What's the most retarded thing you've done in your entire life?

misan9

About 2 years ago I refused to have sex with a girl who was way out of my league because she was kind of drunk........... Pretty retarded considering I was drunker.

Cork boy 55

I invented the question mark.

Bubblefett

My Ex

battleaxe88

I turned my engine off going down a really steep hill, cannot remember why. Found out pretty quickly that the brakes in a car stop working when the engines off..

misan9

battleaxe88 wrote: »

I turned my engine off going down a really steep hill, cannot remember why. Found out pretty quickly that the brakes in a car stop working when the engines off..

Wow! I take my hat off to you sir/ma'am.

StupidLikeAFox

mattjack wrote: »

Was in love years ago and decided to bring herself out for a romantic meal on Valentines night...in the van with the ladders on the roof.....decided to park in an underground carpark .........got the fcukin van stuck , jammed tight in fact..ended up hack sawing the ladders of the roof rack.

Why didnt you just let the air out of the tyres?

mikemac1

Don't know about your family but we always had to go to mass.
There would be war if me or my brothers or sisters didn't go

Went down one Sunday morning for the usual time and there was a funeral on
Place was jammed.

I walked up and up the aisle looking for a seat.
Found one in the second row from the front, grand so

Only a few minutes later did I cop that I was sitting with all the family. I didn't know the dead person at all
What could I do, I couldn't move

And after the mass the coffin is carried out and all the family walk behind and everyone waits to let them outside.
Again, what can I do, I had to walk solemnly with the family and everyone watching me walk behind the coffin

Not a funny story, just a retarded thing to do

minidazzler

I was in a certain city with my buddy who climbed the crane before, I won't mention the city because well, a cop might remember....

We had gone to a gig and we were full of drink after drinking all day and night at 12 o clock we were walking back to the hostel, because TBH, we didn't know what the hell we were doing, my buddy got the mischiefous streak about him and decided that since there was a sewage truck running outside some premises it would be a good idea to take it for a spin. Me, being a reasonable human being and knowing that he is invincible, but I am not, convinced him somehow that it was a bad idea.

So instead of robbing the truck he took the keys and we went away, I wasn't actually aware he took the keys, so when a cop car came speeding towards us later I was wondering what was going on. They asked us had we been outside Abrakebabra and did we see a guy in a white hoody with another guy. (My mate had JUST taken off his white hoody and was holding it at his side), we said no, we just came from a gig and they sped off after getting a call with a description!

Woke up the next morning with no memory whatsoever but to have this explained to me.

I eventually convinced my buddy to drop the keys back by the truck into the footwell so that they didn't have to pay a load to get new ones.


Now one of my own, on New Years day I decided it would be a good time to wake up drunk and text a girl who I was completely uninterested in, but who wants me still for whatever reason. It worked and now I'm "seeing" her again for a while because she has a friend my buddy wants to screw. FML.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Broke up with herself, my ball and chain and crowning anchor, you always know you love somebody when you miss them incessantly. I'm going to get her back though even if it means admtting I am wrong.:pac:

Azureus

Made a comment to my boyfriend along the lines of 'you'll have to change the batteries in the reflectors outside'. I was cycling up to the house (without a light on my bike) and they didnt light up...was used to seeing them light up with headlights when driving. Never let live it down

FinnLizzy

I used to have Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4 for the PS2. For a while, I thought the game was ****ed, because every now and again, the avatar would just turn to the left by default. Some days he'd be fine, some days he'd just turn in one direction making the game impossible.

I find out, the other controller was plugged in, under the cushion and i was sitting on it.

I also underestimated the intense high you can get off cannabis brownies. We myself and a friend only cooked them because his flatmates wanted to try cannabis without smoking it. I thought it was a waste of weed, but I didn't pay for it, so didn't mind.

We all scoffed them down like normal brownies, and my god! I thought I was the first person in the history of ever to die from a weed overdoes!

minidazzler

FinnLizzy wrote: »

I also underestimated the intense high you can get off cannabis brownies. We myself and a friend only cooked them because his flatmates wanted to try cannabis without smoking it. I thought it was a waste of weed, but I didn't pay for it, so didn't mind.

We all scoffed them down like normal brownies, and my god! I thought I was the first person in the history of ever to die from a weed overdoes!

Had the same happen in Amsterdam everyone telling me only eat half and wait, but they were small and I was hungry, so a whole brownie and 25 mins + Air later, I had to go back to the hostel and sleep for 4 hours waking up from time to time, looking around and saying to myself out loud "I am Gavin *** I am in Amsterdam, Killian, Meg and Sam are out doing touristy stuff" and then I'd go back to sleep...I freaked the fcuk out! And that was the first day haha. Good times.

af_thefragile

battleaxe88 wrote: »

I turned my engine off going down a really steep hill, cannot remember why. Found out pretty quickly that the brakes in a car stop working when the engines off..

I discovered that first hand too. Had to resort to using the handbrake to slow the car down before i hit something...

Darn power assisted servo brakes!

seXmym0nkey

Just sat down on the jacks to take a ****e with the seat up... That's not quite the retarded bit though, I then lifted me arse to a squating position to put the seat down behind me and it fell and whacked me in the scrotes :-(

later12

Studying on a legal course at the moment and I had an essay to write for college which didn't count toward my grade, in which I referred t to "The Trading Standards Act of 1979 or whenever". I presumed the tutor would take it as a joke.

A different tutor pulled the essay out in an (unrelated) oral exam and asked me whether I was a serious student and gave me a really tough oral. My own fault I guess.

mikemac1

Watching the Forumula One and they were going on and on about left front braking

So if the driver isn't using their right leg for both they can get on and off the pedals faster and save time

I'll give this a go :cool:

So driving down the village and trying this left foot braking and it's damn awkward
See an obstruction ahead, put down the left foot and I must have slammed the pedal down as the wheels locked up and I went skidding down the hill.
Didn't crash but two nice long skid marks left on the road.

I just wasn't used to it and so hit the pedal at full force

Retarded thing to do

BrokenArrows

mikemac1 wrote: »

Don't know about your family but we always had to go to mass.
There would be war if me or my brothers or sisters didn't go

Went down one Sunday morning for the usual time and there was a funeral on
Place was jammed.

I walked up and up the aisle looking for a seat.
Found one in the second row from the front, grand so

Only a few minutes later did I cop that I was sitting with all the family. I didn't know the dead person at all
What could I do, I couldn't move

And after the mass the coffin is carried out and all the family walk behind and everyone waits to let them outside.
Again, what can I do, I had to walk solemnly with the family and everyone watching me walk behind the coffin

Not a funny story, just a retarded thing to do

Wait you went to a funeral like it was a normal mass? That's a bit ****ed up.

mikemac1

Funeral on at normal Sunday mass time
I had to go every Sunday, that was the service that was on

Nothing ****ed up about it

Chuck Stone

mikemac1 wrote: »

Watching the Forumula One and they were going on and on about left front braking

I'll give this a go :cool:(

I tried it too. ****in' hell!

Luckily I was going uphill and quite slow.

Jim_Kiy

Crashed a tractor..drove it off the road into a ditch for no reason other than in-attention..was doing about 5mph at the time:)

mattjack

ColHol wrote: »

Why didnt you just let the air out of the tyres?

because , because......




























I dunno

ROFLcopter

I know someone that sucked up a lump of sh!te with a Hoover, the hoover was useless afterwards. He burned the Hoover before his mother came home.

mikemac1

mikemac1 wrote: »

Watching the Forumula One and they were going on and on about left front braking

So if the driver isn't using their right leg for both they can get on and off the pedals faster and save time

I'll give this a go :cool:

So driving down the village and trying this left foot braking and it's damn awkward
See an obstruction ahead, put down the left foot and I must have slammed the pedal down as the wheels locked up and I went skidding down the hill.
Didn't crash but two nice long skid marks left on the road.

I just wasn't used to it and so hit the pedal at full force

Retarded thing to do

I borrowed an automatic car once and while driving it I forgot and pressed the "clutch", it stopped very quickly!

Big Nasty

Deleted User wrote: »

I borrowed an automatic car once and while driving it I forgot and pressed the "clutch", it stopped very quickly!

Did that too!

First auto I drove was belonging to my boss, an '83/'84 Mercedes 280 SL Coupe with a strange reg, 666 SZI I think - used to belong to Bono apparently. Anyhow, asked me to go pick up his son a couple of miles down the road, all was good on the way down but on the return leg I grabbed the lever, put her into neutral, stamped on the brake (which should have been the clutch) and left sonny boy attached to the windscreen like Garfield!

FinnLizzy

This one is funny because it just happened there.

Earlier is was on the jacks, standard shít, got up and flushed. I washed my hands and was about to leave, until I realised that I left 3 floaters.

I kept on flushing but there wasn't enough water in the cistern, so I decided to leave it until it fills up.

Me with my crap short term memory forgot about it until just there when I heard my housemate with his big Dublin accent let out noises of disgust as he violently flushed the toilet.

Rubberlegs

Not as retarded as some of the things I've previously posted. The other night I was rinsing my mouth with mouthwash, when I absentmindedly blew my nose at the same time. Sprayed mouthwash everywere, started to laugh, and swallowed the rest of it:o

ringadingding

Deleted User wrote: »

I borrowed an automatic car once and while driving it I forgot and pressed the "clutch", it stopped very quickly!

Done that a few times, face planted the windscreen once at a roundabout.

Kya1976

A few weeks back when I was leaving work I tried to get into someone elses car. It was parked just beside mine and was the same make and model.
I stood there for a good few minutes trying to open the door, I also noticed a big enough scratch at the side of the car, and I was trying to remember when the hell I had crashed the car.:o

boomkatalog

For years when I was younger I thought people were saying "Peas Berry Chew" at mass when they shook hands....

_AVALANCHE_

boomkatalog wrote: »

For years when I was younger I thought people were saying "Peas Berry Chew" at mass when they shook hands....

LOL!!!:)

You said that to people?!:D

I'm 5 minutes laughing to myself at that!