Things you want to say to husband/boyf/ex's/friends/family/people *MOD NOTE POST #1*

x Purple Pawprints x

Why do you think I'm such an awful person? I'm doing my best. I don't know what you want from me. Everything I say is twisted around and misunderstood. And then you wonder why I don't talk to you? Walking on eggshells isn't fun.

LegacyUser

So this is it. I knew we’d arrive here, I just didn't know when – and I guess the uncertainty of it is what brought us here all the sooner.



When I first met you, I couldn't believe that someone like you would want to spent time with me. I didn't understand it; I didn't trust it. That night we first met, we went for a walk along the canal and I told you about all of the things that take over my mind and you stayed with me. No-one ever stays with me. You did. We sat on the cold waters edge and you showed me the stars but you showed me more than that – you showed me kindness, compassion and care.

The moment I kissed you, you told me later that you saw the change in my eyes just before I did…I think that was when I realised that you were important, that you would be important. When you kissed me back and later came home with me, it wasn't like before – I was okay. It all came into my head and the flashbacks took over, like it always does, but I took control of it and got past it; you helped me – and you stayed. When I showed you my scars you told me they were like a map of my life and you saw beauty in them, you saw beauty in me. It’s a long time since I've seen beauty in myself, so long that I barely remember a time when I did.

The next day came the words I knew would be spoken. You weren't ready for serious but I knew I liked you too much to be casual, and so we remained simply friends. I thought I could do it. I thought I’d be okay. I thought at least having you as a friend was more than not having you in my life at all.

In the weeks that followed, you guided me. That’s the only way I can describe it because that’s what you did. You gave me the confidence to get back to the gym; to meet up with old friends and to believe in myself through your belief in me. When the lows came, you were there and when the highs came you rode them with me. You were always there. Always. Now you’re gone.

When you told me about her, I told you I didn't want to know because I felt threatened. I was honest with you because we've always been honest – it’s what brought us together. The thing is, it hurt. It hurt me so much because I knew eventually it would get serious, and it wouldn't be me, it would be her – and I’d lose you.

Two nights ago when darkness took over again, I text you because I needed you, and you came straight over. You sat with me. You told me I was more than this. You held me, you cared and you understood. You understood. Sometimes all I need is for someone to understand because their inability to relate to me is what makes this pain so desperately isolating.

But then last night happened. .

I thought yesterday was a good day. I didn't understand it and I was wary of it, but I decided to make what I could of it and arranged to meet you and X for drinks. But then something triggered it again. I lost it. I lost the good day. I remember standing gripping your shirt with my head on your chest crying and screaming at you to please get it all out of my head, then I was on the ground and then I got trapped inside my mind and it all replayed over and over and over. I don’t know how long it lasted but when I spoke to you, you said you were taking me home. You didn't though. You got the taxi to drop you off and you got X to take me home. He’s my friend and I care about him but he doesn't understand. He sat in my living room talking about my ‘flipping out’ as if it was funny. It wasn't funny, it’s never funny. I'm not angry with him, I can’t expect him to understand something so hard to explain, but you should have been there – you promised me; you said I could trust you you said and you left me. When I called you, you said you had asked me if I wanted you to come with me, but I don’t remember that. I got mad at you. I told you that you’d hurt me. I told you that you sleeping with her was hurting me. You said there were things I didn't know as I’d asked you not to talk to me about her, and I asked you to tell me, but you wouldn't – you said I was ‘demanding’ you to speak to me and you weren't going to because of that. I needed you to talk to me. I needed you and you hurt me. You hurt me so much.

I wanted us to be friends because I thought you were important. I thought I was meant to meet you and that you could help me. I cared about you. But I cared about you too much and that makes you a variable in a world that I can’t handle if I have no control over it. I can’t have any extra variables, I can’t risk it, I can’t risk having you – or not having you.

I will miss you so much. You impacted my life greatly in such a short period of time. But you've hurt me. I trusted you and I've now learnt I'm better on my own. I won’t trust again. I'm no good for people and they’re no good for me.

You’re an amazing person. You made me smile, for a little while. Thank you for that. But I won’t thank you for the pain I feel now, because that time I first kissed you – you should never have kissed me back.

JumpShivers

I love your condescending manner..

LegacyUser

C'mon c'mon c'mon and text me for fup sake!!

herisson

Self torture....when will i ever get enough of it :rolleyes::(

LegacyUser

You don't know what that brief moment of feeling desired has done for me and I am grateful.

Mrs Garth Brooks

HardLuckWoman wrote: »

Dear mother

You're one jealous, sad individual.

Jealous of your own daughters but actively getting us down and undermining us in life.

All our lives. Even as kids.

We had the opportunity to take swimming lessons in school and you wouldnt allow myself and my sister to go swimming. Three brothers and they all had swimming lessons.

Studying for school exams. And you would come in and throw our books all over the place. For what. Because the floor wasnt swept to your standards. You never asked the boys to sweep the floors, they could obviously do a better job. That was still happening at 18 years old. The real reason, god forbid we get on in life and make something of ourselfs.

College? You never believed in us.

College was over 10 years ago, I should be over this. But you keep on adding to it.

You stopped hitting me at 23. I had a car, I suppose I was useful to be used. To carry home your boy's shopping.

Dont forget the finanicial abuse, demanding housekeeping of the girls only. Remember in the 1960s, girls werent allowed swimming. It was also the man's job to bring home money. How you thought it was ok to take housekeeping of the girls for the keep of 3 brothers, grown men.

Ok so you have a problem with females. Its your problem. Not mine.

So many more examples.

Is it control?

You're a bully and nothing but.

Only a few years ago and you were house cleaning in the same house my sister was minding a disabled baby. She knew the baby's routine and knew it was nap time at 11am. She would ask you to go in and clean before the baby would go down for a nap. Or wait until after. You would go in while the baby would be sleeping and open the windows and hoover. Were you hoping the baby would get a cold and land her in hospital? Blame the minder. You would have loved it.

You're not cleaning there anymore. But you dont have anyone to get down.

So you try and get me down and undermine me. At the age of 31 and you're still jealous.

I qualified as a veterinary nurse not so long ago. But do not ever use the dog to get to me.

A few months ago, the dog was limping, off to the vet and she needed loads of rest. No jumping allowed, and take her out on the lead for the toilet to prevent her from running and doing more damage to her leg.

Her first day of treatment, I had her out to the toilet on her lead. Drove my brother 5 minues down the road and only to come back to find the dog running down the road to greet me. You swore blind you were watching the dog from the back door. The vet didnt say to watch the dog from the door, take dog on lead. I only had her out 10 mins before that.

Was that to get me down? What would I know. You knew how to get to me.

Just the other day, I was saying not to give the dog turkey bones as they splinter inside and tear up her insides. But what would I know. The dog vomited 3 times on my bedroom floor, all containing turkey bones.

Who am I give you 'orders' not to give the dog bones. Or 'orders' to keep the dog on the lead.

Its all control with you.

Use the dog to undermine me. But then you use a child to get to my sister and get her down.

Continue that crap with me. You'll never stop. Im going to the UK after xmas. Its too close to you but fcuk you and your sad life and getting myself and my sister down.

If anyone else looked at you, they would never know what you're really like. All that crap was well hidden even from your boys, even they cant know what you're like.

That abuse started as kids. Im 31 now. No more. Im cutting you out. Where will it end?

You went on a rant to my sister after this. Me and my degree. I dont know sh!t and that you'll feed the dog crap to get to me.

Me and my degree. Oh amn't I so great. I dont know sh!t.

I never went around being stuck up for having a degree. I didnt realise I had to be taken down a peg or two. No mention or jealousy towards my brother and his degrees. Yes more than one. Which you paid for. I never got any help from you with college and you know what, I didnt want your help. I wasnt going to let you drag me down any way you could. I studied and paid my own way. Maybe you should try it instead of paying for grown men and their needs.

But I think its just your jealously. Jealous that you never had the same opportunities in life. You never had it so you'll stop your own daughters in life.

Thats something I figured about the older generation while working in that factory. Most of them were bitter and you're the same. Why they were bitter towards me, I dont know, I was doing the same work as them. You would have loved it if I stayed there. No job satisfication, made me miserable. That bitterness drove me back to college. I dont want to end up with kids, if it ever happens, and end up resenting girls and get them down in life, for the opportunities I never had.

I had the opportunities, you tried your best to get me down. Sorry it didnt work out for you.

But mammy, you, your bitterness and sexism was the force in alot of my decisions. Thank you for that, no really, a very big thank you.

I had great fun proving to you that I could pass my driving test the first time. Did your boys? No they didnt. But I dont think im better. Your sister did the driving test 11 times, your way of getting me down, il never pass first time.

I also enjoyed taking swimming lessons at 25. And I thoroughly enjoyed college after that. Something you thought I would never be able for.

Your boys are grown men. The youngest is 23. The other two are 33 and 34. They really are grown up. They arent handicaps. The two oldest in Australia. They want my youngest brother over there and its only a matter of time.

You're 61, you're not sick, great health. Its time you get a life of your own. The sooner the dole sends you out on that course, the better. Hope they send you out to work after.

Stop being bitter towards myself and my sister. Or you will die alone.

Naid23

Dear Self..

5 weeks til the holiday, sort yourself out and stop eating rubbish - its not that hard to do. Looking good so far but you know you can do better

S

JumpShivers

I need some reassurance right now..

Fanny Brioscaí

I got the best Christmas present this morning, a card from an x who remains a close friend and someone i still care about. I love that girl so much it hurts but i am happy we're still friends

x Purple Pawprints x

Stop coming into our house whenever you feel like it. You used to ring the doorbell but now you walk in multiple times a day. That is NOT NORMAL. You are rude, selfish, irritating and downright  ignorant. And as for you Dad, I'm not telling you anything ever again because you go and tell him. He knows everything about me and I f**king hate it. How dare you tell him our business. How dare you. I'm sick of you both.

loubian

Dear self,

Tomorrow is the last day of the year. The next day will be a whole new year. 2013 will be over. There have been a lot of ups and downs over the last year but you have come through them. This is your year. Your chance to get fit, to get healthy, to become happy within yourself, to stop comparing yourself to others and be happy in your own skin. It's been a while since you've been so clear in the head so use it to your advantage. Giving up chocolate for a year might sound like a silly dream. But if you put your mind to it, it could be possible. You just thought of the idea to put whatever money you'd spend on chocolate into a jar and give it to charity Christmas 2014. Planaroonie!

You can do this!

I love you and your beautiful baby

Me

TommieBoy

Woman - STOP pushing me around ...I may not be into confrontation, but you are pushing my buttons just :mad: a bit too much for my liking.
BACK OFF....now!

TommieBoy

Hey Cupid? wish I were ready to say... "I am ready to bury my sweet "there once was a boy who loved a girl" story deep in my hearts memory... and quietly anticipate a possible new "and then she knew a man" chapter - a story to be fully lived, not merely remembered..."

But I am not there..... My heart won't let go... just yet

Ciderswigger

Yeah, I'd rather if you didn't lead me on. Thanks.

SarahBeep!

Thank you lovely lovely man in Seven Sisters that helped me bring my suitcase up the steps, you really made my day in a city where strangers don't even look at each other never mind show kindness!

x Purple Pawprints x

SHUT. UP. Stop farting. Stop singing the wrong lyrics in the wrong ket. Stop belching, or if you have to, please excuse yourself. Stop talking when nobody's talking to you. Stop answering questions that nobody's asking you. Stop shouting. If you want someone to close the door wait until they go out through the f**king thing to say it. The seven year old next door is more mature than you half the time. And tell you're 'friend' to f**k off and not walk into our house FOUR times a day of his own accord. Why? Because it's the height of bloody ignorance.

DeltaWhite

I think I want to break up with you


I just cant do it. I know deep down that we arent meant to be.... so why cant I just do it?


I feel sick all the time, cant eat, and sleeping is a joke


Why is this so hard. You've made it quite obvious that you couldnt be arsed. So why do you still claim to "adore" me. You "cant live without me" and I've made you life so much better.


BOLL*X to that... it's all b*ll****.

I'm sick of it

herisson

Next monday, i need you!

LegacyUser

You chased me. Then you had me& spoke to me like I was dirt on the bottom of your shoe.
I may be single, I may be in my 30's, I may have a biological clock, I may be lonely.... but I am not desperate. Goodbye& good luck to you.

shoos

I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world to have you in my life, so did all my friends. They adored you, I adored you, we were constantly laughing and cuddling and could not get enough of each other. Those three years were the happiest in my life and I'm so shocked that it's come to an end.

To find out you cheated on me not only once but a number of times with various girls has made me sick. Literally, waking up in the middle of the night, remembering what happened, and having to run to the bathroom to vomit.

You had my trust, all of it. We were far too happy, there could never even be a reason for you to look elsewhere. We were too in love.

I just can't believe it. I don't know how you could have thrown our relationship away like this.

Yet despite doing this to me, I've never wanted to hug you and hold you more. I just want to wake up from this nightmare and have everything go back to the way it was, when we were happy.

JumpShivers

Dear me,

You never learn! You have a presentation due at 10am and not even half way through! And it isn't the first time you've stayed up to finish college work.. You've known about this for a month!

It's all over next Monday, thank god! Treat yourself then.

Sincerely, sleepy head.

McChubbin

Dear Dad,
**** off and stop living rent free in my head where you continue to torture me with bad memories.
You are a **** of the highest order and I don't care to have you as a part of my life anymore when you give me nothing but misery.

Dear Me,
I know you roll your eyes at all this "New Year, New Me" crap but in all honesty, you are going to be 26 in April and what do you have to show for it? Time to stop being a lazy ass and strive to do more for yourself. Start off slow, though-don't overexhert yourself or you might end up back in hospital from all the stress. Just make more of an effort, especially with college, and maybe you might end up with that part time job you've been searching for for the last 5 years.
Be kind to yourself and don't let the bastards grind you down.

aob85

feel cold and empty, you make every day a struggle

loubian

Dear gods of will power,

I'm begging you to give me just a hint of will power to get fit and lose weight I need to do it so much and i have no will power. Please please please! I want this so bad

Thanks

DeltaWhite

To my brother,


I plan to say all this to you, but I need to say it angrily here first or else I will run the F*CK through you in person...


You are an alco.. all you care about is booze. You're a selfish prick and you also only care about smoking weed all day at the age of 40!!

I am sick of your face at this stage. Coming over to ours and scrounging off Da, robbing my bottles out of the fridge that I may have once in a blue moon, and then you act as if leprechauns came out during the night and whipped them...

Taking loans of mam and not paying her back. I am f*cking sick of you.

I've a good mind to ring that brainless wife of yours and tell her exactly how you are behind her back. See that smug smile ripped off your face then.

Ya make me sick.

What happened to the brother I once had all the time in the world for? Grow f*cking up and stop acting like none of us realise you have major issues with booze and weed.

Enough said for now...

LegacyUser

He does not like me.
He has never said he likes me
He never contacts me. Never
He ignores me when I ask him to meet
He ignores some of my texts
He flirts with everyone
He likes attention
I am an ego boast
Have some self respect please
He feels sorry for you that's why he hasn't told you f??k off yet
I WISH HE WOULD GET OUT OF MY LIFE

little lady

So we talked about New Years resolutions the other day and I said I didn't have any, and I don't really BUT I am trying to be more patient, actually considering I have none, I am trying my best to have some (any). Please, please, please talk to me, it's killing me not to contact you.

I know you have your own things going on and that we live pretty far apart, I'm not asking for a relationship I would just like to get to know you. Is that so bad?

loubian

Dear who ever is listening,

I really want to be a nurse or doctor. It is my passion. But I don't know how to go about it. I'm planning on studying teaching because it's affordable and the hours are handy whixh suit me with a child, but I'm afraid that I'll get my segree and think it's another few years wasted that I could study nursing and become the person i want to be. I wish there was a sign, that would tel me to take the risk and go for it. I want to help people so much.

I wish things in life weren't so expensive!

JumpShivers

Dear mama,
You've been great the past few days. You're taking us to Disneyland! I've wanted to go since I was six, and I don't care that I'll be almost 21 when we go!

Thank you too for making my bed and cleaning my fish tank, college has been tough this week. It's the little things.

S. x