Things you want to say to husband/boyf/ex's/friends/family/people *MOD NOTE POST #1*

LegacyUser

Dear Survivor

The very first thing I want to tell you, is that you are not alone. I know you don’t believe that and I know that right now you feel more alone than ever, but you are surrounded by so many people who want to help and who will help; in a world filled with hatred and horrible things… you are surrounded by love.

The second thing, is that I understand. I’ve been there and all too often I find myself right back there again. Now, please don’t get me wrong… as I’ll never completely understand your exact situation, I’ll never feel the way you feel right now and I’ll never see the things you’ve seen or go through what you’ve gone through. The little details that are ingrained so heavily and which forever haunt your mind, are yours and yours alone and that is a horrible, soul destroying curse to carry with you. I know this, I live this and although I can’t see through your own eyes, we’re looking at the world from behind the same broken windscreen.

I’m not going to lie to you. I’m not going to tell you that I’m completely better now or that my life has become a bed of roses and that I’m so much stronger because of what happened to me. I’m not going to tell you that my trauma made me who I am today, I’m not going to tell you that I’m grateful for it because of that. I won’t throw any ‘positive thinking’ pop psych at you and I won’t tell you that if you just ‘try’, everything will be fine. What I will tell you, is the truth.

So what is the truth? The truth is, it’s going to be hard; it’s going to be hard as hell and there’s not one thing you can do about that. There are going to be so many downs that you start to wonder when life will ever go uphill again, and then when it finally does – you’ll have run out of gas to get anywhere near the top. And so you’ll hover, you’ll hover for a while in between hope and defeat and you’ll balance upon that tightrope of survival. I’ve done this for a long, long time, I’ve just survived, and for a while…that was enough. But it shouldn’t be, it should never be enough. I’m writing this now so that you won’t hover for too long, I want you to have the will to get out of that car and push. I want you to feel that life is worth fighting for. I want you to live.

Right after my trauma, I started to write. I needed an outlet, I needed someone to listen – anyone, to what was going on inside my mind. I needed to know that I wasn’t crazy. I’ve always been a writer – from ‘love’ poems by an 8 year old, to poetry that escaped through tears following the death of my Grandparents or my mothers latest drug relapse. I guess it comes naturally to me and in that sense I’m lucky as it’s helped me to connect with so many people and to reach out in ways that are more difficult for some. I began with a few poems here and there and shortly began to include some journal entries that gave an even deeper insight into upheaval I had called my life once upon a time. For a while, I wasn’t very direct with my recollections or my rhymes and even my diary submissions never lent well to the idea of full disclosure. The fact is, I was scared. Even on the web, cloaked in anonymity and hiding behind a screen, I was scared that I’d be judged…that people would blame me; that people would never understand me; that people would dislike me…all of it. I won’t assume that you feel that same way right now, but I bet you’re feeling something similar. Maybe it’s your parents, or your partner, or maybe it’s yourself…but that fear and anxiety of what has happened and it’s impact on other peoples perception of us can throw us off that tightrope without a moments thought…right down into the black pit of nothingness below.

Over the next few months, even few years, you’re going to encounter so many obstacles that you’ll wonder where you’ll find the energy to even live at all. You’ll lose friends, you’ll gain friends and you’ll discover just what a real friend is. You will lose yourself, you’ll find yourself, and you’ll rediscover who you are. You’ll be different when you come out the other side of this; you won’t be the same person, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be any less of a person. That’s what I want to show you, through documenting all of these thoughts and challenges I’ve experienced both inside and outside of my mind.

Look at me. Read about me. Be me, for a little while. And when you’ve cried my tears with me; when you’ve sat beside me as I took a razor to my skin and when you know what happened to me whilst recalling whatever horrible thing has happened to you too – then I will ask you to take a deep breath and remind yourself that what has happened to you has NOT become you. I will ask you to remember that despite all of what you’ve read – despite all of the pain trapped in between these lines – I am still here. Just as you are still here. Fighting.



Don’t give up, the fight’s not over yet.

WinterSong

I'm sorry, but I just can't do this anymore. I need to get out. I don't know if I have it in me though.

Lucyfur

**MOD WARNING**

It has come to our attention that some posters have been using this thread to, frankly, speak badly of others, who are also boards users. This WILL NOT be tolerated. This is a public forum. Anyone can read it. Think wisely before you post. Harassment of other members is not allowed.

Lucy.

ellavin

I wish I never had met you. .
I hate you.

JillyQ

G Please get better and Dad please let the tests come back negative. I couldnt handle both of you being sick.

MauraTheThird

I wish that you actually showed emotion, showed you actually cared, showed that the last year with me mattered to you.

singledad80

It's not about winning or losing, there is no winning in this, I am sorry we could have sorted this all out. Let's just move on and do right for the kids http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/goodbye-after-divorce, I was looking for the right words to say good bye my one true love I am sorry I didn't realise till you had gone.

sullivlo

I rue the day we met. Even though you played a critical role in my rise, you orchestrated my fall and now you're trying to keep me down when you have no justifiable reason to do so.

ellavin

Your the reason I cry nearly every day...
I just wish I hada left you before 5 wasted years and I still have to put a face on and take your niece to one d...
I am a fool
Again
I hate you

IvyTheTerrible

Oh God MIL mind your own fupping business, telling us what days to ask for in the creche next year, or wanting L to start nursery school at 2.5 (before he is even toilet trained) to save money? Yes I know we don't earn much but how can I get a full time job if I don't have him in the creche for a full week?

OH, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't discuss every detail of our financial affairs with your mother. I hate having to put up with her judging me.

LegacyUser

Oh self doubt, how I despise you.

I wish I wasnt such a worrier. I'm not even as bad as I used to be years ago, I learned how to say fcuk it more and more and became more relaxed. But those were stupid petty things I worried about. Now I'm older and this is potentially the biggest issue in my life.

I honestly dont know how to deal with these feelings of doubt that creep in every now and then. Being with someone for 3 years, but getting these niggling feelings periodically. Trust him completely, but not knowing if he is the one.

I genuinely thought at the start he was, but now I'm getting the urge to settle down in 2-3 years, and I dont know if he is the right person

I dont understand those people that say "love at first sight" and "I knew he was the one the moment I met him" - sorry but that is bullsh*t! When youre with somebody, you have to work at it, and be a team. You dont even know them fully when you first meet, so how can that sh*te be true. Yeah maybe I'd say that if I met Brad Pitt but seriously it's not logical. It's romcom bullcrap and I dont believe it for a second.

Obviously being 2 years older than him is a liiiiiittle bit of an issue. Because mentally, he's not where I am. He's in college, for the next 2 years so moving out, having a baby is gonna be on hold until after that when he gets a job etc. I'll be 31 then. What if I find out then that he really isnt the one for me? I worry so much that I'll be single and then panicking trying to find someone who is right for me. I know I'm not the only one with these thoughts. Thousands out there who think like me. Who suffer with self doubt.

I just wish I knew what to do. Self doubt.

Then I wonder what if I break up with him and it turns out we were meant to be? Would he have moved on by then? If we were truly meant to be, would we be reunited again?


I am such a dope for what if's. I wish I could just enjoy what we have and stop doubting everything. I love his face. I love him. Yes he has some not so good things about him - who doesnt? I have issues too!


Put on the big girl boots and go with the flow? That's what I am trying my best to do.

RacoonQueen

To whichever f*cking c*nt in this sh*thole who stole my GF breadroll then threw half of it in the bin. Listen dickwad, you knew it wasn't f*cking yours, you knew damn well it was mine only two of us are GF in here...I can barely f*cking afford to feed myself right now without you stealing my food and then throwing half of it in the f*cking bin. :mad::mad:

edit: It's not clear in that that it was not even the other GF person as she was out at lunch with me! (and wouldn't do that anyway)

DMcL1971

To the girl in the gym who approached me this morning and congratulated me on how much weight I had lost.

I just want to tell you that you really made my day. It took me completely by surprise, so I probably wasn't nearly as grateful to you for your kind words as I should have been but they have been appreciated more than you know. I have been on cloud nine ever since. It fills me with joy to know that there are people in the world who are kind hearted enough and brave enough to approach a complete stranger and go out of their way to pay them a compliment.

beks101

Today I disconnected my work email from my iPhone. So now my only access to work outside the office will be via my Blackberry, which I carry with me all the time anyway. And that was scary. That was kind of terrifying. Which kind of says all the things I can't seem to put into words about what my life has become.

I'm sorry for being a bad friend. And a bad daughter. And bad generally in my personal life. And using the work thing as an excuse for all these disappointments that I seem to visit on all these people who matter to me more than anything else in the world.

God knows it's an easy excuse. These last six months have been the most stressful, chaotic and intense perhaps of my entire life. I look in the mirror sometimes and don't know who is looking back at me, I almost don't recognize her sometimes. Other times she is all too familiar and a bit lost in it all I think.

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the years of flakiness and lateness and cancellations and re-schedules and long gaps between our contact. I'm sorry for hurting you, all of you, and never being the one to reach out first. I'm sorry for letting you think that I don't care. I care so much that I've been wracking my brains all day. I care so much that I haven't stopped crying since we spoke.

You matter to me. I love you, and I love N and M and S and I can't imagine not having you all as the close friends that I consider you, but know that is the risk I run if this continues.

I know it's time for a change. I know it's probably deep-rooted too and I'm kind of terrified to look too closely at that, but I will do anything not to lose you. Thanks for the wake up call and thanks, as always, for being a pal.

sam34

JD

It's the little things, that mutual roll eyes at the sh1te talk, the knowing winks, the smiles, that frisson of excitement at a text or FB message, the flirtatious chat.... Utterly harmless, with no intention or expectation, but a little thrilling nonetheless.

Thank you. It brightens my day

singledad80

http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/letting-go-of-love-lies

loubian

If you think I'm going to help you after this, you are more stupid than I ever thought you were

singledad80

http://9gag.com/gag/aBK84dZ?ref=fbp

TommieBoy

To the Gods of Life, I'm a little lost here, you think you might start prooviding some answers instead of tossing more questions at me... Panic is not my favourite state... I want this year to be different, a fresh new start, a little cooperation would be nice... please?

LegacyUser

I'm so lost without you -when I'm alone, it's all I can do not to fall to pieces.

I hope we're not through, as you mean the world to me.
I should have told you that I loved you, I just didn't want to lose you by scaring you away.

2 years from that first kiss and it all blows up in our faces.
I feel like someone has reached into my body and pulled my heart out and ripped it to shreds.
Please know that I'll always be here and I'll never stop loving you.
Thank you for having been my everything.

N S Q S A.

LegacyUser

Dear Teacher
10 years ago I decided not to die. I didn’t choose to live, I just realised that I didn’t have the power to make the choice. I acquiesced to the will of whatever it is that does, and submitted to being taken whenever it was good and ready to do that. I made some effort at negotiating the terms of my existence; I never wanted my child to feel the pain I had endured so I decreed that I would die so she could live.
The years passed me by and in my numbness I slowly forgot about dying. Living had become an occupation, yet I hesitated to interact with it too much knowing the pain it could inflict. I did what I had to, to put food on the table. One day I realised I was having an ok time of it. I looked back at how far I had come and decided maybe I could go further. This is where we meet.
Life has not been kind, teacher. You don’t really understand my journey but I wonder if you did would it help you to understand me. I’m not looking for help, or even kindness. I would just like if it wasn't normal to be bullied, sneered at and looked down upon every day.
Today I remembered my pact. I submitted again to that force which appears to have authority over my life and which I won’t ever seem to possess. You can do what you like with me now. They can treat me as they please. I might not be here tomorrow but if I am, just know that it doesn't hurt anymore.

singledad80

I am feeling wonderful today, life is great.

beks101

beks101 wrote: »

I realized something last night.

I realized it's been more than a month since it ended, the punches keep coming thick & strong & I'm still putting your own welfare before my own. Like some sort of ****ing masochist.

"Should I go tonight? Will it be awkward for him?"
"Should I talk to him? Say hi? Will he die of discomfort?"

If all the overwhelming evidence that already confirms you're not good enough for me wasn't sufficient; here's more proof.

I cared. I considered your feelings. I took time to understand your quirks & shortcomings & tried to put you at ease in every room we found ourselves in together.

I wish you had considered me last night.

I wish you had considered the rawness of my feelings since you ended things so heartlessly. I wish you had considered my disappointment. I wish you had considered the fact that it's been four weeks since you stopped kissing me & leading me down the garden path, before you decided to flaunt your newfound happiness right in front of my eyes like some love struck teenager.

I wish you had considered the fact that you ended it by feeding me a line about not wanting a relationship, which I have been wracking my brains over every day since, and there, last night, right in front of my eyes, you flaunted your new relationship. It's like a poorly written rom com riddled with embarrassing cliches, and yet it is my life.

And she's lovely, really. Too good for you. I wonder how long it will take her to realize it. I hate myself for being scared that she won't. I hate myself for fearing the love & happiness that you may find, because you've shown me nothing but misery and resentment.

Resentment for wanting you. Resentment for thinking it was something. Resentment for opening myself up to you.

From this day forth, I won't mention your name. I won't let you drag me down further by trying to process this.

You stopped me to say hi when I didn't see you on the way to the gym yesterday, so I could see you with her.
You ignored me all night, a running theme with you.
You showered her with the kisses & cuddles that you never showed me when we were out together in public. And you did it right before my eyes.

I've spent all this time telling myself you're a nice guy, a nice guy who can't express his feelings. A nice guy who can't diffuse socially awkward situations. A nice guy who doesn't know what he wants.

When the fact is that you're a dick. You were born a dick and you'll die a dick and I'm no longer the girl who will have to deal with that.

This too shall pass.
I didn't believe it at the time and thought you had fundamentally damaged me. I thought I'd never trust again.
I actually smiled when you added me on LinkedIn this morning.
And I laughed when I read that funny comment on facebook last night.
Such a blast from the past! You've been out of my head for longer than I can remember now, and yet I wrote the above post fourteen months ago.
A little over a year ago, you ruined me. And now the thought of you makes me smile. Makes me think, "ah, that eejit", with nothing but affection.
Thank you life for reinforcing that everything is temporary.
Time really is a healer.
And B, I hope Canada is being good to you. You big eejit

sam34

sam34 wrote: »

JD

It's the little things, that mutual roll eyes at the sh1te talk, the knowing winks, the smiles, that frisson of excitement at a text or FB message, the flirtatious chat.... Utterly harmless, with no intention or expectation, but a little thrilling nonetheless.

Thank you. It brightens my day

So, I have "expressive eyes", do I?

Expect a lot more glances in your direction from now on

TommieBoy

You can't text me those words unless I can reciprocate... and I can't.... still.
You and me - it hurts too much... I don't wanna be back in this never-ending cycle of heartache. God why do I have to miss you... again? :mad:

JillyQ

Cancer can you please get lost and leave my family and friends alone. I cant handle all of this. Not with the two men a i care most about in the world.

stop animal cruelty

M,

Can't wait to see you again, really hope things work out...

woodchuck

I cannot believe you moved on that quickly.

You are a liar and a manipulator and I just hope that she sees your true colours a lot quicker than I did.

I am so much better than you...

x Purple Pawprints x

I need a break here. I'm not a bad person. I would love someone to come along and make me remember how it felt to be loved.

JumpShivers

I just wish I could be someone else for a day.
I cannot stand feeling like this anymore... Worthless.