Left holding the baby.

LegacyUser

I'm going to make my own Youtube video.


It will tell the story of a mother who gives birth to a boy when the father walks away. She does the best job that she can do, but with the best will in the world, she cannot protect her child from the rejection of his father. This parental rejection gives the child feelings of lack of self-worth, lack of self-esteem. He gets bullied all through school. He regularly asks his mother 'Why does my daddy not love me'. She can't answer him.
He hits his teens and goes off the rails. He never got his head around the fact that the man who is his father, passes him by on the street and denies his very existance. He drinks to forget the pain. He's 17 now and already in rehab, but has a very long uphill battle ahead for him.

And all because his father choose not to be his father.

There are thousands of children like my son.
But womens voices like mine aren't heard because we are too busy trying to keep it all together in the family home.

There are also thousands of fathers like my sons. His version of this same story is that I wouldn't let him see his child as a baby, so he felt it was 'better for him if he left him alone'.

He conveniently forgets to mention that he renaged on every court ordered access and maintenance order, made my life hell for two years and drove me to the point of despair. That's my story, but there are many like mine out there.

Klingon Hamlet

unregistered wrote: »

I'm going to make my own Youtube video.


It will tell the story of a mother who gives birth to a boy when the father walks away. She does the best job that she can do, but with the best will in the world, she cannot protect her child from the rejection of his father. This parental rejection gives the child feelings of lack of self-worth, lack of self-esteem. He gets bullied all through school. He regularly asks his mother 'Why does my daddy not love me'. She can't answer him.
He hits his teens and goes off the rails. He never got his head around the fact that the man who is his father, passes him by on the street and denies his very existance. He drinks to forget the pain. He's 17 now and already in rehab, but has a very long uphill battle ahead for him.

And all because his father choose not to be his father.

There are thousands of children like my son.
But womens voices like mine aren't heard because we are too busy trying to keep it all together in the family home.

There are also thousands of fathers like my sons. His version of this same story is that I wouldn't let him see his child as a baby, so he felt it was 'better for him if he left him alone'.

He conveniently forgets to mention that he renaged on every court ordered access and maintenance order, made my life hell for two years and drove me to the point of despair. That's my story, but there are many like mine out there.

What a bout a video that shows parents wronged on both sides? As in yourself and maybe a father who wanted to be in his child's life,but couldnt?

It'd show the pain a lot of parents go through unnecessarily, and the resulting damage caused to the kiddies.

astra2000

Klingon Hamlet wrote: »

What a bout a video that shows parents wronged on both sides? As in yourself and maybe a father who wanted to be in his child's life,but couldnt?

It'd show the pain a lot of parents go through unnecessarily, and the resulting damage caused to the kiddies.

No there shouldnt be any video ever it would never benefit your son it might make things worse for him. Op put you energy into helping your child try and forget about his waste of space parent. I am sorry for you and your son op.

metrovelvet

^ They cant forget. That is what he is trying to do by drinking. He is trying to forget. He is trying to fill the great hole in is heart. But he never will.

The last thing we can do is pity him. He will think and wonder about his father every day but the best thing for him to do is accept it. Children blame themselves very early on for parental rejection and the pain starts there.

He has to know this is not his fault and he does not have a father. He has to accept it just like someone who has ceoliac has to accept they cant eat birthday cake.

Deliverance

unregistered wrote: »

I'm going to make my own Youtube video.


It will tell the story of a mother who gives birth to a boy when the father walks away. She does the best job that she can do, but with the best will in the world, she cannot protect her child from the rejection of his father. This parental rejection gives the child feelings of lack of self-worth, lack of self-esteem. He gets bullied all through school. He regularly asks his mother 'Why does my daddy not love me'. She can't answer him.
He hits his teens and goes off the rails. He never got his head around the fact that the man who is his father, passes him by on the street and denies his very existance. He drinks to forget the pain. He's 17 now and already in rehab, but has a very long uphill battle ahead for him.

And all because his father choose not to be his father.

There are thousands of children like my son.
But womens voices like mine aren't heard because we are too busy trying to keep it all together in the family home.

There are also thousands of fathers like my sons. His version of this same story is that I wouldn't let him see his child as a baby, so he felt it was 'better for him if he left him alone'.

He conveniently forgets to mention that he renaged on every court ordered access and maintenance order, made my life hell for two years and drove me to the point of despair. That's my story, but there are many like mine out there.

Just a suggestion: Maybe you should concentrate on putting more of your time and ability onto your son first and foremost over the efforts to make a film about how hard it was for you.

Put your son first, and then make your movie. It is a good idea as a docudrama but at the moment you have no closure. I feel that you need to deal with real life before you decide to turn it into a self serving story that has no closure, that really would not work.

Get your real life in order before you do this, take some time out to think about that, really really do that. Your son and you need closure via discussion. Sounds like he needs it more than you to be honest.

Nevyn

When you knew that was the root issue for your son did you not try to get him in to counselling and therapy before it got to this stage? I know someone who's father lived 7 doors down from her for the first 10 years of her life and would have nothing to do with her ever. His mother acknowledged her but his blanking her completely out of her life,
became a big issue for her and it all only came to a head when she was in college and thankfully got counselling.

At your son is young and with the right professional help and love and support he will work through this and get on with his life. At least he's getting help now rather then
later on him is life when he has a career which will suffer or a family of his own.

Sorry to hear that your child has been impacted in this way by the callousness of the man who refuses to acknowledge, I hope things improve for you both soon.

Deliverance

It could be argued that the OP is using the front of making a clip about the issue as a form of escapism to avoid the real issues. At the same time using art is a great outlet to express concerns once the opportunity is given via the tech available.

Sometimes technology inspires art but at the same time I think that is should be used in the 'right way'. In this case I think that it could potentially be an avoidance issue which should be looked at. I reckon the OP is really asking a question whilst hiding behind 'stuff' in a way.

This should be addressed as well by the OP really, that is just my instinct from what has been said.

Jumpy

OP, heres a question. Did you let the father see the child as a baby?

Nevyn

Deliverance this was split from another thread which had a youtube clip in it, as this post was not in keeping with that thread and warranted a thread of it's own I moved it. So please don't get hung up on the mentioning of making a clip and start ascribing all sorts to it.

irishjig69b

unregistered wrote: »

I'm going to make my own Youtube video.


It will tell the story of a mother who gives birth to a boy when the father walks away. She does the best job that she can do, but with the best will in the world, she cannot protect her child from the rejection of his father. This parental rejection gives the child feelings of lack of self-worth, lack of self-esteem. He gets bullied all through school. He regularly asks his mother 'Why does my daddy not love me'. She can't answer him.
He hits his teens and goes off the rails. He never got his head around the fact that the man who is his father, passes him by on the street and denies his very existance. He drinks to forget the pain. He's 17 now and already in rehab, but has a very long uphill battle ahead for him.

And all because his father choose not to be his father.

There are thousands of children like my son.
But womens voices like mine aren't heard because we are too busy trying to keep it all together in the family home.

There are also thousands of fathers like my sons. His version of this same story is that I wouldn't let him see his child as a baby, so he felt it was 'better for him if he left him alone'.

He conveniently forgets to mention that he renaged on every court ordered access and maintenance order, made my life hell for two years and drove me to the point of despair. That's my story, but there are many like mine out there.

...and there is a lot of women out there that lie and cheat and make the kids hate their fathers. Brainwashing, making their dad feel worthless even though he pays his maintenence every week, has been to every court case, gets stung every birthday,xmas,school trip, holiday and still does not get to see his kids. He knows they only ring when they want something, usually money or phone credit and he knows that when he gives it, his 2 teenage daughters laugh and call him an f..king idiot. But he still does it, hoping 1 day they will say, hang on hang on.....dad is not that bad!!! For years he bought us everything we wanted, brought us everywere.....disneyland,eurodisney,spain,france,england,america everywere.....And then mam got jealous of our closeness to dad, planted the bad seed in our heads stood back and watched it grow and grow. The day came when all we knew was, thanks 2 u mam, that dad was a bad person when he really was not. And we have lost at least 5 years with dad. 1 day they will, i hope realise that even though they treat me like dirt and wont see or talk to me i have always been here waiting with open arms......i love my kids......my point is there are many many women with the woe is me attitude and use the kids as a weapon against the dads!! Who suffers in the end ............. THE CHILDREN............................not having ago at you, i think that both side's of the coin should be said......

Deliverance

Thaedydal wrote: »

Deliverance this was split from another thread which had a youtube clip in it, as this post was not in keeping with that thread and warranted a thread of it's own I moved it. So please don't get hung up on the mentioning of making a clip and start ascribing all sorts to it.

I suppose you could have clarified that at the start really Thaedydal. I only answered based on the top post. Your in danger of over modding;) *hehe.

Don't get hung up on that now, let the thread run it's course, I made my point I think. Enough said and all that;) I'll throw you a yellow card if you throw this thread off topic;).

K-9

irishjig69b wrote: »

...and there is a lot of women out there that lie and cheat and make the kids hate their fathers. Brainwashing, making their dad feel worthless even though he pays his maintenence every week, has been to every court case, gets stung every birthday,xmas,school trip, holiday and still does not get to see his kids. He knows they only ring when they want something, usually money or phone credit and he knows that when he gives it, his 2 teenage daughters laugh and call him an f..king idiot. But he still does it, hoping 1 day they will say, hang on hang on.....dad is not that bad!!! For years he bought us everything we wanted, brought us everywere.....disneyland,eurodisney,spain,france,england,america everywere.....And then mam got jealous of our closeness to dad, planted the bad seed in our heads stood back and watched it grow and grow. The day came when all we knew was, thanks 2 u mam, that dad was a bad person when he really was not. And we have lost at least 5 years with dad. 1 day they will, i hope realise that even though they treat me like dirt and wont see or talk to me i have always been here waiting with open arms......i love my kids......my point is there are many many women with the woe is me attitude and use the kids as a weapon against the dads!! Who suffers in the end ............. THE CHILDREN............................not having ago at you, i think that both side's of the coin should be said......

Oh that is a major problem but we shouldn't go down the road of whataboutery on such an important issue. What tends to happen is everybody gets caught up in gender battles and the main point gets forgotten about.

They are separate issues, with one common denominator, the Family Courts system and laws. Once gender war comes into it the unifying factor gets forgotten, children!

Single Parent families with one parent suffer from stigmas. The problem of deadbeat Dads gets brushed under the carpet for some reason.

It is ok as an Unmarried Dad to admit deadbeat Dads are a huge societal problem. It isn't a reflection on Unmarried Dads at all.

Barnrado's had a great scheme a few years ago, finding and introducing absent Dads to their children. The reasons they weren't about was usually education, naivety and ignorance. It was working well and the Govt. never funded it! This was during the boom/bubble so I can imagine where the priority lies now!

PS. Deadbeat Dads are often Married too!

Fittle

I didn't think a mod could just 'create' a thread like this, leaving this person open to the normal criticism that always ensues when a mother dares to mention that her ex doesn't want to see her child.

When the dads on here talk about their rights to see their children etc, they get support.
When the women mention that the father of their child is not involved (his own choice), they are told to 'think of the other side of the story'.

I know about that Barnardos scheme as I contacted them in relation to my own situation. Unfortunately, while it's great, the dad has to actually want to see his child (of course). My heart goes out to the OP. NONE of us can predict how our children will be at 17 - I've seen some of my nephews go down the wrong wrong, with the best upbringing in the world. And yet, at 20, they are on the wrong path in life.
Best of luck anyway OP.

metrovelvet

Fittle wrote: »

I didn't think a mod could just 'create' a thread like this, leaving this person open to the normal criticism that always ensues when a mother dares to mention that her ex doesn't want to see her child.

When the dads on here talk about their rights to see their children etc, they get support.
When the women mention that the father of their child is not involved (his own choice), they are told to 'think of the other side of the story'.

I know about that Barnardos scheme as I contacted them in relation to my own situation. Unfortunately, while it's great, the dad has to actually want to see his child (of course). My heart goes out to the OP. NONE of us can predict how our children will be at 17 - I've seen some of my nephews go down the wrong wrong, with the best upbringing in the world. And yet, at 20, they are on the wrong path in life.
Best of luck anyway OP.

There is certainly a double standard operating and I suspect it has to do with overcompensation.

I spoke to Bernados as well and they couldn't do much for me in my situation either and whatever literature and studies they have to support parents of kids who have been abandoned,from my understanding is for older kids, so it might be worth a shot seeing what they have in the library.

The thing is I know kids whose fathers died young, I babysit for years for sperm donor kids too, [dont know any lesbian couples first hand who are raising kids], and they have all avoided this path of self destruction even if they have other issues. The key to the mystery is why.

K-9

Fittle wrote: »

I didn't think a mod could just 'create' a thread like this, leaving this person open to the normal criticism that always ensues when a mother dares to mention that her ex doesn't want to see her child.

When the dads on here talk about their rights to see their children etc, they get support.
When the women mention that the father of their child is not involved (his own choice), they are told to 'think of the other side of the story'.

I know about that Barnardos scheme as I contacted them in relation to my own situation. Unfortunately, while it's great, the dad has to actually want to see his child (of course). My heart goes out to the OP. NONE of us can predict how our children will be at 17 - I've seen some of my nephews go down the wrong wrong, with the best upbringing in the world. And yet, at 20, they are on the wrong path in life.
Best of luck anyway OP.

Wrong thread!

K-9

Fittle wrote: »

I know about that Barnardos scheme as I contacted them in relation to my own situation. Unfortunately, while it's great, the dad has to actually want to see his child (of course). My heart goes out to the OP. NONE of us can predict how our children will be at 17 - I've seen some of my nephews go down the wrong wrong, with the best upbringing in the world. And yet, at 20, they are on the wrong path in life.
Best of luck anyway OP.

Sorry it didn't work out for you, but I think it had a decent level of success. Wasn't taken on by the Govt. as a nation wide scheme though.

Nevyn

Both sides need to top jumping on on threads started by parents looking for informations, help and support. Some people are taking things far to personally.

metrovelvet

K-9 wrote: »

Single Parent families with one parent suffer from stigmas. The problem of deadbeat Dads gets brushed under the carpet for some reason.

That would be because no one wants to hear about them or talk about them. They dont want to acknowledge the problem or include it in their father's rights stands, but if you mention an individual case which does not correspond with their picture of fatherhood the father's rights brigade say ' we are not talking about those kinds of dads.' But the thing is, when you talk about EQUAL rights, yes, yes you are talking about them too because that is what equality means. So no one wants to really delve into the complexity of the issue, they just want glib, fluffy politics.

Then you have people who want to shut up about it and defend them because they will say well they didn't choose to be a father and they are not given choices the way women are so abandonment is the closest they can come to abortion but they can never have a financial abortion the way women can [adoption]. But they dont want to talk about the mothers raising kids on their own in poverty and depression or under extreme stress from another parent's input or lack thereof. They dont want to talk about it because the culture still expects her to do it anyway.

But no one wants to talk about the price the children pay for these choices. No one ever wants to talk about this an any context, from women's lib to mens rights.

mariaalice

Its always very difficult...my ex husband and I had a reasonably friendly separation we are both mature level headed people my husband keep the family home and brought me out... i was able to buy a house near by ( had to take out a mortgage ) .. there are no money issues.... i have a large and supportive family around me ....we discus parenting issuers together etc etc.

Even with all that its still very difficult at times even with the best will in the world unresolved issue from your relationship will come up..children will try to play one parent off against the other...these thing are incredibly hard to over come....thankfully its mostly worked out fine.

LegacyUser

I am the person who wrote the original post here - I was particularly stressed when I wrote it, having found my 17yr old vomiting from another night of binge drinking, and having cried myself to sleep after i cleaned him up and put him back to bed.

'But no one wants to talk about the price the children pay for these choices. No one ever wants to talk about this an any context, from women's lib to mens rights.'

I want to thank you for this comment, because it's very true.

I am 17years parenting this boy on my own, with no input from his father whatsoever. It has just been expected of me that I would do a good job, and that a mothers instinct would kick-in, while I tried to keep a roof over our heads, tried to keep the debt collectors away from the door, tried to keep him fed and in school. And all the while, tried to have some sort of a life myself. I didn't succeed in that last sentence, that's for sure.

I didn't start out like this - I didn't intend on being a woman who raised a child on my own. His father decided he didn't want a child after a long relationship - gave me 200 pounds for an abortion and never contacted me again.

But I had the child - and have had some of the best years of my life with him - from the age of 6 - 12, things were particularly wonderful. He was slightly insecure, always felt a bit different to the other boys around him who had their dads, but brightened up my life so much. But I could never have guessed at the level of hurt and pain and anger he was bottling up about the man who abandoned him. Not in a million years.

And so, at about 13, he went 'off the rails'. It almost happened overnight. He went from being a bright, articulate shy little fella to being a very angry young boy. I was ill-equipped to handle him - I hadn't a clue what I should, or shouldn't be doing. Should I ignore his bad behavior and reward his good? (which is what I had done when he was younger)....

I am not sure I can now save my son from the ravages of addiction - yes I've received some support, and so has he. But none from the man who he feels can fix it all from him. Just one hug from his dad he said to me last week - that's all it would take.

I am heartbroken and bereft. And yet, society will blame me for his failures and won't even discuss his dad who walked away. A mere shrug of the shoulders is all I get when I dare to mention him ('sure they're all b*stards...') The fathers rights brigade shun me, because they don't want to talk about sons like mine - sons who are suffering with abandonment issues that no psychologist can ever but right. But fathers rights, as somebody also said, is about equality. Both mother and father brought this child into the world equally. But I am expected to do the job of two, and then take the abuse from all and sundry when it all ends in failure.

Nevyn

unregistered wrote: »

I am the person who wrote the original post here - I was particularly stressed when I wrote it, having found my 17yr old vomiting from another night of binge drinking, and having cried myself to sleep after i cleaned him up and put him back to bed.

I am glad you posted and I am sorry that you are going through this.

unregistered wrote: »

'But no one wants to talk about the price the children pay for these choices. No one ever wants to talk about this an any context, from women's lib to mens rights.'

I want to thank you for this comment, because it's very true.

I am 17years parenting this boy on my own, with no input from his father whatsoever. It has just been expected of me that I would do a good job, and that a mothers instinct would kick-in, while I tried to keep a roof over our heads, tried to keep the debt collectors away from the door, tried to keep him fed and in school. And all the while, tried to have some sort of a life myself. I didn't succeed in that last sentence, that's for sure.

I didn't start out like this - I didn't intend on being a woman who raised a child on my own. His father decided he didn't want a child after a long relationship - gave me 200 pounds for an abortion and never contacted me again.

I have know the same thing to happen to 4 other women.

unregistered wrote: »

But I had the child - and have had some of the best years of my life with him - from the age of 6 - 12, things were particularly wonderful. He was slightly insecure, always felt a bit different to the other boys around him who had their dads, but brightened up my life so much. But I could never have guessed at the level of hurt and pain and anger he was bottling up about the man who abandoned him. Not in a million years.

There are specific challenges when you are being a single mother raising a fatherless boy, some times these can be over come when there are family memeber who are able to help but if your not aware of them they can come out of the blue.

unregistered wrote: »

And so, at about 13, he went 'off the rails'. It almost happened overnight. He went from being a bright, articulate shy little fella to being a very angry young boy. I was ill-equipped to handle him - I hadn't a clue what I should, or shouldn't be doing. Should I ignore his bad behavior and reward his good? (which is what I had done when he was younger)....

Babies don't come with manuals, thankfully there are more and more info out there and parenting classes and http://www.parentline.ie/ 1890 927 277 but not enough people know about them imho.

unregistered wrote: »

I am not sure I can now save my son from the ravages of addiction - yes I've received some support, and so has he. But none from the man who he feels can fix it all from him. Just one hug from his dad he said to me last week - that's all it would take.

Your son will have to learn the hard lesson which is spoken about in the serenity prayer:
grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

He can not change the man who beget him only thing he can change is himself. It's not an easy process, esp when one is young but often it's the bright smart kids who run into this. For me either of my kids as a teen falling into addiction or depression is my nightmare as there are so few supports out there.

unregistered wrote: »

I am heartbroken and bereft.

Have you had any support for yourself? any counselling or have you looked attending an al anon meeting yourself, if it's possible?

unregistered wrote: »

And yet, society will blame me for his failures and won't even discuss his dad who walked away. A mere shrug of the shoulders is all I get when I dare to mention him ('sure they're all b*stards...') The fathers rights brigade shun me, because they don't want to talk about sons like mine - sons who are suffering with abandonment issues that no psychologist can ever but right.

I think maybe that they fear that what your son is undergoing may happen to their own son's as they are not allowed to be in their lives despite in some cases the courts saying they should be.

unregistered wrote: »

But fathers rights, as somebody also said, is about equality. Both mother and father brought this child into the world equally. But I am expected to do the job of two, and then take the abuse from all and sundry when it all ends in failure.

You are your son's sole legal guardian and the state places the responsibility on you, if un wed fathers were made made responsible then things may change. We do our best for our kids, the best we can, sometimes we need help but it can be hard to find out where to go and how to access it.
It's a lot of responsibility being in charge of a growing person but some times it's just not our fault and we can do all the right things and make all the right calls and the out come is not what we hoped for.

I really hope that you and your son get through this dark patch.

metrovelvet

unregistered wrote: »

I am the person who wrote the original post here - I was particularly stressed when I wrote it, having found my 17yr old vomiting from another night of binge drinking, and having cried myself to sleep after i cleaned him up and put him back to bed.

'But no one wants to talk about the price the children pay for these choices. No one ever wants to talk about this an any context, from women's lib to mens rights.'

I want to thank you for this comment, because it's very true.

I am 17years parenting this boy on my own, with no input from his father whatsoever. It has just been expected of me that I would do a good job, and that a mothers instinct would kick-in, while I tried to keep a roof over our heads, tried to keep the debt collectors away from the door, tried to keep him fed and in school. And all the while, tried to have some sort of a life myself. I didn't succeed in that last sentence, that's for sure.

I didn't start out like this - I didn't intend on being a woman who raised a child on my own. His father decided he didn't want a child after a long relationship - gave me 200 pounds for an abortion and never contacted me again.

But I had the child - and have had some of the best years of my life with him - from the age of 6 - 12, things were particularly wonderful. He was slightly insecure, always felt a bit different to the other boys around him who had their dads, but brightened up my life so much. But I could never have guessed at the level of hurt and pain and anger he was bottling up about the man who abandoned him. Not in a million years.

And so, at about 13, he went 'off the rails'. It almost happened overnight. He went from being a bright, articulate shy little fella to being a very angry young boy. I was ill-equipped to handle him - I hadn't a clue what I should, or shouldn't be doing. Should I ignore his bad behavior and reward his good? (which is what I had done when he was younger)....

I am not sure I can now save my son from the ravages of addiction - yes I've received some support, and so has he. But none from the man who he feels can fix it all from him. Just one hug from his dad he said to me last week - that's all it would take.

I am heartbroken and bereft. And yet, society will blame me for his failures and won't even discuss his dad who walked away. A mere shrug of the shoulders is all I get when I dare to mention him ('sure they're all b*stards...') The fathers rights brigade shun me, because they don't want to talk about sons like mine - sons who are suffering with abandonment issues that no psychologist can ever but right. But fathers rights, as somebody also said, is about equality. Both mother and father brought this child into the world equally. But I am expected to do the job of two, and then take the abuse from all and sundry when it all ends in failure.

Unfortunately substance abuse from one form or another seems to be high on the likelyhood list of fatherless boys. Every adult male I personally know who has an abandoning father has had addiction problems but the good news is they also found recovery.

I hope your son hits a very shallow bottom.

There is plenty of literature of what you can do to avoid becoming an enabler. This can help counter the addiction spiral. I cant imagine the pain you are in watching your son destroy himself. My father was a recovered alcoholic, had two abandoning parents, and he explained to me with drink and addiction its all about changing yourself. You hate yourself because someone somewhere told you you were a piece of **** and you believed so. So you hate yourself and then you want to change yourself, and alcohol and drugs can do this.

He is an adolescent and I remember my father saying to me about my brother 'he may look like a man, but he is still a boy, and try to remember that when he gets to you." Your son is still a child, grappling with all of this even though he may look and sound like a man.

My heart goes out to you and take courage in this battle. You can help your son fight it while he wrestles his demons.

mariaalice

The point i was making is even with both parents involve and being supportive thing can still go off the rails for some children.

iverson

jus wondering im a single mom of a 16 month old baby boy and his dad while i was in labour walked out and never came back unto now and wants full rights to are son and wants to see him 4 weeks a year (yep 4 weeks ) and my son dont know him as dad and crys everytime he comes near (heartbraking) but my son knows my best friend as dad and they go out eveywere and he takes him swimming ect... my problem is i jus got a place in a danish college to finsh my vet dregee but the father wont let us go do you know what i can do ?

metrovelvet

I found this very excellent document on re unification when a parent wants back in.

It stinks that the dads can cherry pick their parenting but that is the law and nothing anyone can do about it.

http://www.doj.state.or.us/dcs/pdf/second_chances.pdf

If he doesnt have guardianship he cant stop you from going anywhere and even if he did he would have to get the courts to stop you. As a bond is not established and the baby is so young I dont think the baby's residency has been established yet.

This qualification will give you better chances of making more money for your child.

He will have to work his four weeks around your residency. Four weeks is better than four days. I know it's a pathetic amount of time.

Ask him to take a parenting class and to go to mediation with you [if you are willing.]

iverson

i tryed classes with him he never turned up and his way of being a dad is well put it this way he had are son 4 one night and the baby started throwing up normally u would ring a doctor but no not him 4am he knocked my door and said his sick give him back to me when his better

metrovelvet

From what i have read in the various research and literature I have looked at from ages 0-3 its better to have the non custodial visits be short and frequent in the baby's home. Its in the document I posted above. It can cause a lot of stress to the child to be taken from his or her primary caregiver. Maybe you should both consider that.