Things you want to say to husband/boyf/ex's/friends/family/people *MOD NOTE POST #1*

okiss

Hello M,

Do you remember how I helped you out a few years ago? If I knew then what I know now I would not have helped you out as much back then.

I know that the past 18 months has not been easy for you but you not the only person dealing with issues. I have tried to be understanding when time after time I get excuses on why you can't meet me. What really annoyed me was that I had a significant event a few months ago that you totally ignored but at least other people treated me better than you did.

So I have decided to contact x. It's just a matter of time before I know exactly whats being going on in your life over the past few months. I want to find out just how much of what you told me recently is true. I have tried hard to stay in contact with you. I let certain things go because I figured that you were dealing with a few issues. I have given you long enough to make some effort with me. So once I know whats going on I will be acting upon it. I won't put up with your lack of effort for me for much longer espically after all the help and support I gave you in the past. It about time you learned that you don't dump your friends on the way up and expect them to be their on the way down.

Deja Boo

You are heavy on my mind and heart today.

Your reactions are completely over the top and dissproportionate to anything I say.

I cant be myself. Don't even like myself when I'm in that situation and I'm not arguing with you anymore about things I haven't even done.

You were exceptionally hard on me and there's nothing admirable about it. Some of those things you said to me when I was clearly in a bad place, I'll never forget them. I tried to deny them even to myself because I really want to see the good in people but I just can't see it in you now. Kicking people when they're down, I can't relate to that.

Airyfairy12

I miss you, I felt such a connection with you, you tried in the beginning and it won me over but just when I started to give in and be with you properly, like you wanted, you started to distant yourself! You were the first guy I liked in so long but you turned out to be another disappointment. Why did you text me for 2 years and try so hard to get with me just to treat me like that? I opened up to you and now I wish I never did.

The last time we spoke I thought everything was grand. We had a bit of a laugh and that was that...then ye just flipped out at me for no reason.

I really don't like constantly being called names (I sort of forget and then get a quick memory of how hurtful it is) and berated about things that I haven't said or done.

I feel like I tried In every way to make things work and I don't want to argue anymore.

notenoughforyou

Lavinia

if i could turn back time.. i'd try one more time to find a way to reach out and not to close the door as i did and now it stayed written in eternity..

i am so sorry..

Just don't feel good around you anymore after you put me down so much and through so much! (Not sure why you felt the need to do that/

Also..theres a way that you talk when youre communicating with me and ive noticed it with other lads sometimes too but it's...em...like I don't actually exist...just there to do something that pleases you or doesn't please you.

I just feel I want to be there for myself right now and enjoy me and not worry about anyone else and that's what I'm doing !

Deja Boo

empty anniversary innit.

jellybear

It would mean so much to me if you could be a bit more impartial. Things are tough enough already.

I'm sorry if I turned up uninvited the other day and it won't happen again. I'm not good at articulating what I want to say a lot of the time.

I didn't know you were under so much stress. I was under stress too.

Before when you seemed down and alone, I tried to be there as much as I could. I trusted you because I think so much of you and wanted things to be better. I am not psychic and didn't know. I don't like arguing and it does hurt.

Ive never had a close group of friends really, more aquaintences. You are very lucky that you have that. Not a lot of people do.

Deja Boo

Wishing you a safe birthday, wherever you are.

Not that my opinion ever mattered.

okiss

Dear H,

So yesterday evening I get a message from you. I have not heard from you in nearly 3 weeks despite sending you at least 3 messages. So this evening you found the time to contact me with a poor excuse re your lack of contact. So when I asked you what happened I got told X is having problems. I said to you over 2 years ago that you needed to stop doing certain things with X. You were not happy to hear what I said to you then. It was hard for you to hear what I said then because you knew it all. In fact you tore strips off me then and blocked me for a few weeks. Then you contacted me a few weeks later when you cooled down.

So whats happened since then?

During covid you would not meet up with me even when the restrictions improved but we both know you met up with your other friends.

So last May all all the covid things were coming to and end. I was looking forward to us meeting up and going places again and instead this happened.

You have not once picked up the phone and rang me to see if I am dead or alive. You have not once found the time to call to my house. I tried to meet up with you in z and got we will meet up and this never happens. I had a major birthday and you said I have a card for you and we will meet up. Then I got a load of excuses why you could not do this. I gave you several weeks then because I knew you were busy with a few things including dealing with X. I have made the effort to keep in contact with you despite waiting days to get a reply to the messages I sent and we both know your not that busy. You even asked me to do a favour for you recently which I did.

So you contact me with that message. I dont know what you expect me to do for you now. I gave you advice in the past that you refused to listen to. After that I kept my mouth shut when you told me anything about X because I knew if I said anything it was just going to cause tension between us or that you get thick with me again. I figured you made some wrong choices re X and you now dealing with the fallout. This situation has been going on for a while. I also think that your so called friends are to busy with their lives to drop all and support you though this problem.

So you what do you want from me now? Do you expect me to contact you and see when you can meet me? Do you think I have nothing better to do that listen to your woes like I did so many times in the past? I won't cancel or change my plans to be their for you this week or in the future. We both know all I did for you in the past and it amazing how quickly you forgot this. One thing I have learned in life is that you don't dump your frieinds on the way up and expect them to be their for you on the way down.

Deja Boo

C-Not many people I could say this of, but ... I can't come up with a single respectful memory any one of us could share about you today - dna of shame, what a deserving legacy you perpetuated.

Edit: I thought of one... You stayed far away from me, for that I am eternally grateful.

flowerchild

I just woke up in tears. Thought I would tell you this …

Treating someone with grace and dignity is crucial. The pain of the alternative may last a lifetime.

Deja Boo

K-10 years since, wish I could get angry, I just feel pity - not sure who I pity more.

...and what ^ flowerchild said, I still recall the harsh words, unkind echos ring thru my soul, a decade later.

AgeofAquarius

I don't love you. Not in the way that I have fallen in love with previous boyfriends. Not in the passionate way that I feel I couldn't live without you, or that you are my best friend, or that I need to be with you.

We have been together 13 years now. I made the conscious decision to settle for you because I wanted to get married and have children, and you wanted that too. I understood all this before I got married to you. I thought maybe over time I would fall in love, like the way people in arranged marriages do. But that didn't happen. In fact, all the things that I ignored, the things that would have made me break up with you in my twenties had we met then, have amplified over the years.

I often wonder what my life would be like if I had waited it out and met someone that was truly my best friend. Someone that i could have long conversations with, someone that I could be totally truthful with and be totally myself. Someone who is outgoing and enjoys travelling and socialising, like me. Then again, I objectively look at my life and see how great it is. You are generally a nice person, even if you haven't turned out to be the hands on Dad I thought you would be. I have three beautiful children and a house in the burbs. All the things I wanted and all the things I compromised for. Sometimes it helps that I am not in love with you. I am confident that I would do just fine should our marriage ever end, and that helps me be more assertive and more protective of my boundaries. I am not twisting myself into trying to be the person you want me to be, like I did with the people I loved in the past.

I am 100% sure that you don't know any of this. I am a good actress and I know that you are convinced I am in love with you and always have been. Sometimes the pretending can be exhausting, especially during s*x, but I understand that this is the price that I pay. I would rather this than be one of my single friends, who desperately wanted children but never wanted to compromise on the relationship.

flowerchild

I read a newspaper article this morning about psychopaths, and thought of you.

Charming, manipulative, without remorse, prone to risk-taking, and lacking empathy all seemed right. But it didn’t change what I think or how I feel, which is confusing but still true.

You can be very supportive, are an excellent teacher, intelligent, funny and driven, all of which can be admirable.

The article caused me to think about how people with straightforward personalities are not always attractive. Not like bad boys.

Hope you are well, and happy.

cena

To my friend R. Why lie saying you are not on Plenty of fish? I saw you on it.

Met and chatted to about 25 of you now 🙂🙄🙂

Lavinia

after all the hot and cold showers/ phases and so many years, why am i still here? 😶

Deja Boo

I loved (past tense) you so much that the memory of you hurts to the very depths. I see now why people burn love letters and cut pictures - who needs self-induced suffering? The present is hard enough without having to revisit the past and wonder how it all went wrong.

SaltSweatSugar

I really, really miss you. All I want is to be wrapped up in your arms feeling safe.

Tri Oidhcheannan Eile

"How you feeling, sweetheart? Are you moving on?

Are you sleeping okay or do the nights go on and on?

I hope you're eating well, I hope you're staying strong" - Mike Rosenberg

Happy birthday, Fi.

Deja Boo

Talk to the hand and stop.pushing.my.buttons, cupcake.

Deja Boo

My dear - what you are doing is hurtful.

SAMTALK

Please don't think i don't know what you both are doing . Stop treating me a fool who will be at your beck and call when you both decide what role I'm to play in the family !

The one thing that is sure to rub me up the wrong way is to take me for granted

As you know this happened me for years , but I won't let someone else do this to me . I have toughened up and if you push too hard be ready for the consequences

How little you thought of me that you didn't even aknowledge me to say goodbye even a slight nod and the effort I put in to make you and your family feel understood even though ye put me through hell and you knew exactly what you were doing. Best of luck. I hope we don't ever cross paths again. :|

sporina

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120120825#Comment_120120825

go you!

Sardonicat

You are just loving this, aren't you? Your favourite thing in the world is a death and a good oul funeral you can insert yourself into. Now, you can place yourself right at the centre, which us literally what you did today- at what was meant to he a private viewing for immediate family and very close friends. You extended that invitation beyond its intent and you're not even directly related! And there you were, right in the centre of the row accepting condolences for a man you hadn't even seen and couldn't be bothered with for 5 years. Yesterday, I had to ask you to move aside so I could sit beside my newly deceased father's remains to hold his hand. The sight if you sitting there holding his hand with that weirdly content smile on your face made my skin crawl. Not one single tear have I seen from you, you're not even being sombre or even trying to be. You are so clearly enjoying this. So utterly in your element. There is something really twisted and deeply disturbing in you. Let me tell you this: you may be fooling the mourners but you never fooled him. I see you, and he saw you too.