What's the most retarded thing you've done in your entire life?

superstoner90

face1990 wrote: »

Hence the story making it's way into a 'retarded things' thread.:P

But why you dident just piss in the jacks is beond me.

superstoner90

Yet another retarded thing I done:

This morning I ask for a refund on call credit. That had ulready went into my phone, but i dident realise it.

thunderdog

Got a taxi home a few weeks ago. After quite a few beers I decided to chance my arm and see if I could get a taxi home for a tenner, claiming I only had ten euro left (journey usually costs about 18 or 19). After a few failed attempts I managed to convince a guy to bring me back. The beers took their toll though and I fell asleep in the back of the taxi.....I wake up to the taxi driver asking me where my house is but we've ended up in the wrong part of the city. Through bleery eyes I managed to slowly navigate the taxi back to my humble abode, all the while the meter is getting pretty steep :eek: Finally we arrive to my place and I whip my wallet out of my pocket only to find a nice crisp €50 note staring back at me,nothing else.....I sheepishly hand it over. In fairness he was sound about it and still only charged me a tenner!:D

Moral of the story....always check your wallet/purse before you try chance your arm with a cheap taxi ride home

cloud493

This was about a month ago. I got on a flight to Liverpool, pretty late friday night. Had my iphone, 3DS, wallet, keys. As you do. Played my 3DS on the flight. Got off. Went into my pocket once I was outside John Lennon airport to check the time, wasn't there. Couldn't find it. Panicked a little bit. Sat down at a table, pulled out the entire contents of my pockets, looking for it. Asked if I could go back on the plane, to look for it, they said they'd have a look, they couldn't find it. I started getting pretty angry, cos I was sure I'd had it on the flight. Told the employee's they were all thieves and liars, and They'd stole my iphone, and I would report it to the united nations, and the police, and anyone that'd listen, and I'd never fly ryan air again cos they were so ****. Then, noise comes from my bag. I open it. Iphone is right on the top, where I put it when I was putting my back in the over head locker

Pottler

day of my first holy communion - sitting in packed church with parents waiting for the call to go up to the altar(I was in between my mum and dad, who were both kneeling). Priest calls for all us communionists to come up to the altar, I stand up, go to step over my mums legs, misjudge it, trip headlong out into the aisle and plough my head into the end of the pew opposite. Nobody knew wether to laugh, wince or what but I still had to walk up the aisle, blood dripping steadily down my forehead onto my naff 1970's brown wing collar suit and stand there at the altar with a reddner on like a lighthouse....tardicaca.

lisaface

THFC wrote: »

Well I have a brother with Downs Syndrome and I find the thread title offensive, and I'm sure many other people do that knows anyone with a disability, be it physical or mental.

I know your post is 2 years old BUT, seeing as I'm only coming across this thread now. I'm going to reply anyways. It's people like YOU who hold the term 'retard' in a negative manner. If you personally have such an issue with the title ,don't post - this is AH sh!te like this gets posted ALL of the time. I'm sure it says it in the charter rules, but deep down, if you didn't think so negatively of retard it wouldn't bother you! (you're probably not even around anymore, but this 2cents goes to anyone who has an issue with the title!)

---

The most retarded thing I've done was, I once called the gards when I thought the house was being robbed, the gards came climbed through my bedroom window (because my keys were located in the room i heard 'them') looked around ,nobody to be found - however they did hear something in the front room, turned out to be a BIRD flying around and sh!tting all over the walls. I was mortified, i still get slagged about it.

Fair play to them,they got to the house pretty quick - it was like middle of the morning ,i was on my own! but they wouldnt go near the bird, they were scared

The only other incident i can recall was, when one of my mates asked if there was a la boulangerie in the town we live in (knowing full well there isnt,dont even know why she asked!) and I heard it as blue lingerie, and wanted to know what she meant and why. Again another thing i'm not allowed to lie down! I'm sure there's more, i just can't think.

skyhighflyer

Was out late one evening and walking home from the pub and I saw who I thought was a girl I knew walking on the footpath in front. I walked up and tapped her on the shoulder and greeted her with a jolly "Where the fcuk are you going at this time of the evening?". She turned around with a mixture of fear and disgust and said "Why do you want to know?" and then I realised it wasn't my friend at all. The retarded bit is, instead of saying "Sorry, thought you were someone else" like a normal person would, I said "Eh... just wondering?" and walked on as if this was the most normal thing in the world whilst cringing inwardly.

Lima Golf

Put my lunch in the fridge at work one night, closed the fridge door, with my car keys in the other hand, pointed the key at the fridge and hit the lock button...4 work mates sitting at the table to witness... Cringe...

lividduck

I paid the Household Tax!:o:o

superstoner90

lividduck wrote: »

I paid the Household Tax!:o:o

Ladies and gentlemen we have a winner!

44leto

I went to the bottle recycling bin, I got the box out of the boot while holding my car keys, somehow I threw my car keys into the bin with a bottle. Talk about panic as I had no spare key. Luckily the bin was about 3 quarter full and I managed to get them back with my car Arial and a torch. But unfortunately it took a while and I gave some other bin users a few sniggers.

I really don't know what the procedure would have been if I couldn't have got them back. A tow away to toyota and have the locks replaced I shudder at what that would have cost.

AngryBollix

I shagged my best friends sister. TWICE.

superstoner90

AngryBollix wrote: »

I shagged my best friends sister. TWICE.

thats not retarded, thats brave. I salute you sir, TWICE. :cool:

hairyprincess

I locked my daughter in the car when she was about 2 years old, along with the car keys!
I had a three door car with no central locking. I opened the passenger door, threw my keys on the seat along with my phone, strapped the wee one into her seat, turned around and put the button down to lock the door and shut it. As soon as it closed I realised what I had done.
By luck I was in the next town over from my house and I was parked close to the garda barracks which miraculously was opened and the one guard I knew was on duty! I borrowed his phone, rang my sister, told her to locate the spare key and the guard went flying up the road in the squad car to retrieve the spare! Every I meet him since he slags me about it

cocoshovel

Last week I was filling up the lawnmower with petrol. When the tank was full I thought I better check underneath and scrape off any stuck clumps off grass from the blade etc. So I tipped the lawnmower on the side and had a look.
It was only after a few seconds I heard the sound of liquid pouring on the ground. Turns out I forgot the put back on the petrol cap and spillt a whole load of petrol out onto the ground

44leto

hairyprincess wrote: »

I locked my daughter in the car when she was about 2 years old, along with the car keys!
I had a three door car with no central locking. I opened the passenger door, threw my keys on the seat along with my phone, strapped the wee one into her seat, turned around and put the button down to lock the door and shut it. As soon as it closed I realised what I had done.
By luck I was in the next town over from my house and I was parked close to the garda barracks which miraculously was opened and the one guard I knew was on duty! I borrowed his phone, rang my sister, told her to locate the spare key and the guard went flying up the road in the squad car to retrieve the spare! Every I meet him since he slags me about it

I seen something similar but more serious up in the Phoenix park, a women locked her baby in the back of her car in similar circumstances but it was a baking Saturday afternoon. She went into a screaming panic calling for help. Some lads playing football stopped their game one of them got a tyre iron from his car and tapped the passengers side window in. It was rather urgent and the woman was truly grateful.

A happy ending.

gman2k

Lesson learnt: Always carry a tyre iron in your handbag.

snuggles09

last monday woke up, was thinking it looked a bit darker out than normal but up i got, woke up all the kids, had a shower, gave them their breakfast, did their hair etc etc..was leaving for work and my husband says "cmere and look at this"..walked into sitting room and he had Sky News on..I was reading along the bottom ( something about that footballer that had the heaart attack) and said "ah did he die" to which my husband says.."no look at the clock"...the clock said 6.55:eek:

I nearly cried:(

sure no wonder i had to drag the kids up out of the bed..i'd gotten them up at 5.45am in the morning!!:mad:

stupid phone and it putting my clock on when I had ALREADY PUT IT ON:mad:

I blame the phone, i myself am not retarded:D

red sean

44leto wrote: »

I seen something similar but more serious up in the Phoenix park, a women locked her baby in the back of her car in similar circumstances but it was a baking Saturday afternoon. She went into a screaming panic calling for help. Some lads playing football stopped their game one of them got a tyre iron from his car and tapped the passengers side window in. It was rather urgent and the woman was truly grateful.

A happy ending.

I wonder what he was planning on getting up to after the match !

Ambient Occlusion

I live in the country so as you can imagine, I'm fairly adept at climbing, traversing various obstacles etc. The house I live in is situated in the middle of a field (Built there to the complete disgust of my Grandfather, who thought of it as a waste of good field.) in which we had and old Massey (tractor) parked.
This was good few years ago, when things like the following made sense. There was a trampoline about twenty feet away from the tractor, close to the house. Naturally it's more fun to jump from the roof of the tractor on the trampoline than the usual process. Following this brilliant logic, a friend of mine and I moved said trampoline next to the tractor in order to do so. The first few times it was not quite an endearing experience but after a while it became second nature to us. We all know when we get too comfortable or familiar with something we tend to ... make mistakes.
Anyway, we'd been warned a few times by the mammy: "don't be doing that you bould boys". Right, you're going to try and stop us are you? - That was the sentiment spawned out of that. Being rebellious young'uns and all that it made for a more exciting experience; climb-up quick as lightning and throw yourself from the roof before being caught.
This is where it get's messy. It was my turn, the mammy had turned her back and up I went. Scrambling up on to the roof, sure of myself, I decided to waste no time and get it done as quickly as possible. Having reached the top, I braced to jump however it was then that I realised that both of my heels were not on the roof. Frightened by that, I panicked and fell backwards. A lot of the time falling backwards wouldn't be too bad, but it wasn't one of those times.
We had the tractor there, because the field the house was in was too large to be mowed by a push-mower. On the back of the Massey was a topper (I think it's called a topper) which was hitched onto the rear with the usual hitching apparatus, but also two supporting ropes which came from the topper inclined at about a thirty degree angle from the surface and meeting at the rear of the tractor. (Apologies for that really long sentence, I'm not bothered editing it)
Falling, I managed to fall with the insides of my legs scraping along the outsides of either rope on the way down. These ropes were taut, that thing was pretty damn heavy. This managed of course to tear the skin off my legs from about halfway down my calves to just under my um... you know. In addition to that bits of flesh were torn out and the bruising was more than extensive. To this day, there's little pale, white reminders all along my legs of the experience which nearly lost me my personal bits.
Complete and utter stupidity, the whole thing in hindsight. I was unable to walk for days, but the weirdest thing was immediately after it happened, I managed to get up and run halfway back to the house. Oh well, at the very least it's an unbearably long story to tell people. ;D

grohlisagod

One night at about 3 in the morning I quietly walk into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I turn on the light.

Suddenly, there is a moth flying around just in front of my face. Now normal protocol in this scenario would be to usher the creature out the window or simply ignore it and go about my business.

However, I must have thought I saw Mothman or something because I freak out and jerk my head away from it and in the process smash my forehead into the mirror above the sink, making an almighty racket and causing myself a great deal of pain.

I look up to find that thankfully the mirror is still intact. Great I thought, I might be able to pretend this never happened. No such luck. On second glance I see that I've given myself a mighty cut right down the middle of my forehead and there's blood pumping out of my skull.

Without doubt them most stupid way I've ever hurt myself.

Galway K9

This morning was my latest, wrecked from waking throughout night.

Was making tea, got tea bags, put kettle in fridge, took milk out and left the carton there for min before realising that im trying to boil a carton of milk.:D

Friel

When I was about 12 me and my mate posted little post it notes in to a house up the road telling them if they didn't move out we'd burn their house down (or something to that effect). We were just bored and the house was picked because the wee girl that lived there was annoying. Not to mention we were twats. Broad daylight and had to pass the f*cking kitchen window to get to the door. Ran down the road and in to my house which is in full view of the kitchen window too. Doll lands at the door in bits. She moved out a few months later, but whether that was anything to do with me or not is another thing.

Also 3 years ago, finished my History A-Level and me and my mate decided we'd head up to the windmills in the hills to wreck about in the car. The inevitable happened and I put my sisters car in a ditch, on its side. The panic was instant. Had to get a tractor to pull it out.

Stiffler2

opened an account on boards.ie

44leto

I am smoking again for about 2 week after been off them since November. I feel utterly retarded for doing that, but I am going off them again next Monday. I now know, there is no such thing as an odd cig with a drink, there is no compromise with that addiction.

Tar.Aldarion

Similarly there is no 'next monday thing', just do it now

44leto

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

Similarly there is no 'next monday thing', just do it now

I know you are right but I am going into the Easter weekend so there will be beer involved and I am setting myself up for failure. Alcohol weakens your resolve, so I think it is best avoided when you first quit.

So I think Monday is my best date,

Ms. Pingui

Attemped to cycle over a cattle grid

superstoner90

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

Attemped to cycle over a cattle grid

Its not that difficult to do, provided that you dont turn the handle bars to one side.

Bandara

About 3 weeks ago I drove up to the barrier at the M3 toll bridge, picked up my zapper to open the car prak gates of my apartment block, pointed it at the Toll Barrier, and pressed it to open the barrier.










and sat there pressing it and waiting for it to open like a complete tool for about 20 seconds