sibling rivalry

loishasdied

hi all, i have a little boy who will be 4 in december, since he was born he has proven to be the most good natured, nice little boy, just a lovely little person so eager to please and wanting all of us around him to be ha. ppy. people were shocked at how compasionate and caring he was for such a small child. but 7 months ago his little sister was born. she's very pleasant too and doesn't cry a lot or do much to disturb him with the exeption of being breastfed which inevidibly means she feeds a lot. but i've made sure to not let her interfere with his life. he still goes to playgrounds, kidzones, walks with his bikes, everything he did before. and i make sure to get time at least once a day just with him and most of our life is centered around him and what he would like to do, but i know he's too young to apreciate this. however, we did move house in august and he started playschool in september for the first time so i know he has had 3 big changes in 6 months which i regret now but it's already done now i'm afraid. we only moved house, not towns.

soo here's my problem, i can't seem to make him understand just how gentle he needs to be with baby. i try not to nag at him but if he's a little too rough and she cries out he retaliates by hitting her. i think this is his defence mechanism. he has taken to screamin, shouting and whining a lot which i TRY to ignore. when i'm trying to put her for a nap he diliberatlely wakes her but it's not because he wants to play with her, it's just because he knows i want her to sleep from what i can gather. if he thinks she's trying to take one of his things he'll slap her or scrawm her and he just doens't seem to be understanding that she is a baby who doesn't understand and i'm not sure of words to convey this that he will understand.

another thing is this: at playschool or with any other adults he is soooooo quiet and doesn't say what he wants or stand up for himself at all. the playschool teacher saw another boy hit him the other day and he didn't even cry or say anything. this breaks my heart but he more or less denied anything happened when i tried to talk to him. how can i help here?

he will go to the baby amd hug her so roughly or talk to her but end up screaming at her and frightening her and she cries then he gets so angry and tries to hit her. or if she doesn't answer him when he talks to her he could try to hit her. how can i explain it to him? he seems to hate correction. he is not like this all the time and he is normally quiet good when baby not there. but he gets frustrated so easily and screams and throws things really hard

i love my little boy soooo much and i knew it was going to be a challenge introducing a little sister but i just want to know if any of you have any idea how i should be handling him, i just don't seem to be getting the balance right at all and anyone i ask for advice just says it will pass but in the meantime i'm afraid im not helping him deal with his feelings. i don't want him to feel he can't pick up for himself with other kids but his idea of picking up for himself is hitting the baby if she taps off him accidently.

i know he's probably taking it out on her but what should i do to help him. 'm sorry this post is so messy but am short on time at the moment and sooo upset but if you want more details please ask. basically i want him to know we love him so much but it is not acceptable to be rough with people or things, nor is it acceptable for anyone to do any of these things to him. again so sorry about the lack of structure of post, im just trying to put it all into words and hopefully some of you might have been here and have so words that can help. thanks for reading xx

Chuchoter

A little boy I babysit is in a fairly similar situation. He is nearly 4 and his baby sister was born in March, and he has really struggled with it. He is quite rough with the new baby because he doesn't understand that she is too small to be pulled and hugged, and then he is angry with the sister because he is always getting into trouble whenever he goes near her. Maybe if you say to him that you think he is big enough to help you out with the new baby now and give him a few small responsibilities like helping you out with making bottles (he could spoon in the powder or shake it or something) or helping put on her socks or something. That would make him feel closer to her and emphasize the whole 'big brother' thing. He might think the baby doesn't like him. I remember I was 4 and my little brother was born I remember being annoyed that I couldn't hold the baby or do anything but everyone else was having so much fun with him.

In terms of at school, I think that maybe taking up something like scouts which encourages teamwork and leadership might help.

metrovelvet

Is there anyway dad or a grandparent can take the baby so you can have time alone with the big brother? He probaby needs a lot of reassurance. It s like having to live with the lover your spouse is having an affair with.

loishasdied

hey guys, sorry about bumping this thread after so long, haven't been online in a while but wanted to say thanks for answers and to let you know how i'm getting on in case others in this situation were looking for help in the future.
basically i'v made mysef be more patient than ever before, easier when you eat and sleep well so i'm on to that too. i've always been an advocate for gentle discipline and i very much believe in guidance rather than punishment but with the arrival of baby and acting out of child i sort of forgot myself and often gave out and punished but about 2 weeks ago i started to be much calmer/nicer about any slip ups my 3 year old makes. like is he hit the baby i'd ssay in a soothing voice "oh no callum hit you be accident baby, your poor little nose" it seems to work because he likes the athmosphere to be nice so luckily that kind of thing has worked and he hasn't tried to hurt her in what seems to be a long time.
one thing that i was finding so hard to cope with was that he would scream so loud just to waken her or scare her, i would watch him gear upp to do it. i now completely ignore it and he rarely does it now. i was afraid if i ignored it he would never stop but that wasn't the case and now if he does do it it's over in a second and she doesn't even flinch.
luckily i do have grandparents more than willing to mind baby so am trying to get twice a week, really helping so far.
i will definitely try scouts, i'm going to get onto seeing about that today! thanks again and hope my experience helps someone else because the last 7 months were the most emotional of my life.