Fashion Advice with Raam

kincsem

My bike has a Shimano Ultegra groupset triple. Is it acceptable to be seen in daylight hours with such an inferior product. Perhaps it is the triple that provokes the looks of ridicule.

Should I cycle at night to avoid embarrassment or should I upgrade to Dura Ace or Campagnolo?

Raam

kincsem wrote: »

My bike has a Shimano Ultegra groupset triple. Is it acceptable to be seen in daylight hours with such an inferior product. Perhaps it is the triple that provokes the looks of ridicule.

Should I cycle at night to avoid embarrassment or should I upgrade to Dura Ace or Campagnolo?

There is only particular Cervelo bicycle image which can redeem this travesty. I think you all know what I am talking about.

jeffontour

RAAM,

I am a poorly paid runner who dabbles in cycling with no remaining budget in the current fiscal year for cycling related expenditure.

Currently I own 3 cycle jerseys(1 blue, 1 original design boards kit, 1 XXXL RAI souvenir jersey), 2 pairs of black shorts, one pair of royal blue longs, a pair of royal blue arm warmers and black leg warmers.

How can I best combine these items to fool cyclists into believing I am one of them?

Bear in mind I can accessorise with glasses, gloves, buffs, skull caps, socks of varying length and colour etc.

Yours,

Stylistically Starved.

100Suns

jimm wrote: »

BTW, what is the collective noun for a group of us on our bikes.....insert appropriate word....."I saw a ...... of MAMIL grunting and creaking up stocking lane".

a coronary?

Raam

jeffontour wrote: »

RAAM,

I am a poorly paid runner who dabbles in cycling with no remaining budget in the current fiscal year for cycling related expenditure.

Currently I own 3 cycle jerseys(1 blue, 1 original design boards kit, 1 XXXL RAI souvenir jersey), 2 pairs of black shorts, one pair of royal blue longs, a pair of royal blue arm warmers and black leg warmers.

How can I best combine these items to fool cyclists into believing I am one of them?

Bear in mind I can accessorise with glasses, gloves, buffs, skull caps, socks of varying length and colour etc.

Yours,

Stylistically Starved.

Hello Stylistically Starved,
I am glad you posted. First of all, those armwarmers and longs are azzurri blue, not royal blue. Never use an Anglo term when a pretentious continental alternative can be whimsically thrown in.

My intuitions (that, and the fact that I picked them out for you) lead me to believe that you are using Santini gear. Congratulations on your most euro choice.

You can now go and cycle in the comfort that it doesn't matter that you are wearing the same attire day in and day out because you have taken the first step to achieving that most coveted state: complete euroness.

jeffontour

Raam wrote: »

You can now go and cycle in the comfort

The same pair of shorts four days in a row could never be described as comfortable.

But I digress, apologies for the faux pas regarding the colour. As my teachers were prone to writing in my copy book, must try harder.

ROK ON

RAAM.

I detest panniers. They are hideously ugly and beneath contempt of the Euro cyclist. Yet lots of folks seem to use them. There is even this concept called cycle touring (probably won't catch on).
Anyway what is your opinion of panniers.
Surely bikes are for the sporting cyclist who takes suffering to a beautiful artform. Surely we cyclists are not mere packhorses lugging stuff around the place hanging off our bikes.

Please clarify :-)

Raam

ROK ON wrote: »

RAAM.

I detest panniers. They are hideously ugly and beneath contempt of the Euro cyclist. Yet lots of folks seem to use them. There is even this concept called cycle touring (probably won't catch on).
Anyway what is your opinion of panniers.
Surely bikes are for the sporting cyclist who takes suffering to a beautiful artform. Surely we cyclists are not mere packhorses lugging stuff around the place hanging off our bikes.

Please clarify :-)

I sense this is a loaded question, so I shall need to be careful as I tread through this minefield.

On a commute, panniers are de-risible, unless one is lugging bricks. A simple Deuter backpack is all one requires.

For touring, there is simply no other way when ones team car is getting a new paint job. Sometimes one just has to get over ones self.

So I tell you this, Rok_On, just calm down, take it easy and always remember to watch where you are going.

thebouldwhacker

Dear Raam,

Thank you for your kind advice earlier... This query is regarding the usage of cycling attire from one of the most unEuro European retailers, I speak of course about Aldi and Lidl.
I have a certain corner of my cycling apparel walk in wardrobe which is dedicated to this affordable yet surprisingly good cycling label. While I rarely would don this clothing on my road bike I do utilise it while commuting and generally cycling about town. I do so with appropriate and previously recommended 'air of nonchalance'.
Will this brand be ever acceptable to gurus such as yourself? and if not does jesus cry when freds such as I overtake Euro-philes while on the road... I do realise pulling off such maneuvers is unacceptable in polite society, I guess it comes from not knowing my place.

shaungil

Hi Raam,

Long time lurker ,first time poster. I'm a huge fan I love your work. I would like to join your church and subscribe to your weekly newsletter.

I've aways tried to heed your Euro rules but as an unintended side effect my wife finds me totally irrestible and keeps on geting knocked up. What advice can you provide to me to stop this interference as the rooms of my mansion are increasingly being filled with sprogs and not bikes.

Shaungil

Raam

thebouldwhacker wrote: »

Dear Raam,

Thank you for your kind advice earlier... This query is regarding the usage of cycling attire from one of the most unEuro European retailers, I speak of course about Aldi and Lidl.
I have a certain corner of my cycling apparel walk in wardrobe which is dedicated to this affordable yet surprisingly good cycling label. While I rarely would don this clothing on my road bike I do utilise it while commuting and generally cycling about town. I do so with appropriate and previously recommended 'air of nonchalance'.
Will this brand be ever acceptable to gurus such as yourself? and if not does jesus cry when freds such as I overtake Euro-philes while on the road... I do realise pulling off such maneuvers is unacceptable in polite society, I guess it comes from not knowing my place.

What is 'generally cycling about town'? From this I deduce that you sometimes cycle about town with an express purpose, but on other occasions you are, presumably, just fox-trotting around and out for fun.

Well, I ask you this... how much fun do you really think a man can have in cycle gear from Aldi or Lidl? Do you think that is what the ladies want to see?

The only items worth purchasing from either of those stores comes from the fridge section where they keep the cold meats. Specifically, the shelve where the spicy pepperoni is kept.

As for over-taking Euro-philes... it's called a "recovery spin"

cormpat

Raam,

I've been in a race before where I seem a fellow competitor wear compression calf guards. I thought he looked ridiculous, but it got me thinking; if your equipment makes you look ridiculous but improves performance what should one do?

Myself, I'd prefer for my calf's to go into spasm than than hide my smooth yet ripped calf muscle.

Raam

shaungil wrote: »

Hi Raam,

Long time lurker ,first time poster. I'm a huge fan I love your work. I would like to join your church and subscribe to your weekly newsletter.

I've aways tried to heed your Euro rules but as an unintended side effect my wife finds me totally irrestible and keeps on geting knocked up. What advice can you provide to me to stop this interference as the rooms of my mansion are increasingly being filled with sprogs and not bikes.

Shaungil

Hi Shaungil,
in some ways, it's too late for you. Ideally the bicycles should be purchased before the babies are made so that a precedent is set.

However, there may still be hope. I expect that in your mansion you have both an indoor and an outdoor pool. You will also have a butler. Have the butler declare both pools temporarily "hors service" and instruct him to place your new truckload of bicycles into the pools. This will buy you time to construct that long desired east wing which will house your new found collection.

Raam

cormpat wrote: »

Raam,

I've been in a race before where I seem a fellow competitor wear compression calf guards. I thought he looked ridiculous, but it got me thinking; if your equipment makes you look ridiculous but improves performance what should one do?

Myself, I'd prefer for my calf's to go into spasm than than hide my smooth yet ripped calf muscle.

Who does this guy think he is? Tunney?
Ridiculous looking equipment is banned for a reason. I feel that compression calf guards shall suffer the same fate as the Lotus bike.

P.S. I like your style, keep up the good work.

RobFowl

shaungil wrote: »

Hi Raam,

Long time lurker ,first time poster. I'm a huge fan I love your work. I would like to join your church and subscribe to your weekly newsletter.

I've aways tried to heed your Euro rules but as an unintended side effect my wife finds me totally irrestible and keeps on geting knocked up. What advice can you provide to me to stop this interference as the rooms of my mansion are increasingly being filled with sprogs and not bikes.

Shaungil

With RAAM's permission could I also suggest adding this to your collection of cycling paraphernalia.....

cormpat

Raam wrote: »

P.S. I like your style, keep up the good work.

I also like my style.

Raam

cormpat wrote: »

I also like my style.

I sense the force is strong with this one.

shaungil

Hi Raam,

It appears you are confusing me with Lord Beasty of Beasty Demense who has in fact one butler a chamber maid and two soigneurs that are also responsible for the maintenance of his indoor track where he regularly completes 1000km one days time trials. It's rumoured that the Swords club main sponsor made the track of specially imported and fire resistant lignum vitae (hardest wood known to man) and that there are no right angles anywhere in the building.

I have however taken your advice and placed all the children into an inflatable pool in the attic but it appears that Mrs shaungil has become knocked up again due to my irrestibly and I was bending over attaching the bungee ropes around the torso of one of the shaungillies to prevent further escape attempts.

No female can control themselves in the presence of a properly attired Euro cyclist so is it appropriate to be non Euro to pevent further pro-creation and potential infraction into training bike cleaning time?

Shaungil

cormpat

Raam wrote: »

I sense the force is strong with this one.

My style is a mixture of confidence & arrogance, mostly arrogance though. Also, I like to wear a cycling cap when I drive my car and listen to You're the Best" by Joe Esposito.

Raam

cormpat wrote: »

My style is a mixture of confidence & arrogance, mostly arrogance though. Also, I like to wear a cycling cap when I drive my car and listen to You're the Best" by Joe Esposito.

Whilst wearing a silk scarf? We are *so* on the same wavelength.

Raam

shaungil wrote: »

Hi Raam,

It appears you are confusing me with Lord Beasty of Beasty Demense who has in fact one butler a chamber maid and two soigneurs that are also responsible for the maintenance of his indoor track where he regularly completes 1000km one days time trials. It's rumoured that the Swords club main sponsor made the track of specially imported and fire resistant lignum vitae (hardest wood known to man) and that there are no right angles anywhere in the building.

I have however taken your advice and placed all the children into an inflatable pool in the attic but it appears that Mrs shaungil has become knocked up again due to my irrestibly and I was bending over attaching the bungee ropes around the torso of one of the shaungillies to prevent further escape attempts.

No female can control themselves in the presence of a properly attired Euro cyclist so is it appropriate to be non Euro to pevent further pro-creation and potential infraction into training bike cleaning time?

Shaungil

If Mario Cipollini can manage it, then you should be able to follow his example.

Beasty

RobFowl wrote: »

With RAAM's permission could I also suggest adding this to your collection of cycling paraphernalia.....

I would actually suggest a combination of you and this:

would solve shaungil's problems, in a fairly bloodless fashion

100Suns

Dear Raam

I have observed that the Cervelo test team bidons come only in 750 ml size. What can one accessorise with to distract from the aestetic carnage created by these oversized abonimations attached to the Cervelo's squoval tubing?

Chips Lovell

Has no one in North Dublin heard of condoms?

cormpat

Raam wrote: »

Whilst wearing a silk scarf? We are *so* on the same wavelength.

Silk or cashmere, I'm easy, however there is one caveat - it must be white.

shaungil

el tonto wrote: »

Has no one in North Dublin heard of condoms?

It is against euro rules to use non Euro condoms. Duh

Raam

100Suns wrote: »

Dear Raam

I have observed that the Cervelo test team bidons come only in 750 ml size. What can one accessorise with to distract from the aestetic carnage created by these oversized abonimations attached to the Cervelo's squoval tubing?

You could try riding a 108cm frame.

Some cyclists have been known to bring two 500ml bottles and make do with that. Others bring some cash and purchase refreshments whilst stopped for the mid-ride posing session.

If all those options fail then your best course of action is to orientate your left arm-warmer, such that the Assos logo is not facing directly to the left. Your fellow riders will be so blinded by this transgression that they will not notice the ungainly reservoir strapped to your down-tube.

Lumen

Raam,

What are you wearing right now?

shaungil

Lumen wrote: »

Raam,

What are you wearing right now?

Get a room party boys.

Raam

Lumen wrote: »

Raam,

What are you wearing right now?

A smile

Cranky Mc Funhouse

Dear Raam,

What is euro?

Thanks in advance,

C Mc F.

shaungil

After you who are the top three Euro boardsies in order?

Raam

Does anyone know who this joker is?

Cranky Mc Funhouse wrote: »

Dear Raam,

What is euro?

Thanks in advance,

C Mc F.

In answer to your question, this is euro

thebouldwhacker

Answer calmly Raam, not everyone knows of the bible, your job is to educate the uninitiated and innocent as well as advance the process of the interested....

Raam

shaungil wrote: »

After you who are the top three Euro boardsies in order?

Raam is not concerned with rank, only style.

shaungil

Raam wrote: »

Raam is not concerned with rank, only style.

Is there a method that you can say who is more stylish or are you simply styish or not?

Raam

shaungil wrote: »

Is there a method that you can say who is more stylish or are you simply styish or not?

Allow me translate this into parlance more suited for our refined readers...

Shaungil is asking...
Is there a rigorous means which grants one leverage to determine ones degree of stylishness in relation to others, or is it the case that one simply is or is not exactly that: stylish?

Well, Shaungil, the answer is very simple. When confronted with a fashion conundrum, just ask yourself this question "Would I wear it?" Me, not you.

thebouldwhacker

Cranky Mc Funhouse wrote: »

Dear Raam,

What is euro?

Thanks in advance,

C Mc F.

This explains the basic principles....

Bunnyhopper

Dear Raam,

Further to your earlier comments on Lidl or Aldi spicy pepperoni, I'd like to ask whether Lidl espresso is acceptable or not. It appears to be Euro compliant but I'm not sure whether the Italian branding, as required for full endorsement, is genuine or a deceptive German attempt at style. Would brewing it in a device supplied by Gaggia, Bialetti, or other such Italian manufacturer be sufficient to dispell any doubts?

Many thanks,

B

PS Is "Molto grazie" preferred to "Many thanks"?

100Suns

RAAM

I have only this evening been presented with a most troubling dilemma which is principally a cycling ethics matter but does entail a fashion related dimension. Do you wish to direct your formidable fashion intellect at this despicable predicament or alternatively delegate a like minded europhile of proven moral standing to do so on a new thread?

Yours

A tortured soul

Raam

Bunnyhopper wrote: »

Dear Raam,

Further to your earlier comments on Lidl or Aldi spicy pepperoni, I'd like to ask whether Lidl espresso is acceptable or not. It appears to be Euro compliant but I'm not sure whether the Italian branding, as required for full endorsement, is genuine or a deceptive German attempt at style. Would brewing it in a device supplied by Gaggia, Bialetti, or other such Italian manufacturer be sufficient to dispell any doubts?

Many thanks,

B

PS Is "Molto grazie" preferred to "Many thanks"?

Hello B,
Lidl Espresso will suffice for those times when you have forgotten to renew your subscription of Kopi Luak beans. My favoured coffee brewing method is either a cafetiere or a perculator.

Raam

100Suns wrote: »

RAAM

I have only this evening been presented with a most troubling dilemma which is principally a cycling ethics matter but does entail a fashion related dimension. Do you wish to direct your formidable fashion intellect at this despicable predicament or alternatively delegate a like minded europhile of proven moral standing to do so on a new thread?

Yours

A tortured soul

Hello tortured soul, I will entertain this deviation. Do continue...

Hail 2 Da Thief

I became non-Euro the day I bought a Boardman bike!

So I went out and bought black shoes & white shorts to go with my hairy legs.

If you're going to fail, fail in style I say! :pac:

100Suns

Raam wrote: »

Hello tortured soul, I will entertain this deviation. Do continue...

On my evening commute I happened upon a cyclist bedecked in a Boards.ie jersey, full length Assos bib tights, and a set of headlights appropriated from from the missing Mars lander. Said cyclist was moving at a very respectable commuting speed as one would expect from one so attired. Upon registering the sartorial information, I was momentarily parlayed which conveniently allowed a seamless 'sitting in'. Not wanting to be derided as a wheelsucker and wishing to continue at the pre-established pace, I duly passed. The next dilemma was whether to continue at a pace which allowed said cyclist to sit in and in time decide whether to take a turn, or to ride away. Riding away presented it's own predicament. November is 39 15 only. Riding away at pace may have entailed pedalling at a cadence which may have been unseemly and unbecoming under the euro code. This was compounded by the luminosity of the headlamps which had a forward lumination area of at least 2 km. Thankfully cadence could be maintained within a respectable range of motion.

Under these most demanding ethical circumstances, did I do the right thing?

Raam

100Suns wrote: »

On my evening commute I happened upon a cyclist bedecked in a Boards.ie jersey, full length Assos bib tights, and a set of headlights appropriated from from the missing Mars lander. Said cyclist was moving at a very respectable commuting speed as one would expect from one so attired. Upon registering the sartorial information, I was momentarily parlayed which conveniently allowed a seamless 'sitting in'. Not wanting to be derided as a wheelsucker and wishing to continue at the pre-established pace, I duly passed. The next dilemma was whether to continue at a pace which allowed said cyclist to sit in and in time decide whether to take a turn, or to ride away. Riding away presented it's own predicament. November is 39 15 only. Riding away at pace may have entailed pedalling at a cadence which may have been unseemly and unbecoming under the euro code. This was compounded by the luminosity of the headlamps which had a forward lumination area of at least 2 km. Thankfully cadence could be maintained within a respectable range of motion.

Under these most demanding ethical circumstances, did I do the right thing?

I think Karl Marx said it best when he said "On a level plain, simple mounds look like hills; and the insipid flatness of our present bourgeoisie is to be measured by the altitude of its great intellects." That, I'm sure you will agree, tells you everything you need to know about your situation.

volcanicash

Hi Raam,

I've got a friend who joins me for spins occassionaly. The only cycling shorts he owns are waist type (the non-bib) variety.

Can I refer him for fashion advice? I can't endure much more builders crack

Raam

volcanicash wrote: »

Hi Raam,

I've got a friend who joins me for spins occassionaly. The only cycling shorts he owns are waist type (the non-bib) variety.

Can I refer him for fashion advice? I can't endure much more builders crack

I would be happy to take on such a case.

levitronix

Wondering is turbo training in the kitchen with my top off is that a NO NO ???

Raam

levitronix wrote: »

Wondering is turbo training in the kitchen with my top off is that a NO NO ???

Only if this is the top you are not wearing.

daragh_

Raam wrote: »

I would be happy to take on such a case.

ahem