Fashion Advice with Raam

Chips Lovell

How many women have you cycled with Assumpta? I remember showing up to martial the Ladies Criterium league last year and one of the first thing I saw was 12 year old girls blowing snot rockets on their warm up.

Raam

el tonto wrote: »

How many women have you cycled with Assumpta? I remember showing up to martial the Ladies Criterium league last year and one of the first thing I saw was 12 year old girls blowing snot rockets on their warm up.

Please direct your questions to me in the form of an etiquette or fashion related problem.

goldencleric

Raam wrote: »

One of the few times this is acceptable is in situations such as that illustrated in the attachment.

I strive to be so Euro!!!

DirkVoodoo

Raam, what are the official rules on knee warmer length? I like to wear mine just below the knee, but I notice a lot of the pros wear them down to just above the ankle. I don't want to look like a tit on the bike!

Regards,

Dirk...I mean, Mr. Snrub from, some place far away.....yes, that'll do

Raam

DirkVoodoo wrote: »

Raam, what are the official rules on knee warmer length? I like to wear mine just below the knee, but I notice a lot of the pros wear them down to just above the ankle. I don't want to look like a tit on the bike!

Regards,

Dirk...I mean, Mr. Snrub from, some place far away.....yes, that'll do

Hello Sir Lacky of MAWS,
Knee warmers worn just below the knee run the risk of looking like that most detestable of garments. Yes, I'm talking about 3/4 lengths. It is far preferable to adopt a knee warmer which affords you ample calf coverage, but not too much. A certain amount of bulge must be visible. Allow me to illustrate optimum length and positioning.

DirkVoodoo

Raam wrote: »

Hello Sir Lacky of MAWS,
Knee warmers worn just below the knee run the risk of looking like that most detestable of garments. Yes, I'm talking about 3/4 lengths. It is far preferable to adopt a knee warmer which affords you ample calf coverage, but not too much. A certain amount of bulge must be visible. Allow me to illustrate optimum length and positioning.

Lacky? No, no not any more. I have been relieved of my position. Who is that model in the photo? She has lovely feminine legs, so delicate and properly formed. I don't even need to see the rest of the image to know that I would definitely do whoever those lady-like legs belong to, hubba hubba!

100Suns

By the way, do the rules apply to turbo sessions while alone in the privacy of one's home? I accept the snot rocket edicts apply but what about the fashion?

manwithaplan

A Raam, a chara,

Is it acceptable for the terms "clip-on" and "mudguard" to invade one's thoughts? Might they be used in the same sentence in contexts other than "I think I speak for all of us when we say that we would rather gargle your spray than look at that poxy clip-on mudguard"?

Also, do you believe that it is "all about the confidence"?

Is mise le meas,

MWAP

Lusk Doyle

Dear Raam,

Is there a published document, or doctrine if you will, that details the rules surrounding Euroness? I feel that a pocket guide would be handy for each cyclist to have for the inevitable occasions when one has a question and requires guidance from above. Should said pocket guide come in a water proof sleeve? What is the doctrinal position in regard to that?

Junior

Your Royal Highness Raam,

I'm wondering it may seem like an ecumenical matter but what length socks should be worn, I prefer the ankle height, but this lady *ahem* seems to wear them rather high on the calf

mike12

Hi,
Having only got back into cycling this year and only found this web site and the Euro list of rules after I made my first raft of purchases not sure if there is a weight limit on trying to be euro but im probably over that, im afraid I have sinned my first purchase was a

Discovery Jersey

and shorts(i liked the look of it) and then some Lidil and Aldi gear in fact the only bit of kit that i am not embarrassed to be seen in is the Boards Jersey i own. Think of getting some wiggle bib shorts are these acceptable to go with the boards jersey.
Yours trying to be better Mike.

Raam

mike12 wrote: »

Hi,
Having only got back into cycling this year and only found this web site and the Euro list of rules after I made my first raft of purchases not sure if there is a weight limit on trying to be euro but im probably over that, im afraid I have sinned my first purchase was a

Discovery Jersey

and shorts(i liked the look of it) and then some Lidil and Aldi gear in fact the only bit of kit that i am not embarrassed to be seen in is the Boards Jersey i own. Think of getting some wiggle bib shorts are these acceptable to go with the boards jersey.
Yours trying to be better Mike.

If your shorts are not an exact match for your jersey, then the only acceptable alternative is a plain black pair of Assos shorts. This is the word of Raam.

Raam

Junior wrote: »

Your Royal Highness Raam,

I'm wondering it may seem like an ecumenical matter but what length socks should be worn, I prefer the ankle height, but this lady *ahem* seems to wear them rather high on the calf

I present to you two different pictures. I know which one I prefer.

Raam

manwithaplan wrote: »

A Raam, a chara,

Is it acceptable for the terms "clip-on" and "mudguard" to invade one's thoughts? Might they be used in the same sentence in contexts other than "I think I speak for all of us when we say that we would rather gargle your spray than look at that poxy clip-on mudguard"?

Also, do you believe that it is "all about the confidence"?

Is mise le meas,

MWAP

Ciao amigo

If you lack the funds to subscribe to the Assos shorts replacement program, then yes, clip-on mudguards are tolerated for the winter months.

Do I believe it is all about confidence? No, I believe it is all about how tall your socks are

tutti i migliori,

Raam

Raam

Lusk Doyle wrote: »

Dear Raam,

Is there a published document, or doctrine if you will, that details the rules surrounding Euroness? I feel that a pocket guide would be handy for each cyclist to have for the inevitable occasions when one has a question and requires guidance from above. Should said pocket guide come in a water proof sleeve? What is the doctrinal position in regard to that?

Yes, such a document exists. However, I am not your personal googleizer.

Raam

100Suns wrote: »

By the way, do the rules apply to turbo sessions while alone in the privacy of one's home? I accept the snot rocket edicts apply but what about the fashion?

Solo turbo sessions are a good time for self reflection and perhaps a little bit of experimentation. Do those plaid arm-warmers really go with my polka dot jersey and gold shoes?

thebouldwhacker

Raam wrote: »

...a plain black pair of Assos shorts. This is the word of Raam.

3. The Euro Cyclist shall NEVER, under any circumstances, wear plain black spandex bibs

Raam

thebouldwhacker wrote: »

Are you questioning me?

thebouldwhacker

Ah well...eek.. ahhh.... ahem.... no, its just that your wisdom is beyond my comprehension and confuses me.

I do however wish for clarification so I do not wear black bib's inappropriately......

Raam

thebouldwhacker wrote: »

Ah well...eek.. ahhh.... ahem.... no, its just that your wisdom is beyond my comprehension and confuses me.

I do however wish for clarification so I do not wear black bib's inappropriately......

Assos shorts are always permitted.

thebouldwhacker

How about Gist...... They are very comfy and look pretty damn good:)

d4r3n

How about Assos 3/4 lengths?

mcgratheoin

Dear Uncle Raam,

I have two queries that your excellence may be able to offer solutions to.

As a budget conscious cyclist with euro aspirations, can you advise firstly on the acceptability of shoe disguise. With a cheap, non euro pair of shoes, is it permissible to cover said shoes with overshoes of a more tolerated brand.

Secondly, can you offer guidance in the area of bidon selection. On a bike carrying team livery should I be carrying matching bidons, bidons of another team, or just plain. I find it difficult to remain hydrated when every sip may be accompanied by dismissive sneers from true euro folk.

Regards,
Trepidatious but Thirsty

christeb

Dearest Herr Raam-stein,

Are 'novelty' cycling tops ever acceptable? My own particular favourite is a Queen inspired version which features naked ladies on bikes, as seen here.

Your in gratitude,

The stylistically-confused Rockstar

Raam

d4r3n wrote: »

How about Assos 3/4 lengths?

Directives and advice have been issued on this already.

Raam

mcgratheoin wrote: »

Dear Uncle Raam,

I have two queries that your excellence may be able to offer solutions to.

As a budget conscious cyclist with euro aspirations, can you advise firstly on the acceptability of shoe disguise. With a cheap, non euro pair of shoes, is it permissible to cover said shoes with overshoes of a more tolerated brand.

Secondly, can you offer guidance in the area of bidon selection. On a bike carrying team livery should I be carrying matching bidons, bidons of another team, or just plain. I find it difficult to remain hydrated when every sip may be accompanied by dismissive sneers from true euro folk.

Regards,
Trepidatious but Thirsty

Hello Trepidatious but Thirsty,
many riders adopt shoe disguise tactics and whilst not ideal, it is acceptable. The way I see it... if you can't afford a pair of Sidi, buying a piece of cloth with their logo printed on it is the next best thing. That has to be applauded. It is a pure form of dedication to the cause.

Bidons must always match. That is non-negotiable. 500ml size is preferable.
I'll pretend I didn't see the team references.

hey presto,
Raam's your uncle

Raam

christeb wrote: »

Dearest Herr Raam-stein,

Are 'novelty' cycling tops ever acceptable? My own particular favourite is a Queen inspired version which features naked ladies on bikes, as seen here.

Your in gratitude,

The stylistically-confused Rockstar

Novelty cycling jerseys in the peloton are as acceptable as novelty ties at a funeral.

Lumen

Raam wrote: »

Novelty cycling jerseys in the peloton are as acceptable as novelty ties at a funeral.

Lusk Doyle

Dear Raam,

I think that you will be proud of me for this one - I was out last night training and in order to combat the cold I took a pair of my old thick black hiking socks and cut the cleat space out of them. Now these were covered by my black compagnola shoe covers so nobody was any the wiser!

My question is this: Is it acceptable to perform such a feat in today's society when it is not visible to the naked eye?

Raam

Lusk Doyle wrote: »

Dear Raam,

I think that you will be proud of me for this one - I was out last night training and in order to combat the cold I took a pair of my old thick black hiking socks and cut the cleat space out of them. Now these were covered by my black compagnola shoe covers so nobody was any the wiser!

My question is this: Is it acceptable to perform such a feat in today's society when it is not visible to the naked eye?

First of all, it's Campagnolo.

Secondly, by creating your own home-made solutions, you are doing some hard-working seamstress out of a job. Are you going to buy the milk for her screaming baby?

Lusk Doyle

Ah - touche!

Please forgive my economic ignorance!

Jawgap

The handle to the rear QR skewer obviously has to go on the non-drive side of the bike. However, what about the front skewer - should the handle be on the same side as the rear skewer or on the opposite, drive side?

I only ask because on the last two occasions I got my machine back from the mechanics they'd put the front skewer handle on the drive side.

Cheers

Raam

Jawgap wrote: »

The handle to the rear QR skewer obviously has to go on the non-drive side of the bike. However, what about the front skewer - should the handle be on the same side as the rear skewer or on the opposite, drive side?

I only ask because on the last two occasions I got my machine back from the mechanics they'd put the front skewer handle on the drive side.

Cheers

Non drive side, always. Gilbert is demonstrating this to great effect here.

Lumen

Raam wrote: »

Non drive side, always. Gilbert is demonstrating this to great effect here.

But his QRs are pointing in different directions! Surely QRs must always be horizontal, facing to the rear as if blown backwards by speed!

Yours,
OCDish

Raam

Lumen wrote: »

But his QRs are pointing in different directions! Surely QRs must always be horizontal, facing to the rear as if blown backwards by speed!

Yours,
OCDish

I'm disappointed in you.

Lumen

Raam wrote: »

I'm disappointed in you.

Yet again I find that my ice cube of euroness has melted pathetically into the lukewarm gin and tonic of my Anglo-Saxonism.

Pray tell, in which direction should my QRs point?

Raam

Lumen wrote: »

Yet again I find that my ice cube of euroness has melted pathetically into the lukewarm gin and tonic of my Anglo-Saxonism.

Pray tell, in which direction should my QRs point?

The front is as per Gilbert.
The rear depends on what your frame permits.

Lusk Doyle

Brother Raam,

Only yesterday afternoon I was ridiculed for still having the clear plastic protector between the hub and chain on my rear wheel. My thoughts are that it's put there for a reason - to prevent chain slippage into the spokes.

Will you defend my honour or was the ridiculer indeed correct? Should it be removed in order to maintain high level of Euroness

Raam

Lusk Doyle wrote: »

Brother Raam,

Only yesterday afternoon I was ridiculed for still having the clear plastic protector between the hub and chain on my rear wheel. My thoughts are that it's put there for a reason - to prevent chain slippage into the spokes.

Will you defend my honour or was the ridiculer indeed correct? Should it be removed in order to maintain high level of Euroness

What you are referring to is known as a pie plate. Since your bicycle does not have any pies, there is no reason to have a pie plate on it. Some people have found an alternate use for the pie plate, they use it to stop their chain over-shifting into their spokes. However, all cyclists should know how to adjust their own gears, so there really is no need for a pie plate.

It is the cycling equivalent of a clip on tie. Functional, but entirely needless, only serving to prove how lazy the owner is.

Lusk Doyle

Harsh! :rolleyes:

Jawgap

Raam wrote: »

The front is as per Gilbert.
The rear depends on what your frame permits.

I appreciate that like an advocate-general in the European Court you are handing down learned opinions, but could I respectfully point you in the direction of Rule 41:

"Quick release angle on the front skewer shall be an upward angle which tightens just aft of the fork and the rear quick release shall tighten at an angle that bisects angle between the seat and chain stays. It is acceptable, however, to have the rear quick release tighten upward, just aft of the seat stay, when the construction of the frame or its dropouts will not allow the preferred positioning. For Time Trial bikes only, quick releases may be in the horizontal position facing towards the rear of the bike. This is for maximum aero effect."

Thanks for the info though - as soon as I get home this evening I'll flip the front QR skewer back to the correct side.

Beasty

Jawgap wrote: »

as soon as I get home this evening I'll flip the front QR skewer back to the correct side.

Are you sure it's not simply a matter of the wheel having been put back on upside down?

Raam

Now I know how a doctor feels when people get a second opinion.

Jawgap

Beasty wrote: »

Are you sure it's not simply a matter of the wheel having been put back on upside down?

Honestly - my immediate reaction to the directive from RAAM was that I needed to flip the wheel - before I realised I just needed to change the QR skewer:):) - I'm not just a bit slow on the bike!

Raam wrote: »

Now I know how a doctor feels when people get a second opinion.

A doctor once told me that the best advice he could give me was "always get a second opinion."

100Suns

Jawgap wrote: »

I appreciate that like an advocate-general in the European Court you are handing down learned opinions, but could I respectfully point you in the direction of Rule 41:

"Quick release angle on the front skewer shall be an upward angle which tightens just aft of the fork and the rear quick release shall tighten at an angle that bisects angle between the seat and chain stays. It is acceptable, however, to have the rear quick release tighten upward, just aft of the seat stay, when the construction of the frame or its dropouts will not allow the preferred positioning. For Time Trial bikes only, quick releases may be in the horizontal position facing towards the rear of the bike. This is for maximum aero effect."

I salute your bravery.

goldencleric

Raam wrote: »

Non drive side, always. Gilbert is demonstrating this to great effect here.

That is probably the greatest example of Rule 6 I have ever seen!

Lumen

goldencleric wrote: »

That is probably the greatest example of Rule 6 I have ever seen!

I think those socks are too short.

I would like to see a better description of "the main bulge of the calf muscle". With illustrations, preferably.

Jawgap

Lumen wrote: »

I think those socks are too short.

I would like to see a better description of "the main bulge of the calf muscle". With illustrations, preferably.

I agree - some of these rule lack clarity and objectivity, but I think the answer to the calf muscle question could be related to the mid-point of your gastrocnemius muscle!






"The gastrocnemius is shorter, thicker and has two attachments (inner and outer). It is the most visible of the calf muscles."

Raam

Please, please, please!

Science and Euro do not mix.

Jawgap

Raam wrote: »

Please, please, please!

Science and Euro do not mix.

Sorry, I did a triathlon once by accident - happened to be out for a swim and followed this crowd who came along. Anyway, I think that's where I became infected by the need for scientific precision in velo-matters.