What's the most retarded thing you've done in your entire life?

carlybabe1

Bb4sure wrote: »

Drank myself into a awful mess, back to a house party and done a ole pee in my pants while half awake in a drunken haze. There was some narcotics involved aswell which probaly didn't add any postive to avoiding that situation! PLUS I was farting like a good thing so not only did I pee in my pants I smelled like I had a solid sitting in my bottoms aswell. Much to the bemusement to my fellow party goers.. ah god that comes back to haunt me alot.:rolleyes:

LOL thats gas. I have a few, first one i can think of, was about four (yes that long) and went for a picnic with me mammie and anty anna was burstin for a pee but male cous bein around i refused to drop the big pants so me mammie directed me behind a big tree, I went running and didnt have time to look where i was goin. skirt came up, pants came down and i SAT in a bunch of nettles, que the pi*sy socks and sandals...smell in the car was NOT pleasant, couldnt sit for a week

got a pair of rollerskates for my bday so thought id skate on down to my mates house to show her the new groove tried to do a 360 turn at her front door, made 180, fell on my ass, threw my head back laughin and split my head wide open...12 stitches later daddio was not amused

willow tree

oh too many to mention (although pretty boring and responsible in recent years). one time out with my party friend (who knows everyone) i was chatting to this guy in a wheelchair. my friend said 'oh do ye know each other?'. i said 'no' so she introduced us, i put my hand out to shake hands, he had no arms.. my friend said that i hid it well by moving my hand up and patting his shoulder like thats what i was doing all along, cringe

beano345

right beside were i live is a patch of waste ground with bits of junk,bits of cars and rubble in it,a few years ago i was taking a short cut through it and seen a cavity block with a bucket beside it,i don't know why i did this but i put the cavity block underneath the bucket:cool:

fast forward 2 months later and me and a mate are walking through there,upon seeing the bucket i broke into a run and hit it an unmerciful kick.the instant i connected with it i remembered putting the block underneath it and it flew about 20 foot in front of me.had 2 broken toes for my genius idea.my mate still laughs about it:pac:

Cork24

Playing soccer in all weather pitch toe-pucked the ball over the fence climb up on the fence as I was about to jump off my leg got stuck flipped around landed on my head broke my coller bone in half..

Drunk.. girl stopped me asking me do I remember her I said no, she kept it up about 2 mins later she walked away so I start running after her, she got into a cab while I was running up the hill got into a speed wobble went flying into some gate don't know how I got up and home ribs were black and blue for weeks.

unklerosco

Being very very drunk, "borrowing" a boat, rowing across blessington lake to get to a house party (was cheaper than a taxi), by the time we got there the party was over, then it was too late to get a taxi back so we'd to row back across the lake.. All in all we spent over 4hrs crossing from one side of the lake to the other, in winter, with no life jackets. Still, was good exercise...

Tayla

Peter Wooden Instep wrote: »

Manhood tests in college. We'd quinch cigarettes in our arms
Now have scars that make me look like I was into self harming...

I used to do that with lighters when I was around 14, we used to call them smilies, i'm not sure why.......! still have the scars now on one arm and felt like an absolute idiot when I was getting blood taken when I was pregnant and the nurse was asking me where they came from

gigino

Investing in this country when I should have emigrated years ago.

metalmessiah88

Came home really drunk one night climbed into bed woke up the next day couldnt find my house keys phone or trousers spent ages searching the house high and low for them apparently i came home went into the sitting room took my trousers off and folded them up and put the under my sofa mother didnt tell me cause she thought this was funniest thing she'd seen

strobe

A good few years back now I was invited over by a good friend of mine to his and his girlfriends place for a few drinks and something to eat before heading on to town. Her sister was coming too, I think the idea was we were supposed to hit it off. (I'd met her once or twice briefly and had mentioned to my mate I thought she was gorgeous and seemed like good craic etc).

Anyway we were all having a good laugh together, things were going well, so we decided instead of heading on somewhere else as was the plan we would just make a night of it there in the flat. So off my mate and his girl go to pick up another couple of bottles of wine as we were running dry (and presumably to give me and your one a chance to be alone for a bit). I was a bit nervous because it was the first time we had ever been alone together and I was really liking her. So the two of them have left about two minutes and I am sitting there with Ciara* and go to ask her to pass me my lighter from the end of the table. But as I said it I sort of half coughed, so "you couldn't pass me the lighter there?" became what sounded exactly like "you cunt!", sort of barked out.

That's not even the retarded thing though. I should have just cleared my throat, laughed it off, and explained what I was trying to say, like a normal person would have. But no, the look of shock on her face from some guy she had previously been getting on great with suddenly, and for no discernible reason, calling her a cunt to her face the minute she was left alone him caused me to freeze up completely.

I just went completely silent and turned away from her. For about 30 seconds, sitting there thinking "fukk, say something you idiot! Explain. It's only been a few seconds, just apologise and explain what happened, make a joke out of it". But 30 seconds became 2 minutes, that became 5 minutes, then 10, then 15 of the must gut wrenchingly awkwardly silent minutes of my life before my friend and his gf came back with the wine. My brain just clamped shut on me. The poor girl must have been freaked out beyond belief. The night never recovered and I made an early exit claiming sickness. My mate rang me the next day asking me what the fukk I was playing at, and I explained and asked him to tell her and apologise but I don't think she believed me in the slightest, just marked me down as a psycho.

Abi

Hooking up with a 19 year old psychotic prick, and spending the best part of my life on it, married it.. then realised what everyone else was telling me was true. I'm good for retarded for a while, thanks.

Tubsandtiles

One time one of the lightbulbs went in the car, I went to Esso to get a new one, got chatting to the girl behind the counter, went on a date, got married and had 5 kids fcuk sake :mad:



















































































Joking I wish it had been me

Abi

Tubsandtiles wrote: »

One time one of the lightbulbs went in the car, I went to Esso to get a new one, got chatting to the girl behind the counter, went on a date, got married -fcuk sake :mad


Joking I wish it had been me

I wish I bought a fucking light bulb :mad:

evercloserunion

Abi wrote: »

I wish I bought a fucking light bulb :mad:

There's still time. You can do it!

evercloserunion

Also, for retarded things, I once drank a ton of 80% alcohol called Stroh 80 with some friends. We were 18 or 19 at the time. We were drinking it in my friend's house and the next thing I remember after that is waking up on a beach in the middle of nowhere, no wallet, keys or phone. None of my friends around either (although apparently one of them woke up in a nearby field). Stumbled to the house where one of my friend's parents live, they're quite conservative and were rather shocked to see me show up at ten in the morning, still drunk and with puke on my shirt, asking to use their phone. I still haven't a clue what went on during the forgotten hours, although we've managed to piece together that it included smashing glasses on the floor while shouting "WHY SO SERIOUS" and falling down a slipway.

All in all, I'd say that session was fairly high on the retardation scale.

Latchy

Most retarded ?

I might have to come back because there have being a few which I've probably pushed to the back of my mind under '' delete and forget ....ASAP ' .

Cummybaby

Peter Wooden Instep wrote: »

There were two taxis both with a spare seat. One which had a girl I really liked, the other which was alright. I went in with the one who was alright and ended up going out with her for a few months as a result of it even though had just been told the girl that I liked wanted me in her taxi.

Why?

Cos I'm a f*ckin idiot

Ohhh. Its like that film Sophie's Choice when Sophie has to pick between one of children to save from the concentration camp. Well its not really but you get the picture. Good story McGurk

Cummybaby

When I was a little pup (around 4 or 5) I snuck into my brother's bedroom and found a black cat banger under his bed. I then placed it on a heap of burning coal and poked at it. Needless to say it exploded and I spent the next hour running around the house crying whilst resembling a coal miner back from a tough day's graft.

yesno1234

Me and two friends were going to visit a friend in hospital. Had his keys so decided fcuk the bus we'll take his car. Bout an hour later we arrived at the hospital after one of the most nerve wrecking trips of my life. Turns out we were at the maternity hospital, needless to say he wasn't there when we asked at reception, half of the waiting room laughing at us. We just went home after that.

Worst thing about borrowing his car is that it was one of us who had broke his jaw and put him in hospital. Told him about four months later, he didn't take it too badly considering:p

mikemac

Used to work a 6am-2pm shift.

So getting up at 5am every morning.

Went to bed that afternoon, woke up, fook it's 5:30!
Throw on the clothes, jog/walk quickly the 4km to work.

If you know Galway you know Renmore to town along the railway line. It's pitch black, you hear someone before you see them

Got to work, it's past 6pm :rolleyes:
It was winter and it was dark and I was sleep deprived and acting foolish

The King of Moo

In college a few years ago, in the middle of the day and completely sober, went into the toilets in the library. As soon as I started my flow I thought "this urinal is very high up" and after a second or two realised I was pissing in the sink (my excuse was it was made from the same style ceramic as the urinals). I panicked as it was a busy period and a busy toilet near the library entrance so someone could come in at any time, but I couldn't exactly stop what I was doing, and still had a long way to go. Also in my panicked state I somehow couldn't fathom getting the floor wet by transferring from sink to urinal mid-piss, so I flexed to pause things for half a second, and quickly hopped over to the urinal. I instantly started looking about for a security camera even though it didn't occur to me that perhaps they might not have cameras in the toilets. I was mortified.

As a kid, I became delighted by the colours made by a magnet when I rubbed it against the TV screen. I wasn't so delighted when I pulled the magnet away and the colours stayed on the screen.

Somehow managed to kick myself in the face with the ball when playing football and going for an easy shot when I was about 20.

I was looking at ghost photos online (and I'm not even a believer in them!) in the dark in the wee hours of the morning a few years ago. I forgot that the cat was in the room and jumped and let out an exclamation of sheer fright/stupidity when out of nowhere she jumped on my shoulder. I dropped the laptop but luckily it was ok.

In general I tend to mistake my own reflection in glass in doors for another person. Can be quite scary at night. The worst thing is, as I'm such a polite young man, I'll sometimes step aside to let "the other person" through first, and usually in public places. Thankfully I haven't held a door open for myself yet.

mikemac

The King of Moo wrote: »

As a kid, I became delighted by the colours made by a magnet when I rubbed it against the TV screen. I wasn't so delighted when I pulled the magnet away and the colours stayed on the screen.

:eek:
You're parents weren't too happy about it, ya pup!

Was it permanently damaged?

Cummybaby

mikemac wrote: »

Used to work a 6am-2pm shift.

So getting up at 5am every morning.

Went to bed that afternoon, woke up, fook it's 5:30!
Throw on the clothes, jog/walk quickly the 4km to work.

If you know Galway you know Renmore to town along the railway line. It's pitch black, you hear someone before you see them

Got to work, it's past 6pm :rolleyes:
It was winter and it was dark and I was sleep deprived and acting foolish

I had to read this a couple of times until I got the twist - 6am and 6pm. Quality read.

Tubsandtiles

mikemac wrote: »

Used to work a 6am-2pm shift.

So getting up at 5am every morning.

Went to bed that afternoon, woke up, fook it's 5:30!
Throw on the clothes, jog/walk quickly the 4km to work.

If you know Galway you know Renmore to town along the railway line. It's pitch black, you hear someone before you see them

Got to work, it's past 6pm :rolleyes:
It was winter and it was dark and I was sleep deprived and acting foolish

Wasn't that the track where a girl got murdered, I'd hate to have to walk it at that time

The King of Moo

mikemac wrote: »

:eek:
You're parents weren't too happy about it, ya pup!

Was it permanently damaged?

Luckily it wasn't but I was sure it was and felt horrible! My father managed to fix it somehow, and I was so relieved.
Funnily enough, the tube did go a fair few years later when the TV was quite old, and the screen went a few shades of purple and green. We got a new one and I took the old one into my room. Remembering my messing from years earlier I got a magnet to see if I could minimise the damage. I discovered that by moving the magnet around I could "push" the colours around a bit a get a few patches where the colour was fine. After much experimentation, I discovered that if I moved the magnet very quickly I could "sweep" the green and purple off to the sides, and therefore ended up with my first TV in my room and only a tiny purple patch along the bottom of the screen .
My stupidity paid off in the long run .

Chuck Stone

Let me see...

Hit myself on the back of the head trying to throw a javelin in school in front of the class. In my defence it wasn't a true javelin it was a red and white pole with a perpendicular step like thing for diggin it into the ground - it was the step thing that hit my head.

As a child I took a slug of apple flavoured shampoo because it smelled deliciously appley (tastes nothing like apples *spit-spit-spit*)

Was sitting in the car as a wee fella as my mother talked with my Uncle outside his house. I managed to put the car in neutral and let the handbrake off. Car started to roll backwards down the steep hill towards a main road. I turned and looked out the window and said calmly (didn't shout) 'help' my uncle who had his arm in a cast at the time legged it after the car as I was rolling towards the main road and got the door open and dived in and managed to save me. :eek:

Packed a load of branches and stuff under a monster rope-swing and set fire to it and swung thru on the swing but got a face full of sparks and decided that I wasn't going back thru so jumped off while it was near it's peak - only (luckily imo) sprained ankles.

Tried to reset the mile counter thru the steering wheel whilst turning a corner - narrowly avoided a crash. Scary and dumb.

That's all I can think of.

Larianne

Lent someone money.

mikemac

Tubsandtiles wrote: »

Wasn't that the track where a girl got murdered, I'd hate to have to walk it at that time

The Swiss girl was attacked in waste ground beneath it. The railway line is up on an embankment.

The actual path is safe enough, I walked it every night for months to my night porter job.
But it takes just one night to be unlucky I suppose. And there are metal barriers on both sides so you're pretty much trapped.
Pitch black along it, you will hear a person approaching before you see them. Can be scary hearing the footsteps approaching and you don't know who you are going to meet

AFC_1903

Crossing a single strand electric fence after it had been raining. I don't know if yoou know these fences, but they pulse with electricity. Crack, crack, crack they go as the electricity surges around the fence. Now crossing a fence is not hazardous if you take care, but I was not very tall at the time (being a child 'n all) and this made it more of a challenge. Hence I needed to make usage of a wet raised lump of mud and grass at one side of the fence, and a wet boulder at the other to cross safely.

You can see where this is going, can't you...

While astride the fence I slipped, balls first, onto the electric fence. :eek:

It really is not a good thing to do, ever, and I would not recommend it. Also this is the one and only time I have ever grabbed an electric fence with my bare hands, as it was the quickest way to break the testicles-electricity circuit which had (unsurprisingly) become my immediate priority.

Steff

While drunk one day last summer, I accidentally broke one of my bottles. As I was cleaning it up, my friends warned me not to cut myself on the broken glass. Of course, I was all "SURE THIS WOULDN'T CUT YA AT ALL" and rubbed a shard along my arm to prove my point.

Sleeve was DESTROYED a few minutes later...

Oh, and also, fat girl, too many vodkas. I'm sure you can fill in the blanks yourself...

tigerblob

I can't believe some of the stupid things I did as a child, so stupid that adults couldn't comprehend what I was thinking and thought I was doing it just to be bold.

My personal favourite is being three and thinking that gravel pebbles were chalk, which I decided to use to draw on my grandparents' brand new car. It would always be the brand new car wouldn't it? Actually, I never cleared up with them that it was a crazy misunderstanding of the world rather than just being bold.