in our room till they were about 5-6 mths and then into their own room.
It's whatever you feel most comfortable with cause every child is different.
I have to say though I never put my kids in the bed with me, i just think there are just too many horror stories about this, and it can also be very hard to break this habit....
Whatever way u decide to sleep your baby, you'll soon discover whether it's working for you and your baby or not!!

Hope all goes well for u