What's the most retarded thing you've done in your entire life?

slim1919

About 10 years ago was with a bird who thought i would look good if i dyed my hair bloned like eminem so i did only we left the dye in too long and instead of it being bloned it ended up turning white realy realy white and to this day i still can't live it down has to be the dumbest think i have ever done

Ledger

my latest one:

I work delivering on a truck, I was on the trailer putting the pallet truck into a pallet to pull it onto the tail lift, when for some reason I let go of it to do something else, forgetting we were parked on a very steep hill and the truck was facing up the hill. Cue pallet truck rolling down the trailer and off over the tail lift onto the ground upside down.

Lucky it didnt do damage, it costs about 400 euro for a new one...:(

ShadowHearth

Omg, I almost pissed myself while readi g this thread. The sink one was just pure lolololol. I don't have good story as you guys, but something happened last Saturday, I felt like total retard.

Me and misses went to town. We passed by maplins shop. There was car battery charger for good price so we went to check it out. While I was looking at the thing salesperson came over. I didnt gave a good look at him. He said hello. I just asked will it charge battery only or is it just a jump start yoke. He said: " it's only a jump start, and if it's not too personal: how are you doing? ". I was like wtf. And kept asking bull**** about charger. In the end said it's not what I am looking for. The salesman left. I was a bit confused about his question.
When he left, misses gave me a kick and said" wtf? Didn't you recognised him?! It's James!"
.…............. Aaaaaaaaa ****, we haven't seen each ather for 2 years, now he will think I am a total dick!!!

I went down to talk to him again and told that I didn't recognised him!!! We loughed so much, spent 45mins just talking after lol.

reap-a-rat

Just outta bed this morning, was checking Facebook. I'm a United fan (no, that's not the retarded thing:rolleyes:) and they had posted some pics, the album was called "Manchester United US Tour 2011: New Jersey" or something similar. So I was looking through it, and then exclaimed to my boyfriend, "Feck sake, they've an album called Manchester United US Tour 2011: New Jersey up, and not one picture of the new jersey in it!"

Then it dawned on me... US tour... New Jersey... D'oh!:o

FutureGuy

Sober:
Ok, had 2 pints but not enough to explain this. Was in a lads week away in Milan and Turin for Champions Leages games in 2005. Went to a pub in Milan for some food and beers. Good laughs all round.

Went to the toilet for a quick pish. After I did the business, I tried to open the door. It wouldn't budge. Absolutely shut tight. I checked the handle, worked fine. Checked the lock. It was definately unlocked. Maybe the door opens in, not out. Both ways were not working.

10 minutes passed by, so the lads were probably wondering where I was.

I couldn't understand it it all. I started knocking, hoping that one of the staff might help, too embarrased to call one of the lads. After 15 minutes, I decided to text one of the lads I though might not make a big deal out of it.

Wrong!

Next thing, 5 of the lads were outside the door pissing their pants in laughter. I didn't understand at all. I couldn't get out, but how was it so funny...maybe they had locked me in? I asked them to unlock it, they said it was open!!

20 minutes stuch in the toilet, no idea of how to get out.

Finally, the door started opening. The lads were there, cameras in hand recording the moment that the door opened...sliding sideways. Not in or out...sideways.

Easily the most retated thing ever. 20 minues in a toilet because I forget it was a sliding door.

Drunk:
Back when I was in UL in 2001, I was nowhere near the swave mf that I am today. I was really shy, would never talk to a girl in a night club out of complete fear of rejection and humiliation. Bless.

Anyways, after a great nighout with the lads in second year, ended up in a nightclub. I decided "fcuk this shyness lark". As I was walking out of the club, I noticed a savage looking girl by the door by herself.

I said to myself "If I give her a smile and she smiles back, then surely she likes me?" So I smiled at her as I passed. She smiled back. Get in! What a legend I was.

So I walk up to her and says "hi". She smiles and says "hi" back. Awesome. She continues with the greatest college icebreaker, known to everyone including myself, the old "what are you doing" in college.

I stood there. Frozen. What am I doing? What am I doing? Then I had a brain fart.

In an attemt to answer her question, with complete honesty on my face, I said...

"I'm trying to chat you up....?"

Utter silence. I remember turning red, pretended to wave to a friend outside the door and walked away. The following morning, I realised she was asking what course I was doing.

Smoooothhhh....

veryangryman

FutureGuy wrote: »

Sober:
Drunk:
Back when I was in UL in 2001, I was nowhere near the swave mf that I am today. I was really shy, would never talk to a girl in a night club out of complete fear of rejection and humiliation. Bless.

Anyways, after a great nighout with the lads in second year, ended up in a nightclub. I decided "fcuk this shyness lark". As I was walking out of the club, I noticed a savage looking girl by the door by herself.

I said to myself "If I give her a smile and she smiles back, then surely she likes me?" So I smiled at her as I passed. She smiled back. Get in! What a legend I was.

So I walk up to her and says "hi". She smiles and says "hi" back. Awesome. She continues with the greatest college icebreaker, known to everyone including myself, the old "what are you doing" in college.

I stood there. Frozen. What am I doing? What am I doing? Then I had a brain fart.

In an attemt to answer her question, with complete honesty on my face, I said...

"I'm trying to chat you up....?"

Utter silence. I remember turning red, pretended to wave to a friend outside the door and walked away. The following morning, I realised she was asking what course I was doing.

Smoooothhhh....

Thats not retarded - its actually efficient. Id rather get a no quickly and move on with my night!

On the other hand, them wimmins like to talk alot of shizzle before gettin on yer dizzle.

battser

Left 3 Used condoms wrapped in bits of tissue in my trousers for my mother to discover before washing them....

My old man said come here, "put yout hand in the pocket there" I kept the hand in the pocket and walked to my room without another word said!

MangoLime

This isn't really a retarded thing to do, but it's definitely one of the most retarded things I've ever said.

I was on a school trip about 5 years ago, during which we had some free time so me and a few friends decided to chill in our room for a while. Amongst these friends was (changing names here) Mary, who got chatting about the fact that she was thinking about joining the baketball team. She mentioned that she was talking to Gill about it, who said that it was really fun. Gill was a girl in my class whom I had known since primary school.

Me (with genuine surprise): "Do you know Gill? I didn't know that! How do ye know each other??"

The others stared at me in astonishment.

I should point out that Mary and Gill were both in my class in Secondary school and had been for the past four years. Which I forgot.

Batsy

What's the most retarded thing you've done in your entire life?

Travelled to France.....twice. I hated both trips.

phill106

Batsy wrote: »

Travelled to France.....twice. I hated both trips.

What were the dates. 28 July 1914 – 11 November 1918 and 1st September 1939 – 2 September 1945?

dilallio

Back in the 1980s I was out for a few pints one night in Galway.
At the end of the night I was starved but only had a fiver left.
It was pissing rain so I had to choose between a snackbox in Supermacs or a taxi home with no food.

I then remembered that I had about a tenner left in my bank account, so I ran into Supermacs, got the snackbox and went over to the pass machine to take out the tenner.

Now in those days, all pass machines had a sliding transparent cover that retracted when you put the card in.

I put the card in, the cover on the pass machine retracted, I left the snackbox down on the machine and typed my pin.

I put the wrong bloody pin number in 3 times, when suddenly the cover came down with my card and snackbox stuck inside.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Had to walk home hungry and soaked

spunkymunky

VERY Drunk stag weekend in Liverpool.
So pretty late night, drinking all day, usual stuff. Managed to get back to my hotel (Jurys). I couldnt remember my name when the security guys asked me at the door. Somehow by saying my roommates name, he let me in.
Got to bed, woke up sometime later, like 7 am bursting, so ran for the jacks. Ran past the jacks into corridor. Got confused and didnt know where i was. Started running up and down the corridor trying to find my room to no avail. So ran to the end of the corridor and found a corner (like and animal would) and just let it go. When I say it was the best feeling in the world i do not kid you. It was a Homer in the twin towers moment!!
I hear a yell behind me and it was the duty manager (female) shouting at me asking what i was doing and all i could say was "I cant stop" and actually finished and shook twice. She brought me back to my room and asked me to leave. We woke my mate who had no idea what was going on. Some how i talked my way out of getting thrown out and had to pay a soil charge of 60 sterling! Went back to bed. My mate went for breakfast and met the lads going to clean it up! Poor guys!

Munky

theg81der

battser wrote: »

Left 3 Used condoms wrapped in bits of tissue in my trousers for my mother to discover before washing them....

My old man said come here, "put yout hand in the pocket there" I kept the hand in the pocket and walked to my room without another word said!

3 :eek: ........;)

Fago!

Came home really drunk one night. Decided it'd be funny to take off my clothes and lay them in a human shape on the floor, pour some ketchup on the floor next to it and leave a knife beside that, then take a picture (I do not know why this was a good idea). Quickly realised "feck, camera's broke, nothing to take pic with".

Decided it was far too much effort to clean up in my drunken state, left it there for someone else to clean in the morning, knowing I'd get yelled at. Went to bed.

Woke up the next morning to a loud womanly scream, then my mam bursting into my bedroom yelling in my face. Apparantly she saw the body shape with red stuff and a knife next to it on the floor and at first glance thought I'd been stabbed.

Definitely the most retarded thing anyone's ever done.

Also came in hammered one night, wrote a note for my mam to not wake me up for college as I had a day off. Needed to leave it somewhere she'd see it... Decided to stick it to the tv screen with superglue. genius.

Rubberlegs

Was lying in bed one morning and my daughter, who must have been about 4 at the time, kept poking me with the end of my phone charger that was plugged in beside the bed. I repeatedly asked her to stop, as it was beginning to drive me nuts. I said to her, if you keep doing that, you're going to electrocute Mammy! She kept on doing it, so I shuddered violently, and went perfectly still. Poor child screamed her head off. She still remembers it to this day, and uses it against me. Think i may have scarred her for life:o.
Jesus, I'm a terrible mother......















But it is a little bit funny, in fairness.....

Crimbouser

Leaned back while on my computer. Could hear this fierce sizzling sound and there was an awful burning smell. Says to myself, sure the candle is burning too near my wooden shelf and i blow it out like any sensible person would. But the sizzling keeps on going. After the head finally starts feeling hot, i look at my hair. Was the hair i'd set on fire all along. Only lost a couple of strands though!

dilallio

About 11 or 12 years ago, I decided one Fri nite to go on my own to the late screening of Austin Powers 2, in the Galway Omniplex. I had been out on a decent session the nite before and was just getting back to normal after a really bad hangover.

I was sitting on an aisle seet near the back and there were 2 girls beside me.

About 40 mins into the movie, I must have fallen asleep, because the girl beside me poked me gently, and told me nicely that I had started snoring. I was horrified, and apologised. I went out to the loo, splashed a nice bit of cold water on my face, and went back in to see the rest of the movie.

Without realising it, I fell back asleep, and this time the same girl woke me up again with another gentle poke. I jumped up, apologised again and whispered "I'm really sorry - was I snoring again?"

"No", she replied. "This time you were just dribbling on my shoulder" :eek:

Even though she saw the funny side of it and was brilliant about it, I couldn't get out of the cinema fast enough.

Elba101

When I was a little girl, about 4/5 I took my dads razor, soaped up my face and shaved it. My mam walked in shouting. I had blood all down my face from the little cuts. She put plasters all over my face and then took me to the shop

LenaClaire

Elba101 wrote: »

When I was a little girl, about 4/5 I took my dads razor, soaped up my face and shaved it. My mam walked in shouting. I had blood all down my face from the little cuts. She put plasters all over my face and then took me to the shop

I did the same thing at the same age but I managed to shave off the first centimeter of my hairline as well (I was very enthusiastic). My mom was furious and she had to cut a fringe that was really deep to cover the damage.

theT

It was about 10 years ago and I woke up in the bath after a bad night on the beer-so I was looking for my wallet to go get some food and I couldnt find it anywhere so I thought **** it-borrowed 20 quid of the bro and headed to the bank to order new cards....but I didnt know my account number...I had just started a new job about 2 weeks before that and knew they had my details for wages etc so in I goes and get my bank details and fionally managed to order new cards, so of home I go, into the gaff and then time to hit the jacks and there was my waller in the bath......

On another night I slept on the toilet with my head on the sink because I couldnt figure out how to unlock the door, flatmate opened it in the morning, turns out that the reason I couldnt unlock the ****ing thing is that I never locked it in the first place...

Mensch Maschine

Did all the hardest drugs going such as crack and heroin. Did copius amounts of pills (E) and one time whilst on pills we knocked each other out by cutting off the oxegen supply to our brains. I also stayed out late by myself many times when I was young, drank waay to much. Self harmed and attempted suicide a number of times ending up in hospitalization. sorry for the depresso post a not coming up with a humorous anecdote. I had a wild teen years.

Pleased to say I'm doing quite well now given my stupidity and misguidance.

MrSnuffleupagus

About a month ago I wandered home from a friends place, hungover, soaking wet and in a hawaiian shirt and suit jacket (friend had a themed party the night before)
Anyways, was dying for a cup of tea, but my house mate told me the kettle just broke. decide to try replacing the fuse to see if that was the problem. Just as I was screwing the back of the plug the friend goes "why bother? You're just gonna take it off again in a minute". In my tired and hungover state his logic made sense, so I plugged it in, ramming my still-wet-from-the-rain thumb right into the wiring, having forgotten to turn the switch off at the wall.
Get this massive shock, more refreshing than the tea would have been, at any rate

scoll

When I was about 8 I thought it would be gas to lock to door to the bathroom in my granny's house and hide the key under her bed. Then I watched the rest of my family look frantically for the key when they needed to use the toilet. They had to get a locksmiths to replace the lock on the door! Never told them it was me!

johnny_cash

I got arrested for hitting a man in Abrakebabra :mad: It was a long night

Steodonn

AnneFrank wrote: »

Your missing the point it DOES offend,just use another word it's not that hard,If someone in your family was affected you would be offended trust me.I cant believe the mods are allowing this thread to continue its a disgrace to be honest some of the replies made to THFC

Someone in my family dose and I am not offended

Relax yourself its just a word and when its not meant in an offensive way it dosent offend

markc91

Was recorded doing the business on webcam....

Hal Emmerich

markc91 wrote: »

Was recorded doing the business on webcam....

Wha? Unknown to you? How did that happen?

markc91

Hal Emmerich wrote: »

markc91 wrote: »

Was recorded doing the business on webcam....

Wha? Unknown to you? How did that happen?

Yea i didn't know about it she recorded it and sent it around...

cassiedoll

i had just finished my leaving cert and wasnt working.

my parents worked full time so i had to do my share of chores to help out.

one day when they were in work, i went to the pub and had a few to many drinks but still had some stuff to do around the house.

i had to hang out clothes, there is about 4 steps down in to our back garden, i fell down the steps and hurt my arm so badly (and the fact i had too much drink on me), i couldn't get back up. We had 2 dogs at the time who thought i was playing and they pulled at my hair, jumped all over me, scraped my face and neck and arms.

when me ma and da got home they thought i had been badly beaten up and went hysterical.

after hours in A & E, turns out i had broken my arm in 2 places...

also set our clothes line on fire by mistake (it had towels/sheets on it)....the gardai were called and all, our neighbours were asked if they had see anything suspicious!!!!....they never found out it was me.;)

chicken fingers

cassiedoll wrote: »

i had just finished my leaving cert and wasnt working.

my parents worked full time so i had to do my share of chores to help out.

one day when they were in work, i went to the pub and had a few to many drinks but still had some stuff to do around the house.

i had to hang out clothes, there is about 4 steps down in to our back garden, i fell down the steps and hurt my arm so badly (and the fact i had too much drink on me), i couldn't get back up. We had 2 dogs at the time who thought i was playing and they pulled at my hair, jumped all over me, scraped my face and neck and arms.

when me ma and da got home they thought i had been badly beaten up and went hysterical.

after hours in A & E, turns out i had broken my arm in 2 places...

also set our clothes line on fire by mistake (it had towels/sheets on it)....the gardai were called and all, our neighbours were asked if they had see anything suspicious!!!!....they never found out it was me.;)

Not worried that anybody who knows you and knows the two stories might read this?
Chances are you know a handful of people on boards and a couple of AH readers at the very least!
(quoted)