What's the most retarded thing you've done in your entire life?

07734

cloud493 wrote: »

Not strictly me, but I was about 12, I got a lift home with my friend, his mum was driving. I got in the right side, my friend opened the left side then his mum said to get in the front, so he left the door open. When I said to his mum 'do you want me to close the door?' she said 'no the wind'll close it' so she started the car, accelerating down the road, smashed the open door into a lampost.

This might just be the funniest thing I've ever heard!!! Brilliant!

13spanner

Sober: Bought a pellet gun for 60 euro. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but they're the most fúcking pointless things owning.

Drunk: I was 17 and it was my first time doing shots. After a few cans did 7 sambucas in a row. Needless to say they came up as quick as they went down.

Hank Scorpio

After soccer training years ago me and a few friends were waiting for one of their dads to pick us up so we walked to a shop down the road, it was at night after playing on a floodlit pitch. A car pulled up behind traffic and I opened the back door and sat in, it was a complete stranger, the car was just the same model/colour, the look on the drivers face was priceless.

MarkR

Sprayed shaving foam under my arms instead of deodorant.

whitewave

fell on a metal staircase and didn't put my hands out to break my fall

cue several stitches and a lovely tetanus shot to the ass

maximoose

6 years old, ate a tonne of blackjack sweets for the first time and my brother told me that they arent actually sweets but a trap from parents to catch kids hoking in the goodies cupboard. My tongue was completely black, and as I didn't want to get caught logically I thought I need to wash it off. Got through 1 1/2 bars of soap before puking, bed ridden for days.

13 years old, thought it'd be a GREAT idea to go flying down one of the steepest hills in my town on my rickety mini scooter. Was bloody zooming down having a great time until the front wheel hit one of those fire brigade water access point things and off I went, smashed out my 4 front teeth and dragged along the footpath on my face. Blood everywhere, including on my new Porto top from holidays

Young_gunner

13spanner wrote: »

Sober: Bought a pellet gun for 60 euro. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but they're the most fúcking pointless things owning.

Drunk: I was 17 and it was my first time doing shots. After a few cans did 7 sambucas in a row. Needless to say they came up as quick as they went down.

Jaysis !

boomkatalog

When I was about 7 I ran over the top of a slurry pit during a game of cops and robbers. Luckily I only went in up to my knees.

44leto

I was offered a house for 17000 on the grounds I just pay back the 17000, no morgage required. I said nah I wouldn't like to live there. The person who got the second offer said yes, It is pretty close to the Ifsa and the point he auctioned it during the boom, made a fortune on it.

PS I was only 19 at the time. I don't regret it to much, how was anyone know what was going to happen next back then and I really wanted to emmigrate for the adventure of it which I did for about 2 years.

phill106

MarkR wrote: »

Sprayed shaving foam under my arms instead of deodorant.

Lies, you got caught shaving under your arms like a lady!

44leto

Originally Posted by MarkR
Sprayed shaving foam under my arms instead of deodorant.

LOL
I did that on a mate he called up asking me about something before he went out to see his new GF. He asked have you any deodorant, so I threw him a can of shaving foam, it went beautifully, he didn't look at the can put it down his shirt and sprayed under his arms and across his chest.

"you bastad" ..++''###''@~~ and other verbals

mattjack

Was in love years ago and decided to bring herself out for a romantic meal on Valentines night...in the van with the ladders on the roof.....decided to park in an underground carpark .........got the fcukin van stuck , jammed tight in fact..ended up hack sawing the ladders of the roof rack.

GreenFaery

Somehow managed to hit both sides of my head at nearly the same time while getting into the car. Felt like an eejit but it was freakin' sore.

In 5th or 6th year, we went to Dublin. I was sick for nearly the entire journey. When we got there I felt better and ended up eating a bag of popcorn. Also thought it'd be a good idea to go on one of the rides there which resulted in me vomiting into my hands....

I was once dying clothing black and ended up dying my right hand black too.

sparky_2011

MarkR wrote: »

Sprayed shaving foam under my arms instead of deodorant.

Both arms? ;-)

giles lynchwood

A 7 year relationship.

Immaculate Pasta

Jayo11780 wrote: »

I crashed through the M6 toll plaza on the way to Galway one morning in February... Flew through the crash barrier at 100km/h in the express lane, as i had no change in my pocket for the basket. Thought i could simply drive through it and pay online when i got to work...
i learnt the hard way, 3k worth of damage to my car and 13.5k damage to toll plaza!! :eek::eek:

Thank god for car insurance!
Wonder wht my premium will be come september?!

This has to be one of the funniest things I've read. What an eejit!

Pompey Magnus

MarkR wrote: »

Sprayed shaving foam under my arms instead of deodorant.

Arms plural? After you did the first one did you not think something didn't feel quite right before going on to the second one?

keithb93

When I was about 7 I decided to shave the soap off my hands, I dont know why. Ended up shaving the skin off my second knuckle.

smallBiscuit

nuxxx wrote: »

After soccer training years ago me and a few friends were waiting for one of their dads to pick us up so we walked to a shop down the road, it was at night after playing on a floodlit pitch. A car pulled up behind traffic and I opened the back door and sat in, it was a complete stranger, the car was just the same model/colour, the look on the drivers face was priceless.

few years ago, I went into the shops while oh waited in car. While I was in there, she moved car, and another car pulled in, again whoever left car, woman sitting in driving seat. I came out of shops, and hoped into car without looking, turned around, saw some other woman, and shouted in shock, while diving out of car

Kovu

Hmmmm, I have done many silly things. Most recent was hearing "Karen to service desk please"

And I arrived at said desk saying "Yes, I'm Karen"

Turns out they meant the manager....:o

Other than that, bringing a three year old horse on the road for the first time, by myself, a giant of a 17.3 draught. I don't like hard hats so had only sunglasses on my head. He got to the bottom of hill, where a miniature horse whinnied at him. My lad spun on a hapenny and went galloping back up the hill (on a main road, towards a blind corner) with me jockey style in the saddle, trying to stop him by holding the reins back and pulling like a maniac.
He slipped on loose stones and my first thought was.......jesus, my Oakleys:o
Told my parents that a cat ran in front of the horse and spooked him. Spent that evening in bed until I surfaced the next morning with a full black arm from wrist to elbow and then told to take the train to Sligo hosp.
Ended up with a fractured arm and concussion, still have a lovely dent in my arm from landing on it.


I got given out to....lots.

Wetai

seXmym0nkey wrote: »

Poured a bowl of cereal... Without checking to see if we had milk...

Made the contents of a tuna sandwich without checking if we had any bread defrosted :pac: luckily it was for the next day.

RichieC

I trusted a fart on the way home from electric picnic one year..

suzzi

AnneFrank wrote: »

Not a very nice or PC title to this thread

AnneFrank - you need to get out more.....:p

orchidsrpretty

Was in a take away ordering a battered sausage for my sister.The place was packed The man was repeating my order
Him: Chips battered sausage etc..
Me: Sorry I ordered a sausage in batter
Him:?????????
I don't know what I was thinking, everyone was sniggering at me and my super red face:(

Suryavarman

Got very drunk one night ended up getting out of bed in the middle of the night to go for a piss, I forgot how the door worked and ended up going in the corner of the room.

Numerous times have I spent a while looking for my glasses only to remember they were already on my face.

I'm sure I have numerous other examples that I can't think of.

Ken.

suzzi wrote: »

AnneFrank - you need to get out more.....:p

Obviously did. Hasn't posted in 7 months.

Sierra 117

I've often checked my pocket for my phone and panic when it wasn't there... only to realize it's in my hand.

candy-gal1

believed everything that was said to me by someone :rolleyes:

fallen in love

newmug

When I was a little lad, I had this habit of chewing bits of lego as I played with it. One particular type of brick was my favourite, it was a black, single piece.

Anyway, at the time we had a "pet" lamb (he was really destined for the freezer!). One day he somehow broke into the house, and had himself a little poo beside my lego. Now for anybody who doesnt know what sheep sh1te looks like, it looks exactly like a small pile of black, single lego bricks.

The lego was very chewy that day.

Dublinstiofán

I cant think of one for myself right now (have plenty) but immediately though of these guys!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lM0auRH8BBk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMrLIAwgmXg