Things you want to say to husband/boyf/ex's/friends/family/people *MOD NOTE POST #1*

LegacyUser

I was in the bar.
Then in a club.
I don’t know how I got to the club.
Then outside on a pavement.
You were beside me.
‘Come home with me’.
‘No’.
I was crying.
Then I was lying in the back of a cab.
Then I woke up lying under you.
I screamed. Or at least I think I did.
I don’t remember much.
Then I was sitting in the hall, in a box of sand.
I still don’t know why the sand was there.
I don’t know how I got from the bed to the hall.
I don’t know how I got you off me…out of me.
I was shouting at you.
‘What did you do?!!’
I kept saying it.
You were calm.
‘Relax’. ‘Calm down’.
You played it on repeat.
Then I was at the door.
But it wouldn’t open.
Then I was in the stairway.
I don’t know how I got out of the door.
I got outside and walked.
I didn’t know where I was.
A man stopped me, said he’d help me.
He said I looked like I was hurt.
There were marks. Fingermarks. Yours.
I started crying.
But I remained still.
Almost too scared to cry out loud.
That would make it real.
He said he’d take me home, said he’d look after me.
He took me home.
Told me to lie down.
Said I was in shock.
And then he did it to me too.
I was a million miles away from home.
I was alone.
I had no-one.
I wanted to die.
Now, I’m back home.
I’m still alone.
I still have no-one.
I still want to die.


(mods: there's no intent here, it's just me making sense of the mess in my head - I'm not suicidal).

Princess Peach

I wish I could tell you everything I want to. About all my experiences, my past, my anxieties and fears. I wish I could tell you how much you have hurt me, the exact things you have done wrong, and the things you should have which you didn't. I want to tell you how hard things have been for me and how I needed you there. I want to ask if you know that you betrayed me, or did you just forget I existed, and that I would even care what you did.

But I can't find the words, and even if I did I'm not sure you would listen. If we do talk again, it will be for me to tell you I can't have you in my life anymore. I just hope you can understand why.

LegacyUser

How many times can a heart shatter before it finally withers and grows cold? I can't be far from that point. Every man I meet just adds another chip, another crack. What is it about me that attracts hurt and pain. I just want to be loved. That's all. Am I really that awful that no one wants me.

LegacyUser

Dear Me

"Somewhere over the rainbow - skies are blue and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true"...

Go easy on yourself, you have to keep hoping it'll happen one day,
hope is all we have,

Love Me xx

That_Guy

I feel... God, I don't know how I feel. I really want to find the person I used to be. I just don't know how to go about doing it.
I feel numb and I have no idea why the fúck I'm continually crying myself to sleep most nights this week.

I thought I was handling this depression well but I'm not. I'm drained. And my heart is just all over the place. I always assumed that I'd be happy if I was loved. I've this image that everything would just be ok if I could find a lass who genuinely loves me. That image is becoming increasingly blurred.

In my last relationship I dove in with an anchor on and got far too deep and I can't find my way back out. It's in my nature to help. I'm always putting people ahead of myself because I don't know how to help myself.

In a weird way, it helps me feel something by taking on people's problems and having that urge to find a solution.

My head's a mess. It feels like a really shít electrician came into my head and wired me the completely wrong way because all I do is overthink and play out every possible scenario to a point where I just want to scream.

I feel like I'm made out of paper mache at the moment. Like everything's just about to rip apart.

There are days when I get moments of clarity and think everything's going to be ok but I'm always seemingly met with stumbling blocks that I can't get over.

/vent

x Purple Pawprints x

I'm on the verge of tears and can't tell him what's wrong. I hate having to put on a false smile.

LegacyUser

Too much has happened in the last week...things you will never know about or understand. i have to do this, please let me. you are going to have to hear me out.

IrishEyes19

Really wish you cared!! Wish you valued whats good about me and saw some future with me!! I hate how you used ex's and girls you were with against me to rise me. how you think its ok to drop their name into the conversation. I hate how you were all words and no action!! but at the end of the day this could be a saving grace for me.

I made the right decision ending contact. i know what you are thinking - here she goes again. well not this time. im doing this for me. i deserve a man who loves me, respects me and cares about me genuinely. you never have.

Will we meet again. prob not!! I hope this time next year im happy and despite this mess i wish you the best too.
I hope someday you miss me and realise i was a decent woman!!

Bye bye!!!

LegacyUser

Dear L,
I know /// is on this weekend and that you will send me a text Sat asking me to go with you.
I am not going to this with you as I have already made plans.

In the last few months I have got nothing from you but text messages telling me how busy you are, we will met up soon ect. The weekend of my birthday you give me an excuse on why we could not go out and we have not gone out on a Saturday night in months.
I have met a nice man and I hope this weekend things could change between us.
So I hope you understand that I am not going to be around for you this weekend.
If you send me a text I am not going to reply to his. I am sure you will find out if I end up going out with ////.
Even if things don't change between me and //// I am going to enjoy this weekend.

Deedeecupcake

Dear S,

So you finally did what I never thought you'd ever have the guts to do. I was devastated. I never thought I would be. I think it was your reasoning that hurt me the most, to do this all because of something one person said.
I was mature about it, arranged for the swapping of items like it was nothing. It was killing me but I couldn't tell you because you seemed so sure, so determined that I couldn't change your mind.
Then I saw you and I knew that you weren't happy about this. You don't cry like that if you really wanted me gone. Then it all came out; how you feel not good enough, like you're dragging me down. You thought that this little bit of misery would make me happier in the end.

We both have **** to sort out and I will be with you ever step of the way. I know it sounds crazy to everyone else, but we know that eventually we'll be together. Sometimes it just takes a bit longer. I love you to pieces.

Me xxxx

Dear Her,

Bet you were delighted with yourself, weren't you. Sitting there filling his head with poison about me no doubt. You really thought you'd finally got him to pick you over me. Silly, silly little girl. You see, unlike you, I actually care about him. I love him and there was no way in hell that I was giving up without a fight. So even though now, it appears you've won, him & I know better.
I can't wait till someone brings you down and puts you right where you belong. I wish that person could be me, but you're not worth my time or the risk. I'll just sit back and watch, cos someday it's gonna happen.

In the end, you will be the person that ends up sad and lonely. Honestly, I pity you.

Me.



Dear C,

Where do I start? My goodness, I love you to pieces! You are the best friend that anyone could ask for, I'm so glad that you're mine. You look after me and protect me. Thank you.
I haven't told you whats going on with me & S cos I know you'll kill me. You'll tell me that I deserve more and I know that. That's why I'm doing this my way now, honestly. This is his last chance to get his **** together. I have got to believe that he will, cos honestly my heart just hurts thinking about not being with him. I'm sure you think that this is all very Chuck & Blair, but it's the best solution I have. I hope you'll forgive me for not telling you, but I just have to do this my own way right now.

I love you,

Me xxx

daenerysstormborn3

Dear J

Can you believe it's been one year already? Do you remember what we did this day last year? Of course you do, it's carved into my mind too. That day fell like a set of dominos. We went into town to get food for Beanie, before we left we asked D if he'd call over to keep an eye on Beanie, because he just wasn't himself. It's so weird because we never did that, we always felt comfortable leaving Beanie for an hour or so while we got food for him but for some reason, not that morning. So we left the house and in the space of a half hour D arrived and found Beanie on the floor of the kitchen. We raced home from Tesco, neither of us had our mobile phone of course, and you know me, I always carry mine. D had been trying to ring us. As we raced home from Tesco two ambulances raced past us, one of them carrying Beanie. We didn't know, you said to me "god help whoever that is". Then we got home and met D in the yard crying. And then our world fell apart.

It's so funny the impression people have of you based purely on the way you look. You're covered in tattoos and you drive a bike, therefore you must be a scumbag. When you have your head shaved and all the scars on your head, from scrapping when you were a young fella, are visible, you look like you just got out of prison to most people. I used to laugh at you saying that security guards followed you around shops and all that kind of stuff. But I have been in shops with you, with our bike gear on and we have been followed around the whole shop, because apparently we're going to stick bottles of shampoo in our helmets! I have been in these same shops in my work clothes and get treated with nothing but courtesy. It makes me laugh.

People look at you and think certain things about you but if they knew the real you. The you who was picking your dad up off the floor at 4am. The you who sat in A&E for hours and hours shouting your head off trying to get someone to help your dad. The you who used what little money you had from your college grant to have Beanie seen privately when Ardkeen just didn't care anymore. Never has the saying, don't judge a book by it's cover, been more relevant.

You never had to ask me to help you with Beanie but you always felt you had to thank me. Thank me for what? The man was sound - how country am I?! :P

I wish we could have him back. As much as he used to sometimes drive us bonkers with his stubbornness and he was so grumpy in the mornings, he was still the centre of our world. I miss his jokes and his funny sayings and the stories he used to tell. I miss going for lunch with him and all his buddies telling me how great he was. I miss him being around the house. I would put up with him weeing with the bathroom door wide open if it meant we could have him back:)

I hope things get easier for us. The last year has been so difficult. Who knew that this day last year would kick off such a horrible year for us?

You know I'm always there for you. You're a high maintenance fella :P but I am always there for you.

M x

Dear Beanie

I hope you are at peace. I hope you are happy. We miss you so much, you know that. J thinks you're watching down on us, you know I don't believe in that kind of thing but if you are, hello Help us get through another year.

Love you and miss you always, M x

LegacyUser

Please reply and give some sign that you actually care even an inch about me! I dont get how you say things and then when it comes to it, you act the same as always!!!

the riddiculous part is, if you never talked to me again, I'd do the same! I'm not going to keep running for you!! But you crop up all the time and when I respond you leave me hanging or say horrible uncomfortable things that really hurt my feelings and leave me so upset!!

Im glad I was honest on my part! I know I'll never see or speak to you again. You'll blot me out of your life now, and ok, I will be fine. I just want to know did you ever like me, did you ever care even in the slightest bit. All the times I forgave you, gave you the time of the day, listened to everything you said! It may seem naive to others, but I truly cared, wanted to be nice, wanted to understand!

Its funny because what you construe as giving out or being dramatic as always is a girl who reached the end of her tether when someone who she really cared about kept messing her about, and yet you're the one who seems to think he has a right to be annoyed or fed up of my giving out.

So I wish you would reply. Say something! But I know you wont. What I would give to look years into the future and just know if I'll be grand and over this!!

andyournameis

It's over for good this time... I know there is no going back now, no texts , no calls, I'm heartbroken none of us were in the wrong we can't blame each other.... We had the most amazing, truthful, kind, break up conversation, that's how good we are as a couple ....Funny thing is we get on like a house on fire...we just drifted too far apart...
I so wish I didn't have so much baggage, but hey that's life I suppose.....
Will we ever meet again???

Augmerson

I am incredibly nervous right now. Where is the manual for this?

LegacyUser

Dear Dj,

what the fe*k?
seriously.
here was me going round like normal, texting you, messaging you, thinking ah you're sound, you reply to me and even whats better, you've a girlfriend and you reply. sound fella. can be friends with more than more woman.
you 've been a legend last few weeks motivating me at my running.
I've seen you in person what 8 times this year.. and until sept we facebooked about 3 times a month maybe?
more lately.

Then comes Sunday night, i was hoping to see you to just chat to ya with drink in me, sad i know.. funny how my first Q was Is "M " here? he wasnt and i was disappointed at not seeing him till i met u.

so how did it go from us being running buddies to you liking me. you say this on sunday night and if i didnt like u so much as friend I'd probably have went crazy at u..
Karma kicked in and wouldnt let me kiss u though i really wanted to.
Still my main thing was that u didnt become a d*ck after and blank me but then i've realised its u who fancies me (supposedly) , so for once i'm not the trying it on!
thank u for replying to me since and acting normal.
It'll be funny when we do see each other next but still it'll be fine once i'm able to look ya straight in face without laughing.
hugssss

Dad,

Thanks for ruining the weekend.
For causing rows in family within 6 hours of u arriving.
for turning up uninvited.
For making me and her cry.
For ignoring my plea for acknowledgement.
and for making me out to be the bitch.

To avoid bad feelings spreading to others, i'm gonna say I forgive you.. because i dont wanna carry on with this grudge.
but i'm done with you. It hurts too much to see u try split my family in two.

take care.

iluvcake

Dear M,

Jeez you really floored me last night when you told me about those tests.

Couldn't stop thinking about them and I still am today.

I hope all goes well for you and the rest of the gang on Tuesday.

Even though it's not really any of my business, I do still care. Xxx

LegacyUser

I know I am partly to blame. I know I could have walked away the second, third, thousand time. And now I have.

I just want to know why? Why you kept this going? Why continue to flirt and say things, when you know how I felt about you! Your ego must be through the roof, must be great to have a girl pinning over you when other things in your life weren't going so great!

I'm embarassed for myself and for you too. I lost my self-respect and held on way too long and you, well you will have to come to terms with the fact that you used someone. Maybe you wont. I dont think guilt or conscience has ever plagued you.

Im sure your friends had a great laugh with you when you black mouthed me to them but I hope I'll have the last laugh someday when your name barely rings a bell!

Im sure you'll settle down just fine, now that everything has fallen into place and the girl you do chose will fall for you just as I did. Goodbye now for good!! I'm not a bad person by the way, you just never gave me a chance or opened up to me! I tried so hard to be understanding, be fair, I even changed some things I believed in, just to reach you somewhere, but it was never good enough! So thats my lasting words, I did my best. but you threw it back in my face all the time, insulted me, brushed me away! good luck Mr! goodbye.

Simon, you're not a bad person, I know you love your tantrums, but why are you acting like a complete c*nt? That is all.

LegacyUser

You are a mountain i must climb one step at a time...x

J, you left me with no closure at all.

I have deleted all traces of you from my phone, my webtext, and I threw out your pills and contacts yesterday, because I know you're never coming back. But I miss you. And I know you can read this. I know you WILL read this.

I don't believe you, J, I think you're a lot more messed up than you let on. I think I let you down, by being too stable for you. I'm sorry that you could not trust me. But I am who I say I am. I hope you have something making you happy right now. I worried about you, but I couldn't do any more than I did. I really hope you are ok.

For me, it'll be day to day, trying to write you out of my memories. You meant a lot more to me than you thought.

Take care hunny, I will never forget you.
Possibly pulling all your hair out of my hairbrush and throwing it away was the most poignant.
Miss you J.

Da Shins Kelly

Can you please stop trying to please everyone and tell people what they want to hear all the time, and instead be a little bit more up front and direct? You're starting to piss me off.

LegacyUser

I'm really, really confused. I'm not re-opening those floodgates until I know what I'm doing. Eh... little help?

ArtyC

Good luck today honey. Your folks have finally taken an interest in you. I hope it's for the right reasons and that it works out. I don't think I'll be ever able to respect them, I'll be nice and polite though. I'll always be here for you Axx

Tasden

The grand gestures to show you're a great dad all mean nothing when you barely see her and don't bother contributing towards her upbringing. You may look like the doting dad to everyone else but myself and your daughter know the reality. I may not have her name tattooed on me or have a million pics of her up on facebook but I'm the one she can count on, I'm the one who knows the names of all her friends, who knows what her fave song is, who knows that she cries for you more often than a little girl should. I'm the one who comforts her when she's sobbing for you. You need to stop putting on the act and use all that energy to actually be a dad to her. To actually show HER you love her not everyone else. She needs her dad. Please cop on soon, she's growing up fast.

WinterSong

Why can't I just be happy for you? You'd be delighted for me if it was the other way around. I feel so horrible for being jealous of you, for thinking that it's unfair that you've had it so "easy", for being jealous that circumstances didn't conspire against you in the same way they did for me. What kind of friend am I? What kind of person does that make me? It's just that I'm so lonely without him and our limited contact is becoming harder and harder to deal with so the fact that I managed to make this happen for you, when I can't do anything to sort my own life out, cuts deep. And I really am so sorry. I hope that you didn't realise how jealous I was because the last thing I want is for you to feel guilty for being happy, and I'm sure I'll get over it soon enough. I'm just sorry that I'm the type of person who gets jealous of one of her best friends finally being with somebody who deserves her.

Tunage

Dear Mum,

I really wish you would stop thinking the worst of me. I wish you would accept my choices, the love of my life, where I live and how I do things. Even though we have had some horrible times and I know that after Dad died I turned into the teenager from hell but I hate how it's soooo divided in our house.

It's you&bigbro then me. I always feel like you guys talk, decide things, do things and don't involve me.
When you fell I was so worried. I've lost one parent and to be honest, I am **** scared of losing you too.
I know you appreciated me being there for you everyday you were in hospital and staying with you for the few weeks of recovery afterwards but you've shut me out again.
I have to hear from your friends and our neighbours how your health is, you don't even tell me!

I love you and you have done so much for me to get me onto the career path I'm on. You don't even know it but a lot of what you did/taught me when we were growing up makes up the majority of how I live my life today... I just wish you would open your mind a little and come into my world and see.

I am forever hopeful...

Ax

LegacyUser

Hi D,

what have ya done?
yes we seem to be fine, we've chatted since, actually every day but i wonder do u realise you've got inside my head!
I liked you anyway, you probably knew that but jeepers i was pushing those feelings away; I didnt want to be in same position as i ended up in in college.
It's funny being on other end for a change!!
I wont let you do anything.
I want to see you, i cant go further than our usual.
Whatever happens, its not going to be all rosie in a few weeks, It's been a long time.
I'm guessing it was just the moment and it more than likely has happened before, which annoys me in one way because you shouldnt be doing that.

We will stay buddies, it's going to be fine.
I will be jealous, and wondering this that and other now..

Be good! xxx

LegacyUser

You absolute F*****T,

Do you have any idea what it felles like to be with such a disappointment? a sefish idiot who puts himself first, takes shortcuts all the time to the detriment of all others in his life...no i guess not, becuase you with me...someone who actually sees and cares...someday it will be too late for us, all three of us.

LegacyUser

Dear Dad,

Why did you come up at weekend? From minute i heard you were, i was hoping He was joking. then i thought She will be stressed out, but she just breezed through no problem.
So i spent rest of day wondering what was going to happen.
usually unconscious stress.. i Knew i'd not manage to keep it in if anything was started. just thank god most of them had gone home.
So i end up crying at end of night at what you caused; if i actually liked drinking i'd not have stopped that night. i'm sure you would have had some comment on that too.

So you left next day and dont even care what you started and caused. wreck and leave us to pick up pieces. Thanks.

So my body doesnt react well to that kinda of shi*e.
Was wondering why i didn't feel great this morning. and low and behold i have stomach bug now. disgusting and all the work i have to do!!!
it wasnt even from sunday night because i was sensible and had good night and there was no stress.
Thanks again.
Really don't care do you? just once you get to stir things .
It hurts when i think a little too much about it so i dont . yet i cant still blank u out and just forget it.

LeeHoffmann

come to bed...