What's the most retarded thing you've done in your entire life?

jaffacakesyum

chicken fingers wrote: »

Not worried that anybody who knows you and knows the two stories might read this?
Chances are you know a handful of people on boards and a couple of AH readers at the very least!
(quoted)

Youu could say the same for tons of posts on AH...hell, on boards.ie in general

dark crystal

When I was about 16, me and my friends went out for the night and got fairly well steamed. We had all told our parents we were staying at each others houses, when we had actually planned to stay at an older friends flat instead.

Of course, when we turned up at her flat, she hadn't bothered to come home, so we were left stranded with no money between us to get home.

My friends decided to huddle together and sleep in an archway nearby, but me being the clever one, spotted a car parked outside the flat, found it unlocked and jumped into the backseat for a kip.

Next morning, two guys got into the car, noticed me and one of the guys said "Jesus, there's a young one in the back of the car!", which woke me up. The passenger looked at me, then looked at the driver and said "Go! Drive!". I was sh!tting myself.

Luckily, my friends had spotted the guys getting into the car and tore me out of the backseat. I always think what a lucky escape I had that day.

It was a seriously retarded thing to do in the first place.

civis_liberalis

scoll wrote: »

When I was about 8 I thought it would be gas to lock to door to the bathroom in my granny's house and hide the key under her bed. Then I watched the rest of my family look frantically for the key when they needed to use the toilet.

Not even remotely retarded. Mischief at most.

Killer Pigeon

Fago! wrote: »

Also came in hammered one night, wrote a note for my mam to not wake me up for college as I had a day off. Needed to leave it somewhere she'd see it... Decided to stick it to the tv screen with superglue. genius.

Aww, still needed mammy to wake him up in the morning, bless.

Fromthetrees

Too many to mention, the freshest one though is last Paddys day I got so drunk I walked to my parents house after I left the pub, let myself in and went to sleep in the hall, I haven't lived there for three years, my dad subsequently took my key.:o

needadvi

kwalshe wrote: »

was aged about 10 and in nutgrove sc and checking a new fancy cycling cap (like the ones sean kelly used to wear ) they had, it was real slick and low profile.
I struggled to put that b@stard on for 10 mins until the shop owner came over and told me it was a saddle cover

This is just so funny!!! I can't stop laughing

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-14705328

G4S sacks pair who tagged offender's false leg

Private security firm G4S has sacked two members of staff who tagged a man's false leg allowing him to remove it and break a court-imposed curfew.

The pair were fooled by Christopher Lowcock, 29, who wrapped the prosthetic limb in a bandage when G4S set up the system at his Rochdale home.

He was then able to remove the limb and break a curfew imposed for offences involving drugs, driving and a weapon

discus

Deleted User wrote: »

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-14705328

Could you imagine the uproar that would have been caused, if those 2 employees had requested that the convict turn up wearing shorts, or to lower their trousers to show their legs? The PC brigade would have them lynched.

They hardly deserve to be sacked.

discus

discus wrote: »

Could you imagine the uproar that would have been caused, if those 2 employees had requested that the convict turn up wearing shorts, or to lower their trousers to show their legs? The PC brigade would have them lynched.

They hardly deserve to be sacked.

True, I expect they'll prick the leg first to see if the crook yelps before fitting it in future.

retalivity

going from a bar to another bar in a far away asian city, decided to take a short cut, but ended up on the roof of a convenience store. Rather than go back around and take the proper way, i jumped off the roof to the ground below. had a sharp pain go up my left leg, but just walked it off and kept boozing.

A week later, was rushed to surgery for testicular torsion, and had to get my left nut removed. Have a pic of it mid surgery...was black as night and the size of a tangerine

/shudders

A19B1C12

Doesn't bear thinking about...

So many to chose from but I'll go with an incident that occurred with a girl I liked that didn't feel the same, cringe!!

merengueca

Was at my Granny's house for the holidays, bored to death so was playing with Mum's makeup and was wondering what would happen if your squeezed the tube but left the lid on....

the wall had to be repainted and new duvet set bought. whoops:o

omahaid

retalivity wrote: »

A week later, was rushed to surgery for testicular torsion, and had to get my left nut removed. Have a pic of it mid surgery...was black as night and the size of a tangerine

/shudders

:eek::eek::eek:

Killer Pigeon

Wooohoooo!!

Over 100,000 views!

Thanks for making this the 5th most viewed thread on the AH main forum!!

Funglegunk

retalivity wrote: »

going from a bar to another bar in a far away asian city, decided to take a short cut, but ended up on the roof of a convenience store. Rather than go back around and take the proper way, i jumped off the roof to the ground below. had a sharp pain go up my left leg, but just walked it off and kept boozing.

A week later, was rushed to surgery for testicular torsion, and had to get my left nut removed. Have a pic of it mid surgery...was black as night and the size of a tangerine

/shudders

Now THAT'S a drinking story.

skipz

My sister and her boyfriend had party one night in his house, he was only after messing her about at the time and was after getting back with her so i wasnt too keen on him.
Anyways best mate, his women and I are in his bathroom at 4am upside down with drink when i get this brilliant idea to piss in his mouth wash,
Now you bollix, dont mess with my sister kind of thing!
Job done, time for more drink.

Awake sometime the next day, feeling rough. Had some tea which left a rotten taste in my hungover mouth so while going for a wizz decided to give the mouth a quick rinse out with the mouth wash:).
A while later get a call of my mate "ha ha, you pissed in Jay's mouthwash lastnight, some laugh that!!"
I paused for a minute, got a flash back of doing it and said down the phone "aaaah feeccckkk, iam just after ****ing using it!"

not good!

miss_shadow

Elba101 wrote: »

When I was a little girl, about 4/5 I took my dads razor, soaped up my face and shaved it. My mam walked in shouting. I had blood all down my face from the little cuts. She put plasters all over my face and then took me to the shop

I did that too but got the razor stuck in my lip

pink-mist

Testing the gravity theory at the age of 10.

While in pushup position I decided to observe what would happen if i took my arms away...

Result: teeth through the lip! I was a bright one!

Rubberlegs

I was walking my eldest to school one morning, was pushing her sister who was about 10 months old at the time in the buggy. As usual we were dead late, and rushing. It was a beautiful morning, real Autumn, the leaves were in piles on the footpath on the hill down to the school. Suddenly the buggy hit a bump on the footpath. I pushed a little bit harder, but no luck, it wasn't moving. I just assumed I must have hit a big stone or something, hidden by the leaves. On going round to the front of the buggy, I saw that it wasn't a stone, but my 10 month old in a heap in the leaves, after sliding out of the buggy:eek:. I hadn't strapped her in at all, in the rush getting out the door. Was never so glad to be late for the school as there was no one around to see my shameful parenting:)

When the same daughter was 7, she had to have an operation on both legs. Nothing to do with the above incident:). Her legs were in casts up to the knees, she could walk on them, but had a wheelchair for going any distance. I was wheeling her down our estate to school, late as usual. The wheelchair hit a bump on the footpath, and she was pitched out into a flowerbed. Oh the laughing, on realising she was OK:D

imasmeasmecanbe

On a trip away a few years ago a friends picked up something horrible in the sea. Turns out something had swam up his mapper causing his *ahem* boys to swell up an Almighty. Amount. We told him nutella works as an antinflammatiry he used it.

Drunk: walked from newtown mount Kennedy to Dublin town. Thought the main road was a bit dangerous so we moved to the dart tracks

popzmaster

Mowing the backgarden with an electric mower drinking cheap tesco vodka nd cheap tesco pressed cloudy apple juice(foine) and the wire gets caught under a wheel so I stick my hand under the mower to pull the cord out and felt this sharp sensation on my finger. Realising this could be bad I held my finger and prayed for dear life it was still in one solid piece and HALLELUJAH! Only sustained a cut that stopped me playing bass for a couple weeks. Delighted

reap-a-rat

There a few days ago I was getting something out of the glove compartment in the car. As I walked away I noticed I left the glove compartment open, so I turned back and closed it. Then, I closed the car door. Now, the retarded part was that I never actually moved my head out of the way, so I slammed the door on my face. I just stood there with a numb jaw, then went back inside, tears streaming down my face from pain and laughter. I just thought, yup, that's probably the most retarded thing I've done in my entire life! :rolleyes:

phill106

Well i just sneezed ALL over myself. Was nasty...

saa

Oh yeah I was delighted walking home from college on the very first day.

Felt a sense of mischief and adventure so I wandered into Darthmouth Square got to the end there was no other gate was too lazy to walk back so I looked at the gate and thought yeah I could hop that, totally overestimating my upper body strength.

gave my self a boost off a bit of the rail which was a dull prong...

went right into my runner and foot and pulled it out with a squelch

thought I just ruined my shoe, didnt feel a thing until I saw blood on the path, it was cold tights and jeans were a bad choice, didn't even know where I was at the time.

but the worst thing is I had just started the perfect job for college and lost it even though I ran in sick 72 hours before my shift, they probably didn't like me because I was so retarded.... seemingly..

Missmiddleton

opened a boards account the year it became vitally important that i study.

Also made a swing out of that blue industrial cord and a plank of wood and swung out of the m50 toll bridge. In hind sight that was really stupid.

Andrea B.

Could write an essay on all the stupid things I've done;)

The immediate that comes to mind, is the last;
Undressed in bathroom other night and chucked my tshirt, shorts and socks in to toilet bowl instead of laundry basket:mad:

Led Zeppelin The Clash

I had a cut on my neck from the previous night.
Well anyway after waky wakying the morning after I had forgotten about what had happened,As I awoke I slapped a bit of the old aftershave RIGHT ON THE CUT.
I screamed with all my glory and ran to grab the old towel and had used it to press up against my neck.

Eventually the horrific pain died out and I had a bit of a laugh at the whole situation,Not the best way to start the morning.

dave3004

Easy One

I was going out with the girl in Dublin whom I loved. We were very happy. She graduated but couldn’t find a job.

She was offered an interview for a job in Florida. She didn't want to go to the interview as she wanted to stay and give "us" a shot.

I told her we'd be fine regardless of distance and brought her to the interview.

She nailed it.

I visited a couple of times and she came to Dublin a couple of times but couldn’t make it last long term.

She now lives in Florida and I in Melbourne and ain't seen her in years. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her.

saa

Andrea B. wrote: »

Undressed in bathroom other night and chucked my tshirt, shorts and socks in to toilet bowl instead of laundry basket:mad:

Yeah I've thrown a toilet roll into the toilet at someone elses house once without thinking, my arm just kind did it...

flutterflye

Was I the only one who used to do this all the time as a kid? - finish my yogurt and go to the bin and throw the spoon in the bin instead of the carton by accident, open up a sweet or bar and throw it in the bin instead of the wrapper, sharpen my pencil and throw the pencil or sharpener in the bin instead of the pencil shavings etc...