What's the most retarded thing you've done in your entire life?

Seachmall

Peter Wooden Instep wrote: »

Manhood tests in college. We'd quinch cigarettes in our arms
Now have scars that make me look like I was into self harming...

If you do it quick it doesn't hurt. I've had 4 fags put out on my hands and arms, 2 accidental (they hurt) and 2 somewhat intentional (panicking when my da walks into my bedroom while I'm smoking in the bathroom). No marks.

I do have 2 burn marks on my hands when I decided to do those lighter smiley things a year or two back. They're fairly faint but they're quite noticeable at times.

donalg1

Bob the Builder wrote: »

Met a girl I really liked and we were going to get with each other. Both really nervous so nothing happened. Haven't stopped liking her since.

Would you not just ask her out now, you will end up regretting it forever if not,

wild_cat

QuinnC88 wrote: »

Summer 2007 or 2008, on the bus on the way up to Scream Teenage Disco in Dublin with a load of people from my town, after about an hour into the journey I had the bright idea to swallow 5 e's and have a competition to see who can drink the most from their bottle of Jagermeister and from that point on cant recall a thing that happened after!!..only waking up in a wheelchair in Beaumont Hospital dazed and confused as ****.Get up walk to the bathroom, washing my hands, look in the mirror, huge bandage around my head...Hosptal got through to my Mother and she drove up from Tipp nd collected me at 5 in the morning!..Apparently by the time i got to the entrance of the disco i had passed out, they brought me into the medical room and had me laying face down in the middle of the floor for half an hour before an ambulance came and carted me away.While in Beaumont i had woken up in a room started freaking out with the nurses, went to make a run for it, musnt of made it far, cos i ended up bouncing the back of my head of a counter and now have a nice 6 inch scar for all to see!:D

The reason drugs are illegal apparently is to protect people like you. I hope your proud.

saorise

Got up at 8.30am and had to be in school for 9am, got dressed ran out the door, missed my bus and had to thumb into town (this was back when thumbing was safe!) eventually got to town, ran down to the school, it was just 9am, but the school gates were locked!!! Looked up at the church clock... it was only 8am!!!

Took me a while to get over that one :cool:

Fago!

KeithM89 wrote: »

Sober:
Stuck my finger into a chip-pan to see if the oil was hot enough. - the bubbling and steam wasnt enough of a sign.

Drunk:
Shat into a urinal for a bet, got caught by a barman and had to clean it out

Got caught by a Batman?

Edit - Haha I misread barman as batman. THAT's the most retarded thing I've done!..today!

orourkeda

Steff wrote: »

While drunk one day last summer, I accidentally broke one of my bottles. As I was cleaning it up, my friends warned me not to cut myself on the broken glass. Of course, I was all "SURE THIS WOULDN'T CUT YA AT ALL" and rubbed a shard along my arm to prove my point.

Sleeve was DESTROYED a few minutes later...

Oh, and also, fat girl, too many vodkas. I'm sure you can fill in the blanks yourself...

I'm sure you plugged a few holes that night

boxie

Getting Pregnant!

CardBordWindow

boxie wrote: »

Getting Pregnant!

I can't wait for your child to become a future boardsie, look through the archives and see that!

kiki

Drunk
Lots. Mostly involving vast quantities of alcohol.
Most embarrassing - with then girlfriend in Paris at her apartment - she had set up double camp bed in sitting room floor on top of newly bought expensive rug. Had a few too many that night, and woke up wanting to pee. In my mind the floor plan was strange so I didnt know where bathroom was, but I had an idea, I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and pissed under the camp bed we were sleeping in, thinking it wouldn't be found !! - She woke up half way through and asked me what I was doing kneeling by bed. She did forgive me - now married to her !!


Sober
Fixing my granmothers bedside side lamp - took out bulb looked down socket and saw a loose cable, put my finger in to grab it - 220 Volts WOW !!

Eve_Dublin

Sober: Getting lost walking back to my flat after work one day when I lived in London...and I'd lived there for about 6 months. No idea what happened there...

Drunk: Putting a plate of spagetti bolognaise on my head in a restaurant and running out with said spagetti dripping down my face and into the arms of a policeman...

On mushrooms: Telling 2 policemen they were made of plastic and I didn't believe they were real police when they tried to stop myself and friends from climbing on rooves of cars on a carpark.

Ah! Those were the days....

Big Nasty

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

On mushrooms: Telling 2 policemen they were made of plastic and I didn't believe they were real police when they tried to stop myself and friends from climbing on rooves of cars on a carpark.

Ah! Those were the days....

Love this one!

Birneybau

Steff wrote: »

While drunk one day last summer, I accidentally broke one of my bottles. As I was cleaning it up, my friends warned me not to cut myself on the broken glass. Of course, I was all "SURE THIS WOULDN'T CUT YA AT ALL" and rubbed a shard along my arm to prove my point.

Sleeve was DESTROYED a few minutes later...

Oh, and also, fat girl, too many vodkas. I'm sure you can fill in the blanks yourself...

What exactly, as a fat drunk girl, did you do?

I need closure!!!

Hiawassee

got married

Teyla Emmagan

Picked the scabs off my tonsil scars with the lid of a Bic Biro. Spent the next 4 days on a drip in Crumlin after vomiting blood for about 5 hours (the wounds were bleeding into my stomach).

I just wanted to see what would happen. Found out I guess.

Did not tell my parents the truth for nearly 20 years.

Daegerty

Drove an automatic.

mikemac

Out in Templebar, work night out

Living in Artane which is about 5km north.
Somehow got it into my head to walk home

About halfway there I was getting tired so thought I'd find somewhere quiet and just rest a little while.

Woke up when it was bright on grass in wasteground on the North Circular Road.
How I managed to scale that gate with barbed wire and not impale myself I'll never know, I was struggling to get out again

CardBordWindow

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Picked the scabs off my tonsil scars with the lid of a Bic Biro. Spent the next 4 days on a drip in Crumlin after vomiting blood for about 5 hours (the wounds were bleeding into my stomach).

I just wanted to see what would happen. Found out I guess.

Did not tell my parents the truth for nearly 20 years.

You must have no gag reflex if you managed that!;)

Soups123

My nan asked would I paint her friends front garden wall who lived on her street, she was away the weekend I was to do it so when I got there I just got started, about 15 minutes in and out comes her friend confused to fec wondering why I was painting her red brick wall with white paint................. it was the wrong friend, stupidest i ever felt

coco_lola

Signed an 18-month bill pay contract with Vodafone when I know I have absolutely no self control when it comes to making calls and sending texts.

Daegerty

coco_lola wrote: »

Signed an 18-month bill pay contract with Vodafone when I know I have absolutely no self control when it comes to making calls and sending texts.

You chose the worst and most expensive network too

OAOB

Was ****-faced on Saturday night and on Sunday morning i couldn't find my wallet so i cancelled my bank card. Turns out the wallet was in my bed so now i'm waiting on my new card to arrive cos i have zero money (spent my last €5 in Aldi on a strawberry plant for my mam which was also a bit retarded).

Chances are i did something even more retarded on Saturday night but can't remember so it doesn't count

AeoNGriM

SIX PACK wrote: »

I had a bad dose of ADHD as a kid in 90's which went Undiagnosed, Did some really crazy **** that i dont even know how im here today Obviously my Guardian Angels were watching over me
Walked out in front of cars, Jumped off Bridges, Starting Fights with boys twice my size, Climbing to top of the tallest trees i could find, Crashed a few Cars,
Did some mean stuff also I wont go there, Lets just say iv grown up

Pfft, you mean you weren't beaten enough as a child. ADHD is a fictional disorder and an excuse for bad parenting, nothing more.

The King of Moo

AeoNGriM wrote: »

Pfft, you mean you weren't beaten enough as a child. ADHD is a fictional disorder and an excuse for bad parenting, nothing more.

It's a genuine disorder. I've seen the difference between kids who need discipline and kids with ADHD firsthand.

donalg1

It wasnt something i did but a friend of mine when shaving couldnt get all the hair out of the razor using the tap and water in the sink he couldnt find anything else nearby to get it out so he decided to lick it out!!! I laughed my a** off at that, then laughed even more when he put salt and vinegar on his chips that evening:D

doubtfir3

I have two particularly special ones.. was in the pub with mates on new years eve, rang in the new year and said good luck to the lads.. out the door, stopped for a kebab and started walking to limerick.. from tralee.

got about 4 miles out the road and a car stopped asking me what the hell i was doing.. ended up hopping in to the car with a couple of lads, had a few more cans and ended up in cork at 5:30am on new years day.

that was new years day 2000 so between wondering if the world was going to end because of the milennium bug and wishing desperately for a bed i hadn't a clue what i was going to do.. ended up finding a b&b on the western road at 11am and crashed out.

--

second was a particularly embarassing one.. was walking up to work.. hungover... a woman was walking in front of me (was trying to keep a 20ft gap and we had synchronised our walks.. you know the awkward bit when there are only 2 of you on the path going in the same direction?).. a car was driving past and stopped to give a lift..

I trotted over, hungover, barely breathing and delighted to get the lift (assumed it was one of teh girls at work).. only when I had gotten to the car and had the passenger door open did I see the woman that was in front of me.. with her friend looking out of the drivers seat wondering who the fsck I was...

RichieC

Failed a blood test. Bada bum.

Yawlboy

At Mass when I was a kid, the priest said "Let us sing" so I stood up and started belting out Country Roads........

galwaybetty

Where to begin? I have so many blonde moments sometimes its like Im living in a more awkward Bridget Jones movie.

My new sandals were coming apart and I was really annoyed because they were pricey enough. My friend suggested I superglue them back together, so I did just that and left them overnight. Was'nt I suprised when I discovered the next day that I had managed to superglue my sandals to the floor.

Went to my Grannys house after a drunk and rather late night, couldnt get the key to fit. I rang my cousin who gave detailed instructions on how to jiggle lift and twist it. It didnt work however so my cousin drove over to let me in. Apparently the key works just fine, if youre unlocking the door to Granny's house and not her neighbour's.

At a family wedding, I kissed the brides brother in front of everyone. I should probably add that my cousin was the groom.

Called in an electrician to fix the cooker in my appartment in Woodquay, it turns out the trick is to switch it on.

Got onto the wrong train, and ended up in Kildare rather than Galway.

Accidentally creating a small kitchen fire while trying to make fried egg sandwiches.

I stupidly thought that my exam started at 9:30 rather than 9:00, like it wasnt a nightmare of an exam already.

Someone 'complimented' me on my nice pair, and i genuinely believed him when he said he meant my eyes. I was 19....

Stupidly asked a friend why we were always flirting and have made it horrifically awkward since. Every now and again one of friends takes my hand and says 'Do we flirt because its fun, or because theres something there'. It is a source of much hilarity.

ScumLord

Stargazing. It was such a beautiful night so I decided to do a bit of stargazing while I stumbled home from the club. Unfortunately I fell into the bucket of a tractor and was pretty much out of me box which made me think the cow **** inside felt lovely so I had a roll around in it. Didn't think much of it untill I woke up in the morning with cow **** all over everything in the house.

ball

Fell asleep on the wrong bus home.