Things you want to say to husband/boyf/ex's/friends/family/people *MOD NOTE POST #1*

ironictoaster

Sorry people, going to be a long one. Need to get it off my chest.

Dear A,

When I first met you, I had the biggest crush on you ever since summer. We had an unreal amount in common, so much more than anyone I know. I knew I really liked you when I realised had to repeatively delete my inbox on my phone after the ridiculously long conversations we had and countless chats on facebook about the most random things. During our 1st year of college, I finally grew a pair and told you how I felt face to face. Unrequited love at it's finest. I recently found you're relationship with a guy back from your home country, I was saddened and hurt, but I got over it eventually.

However, what you have done tonight has killed a small part of me as well my confidence on getting close to anyone again. I cannot sleep or eat hence why I am on the internet so late. A small part of me is thinking why him over me. it's like you knew what I was about to witness was going to **** with my head for a very long time. The fact it was one of my few friends doesn't help either

I hope that poor guy knows from your country know what he's getting himself into when he travels way half across the world to come over here next week after saving for months just for you.

The sickening thing is while I am angry and extremely hurt, I feel I cannot cut you loose from my life I cannot explain why, but I know I cannot. Maybe I still like you for some reason or feel we are too close to stop being friends, I have no idea.

I shall sleep now and I know I will wake to your ritual morning text message just to remind about last night.

What to reply back, I'll never know.

C

LouLou65

Dear J,

Please stop playing "Call of Duty"!

LegacyUser

I don't love my mother. There, I said it, those 5 words that seem to instil a look of horror on so many faces and consequently deafen the voice of reason. I don’t blame them, they simply can’t comprehend the notion, and for that I envy them – god I envy them. Over the years I’ve heard so many different variations of the perfect family, so many that I don’t’ think anyone can justify themselves in claiming to have discovered such an entity. Our society is one born out of individuals, of individual needs, loves, hopes and dreams. The things that make you tick are the things that make you ‘you’, and the people you love are the people who help to shape you into the person you will become. I think my mother shaped me in some ways. I hate to think it but I know it’s true, and I guess that means I must have loved her once...only I can’t remember when that was.

When people speak about the ‘maternal’ bond it makes me smile at their naivety, it seems this cynicism has taken a hold of me, such a hold that I simply can’t accept that kind of love anymore; I have to question it’s every move – and it’s very existence. It’s an animal’s instinct to protect its young, but I question the human ability to do the same. The problem with humanity is that there are so many other factors which threaten this instinct, mainly the selfishness which is all too prevalent in our nature. Like I said, I don’t recall when I stopped loving her, or if in fact I ever did. It’s hard to explain, but she’s never really been a part of my life, merely an obstacle that had to be constantly overcome. Until eventually, I found a different path where it ceased to exist - where she ceased to exist.

The memories are still there, but I try to keep them in a little box in the back of my mind. I worry that someday someone will find that box and discover all these little doubts she’s left behind, this mark she’s left on me. Sometimes I worry, because I’m a part of her, and no part of her was good, so where does that leave me? Sometimes I wonder, if I can’t forgive then how can I ever expect to be the best person I can be, how can I rid her hold of me, how can I make sure she never hurts me again? I took the path less followed, for a follower I am not, but I constantly look behind me in fear of whom I lead; what if the trait runs deep, what if I let them down.

I want to explain, I want to show the world who she really is and curse her for what she’s done, but I don’t really know where to begin. I don’t know when my heart broke, or whether it was ever whole.

ennis81

KM
I was a good friend to u and you repaid me with lies and deceit, u were the nastist person I Ever had the misfortune to meet, hope ur happy with the hoe train SO glad u are gone from my life...everything that happened was a blessing in disguise...thank you for teaching me the lesson of a lifetime

S,E & A
You were crap cardboard friends, good ridance you hypocrites

G
I loved ya when we were kids and i love u still, thank u for always lovin me and never givin up on me......we'll get there XXXXX

L
Me baby your my heart, you make me smile every single day, please don't turn into a horrible teenager!!!!

My parents and sis
Words can't express how much u mean to me, thanx for putting your own needs aside to help me XXXX

My friends
You's all ROCK, Love you's to bits thanx for always being there XXXX

To anyone I have hurt in the past
I'm very sorry, I'm older and wiser now and try to treat everyone as I would like to be treated


Love from me
(wonderful thread)

Abi

To my Nanna and grandad (Dads parents): We all miss you so much, I wish I had more time with you both. My Dad is heartbroken without you.

P.S... the cat keeps shitting all over the garden, and you know my mother! [=

To Grandad (Mom's daddy): The house is like one without a heart and soul without you there. What have they done to your green-house? It's a sad sight without your tomatoes and grapes growing. Please help my mom and the girls to sort out the problem with granny.

To my ex: You need help, please leave me alone. Every day you don't accept we're through is another day of hell for me. Stop the calls, stop the texts... just let me go.

LegacyUser

Dear X,

i think about you more than is natural..... i check your facebook page every day thinking i should add you as a friend, but i'm terrified...... i daydream about bumping into you on the street and catching up....... i imagine what it would be like if we were together.... the age gap is huge, you're in a committed realtionship and we have nothing in common but I'm still drawn to you..... despite you being almost a stranger..... i lye in bed at night, very still, trying to remember what your face looks like...... if you knew any of this you'd be creeped out, and i woldn't blame you..... sorry......

a compliment you paid me a long long time ago rings in my ears....you'd probably never have said it if you thought I'd take it this way, and yet it's only lately that i've been thinking of you...... i never did while i still knew you.

id wonder what you're doing right now, but i'd prefer if you'd please just get out of my head instead,

Y.

Fluorescence

I wish I'd gotten to know you better while you were still with us. It's funny how life got back to normal so quickly, and it almost became a case of "Out of sight, out of mind." Every few days though it hits me that you're gone, and that we'll never have some friendly banter again. I admired you a great deal, and I hope you knew that. I'm just ashamed that I never realised how much you meant to me until you were gone.

flowerchild

Dear DG

I wonder what happened for you at the time, and afterward. I would like to know.

My feelings for you confuse me, both what I feel and why. Hard to articulate and that surprising because I usually talk and write easily. But I have decided to just go with the flow. Sometimes our unconscious knows what we need, even if we don't understand.

I would like to be friends.

King Arthur and Lancelot figure in my dreams so your body is safe from me.

My husband knows about you and is calm. I really admire his approach and his steadfast support.

I suspect (really know) that you have high resolution cameras recording and playing back for you the details of my whole life, including eating, washing, caring for the boys, toileting and being in bed. I can't tell you how upsetting that is, or how unsettling. I am calm because I don't know how to successfully get rid of them. If I get the house swept surely you get just get your boys back to re-install. But it is wrong, really wrong to intrude in someone's life like that. And if you don't know it, you ought to.

I don't hate you. I care for you. But I would like you to learn how to work with normal boundaries and to be better at ending interactions and relationships. More communicative. More caring.

flowerchild

Notenough.. wrote: »

I don't love my mother. There, I said it, those 5 words that seem to instil a look of horror on so many faces and consequently deafen the voice of reason. I don’t blame them, they simply can’t comprehend the notion, and for that I envy them – god I envy them. Over the years I’ve heard so many different variations of the perfect family, so many that I don’t’ think anyone can justify themselves in claiming to have discovered such an entity. Our society is one born out of individuals, of individual needs, loves, hopes and dreams. The things that make you tick are the things that make you ‘you’, and the people you love are the people who help to shape you into the person you will become. I think my mother shaped me in some ways. I hate to think it but I know it’s true, and I guess that means I must have loved her once...only I can’t remember when that was.

When people speak about the ‘maternal’ bond it makes me smile at their naivety, it seems this cynicism has taken a hold of me, such a hold that I simply can’t accept that kind of love anymore; I have to question it’s every move – and it’s very existence. It’s an animal’s instinct to protect its young, but I question the human ability to do the same. The problem with humanity is that there are so many other factors which threaten this instinct, mainly the selfishness which is all too prevalent in our nature. Like I said, I don’t recall when I stopped loving her, or if in fact I ever did. It’s hard to explain, but she’s never really been a part of my life, merely an obstacle that had to be constantly overcome. Until eventually, I found a different path where it ceased to exist - where she ceased to exist.

The memories are still there, but I try to keep them in a little box in the back of my mind. I worry that someday someone will find that box and discover all these little doubts she’s left behind, this mark she’s left on me. Sometimes I worry, because I’m a part of her, and no part of her was good, so where does that leave me? Sometimes I wonder, if I can’t forgive then how can I ever expect to be the best person I can be, how can I rid her hold of me, how can I make sure she never hurts me again? I took the path less followed, for a follower I am not, but I constantly look behind me in fear of whom I lead; what if the trait runs deep, what if I let them down.

I want to explain, I want to show the world who she really is and curse her for what she’s done, but I don’t really know where to begin. I don’t know when my heart broke, or whether it was ever whole.

I am sorry for your pain. Always remember that you and she are different. To tell yourself how she really was and how you felt/feel is a good thing to do. It is up to you how far to extend that truth. Sometimes we can be surprised to learn that others (many) intuited the truth long long ago. So sometimes we worry too much about whether/how to tell, because the truth is, others know anyway. You may therefore ask, why bother opening up? Because it helps others who face the same trauma. They can learn from you that it is possible to come out the other side, alive, and relatively intact. It can give a little one or a troubled teenager hope. Humans are very resilient.

Be aware of your stretches interpersonally, but stop looking over your shoulder for aspects of her and her impact. Many research studies show that those who survive those traumas come out as strong resilient impressive people. Accept yourself, as the whole complex person you are. And know that others care for you. Exactly as you are.

allandanyways

I miss you so much it hurts and I know I've told you I miss you but saying it just doesn't explain it. I just want to hug you and talk about the silly things we used to talk about and feel that safety I once felt with you.

I don't trust anyone now because of you and I hate it. But despite everything, I miss you more than I think I'll ever be able to put into words and I hate more than anything in the entire world that you're hers now. She doesn't come close to even deserving you.

Miss you so so so much. X

flowerchild

Dear A

You've been dead more than half my life but I still think about you most days. I remember how you would listen to me and watch what I did with a smile on your face, never interfering, just noticing. You gave me apricots when I was upset and I still associate them with comfort. You showed me how a man loves a woman and how parents raise children together. You were a company executive but you came home and rolled up your sleeves every night and cooked dinner and talked to each of us as we did chores with you. You listened and guided and always had time and room. When you started having heart attacks you worked hard to change and live for longer. When you stopped being able to breathe well you were calm about the end being near. You used to talk with me once a year about how you thought I was going, things that were special and things to work on. I want you to know I still work on being more tolerant, every day. I married a man like you and I am glad you taught me to know a good man when I saw one. I would have liked you to argue less with my mother. I knew you loved each other but the daily arguments made life difficult for us. You needed to stand up to her more when she was unreasonable. Less yelling and more calm and firm, like the man I married. But you changed nappies and fed children and talked to boys and girls and helped widows and children long before it was seen as the right thing to do. You make most men I see even today look like adolescents. I feel blessed to have had you as my father. And when I have a quandary (several times a week lol) I simply ask myself, what would Alan say? So you are still by my side. Thank you.

s3129

you,

i hate you but i still love you. i tell you i hate you more than anything but what i really mean is i wish it was back the way it was. a year later and you're getting on with things, im only pretending to.

why did you have to take everything away from me when we wer happy???

i'm never going to understand and thats why i cant move on.

i hate you.

flowerchild

Dear R

A would look at you and shake his head and smile as he said 'your mother is a very difficult woman'. We would all smile because it was true, and he still loved you completely anyway. So my earliest and strongest memory of you is that you are loved and understood. You mother died when you were 5, you were one of 11 surviving children. Your father limped on until you were 14 and it was safe for him to die, but his heart was broken and he was in wracking pain from stomach cancer. You and your brothers and sisters brought each other up. You were all intelligent, strong and successful. You all went to university. But you never kissed or cuddled me, because I suspect you never got a cuddle. I still knew you loved me, and you married a man who gave us all, including you, cuddles and love. You worked all the time I was growing up. You made a name for yourself. The uni ran a ballot because all the students wanted to be placed with you. Many of them went on to be the best in their profession. You showed them how to do their job well, with strength and respect. You broke drug rings, you wrote papers, you became president of your union, chaired all the other organisations you were part of, you stayed back at work twice a week to keep up to date with professional journals. But you never came to my school to meet and talk to my teachers, ever. You never came to a play or a debate. You placed me with a family of criminals as afterschool care and never met them. They caused me a lot of grief. You never spoke to me about being a girl, woman, wife or mother. I had to try and work it all out by myself. Sometimes feeling quite confused and mystified. If you saw problems you turned away. You cleaned the house so much it was a burden for us all. We joked that you should give up vacuuming for lent. We weren't actually joking. You have been a widow for decades and live at home looking after yourself. But even with your memory fading you are a tower of strength and will not be patronised. I understand you well. There are lots of aspects of you that are impressive and I know why you did the rest. I just wish you were braver about the interpersonal. I cuddle and kiss you even though you shrink away because I know you really like it. I clearly see the little girl inside you who wanted cuddles and didn't get them. You chose well in your husband. I wish you had chosen to remarry when he died. Six good men tried and failed to win you. I think you are like a swan. One mate for life. I think you miss A every day. But you do not labour the issue. You are stoic. I am very proud of you. Like my father I think you are a difficult woman, and I too think we were lucky to have you.

LegacyUser

To Mum,
You have always been so cruel to me, it still makes me sick to think about you and the truly awful things you have said and done to me. I want you out of my life. I want you gone. It kills me to say that because I know there are so many people that really love and are loved by people and yet they lose them. I want to lose you.

To Dad,
I really wish you could have been honest with yourself and admitted that you're gay, and never married or had children. You don't even know that I know you're gay! That's how disconnected you are from life. Time is marching on, just leave and live your life before it's all over. We can still stay in touch and see each other. We'll probably have more contact than we do now.

To X & Y,
How could you? I loved you both so much. I was crazy about you both and only wanted to spend time with you both. Then you sexually abused me and made me feel it was my own fault. i don't hate you both, that would require too much energy. But i wish you were both dead. To think that we're related makes me sick to my stomach.

To ex friends,
you made me miserable, you were no help when I needed it, but you always expected help from me. You are all horrible, nasty, self absorbed fools and I'm so much better off without any of you in my life.

To Boards,
thank you. you're a life saver and you don't even know it.

mud

Dear S


Would I be better off with no friends than have friends like you?

Yes.

I loved you so much; even though you treated me like ****. I loved you.

You betrayed me one time too many and I cut all contact.

I saw you recently for the first time in ages and my instinct was to run to you and hug you and hope that things could be salvaged.

No.

That's not possible. You will never change.

You are an energy vampire.

I don't know if I'll ever have a truly close friend again because of the damage you have done to my self-esteem.

I even wanted to get in touch after our encounter, to make one last plea for some semblance of empathy from you but thanks to all that is good I stopped myself so that you will now never know how much you wrecked my head.

Have a great life! We are water under the bridge. I even think I could stand to be in the same room as you because I have distanced myself from your negative influence. I guarantee that is worse than hating you.

I don't hate you.

I just no longer care.

beks101

Dear Canada,

It's been four and a half months...seriously, are you having a laugh? PLEASE STOP SNOWING!

Kind regards,

Beks

LegacyUser

Dear A
I love you.

Dear L
I don't love you and never will but that's ok cos you feel the same and we are just enjoying this time we have together.

Dear D
Why don't you understand just a little what you have done\are doing is hurtful to others. Your rule of 'I live my life my way' is ok if you don't hurt others while you are doing that but you do. I'm ok now, you can't hurt me anymore since you left this country but even in your absence you are hurting your sons by not contacting them. They need their dad.

Dear Mum,
I love you, I don't always say it and we irritate eachother no end but you have always been there for me and it is my turn now to mind you.

My Children, You are the absolutly best thing that ever happened to me and I will love and protect you always.

LegacyUser

I'm reaching boiling point with you now. You've spent my entire life being a failure, you've never done anything right, you've f*cked up time and time again and put us all through hell. Yet we stood by you, supported you and gave you chance after chance after chance and you continued to let us all down. Now as an adult, I can't stand being around you, you last f*ck up really did you in with your four children, I say children as thats what you still see us as and treat us as. You're such a pigheaded asshole. Our poor mother has lived with this sh*t for 36 years.

Now here we are, 6 years on from your biggest **** up of all and you did it all again back in November and left your daughter in her early 20's to clean up your mess. What's worse? You don't even appreciate it. You treat her like an imbecile, she's been financially supporting the family for years and given up her chance of a good education so she could stand by YOU and what do YOU do? You go and make the same fu*king 'mistakes' AGAIN. Now, just as she was getting a life together for herself she's back at square one because now she's supporting you again and you still treat her like a stupid child.

You must be the luckiest man in the world, given what you've put us through and we've stood by you and never walked away. You're an asshole though and you're such an asshole you can't even appreciate what a wonderful, strong, intelligent independent woman your youngest offspring has blossomed into.

All four of us are finished with you, we're disgusted with you, we can no longer stand to be around you. But, mum, who has borne the brunt of your 'mistakes' hates to hear us give out about you, even after all of this she still supports you and sticks by you. Only reason I'm still here is to be someone for her to lean on.

You've somehow managed to raise 4 incredible children, the only thing about you that will imprint on us for the rest of our lives is that we won't make the cock ups that you did. Mum did a wonderful job.

Don't appreciate us, you never did, you never will. I can't wait for the next bombshell you drop on us....

squeakyduck

Do you want to smother me?! Leave me alone! Stop trying to outdo me in everything I do....you'll never be better than me!!!!

Just stop trying you can never win.

You're a looser and always will be, I can see you settled for second best! ;):D

Cutie18Ireland

Dear Nanny,
I miss you every day. Every event that comes up I wish you could be there. Things are changing and we're all growing you so fast I wish you were around to see it all. You were a truly special person, taken from us too soon. We will never forget you..

Dear Ex,
I've known you for almost 7 years. We had some good times and some bad. I left because of what you did and I couldnt see a way to fix it. After a couple of months I missed you and we, well... I tried to start over but you wanted someone else. I told you jokingly that I would meet someone and be with them forever. You never believed it and went ahead with her, she could never have given u what I could have... I tried but you messed it up both times. I wont let you destroy what I have now... and if that means cutting you and our dog out of my life forever then so be it.

Dear J,
Thank you for loving me the way you do. Thank you for showing me that I deserve the best.. and I found it in you. I can't wait to be your wife.

Asphyxia

Dear Mookle

I love you so much it's beyond words You have done so much for me including giving me lots of confidence that I thought I would never have, I sometimes have to pinch myself to believe this is all real :rolleyes: You make me feel amazing and I love it when you call me Madam :D I feel all fuzzy inside.

Some people said this was a silly fling and it would be over in months but we've proved them all wrong You helped me get motivated again after I lost my bestfriend and you let me cry for hours in your arms and made sure I was okay before you left. I love how we have so much in common and the little things you do to make me feel like the only girl in the world. Like every relationship we had a few problems, I'm just glad I gave the time and effort into sorting them all out because I really can't imagine being here without you.

Next month we'll be together four years It's crazy how time flies, I would never of imagined having what I have now back then but things can surprise you.

I love you so much

Madam

tan11ie

Dear M

JUST BE HONEST! AND MOVE ON.

THE END.

Sibylla

so tired wrote: »

To Mum,
You have always been so cruel to me, it still makes me sick to think about you and the truly awful things you have said and done to me. I want you out of my life. I want you gone. It kills me to say that because I know there are so many people that really love and are loved by people and yet they lose them. I want to lose you.

To Dad,
I really wish you could have been honest with yourself and admitted that you're gay, and never married or had children. You don't even know that I know you're gay! That's how disconnected you are from life. Time is marching on, just leave and live your life before it's all over. We can still stay in touch and see each other. We'll probably have more contact than we do now.

To X & Y,
How could you? I loved you both so much. I was crazy about you both and only wanted to spend time with you both. Then you sexually abused me and made me feel it was my own fault. i don't hate you both, that would require too much energy. But i wish you were both dead. To think that we're related makes me sick to my stomach.

To ex friends,
you made me miserable, you were no help when I needed it, but you always expected help from me. You are all horrible, nasty, self absorbed fools and I'm so much better off without any of you in my life.

To Boards,
thank you. you're a life saver and you don't even know it.

This post really made me sad, I hope the OP has someone good in her/his ilfe and can put all those bad experiences and people behind her/him.

LegacyUser

Sibylla wrote: »

This post really made me sad, I hope the OP has someone good in her/his ilfe and can put all those bad experiences and people behind her/him.

OP here.
Thanks Sibylla for reading.
I have literally got one good person in my life and without that person I honestly think I would be dead now.
I'm working through a lot of things and trying to deal with the past/present/future.
It's tough, oh god is it tough. There are times when I feel like I'm losing my mind but I know "this too shall pass" so I'm forging ahead.
I want to be the person I'm supposed to be, not the person that my past has made me, if that makes any sense??

I'm here for a reason, I have been through all that stuff for a reason, I'm on a journey through life and I'm so glad that i didn't end things when I could have.

Maybe someone reading this, that has been through similar things, or feels like it's all too much and there's no point going on, will stop for a second and realise they're not the only one, not alone no matter how it feels, and that there are people that went through cr*p but have made the decision to not give up.
It's possible.

It has warmed my heart that you took the time to read my post and then post your thoughts.
Thank you Sibylla.

LegacyUser

To an ex:

You were always a horrible girlfriend and you treated my like dirt.
I did everything for you and you did nothing in return. You ruined my life and I can ruin yours.

You said you were within weeks of dying to get out of the relationship and I always knew it was a lie so the last time we had fun on web camera I recorded you.

You finally revealed it was a lie and that you are now engaged. On your wedding day I would love to show everyone that recording and crush your world. I don't think I would ever do it as I am not like you but I am tempted.

I HATE YOU!

LegacyUser

They say that everyone should have a smile a day. How many did I lose when I was with you? How many days and hours of my life? How many smiles?

I loved you, god I loved you, but that love took up every second of my day. You took up every second of my day...every hour of my life.

It hurts, it hurts so much to realise that the person you love just can't make you happy. After all of those lost seconds, hours, and days, it hurts so damn much to know you'll never get them back.

I miss you. I don't miss what we had, because of what it was..., but I miss you. I miss the person I wanted you to be; the person I thought you could be; the person you deserved to be.

I hope you still think of me, of those seconds, hours, and days lost in time. Of all those moments we lost caught up in each other.

Of everything that could have been...but never was.

flowerchild

stupidgirlfriend wrote: »

To an ex:

You were always a horrible girlfriend and you treated my like dirt.
I did everything for you and you did nothing in return. You ruined my life and I can ruin yours.

You said you were within weeks of dying to get out of the relationship and I always knew it was a lie so the last time we had fun on web camera I recorded you.

You finally revealed it was a lie and that you are now engaged. On your wedding day I would love to show everyone that recording and crush your world. I don't think I would ever do it as I am not like you but I am tempted.

I HATE YOU!

I don't know you but I urge you not to take this action.

It is wrong to record people without their consent. And simply bad to seek to pull down a new life together because you feel angry and betrayed. By all means let her know how you feel, that you would have preferred an adult by your side letting you know that it wasn't working or would not work, for whatever reason. That shows respect and care. But just because you weren't treated right doesn't mean that all bets are off, that you can spit bile and venom. In a way it is even more important to behave with grace.

Because you are saying in your behaviour that this is how it should be.

LegacyUser

Dear Mammy

I ****ing hate you!
How can you keep doing this to us? You do realise you are doing it to us all?
Everytime you decide to start drinking again you are killing us a little bit at a time!
We had to leave you on your own this time because its too dangerous for us to be with you while you are drunk!
Because you are so vicious and violent when you are drinking and we are so on the edge of losing the will to care Im afraid of what we will do to you or what you will do to us!
Do you have any idea of how much it hurts to hear the things you say or to feel that your mum hates you?
Do you have any idea of how scared we are that we will find you dead ?
And of course you know that all of your family will blame us because we left you on your own! But you are no longer "their responsibility".
How nice to have the freedom to abandon you yet still have the moral highground!
I feel physically sick when i think of what you are doing to yourself!
And constantly amazed that you havent drank yourself to death yet - how does the human body put up with that much abuse from alcohol and medication - not too mention all the falls and everything else you do to yourself!
And I hate what you have done to Daddy - turned what was a strong great man who took you out of an abusive house and gave you a new home and new family - you've made him so weak he cant stand up to you - he doesnt know how to change!
I hate being angry all the time - I hate that this has dominated my life for so long!
And I cant see it ever ending!
I think you have brain damaged yourself beyond repair!
I can see this affecting every aspect of my life from here on in! How would i bring a boyfriend home to that? How could i have a wedding without worrying that you would get pissed and ruin it? How could I have babies without their lives being infected by the misery and worry and violence? I will never allow my children to suffer through the kind of childhood ive had!

I could keep typing forever and ill never get all my anger and pain and frustration out!

PLEASE STOP DRINKING!

(imdone - but i never will be able to be)

Augmerson

I wish you had told me sooner you were seeing somebody else. I would have had nothing against it, I do not own you, but you knew how much I liked you and I was travelling a great distance just to come and meet you. If you had told me earlier, then I would not have carried on having these feelings for you. I would have told you if I had met someone but the truth was I was waiting to see you.

I know no situation is ever black and white. I'm sure you didn't mean any harm but you never cared for me or about us as much as I cared about you and us and I realise that now. I don't hold that against you, I just wish I had known that earlier because I might not have invested so much emotion in this only for it to crash to the ground.

I am sorry I deleted you from facebook, but that is hardly the worst thing ever done to someone in the world. When you told me you were only going to meet me for one day out of the 2 weeks I was travelling to meet you, I felt very hurt. Rejection hurts, and it doesn't matter how mature you think you are, you will never be ready for it. I took you off my facebook because I wasn't ready to see pictures of you and your new boyfriend or messages about him and what you were doing together. I took your friends off for the same reason but I never had anything against them.

I don't think that was a "borderline-psycho" thing to do (your words). It wasn't mature. I did not mean to hurt your friends feelings, I had no idea they would be so hurt. I messaged her when I was taking her off to say sorry and I hoped we might be friends again, and hoped you and I might be friends too in time, but you have taken this quite seriously and that is your choice. I understand that you are angry that I hurt your friend, but honestly, it is just a website. I could have done far worse things but they are not in my heart. I could have left a message saying **** you or something but I didn't. I just needed my own time and space to heal. I do not appreciate that your friend thinks I am crazy, I know where she is hearing that from, and it's you. I would never and have never said bad things about you, I have always treated you with respect and tried to do the best by you, I do not think it is mature to call people crazy. Infact it's very hurtful. Perhaps that is the measure of how different we are that. You are will able to throw insults and to be mean when it suits, those things are not inside me.

I am sorry I pressed you for an answer but the truth was you always knew who you wanted to be with. I just needed to know, I could not sleep or function properly. I was just Plan B, you should be honest with me on that. If the guy you liked had said he didn't want to pursue a relationship with you, you would have come back to me. That's the truth. You wanted to have your cake and eat it too, but you should have more respect for people than that. I understand the situation was complex but I would have had much more respect for you if you had. The relationship you were having did not just "happen very quickly", it was going on for weeks and I suspected as much.

You are going to hold what I have done against me, I know we will not be friends. That's fine, because I don't need someone like you in my life. People make mistakes, nobody is perfect and no situation is black and white, but you have shown yourself to be an unforgiving person and I do not want someone who holds grudges or does not forgive people for mistakes, which in the grand scheme of things, are really not that awful. I think what really matters is I hurt your friend, but she is well able to look after herself, and if she is not able to handle someone taking her off facebook, god love her. People can be sensitive, but jesus, if she is that sensitive I worry for her.

I will think of you for awhile longer. You will pop up in my head, I will miss the intimacy that was between us and I will wake up in the middle of the night wide awake having dreamt of you but that will pass soon and I will move on. In a way I am glad this happened because it has shown me what is important and what is not and made me more aware and sensitive to other people, and anything that gives me experience which allows me to be a better person is never something wasted. I will meet someone who I can make happy and give everything to them and this time, they will be somebody who deserves it.

Good day to you Miss.

cdaly_

imdone wrote: »

I hate being angry all the time - I hate that this has dominated my life for so long!
And I cant see it ever ending!
I can see this affecting every aspect of my life from here on in! How would i bring a boyfriend home to that? How could i have a wedding without worrying that you would get pissed and ruin it? How could I have babies without their lives being infected by the misery and worry and violence? I will never allow my children to suffer through the kind of childhood ive had!

I could keep typing forever and ill never get all my anger and pain and frustration out!

PLEASE STOP DRINKING!

(imdone - but i never will be able to be)

There's only one thing to do: LEAVE!

I don't know if you're in a position to leave but you should try as soon as you can. You should leave and cut all contact. She'll always drag you down...