Couple More

MonkieSocks

Took a girl home after clubbing last night.

After a few drinks we went upstairs.
.
While we were taking our clothes off a voice came from the bed and said

“I hope it’s not that fat Bitch from last week"

The girl said "what the fook was that?"

I replied

"It’s that fookin memory foam mattress!"

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My wife rang me the other day

"Can you get a car and come and pick me up?" she asked.

“the car's broken down" she said.

"Why what's wrong?" I asked her.

"There’s water in the carburettor" she said.

"And HOW do you know that?" I asked.

She said "coz I'm in the canal!"