Child left in the rain?

Delicate_Dlite

Hi,

I'm not sure why I'm posting, as I know I can't do anything. But my neighbour, not directly beside me. Has put her son, (6-9 I guess), on her deck in her back garden. It's dark, windy, raining pretty heavily and the little boy is crying. He gets locked out as his punishment, but up until now it's been on a dry summers day.

He has just stopped crying, so I assume she let him in, he was outside for 20 mins. The mother is an extremely nasty woman, but this is the first time, I've witnessed her neglecting/being cruel to her kids, I've heard from her next door neighbour that she uses abusive language on them.

Should I do/say anything about this? he's now back in the house. Or am I over reacting/being a nosy cow?

AnonoBoy

Being put outside the back door is an age-old punishment.

My folks used to use it as a threat all the time if I was misbehaving. If it was lashing out I started behaving pretty quick when they threatened it.

20 minutes seems a bit long but it's not what I would call neglecting a child. In fact it's being actively involved in disciplining him. Far better than whacking the kid I think.

Unless you think there's anything worse going on then it's really none of your business.

calibelle

I don't think you are being nosy at all or over reacting! It's a very cold wet night and 20 mins is a long time to leave the child alone outside regardless of his age in my opinion, the child could quite easily end up very sick if it continues.

If she is a nasty woman then saying anything to her will probably backfire on you and could create tension with your neighbour - maybe if it happens again you could wander out pretending you need something and start talking to him? Something like " poor you did you get locked out? Its very cold/wet out here does your mum realise you're stuck?" That way she will know that you've noticed whats going on but it seems innocent enough and she may re-think her discipline ideas!

Just noticed he's not directly beside you sorry!! Maybe knock at the door and say the same thing - I saw your little boy outside I think he's locked himself out and thought I should mention it as its sooooo cold etc!

Delicate_Dlite

Thanks, heard him around 6:40 again screaming crying. quiet again, not sure if he stops crying or gets let in.

Due to the position of the gardens, I can't see the whole deck, and can't get to him, a neighbour in between our gardens. So asking him isn't an option. He's in his back garden.

He is a child with a stammer, for which his mother shouts at him for :rolleyes:, and is always out on the street, when I see him, I say hello and he always wants a chat, seems rather lonely. The other kids on the road mock him for his speech and being rather quiet.

I've reported her before about animal abuse and neglect. It was horriffic, but thankfully she doesn't have any pets at the minute.

Just feeling very useless, I hate to hear a child crying and not be able to help them. I know, I know, I seem like a nosy cow to some.

Klingon Hamlet

She leaves him out in the rain for 20 mins and shouts at him for his stammer? What a horrible person!!

Delicate_Dlite

Yes, she really is. Also is very 'rough'... I try and avoid her at all costs, seems the type that could get violent. Spends her days hanging out of her window, smoking shouting at her kids.

Jeremy kyle type of person, Just feel so bad for her little boy.

Goodne

Hi, I don't think you are being nosy at all. I know that I couldn't stand back and let that happen. I'm all for " being actively involved in disciplining" a child but this woman in completely out of control. How would you feel if you were locked out in the rain. I think it wouldnt be a good idea to approach the woman - she might take it out on the child. Maybe you could ring your local health board & seek advice?

Daisy!

God that would break my heart If she's abused an animal before then she's capable of abusing her child. Is there anyone you could ring about it? Or are Social Services inundated with worse (even though I think this is pretty awful) cases?

EraseAndRewind

Am I the only one thats feeling quite disturbed by this

OP your definetly not being nosy and as for 'being actively involved in disciplining' :mad: no way is standing a little boy outside in the rain a good thing -you wouldnt do it to a dog

i wouldnt approach the mother tbh you wouldnt know what scum like that would do
i would go ahead and contact the local health board and i say fair play to you if you do because there are far too many people that say nothing and do nothing and leave children in terrible situations


also you reported this same woman for animal neglect/abuse before,which i say you did without thinking twice,but yet you wait and question reporting this woman for neglect/abuse of a child-just something to think about

charlemont

thats one sick in the head woman to be like that to her own child, that type of stuff puts tears in my eyes, he probably got the stammer through fear from having a mother like that, no girl your not nosy, your damn right to take notice of this behaviour....

Delicate_Dlite

Thanks everybody.

I thought it was unacceptable but, well, I'm not a parent and have little experience with kids esp regarding disciplining. So I didn't know if I was just over reacting and this was this norm. Glad to see I'm not a crazy.

Also, I wasn't sure where/who to tell. But thanks, I'll keep you updated.

also you reported this same woman for animal neglect/abuse before,which i say you did without thinking twice,but yet you wait and question reporting this woman for neglect/abuse of a child-just something to think about

Yes, as the animal abuse was very obvious. I wasn't sure if this one case of being put out in the rain once counted as 'neglect'.

dublinlady

Oh my god thats shocking!
You are not over reacting at all! Seriously, I would be repulsed by anyone sho says you are! Being put out in the rain on a cold night in the dark would be HUGELY traumatic for a young child, not only that, it could cause serious illness including flu and even pneumonia. That is just the physical, the emotional effects of being made to physically suffer by your mother for any 'wrongdoing' would leave you confused and feeling very unloved etc. Its horrible. Dont get me wrong, i was smacked as a child (lightly) and it did me no harm and i understood right from wrong, i understand punishment, but this is a matter of understanding right from wrong, to any balanced human this has got to be wrong.
I would take a different approach though, im not 100% confident in the system (hse , social workers etc) (no offence to social workers only the system they are caught up in!!) so i would phone the ISPCC for advise first to find out your options for acting. I agree that it would be wrong not to act, and i am glad that there are people like you aroung to look out for obvious cruelty, if only society had more brave people who stand up for their beliefs and less people afraid to talk and who stick there ead in the sand.
This has been a bit of a rant so im sorry but i hope it helped!

Rockery Woman

Poor little child.

Some people just don't deserve children. Definately get advice from the ISPCC or contact Barnardos for advice. Chances are, the social services are aware that things are unstable in the family - teachers may have noticed something amiss with the child for example.

It must be heartbreaking to watch such cruelty and neglect. The Roscommon case has shocked the nation and probably made us all more aware of possible hardship-cases involving children.

I hope there is some positive outcome for this poor child. The mother is obviously a very unstable person and probably could do with professional help herself.

we'llallhavetea_old

don't let this go unreported op, is she going to continue this punishment during the baltic conditions in december? in the snow? feck that. report her asap, psycho bitch. :mad:

Squiggler

OP, as some others have said you should report your concerns.

Experience has taught me that how people treat animals is indicative of how they will treat children and all who are smaller than them.

cats.life

oh dear god op report that beast of a woman. i would not let it go. poor child. next time you pass by the child chat to him , let him know that he has a friend. do it now dont waste more time. im a mother of two boys and would never do that to any of them. does she have anymore kids? im sick after reading your post.

sealgaire

From reading your first post I would say it has nothing to do with you and she is only trying to disipline her child, but after reading the rest about the type of woman she is then maybe you should say something (not to her)

metrovelvet

I would not say anything to her in case she ends up taking the criticism out on the child.

Call the relevant authority or helpline and see what you should do. She could just turn around and deny it too.

Klingon Hamlet

If you think you won'tbe believed, record evidence.

30lady

You are not being nosy op. You are a good person and are trying to help this child, but want to know the best way to do this.

I think you should put it in writing (anonymously if you wish) to your local Social Services and do so each time you witness something of this nature. Keep a copy of every letter and refer to each previous letter each time and be sure to note on your letter that you have kept a copy of each correspondence. Social services have been known to neglect follow ups of reports of child abuse/neglect and proper recording of these reports, which led to much more serious events.

This woman's treatment of her child is probably going to get worse and if she is capable of being that cruel to a child on a given day, who knows what she is capable of on a bad day.

wolfpawnat

I just want to get him and cuddle him close! The poor little man! He would be better off in a home than with that! How can a mother do that to her own child? I bet if she were to lose her benefits she would treat her son better!

My son when he is very bad, gets put in his cot with a teddy. Teddy calms him, he spends a minute talking (babbling) to teddy and then when I come back in to the room he is calm and happy. I don't want him harming himself, his bed is soft and teddy gets the thrashing if there is any of it!

Report that animal!!! She should be left out in the rain!

Deliverance

metrovelvet wrote: »

I would not say anything to her in case she ends up taking the criticism out on the child.

Call the relevant authority or helpline and see what you should do. She could just turn around and deny it too.

I agree with this. the woman sounds like she would just get more stressed and blame the child which would make things worse.

Definately get profesional advice on how to deal with the situation first off for yourself, do this anon (as you are doing here I guess).

In the meantime try to engage the neighbour and get to know her a bit, if you are up to it?

Maybe she has no support and no one to talk to etc which leads to stress and actions that you mentioned. Maybe if she was aware that folks around her were willing to lend a hand and a supportive word... then maybe she would feel calmer and feel less stressed?

I would think that this kind of action by a kind/ understanding 'neighbour' much more productive for the neighbour and for the child.

Social services calling to her door via an anon report would be cruel really. It would make things more stressful for her and would only make things worse for her and the child. I think people forget sometimes that single parents are human too, the kids do test us to the extreme that is their job. Without some kind of adult intervention via friends, family etc makes a big difference. Consider the possibility that this woman may not be lucky enough to have that kind of support and go from there?

Being a single parent is hard enough for anyone and I imagine it is an incredibly lonely process for some in the extreme. Try to give the lady a chance by including her in any way that you can in an understanding way to let her know that her neighbours are being helpful over being judgemental.

Hope that makes sense.

metrovelvet

I was going to suggest something like that too, but I don't have an idea of how exactly to go about it without it looking bizarre.

Is this woman parenting alone? I cant remember the exact details? But if she is OP could open up a dialogue with 'if you need anything, like to run to the shop or whatever, just let me know...'

Ok the animal cruelty thing does not bode well but for the sake of a fair argument.....

People can be driven to their limits with kids and for all you know she was about to snap. So maybe she does need more support and maybe social services can help, but it wont help if she thinks shes being tattled on. You have to realise now too that after the Roscommon case the social workers are going to over react now to everything.

deisemum

This sort of abuse needs reporting but I think the next time you notice the poor lad locked out the first people to phone are the gardai because they'll come straight out when a child is involved and social services may take more notice if it's refered from the gardai.

I along with a number of neighbours spent our summer phoning and leaving both recorded messages on specific social workers phones as well as leaving messages with other social workers trying to report child abuse but they didn't want to know. To date they have not returned any of our calls.

Shelli2

If this happens again call the guards, tell them there is a small distressed child locked out in the garden and you can't get to them, your not sure if they've been left alone and locked themselves out or what? Let the guards call to the house while this is actually happening.

sellerbarry

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Being put outside the back door is an age-old punishment.

My folks used to use it as a threat all the time if I was misbehaving. If it was lashing out I started behaving pretty quick when they threatened it.

20 minutes seems a bit long but it's not what I would call neglecting a child. In fact it's being actively involved in disciplining him. Far better than whacking the kid I think.

Unless you think there's anything worse going on then it's really none of your business.

20 Mins outside in the rain doesn't merit neglect.? Just because your parents used to do it doesn't make it right. No kid should be put outside to sit in the rain and cold! What will this teach him?only to carry it out when he's a parent. It's wrong wrong wrong! OP do not listen to this poster.:mad:

I would report straight away with a couple of pics if possible and times etc. Good luck.

Klingon Hamlet

Far as I'm concerned that's an unfit parent. That poor child.:(

Billiejo

Child Protection is everyons business and the discipline you discribe here sounds unreasonable and cruel because of the conditions you describe.

Some parents use 'the naughty step/ chair' indoors as a sanction and this is quite acceptable if conducted without parental aggression.
Choosing outdoors on a bright fine day/evening when say a child wanted to watch TV indoors etc., may be considered acceptable - provided the child is old enough, the outdoor area is safe & secure and child remains within the parents view - through a window / door etc.

The timing of a sanction is 1 minute per age.
EG.1 minute@age1; 2 minutes@age 2; 5@age5; 8@age8years etc:

Appears this woman needs some parenting guidence. And the child needs some protection.
Even if 'after the fact' you have to report this event anonymously do the decent thing and Call someone/ Social Services, or even the Guards.

At least the mother might be enlightened with a ticking off, and thats better than doing nothing.