Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

if you had an 18year old daughter

Options
  • 12-11-2010 1:20am
    #1
    h8scobes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 145 ✭✭


    and she start going out with a 21 year old who shes been friends with her whole life would you mind, if you knew he was kind and nice person?


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    Goldenegg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 352 ✭✭Goldenegg


    No not particulary... She's 18, he's 21... Only 3 years difference but big difference when that age. Different if they were both in their 20's


  • Options
    #3
    Febe00
    Registered Users Posts: 47 ✭Febe00


    If you like him and trust him then no, I would ot have an issue with it


  • Options
    #4
    jonnyfingers
    Registered Users Posts: 2,333 ✭✭✭jonnyfingers


    I was 21 when I met my current girlfriend, who was 18 at the time. Seven years later we're still together and it's been great. From a male perspective I consider myself to have a maturity of less than my age and my girlfriend has a maturity greater that her age which makes us kind of on the same level. We did the long distance thing while she finished college and while we both were working but started living together a year ago.

    So I am biased but I don't see age having any factor on the relationship as long as he's nice and both know exactly what each other wants from the relationship and are ok with that.


  • Options
    #5
    hondasam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,418 ✭✭✭✭hondasam


    The age difference would not bother me but the after effects if the break up might, especially if the parents are friends also. The romance will have a signifiant effect on their friendship for long a long time if the break up. If you know this person and he upsets her you will think differently about him as well.


  • Options
    #6
    jonnyfingers
    Registered Users Posts: 2,333 ✭✭✭jonnyfingers


    hondasam wrote: »
    The age difference would not bother me but the after effects if the break up might, especially if the parents are friends also. The romance will have a signifiant effect on their friendship for long a long time if the break up. If you know this person and he upsets her you will think differently about him as well.

    What you say is true but you can't decide wether to go into a relationship based on the fact that you might break up. That's a sad way to live. People break up all the time and many stay good friends after.

    And anyway I don't think any parent should worry about this when deciding if they think a new boyfriend/girlfriend would be good from their daughter/son. That is unless the boy/girl is a well know heartbreaker or something extreme like that, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #7
    hondasam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,418 ✭✭✭✭hondasam


    jonnyfingers wrote: »
    What you say is true but you can't decide wether to go into a relationship based on the fact that you might break up. That's a sad way to live. People break up all the time and many stay good friends after.

    And anyway I don't think any parent should worry about this when deciding if they think a new boyfriend/girlfriend would be good from their daughter/son. That is unless the boy/girl is a well know heartbreaker or something extreme like that, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

    true but sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture and realise that somethings are not always for the best. I dont know the answer to this but alot of people do not stay friends after a break up. I know you and your girlfriend are together but can you honestly say ye would remain good friends if ye broke up now.


  • Options
    #8
    jonnyfingers
    Registered Users Posts: 2,333 ✭✭✭jonnyfingers


    hondasam wrote: »
    true but sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture and realise that somethings are not always for the best. I dont know the answer to this but alot of people do not stay friends after a break up. I know you and your girlfriend are together but can you honestly say ye would remain good friends if ye broke up now.

    Probably not. But I would have got seven good years and a lifetime of memories and lessons learned. Worth it in my opinion!

    But even if a parent took this into consideration and decided it's not a good thing for their daughter to go out with a close friend I don't think it will change the daughter's mind about whether she'll do it or not.

    So OP you know that this boy is a nice person but the only issue is the age gap. How would you feel if she was going out with an 18 year old whom you knew nothing about?


  • Options
    #9
    hondasam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,418 ✭✭✭✭hondasam


    jonnyfingers wrote: »
    Probably not. But I would have got seven good years and a lifetime of memories and lessons learned. Worth it in my opinion!

    But even if a parent took this into consideration and decided it's not a good thing for their daughter to go out with a close friend I don't think it will change the daughter's mind about whether she'll do it or not.

    So OP you know that this boy is a nice person but the only issue is the age gap. How would you feel if she was going out with an 18 year old whom you knew nothing about?

    give me your thoughts on this!! brother and sister, sister wants to go out with brothers best friend but he will not allow it. would you think he is been unfair. best friend wants to go out with girl but will not because he would lose the best friend.


  • Options
    #10
    How Strange
    Registered Users Posts: 6,339 ✭✭✭How Strange


    Firstly, any resistance about the two of them being together will only make them more determined.

    Secondly, while your daughter is young she is an adult and you and her brother should respect her choices.

    Thirdly, she is not a piece of property to be given away by her father or her brother. Neither of you can forbid or not allow anything.

    Fourthly, as a dad I'd be having a word with your son about this macho bullsh1t and not treating your daughter/his sister as an equal. Do you think he'd give a flying whatsits what people thought if he fancied his sisters best friend?

    Of course there is a possibility that the relationship won't last but as others said you can't let fear of a potential future breakup stop you from getting into a relationship. Falling in love and getting your heartbroken is part of growing up and in a lot of cases being grown up.

    I'd set a ground rule for your daughter that she doesn't tell the whole family what he did and what he said every time they argue etc because the family know him and he's friends with your son.


  • Options
    #11
    cynder
    Registered Users Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭cynder


    Would not bother me at all, if she was 18 and he was over 30 then i would have a problem, but i would not jump in like a bull in a china shop.

    my ladys 11 so got a few year left but i was 17 when i met my now husband (his only 9 months older than me) and weve been together ever since, im 30 now.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #12
    lonestargirl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,501 ✭✭✭lonestargirl


    I met my husband 6 weeks after I turned 18, I was in my first year of university, he was a postgrad and almost 23. We decided we were getting married about 8 weeks later - took us 6 more years to do it though! Together almost 9 nine years now with baby number 1 due in Jan.

    It really depends on your daughter and the guy in question, if you think he is a good person and your daughter is mature enough for an adult relationship then I don't see why not.


  • Options
    #13
    littlebitdull
    Closed Accounts Posts: 518 ✭✭✭littlebitdull


    h8scobes wrote: »
    and she start going out with a 21 year old who shes been friends with her whole life would you mind, if you knew he was kind and nice person?

    If I knew he was a kind and nice person why on earth would I mind?

    Also since she is 18 she has to be allowed to make her own decisions - even if they turn out to be mistakes.

    I would give her advice if I felt she was in a distructive relationship, and I would certainly jump right in there if I felt the relationship was in any way abusive - physically or emotionly.

    But I would like to think that I have reared my children to become adults capable of making informed adult decisions.

    At 18 - 21 is not much of a gap. Not enought that I would worry too much about. Certainly at 18 I dated guys that age.


  • Options
    #14
    Chuchoter
    Registered Users Posts: 4,305 ✭✭✭Chuchoter


    She's 18, she can go out with whomever she pleases.


  • Options
    #15
    m'lady
    Registered Users Posts: 1,859 ✭✭✭m'lady


    Really cant see the problem at all to be honest, they are both adults. My only concern would be the fact that they have been such good friends for so long that if it doesnt last the friendship could be affected.. but its their life and they need to live and learn..


  • Options
    #16
    amiable
    Registered Users Posts: 12,206 ✭✭✭✭amiable


    I'd personally tell her that i will always be there for her no matter what happens and assure her that all you want is what's best for her no matter what.
    Just be there for her and support her. That's all you can do


  • Options
    #17
    Sleepy
    Registered Users Posts: 24,249 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    18 / 21, no problem... he'd get the same chat I'm preparing to give her future boyfriends about what happens if she gets pregnant whilst I'm cleaning the shotgun I intend to buy around her 14th birthday ;)


  • Options
    #18
    seriouslysweet
    Registered Users Posts: 566 ✭✭✭seriouslysweet


    About the same maturity level then, so no problem!


  • Options
    #19
    Kablamo!
    Registered Users Posts: 879 ✭✭✭Kablamo!


    I started seeing my current squeeze in 2004, when I was 16 and he was 20.
    My parents weren't over the moon, however I am quite strong willed and don't really take no for an answer.
    It's nearing the end of 2010, and we're still going strong.
    Sure, we've fallen in and out over the years, but that can happen with any relationship and it was not to do with our differing ages.
    As somebody pointed out, the maturity difference is quite a factor, girls do grow up faster than boys do.
    Also, as your daughter is 18, I'd grin and let her make her own mistakes, because, had my parents intervened when I considered myself "an adult", it would have made me more determined to push on with the relationship.


Advertisement