Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Any advice from other single parents?

Options
13»

Comments

  • Options
    #62
    calibelle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 78 ✭✭calibelle


    I'm liking the idea of just talking to his wife she is a reasonable and normal adult......for all his faults he sure picks good women :D

    I do think the law is ridiculous though, it's very unfair on all the fathers who do want to be a part of their childs life and are held over a barrel by their ex and end up going to court to fight for access.


    At the moment I need the maintenance money but as soon as I'm more financially stable I'll be putting it into her savings account for her future .
    Boatbuilder the law is that an unmarried father has no rights if he is named on birth cert or not, the only way to get it is if the mother agrees and signs an agreement or if he goes to court.

    I've made it clear to the ex/mrs ex that maintenance doesn't give him any control and that if he doesn't pay the rest along with next months on the due date I'll just go to court and they will enforce it if he messes around by taking it from his wages.....so he has no control whatsoever!


  • Options
    #63
    calibelle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 78 ✭✭calibelle


    K-9 wrote: »
    I would think so. How could you be a Guardian with no access? I can't imagine him having much luck applying now for it!
    I'd value regular access and little or no maintenance higher!

    I'm a bit confused are you saying that access is more important than maintenance?


  • Options
    #64
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    calibelle wrote: »
    I'm liking the idea of just talking to his wife she is a reasonable and normal adult......for all his faults he sure picks good women :D

    I do think the law is ridiculous though, it's very unfair on all the fathers who do want to be a part of their childs life and are held over a barrel by their ex and end up going to court to fight for access.


    At the moment I need the maintenance money but as soon as I'm more financially stable I'll be putting it into her savings account for her future .
    Boatbuilder the law is that an unmarried father has no rights if he is named on birth cert or not, the only way to get it is if the mother agrees and signs an agreement or if he goes to court.

    I've made it clear to the ex/mrs ex that maintenance doesn't give him any control and that if he doesn't pay the rest along with next months on the due date I'll just go to court and they will enforce it if he messes around by taking it from his wages.....so he has no control whatsoever!

    It will give him control if you go to court over it. All he has to do is apply for guardianship and poof there ya go, he's got them.


  • Options
    #65
    K-9
    Registered Users Posts: 43,311 ✭✭✭✭K-9


    calibelle wrote: »
    I'm a bit confused are you saying that access is more important than maintenance?

    No!
    Just one scenario is the lesser of 2 evils.
    I'd value somebody on the dole saying a little maintenance but heavily involved through access far more them no access and paying more.
    @ metrovelvet, He'd have to have some involvement in the child's life to get Guardianship.

    Mad Men's Don Draper : What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.



  • Options
    #66
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    K-9 wrote: »
    No!
    Just one scenario is the lesser of 2 evils.
    I'd value somebody on the dole saying a little maintenance but heavily involved through access far more them no access and paying more.
    @ metrovelvet, He'd have to have some involvement in the child's life to get Guardianship.

    No he doesn't. There are no minimum requirements. Repeated history of prison and drugs or endangerment to the child might prohibit it. Absence does not.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #67
    calibelle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 78 ✭✭calibelle


    metrovelvet wrote: »
    It will give him control if you go to court over it. All he has to do is apply for guardianship and poof there ya go, he's got them.

    Guardianship isn't an entitlement and the decison will be made based on if its in the child's best interest. It would be very hard in this instance to prove it is in her best interest when he has been out of her life for so long and is hardly making any effort to build a relationship. Also it doesn't provide access or parental rights and just because he pays maintenance doesn't mean any application will be granted.

    Again I don't have a problem with him having any of those things as long as she is treated properly.


  • Options
    #68
    calibelle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 78 ✭✭calibelle


    K-9 wrote: »
    No!
    Just one scenario is the lesser of 2 evils.
    I'd value somebody on the dole saying a little maintenance but heavily involved through access far more them no access and paying more.
    @ metrovelvet, He'd have to have some involvement in the child's life to get Guardianship.

    yes I agree but when an absent parent can afford maintenance and doesn't want access they should have to pay it.


  • Options
    #69
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    calibelle wrote: »
    Guardianship isn't an entitlement and doesn't provide access or parental rights and just because he pays maintenance doesn't mean any application will be granted.

    Again I don't have a problem with him having any of those things as long as she is treated properly.

    It doesn't guarantee access but it does mean 1. you will need his signature for passports 2. He can stop you and your daughter from re locating 3. He will get full custody of your child in the case of your death.

    If you have no problems with that, then go for it. He may not even want it, but if he does want it, there is a high probability he will get it. Just as long as you are ok with that.


  • Options
    #70
    calibelle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 78 ✭✭calibelle


    Metrovelvet I see your point but he can apply for that anyway regardless of maintenance.
    Though he won't get custody of a child it would be shared between any named guardians. My aunt is already named as a guardian so he wouldn't be able to overrule that.
    If however he recieved parental rights he would get sole custody on my death.


  • Options
    #71
    planetX
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,441 ✭✭✭planetX


    calibelle wrote: »
    Metrovelvet I see your point but he can apply for that anyway regardless of maintenance.
    Though he won't get custody of a child it would be shared between any named guardians. My aunt is already named as a guardian so he wouldn't be able to overrule that.
    If however he recieved parental rights he would get sole custody on my death.

    Calibelle, I have to agree with metrovelvet. In my case, my ex lived abroad and got guardianship with no problem at all - while still living abroad. I was told that he could stop me from moving, if he could prove it was in the childs interest. He would certainly overrule your aunt as guardian, the court will always go with a parent before another relative, unless he is a criminal. And I agree also - you go to court for maintenance, you can expect him to tit for tat. If it was me I'd leave it be, peace of mind is more valuable, and I know this cos I lost mine:(


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #72
    calibelle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 78 ✭✭calibelle


    PlanetX and metrovelvet thanks for your thoughts, I'm going to see a family law solicitor next week to be sure about it all. I contacted citizens advice today and they said that if her father is added as a guardian he can't over rule my aunt as they would be joint guardians in the event of my death so would have to make decisions together or through a court. They said that the childs opinion is also sought in any court case too so it would have to be in her best interest.
    Thanks again to everyone who has offered advice I really appreciate it.


Advertisement