What's the most retarded thing you've done in your entire life?

PennyLane88

And a few years ago i drove into a huge carpark - was determined to get a parking space. I seen some woman going over to her car, asked her if she was going, she looked at me funny and said 'ya'. So i waited for her to get out of the space.

Got out of the car, only to realise that nearly all the car park was empty. Car spaces everywhere!

citizen_p

Popsy wrote: »

This story relates to something my brother did when he was about 14.

I was out one day with my mam and dad, we arrived home late afternoon to be greeted by my bro at the hall door looking all smug with himself.

He proceeded to tell us how he wanted to surprise my mam by cleaning the carpet for her. Mam was delighted for about ten seconds.

It turned out, he had filled 3 buckets with water and washing up liquid and poured them straight onto the carpet and started scrubing. Needless to say the sitting room was like a paddling pool. Back then we didnt have the money to be shelling out for things on the spur of the moment, so the heating was cranked up in the hope the carpets would dry.

After two days of squelching around the house, the parents finally caved in and pulled up the carpet.

would only expect that from a 6 or 7 year old

Witchie

Fallen in love again

Ledger

This happened a few weeks ago:

Coming home on a Saturday night after a few pints with the lads, friend was driving, he dropped me off at my house, but i decided, for some reason, to hang on to the side of the car.

My friend for some reason did not realise i was there and drove off sending me to the tarmac giving me a good smack on the head.

A drive to A & E later i was vomiting with a serious pain in my head and dizziness. Turns out i had fractured my skull and caused a small bleed on my brain.

This means no drink, no sport and taking it handy for 6 months. It also means not being able to go to Oxegen with all my mates.


Moral of the story is: DONT HANG ONTO MOVING VEHICLES WHILE P**SED!

Saviola

Ledger wrote: »

This happened a few weeks ago:

Coming home on a Saturday night after a few pints with the lads, friend was driving, he dropped me off at my house, but i decided, for some reason, to hang on to the side of the car.

My friend for some reason did not realise i was there and drove off sending me to the tarmac giving me a good smack on the head.

A drive to A & E later i was vomiting with a serious pain in my head and dizziness. Turns out i had fractured my skull and caused a small bleed on my brain.

This means no drink, no sport and taking it handy for 6 months. It also means not being able to go to Oxegen with all my mates.


Moral of the story is: DONT HANG ONTO MOVING VEHICLES WHILE P**SED!

Can i have your oxegen ticket?

ArtyM

Saviola wrote: »

Can i have your oxegen ticket?

Now thats the entreprenerial spirit!

purity

Too lazy to get spoon to take out eggs boiling in pan so I stuck my hand in and took out the egg. My left hand was inflamed with blisters and I had my driving test the same day. I was very self conscious as the instructor was looking at my swollen blister infested hand on steering wheel.

nitromaster

In London...lack of sleep from a 3am bus from Manchester.

Spent an hour and a half wandering around trying to find my way to Oxford Street :pac: Didn't take to ask anyone....Ended up going back to around where i got off the bus...and got a bus which i thought was going to Oxford Street...would have been a 10 minute trip.

Turns out it was going to Oxford...and i only realised after it had gone past all the main streets in London Was wondering why the trip cost like £15 :pac:

Ended up just getting off in Oxford and instead of explaining it to the bus driver and trying to change my ticket to a return (return was like £5 more....), i just got the next bus back and paid the full £15.

Such a waste of time/money

Fozzydog3

elviscostello wrote: »

I was in a fancy indian restaurant in London a while back. It was late in the evening and I had drank one or two alcoholic beverages.

Went to the toilets, and like above, heard the dreaded female voices. I waited it out. While waiting, I thought to myself, how the fúck did I end up in here?

On the doors were M and F. I had presumed that M stood for Mná and F for Fir, which of course is not really probable in London.

What a dope.

your honour..............

mikemac

I'm constantly falling asleep on public transport.
Give me just a few minutes and I'm out

Many the evening I get the Red line luas at Connolly and be asleep before we hit Jervis. End up waking up in Tallaght and have to backtrack to my stop

Missed my Bus Eireann stop in Nenagh, woke up by Roscrea

But the worst was my college bus would go from Galway to North Tipp to Carlow.
Missed my Nenagh stop, woke up going to Carlow.
Not a clue where we are and Tipp is a big place so I know North Tipp but have never realy been in South Tipp
Never been in Carlow in my life either and no buses home at that late hour.

Had to pay for a B&B costing 50 punts. Considering my student grant was a lot lower back then and was 37 punts a week it was a lot of money to me at the time

Ledger

Saviola wrote: »

Can i have your oxegen ticket?

already sold mate! ha

four18

Ledger wrote: »

already sold mate! ha

Damm !

Lone Stone

let some women sleep with my dog didnt end to well

PARKHEAD67

Killer Pigeon wrote: »

Dear ALL,

Now I'm not going to start this thread by giving an account of something retarded I may have done in the past because, quite frankly, I'm a very boring human being with a very bland lifestyle (other than just earlier today when I realised that the chicken eggs we eat are actually unfertilised eggs and the yolk of the egg doesn't actually contain small chicken fetii/ fetuses). Anyway, to continue with the initiation of this most retarded thread, which possible has been created many times before, please give us a splendorous account of the most retarded thing you had the misfortune of doing in your entire life.

Regards,

KP.

Listen to someone who pretended to follow united pre-1990 Fa cup final.Everyone knows that there were no manure fans around in Ireland before 90.Then the old glory hunters took over.Mun U fans from Ireland.If you stuck half of em into the middle of manchester, they wouldnt even know where they are.Bar stoolers.Im a Celtic fan, but at least I know Glasgow inside out.Been to Parkhead many times.But these United "fans" from bar stools??Bloody hell!!!:)

PARKHEAD67

Killer Pigeon wrote: »

Dear ALL,

Now I'm not going to start this thread by giving an account of something retarded I may have done in the past because, quite frankly, I'm a very boring human being with a very bland lifestyle (other than just earlier today when I realised that the chicken eggs we eat are actually unfertilised eggs and the yolk of the egg doesn't actually contain small chicken fetii/ fetuses). Anyway, to continue with the initiation of this most retarded thread, which possible has been created many times before, please give us a splendorous account of the most retarded thing you had the misfortune of doing in your entire life.

Regards,

KP.

I walked through a "traveller" site when I was about 14 as a shortcut. 1 "traveller" was about to kill me until he came up close and realised that I was only about 13 or 14.(He had a bat).Told me to hurry up and get the eff out and thats what I did.Nearly ****e me pants.I will never forget it:)

later12

yah

bowsie010

later10 wrote: »

The most stupid mistake that I have ever made was a £25k arithmetic error that I made in Autumn 2005. I completely wiped out a trade whose value was more than my net annual salary, which should have been a firing offence. Thankfully, my boss (who is apparently not an AH poster) was able to see boyond this short misdemeanour and correct my position, elsewhere).

You are too fond of this story.

DarkDusk

When I was about 6/7 coming up to my birthday, I saw my presents in the back of my parent's car. All the doors were locked except the boot, so I opened the boot and stuck my head through the little rectangle opening in the middle of the back seat (the hatchback thingy). My head got stuck and had to wait until my Dad pulled it out which was very painful. My ears were badly cut but we all laughed about it after.:p

Marty McFly

PARKHEAD67 wrote: »

Listen to someone who pretended to follow united pre-1990 Fa cup final.Everyone knows that there were no manure fans around in Ireland before 90.Then the old glory hunters took over.Mun U fans from Ireland.If you stuck half of em into the middle of manchester, they wouldnt even know where they are.Bar stoolers.Im a Celtic fan, but at least I know Glasgow inside out.Been to Parkhead many times.But these United "fans" from bar stools??Bloody hell!!!:)

Ah the age old if youve never been your not a real fan :rolleyes: and this is coming from someone who not even a United fan.


For me itd have to be from when I was a lil nipper I done a Theres Something About Mary had to be taken to hospital when I was in Wales on holiday at the age of five or six, went for a whizzand managed to catch myself inthe fly of my shorts had to go hospital to get it cut out safely luckily for me there was no lasting damage:).

jugger0

Not so much something ive done, but one time when i was in secondary school, i was coming back from lunch when a bird **** in my face, not on my head but actually on my face. At first i was like what the hell was that... i rubbed my face and felt warm slime, i looked at my hand and it was whiteish grey seagul ****, bastards! it was stuck in my eybrows and ran down my fuppin neck too, i had to walk the ten minutes to school with that **** all over my face... and bird poo has a strange smell.

kkdela6

I used to use a tractor for transport. People give you some looks parking a tractor with all the cars. Especially at a funeral

Hank Scorpio

seen a friend on his bike when we were kids and he asked me if i wanted a crossbar down to the river cause he was fishing. my house is on sort of a steep hill, long story short, my foot got caught in the front spokes and the bike flipped over. we both went head over heels and hit the ground hard. must have lied there for 5 mins, totally busted up. his bike was a right off too

another time as a kid i was going down that imfamous kill on a skateboard and all i could see was my friends shouting and waving their arms, i thought i was cool, didnt realise there was a huge truck behind me skidding, didnt here it cause of the noise of the gravel

last hill story! i was going down this hill again with rollerblades, when a neighbour was walking out there front gate with a fishing rod, he didnt have it clasped for some reason and the hook got caught in my knee and the line kept spinning. had to go to hospital and get shots.

yer man called up that night and asked for his hook back :pac: cheap cnut

Gophur

PARKHEAD67 wrote: »

Listen to someone who pretended to follow united pre-1990 Fa cup final.Everyone knows that there were no manure fans around in Ireland before 90.Then the old glory hunters took over.Mun U fans from Ireland.If you stuck half of em into the middle of manchester, they wouldnt even know where they are.Bar stoolers.Im a Celtic fan, but at least I know Glasgow inside out.Been to Parkhead many times.But these United "fans" from bar stools??Bloody hell!!!:)

Gawd, that's some devotion. You must be in the running for "fan of the year"?

You know Glasgow, inside out? Fantastic. That surely qualifies you for your self congratulations.

You are better than everyone else. Celtic are lucky to have you.

srfc19

nuxxx wrote: »

seen a friend on his bike when we were kids and he asked me if i wanted a crossbar down to the river cause he was fishing. my house is on sort of a steep hill, long story short, my foot got caught in the front spokes and the bike flipped over. we both went head over heels and hit the ground hard. must have lied there for 5 mins, totally busted up. his bike was a right off too

another time as a kid i was going down that imfamous kill on a skateboard and all i could see was my friends shouting and waving their arms, i thought i was cool, didnt realise there was a huge truck behind me skidding, didnt here it cause of the noise of the gravel

last hill story! i was going down this hill again with rollerblades, when a neighbour was walking out there front gate with a fishing rod, he didnt have it clasped for some reason and the hook got caught in my knee and the line kept spinning. had to go to hospital and get shots.

yer man called up that night and asked for his hook back :pac: cheap cnut

Why would you keep going down this hill. You don't seem to have mastered it at all!!

Kitty-kitty

I sprayed sun-screen on chicken once and cooked it to see if the sun-screen would make it cook slower.

I was sober and old enough to know better!

sunflower27

Many years ago, working for a very big newspaper I was asked to write up a diary of events happening over the summer. One event was a 'circus'. I was pressed for time and stupidly didn't ring to confirm details... I was young and just wrote what I thought would be at the circus.

Went off on holidays and when I got back to work was marched up to the Editor's office. The circus was totally against the use of animals and were threatening to sue for megabucks.

Was the biggest lesson I ever learnt - check EVERYTHING!!!!

G86

Walked out in front of a school bus....

Walked smack into a street lamp....

Fell off a treadmill....

And yet apparently I have perfect vision?!

admiralofthefleet

a filthy piece i knew rang me up offering to do all kinds of dirty things to me years ago but i told her i had a girlfriend. i finished with the girl very soon after but the other girl had lost interest because i knocked her back

fasttalkerchat

jugger0 wrote: »

Not so much something ive done, but one time when i was in secondary school, i was coming back from lunch when a bird **** in my face, not on my head but actually on my face. At first i was like what the hell was that... i rubbed my face and felt warm slime, i looked at my hand and it was whiteish grey seagul ****, bastards! it was stuck in my eybrows and ran down my fuppin neck too, i had to walk the ten minutes to school with that **** all over my face... and bird poo has a strange smell.

Reminds me of german porn.

Classy bird.

tallaghtmick

Have a few

years ago when the stairs in houses had gaps i got my head stuck in between two steps.

playing blind mans bluff with my bro and best mate i walked into a sharp corner and now have a scar on my forehead.

i was asleep one day when 2 mates knocked at the door i answered with a semi......:o

as a teen the girl i really liked asks me why we have not hooked up and i answer "because we are good friends".....yes really i did.