What's the most retarded thing you've done in your entire life?

Thefirestarter

Keith186 wrote: »

I was in transition year and doing some office work experience in Down Syndrome Ireland in Bluebell.

I sent an email after the two weeks to the manager to thank them for the chance to work there.

Did the worst typo ever signing off and instead of 'Kind regards' I typed 'Kind retards' by mistake and sent it. Dam spell checker didn't stop it either!
Never got a response back to the email, they just have thought I was completely taking the piss!!

By far the best one i've read, so much so that I was laughing so much my family came in to see what was so funny. They thank you for their laughs:D

Say Your Number

A few evenings ago I was feeding some cattle (two cows & two calves) I noticed one of the calves hadn't come up, so I started looking round for him and then calling him, no sign of him. So I rang my Father to tell him the calf was missing, he then informed me that we sold the calf two months ago. I feed these cows everyday. I don't how I thought he was still there.

Pandora2

A few years ago I flew to NYC to visit with my Sister and her OH, arrived in JFK and was taken straight to cinema:rolleyes: as they had got tickets for Michael Moore's 9/11 Movie which for some reason they thought would make a fitting arrival in NYC for me, my first visit since 9/11!!! About an hour into the movie, I was dozing off (bloody jetlag!!) and thought a quick breath of air (a crafty fag!!) was in order. My sister was starting to get that "She's a bloody ungrateful cow" look on her fiseog!! Off I went down a fairly long escalator and out into the Street....several minutes later having sucked down a cigarette, I attemted to return to the movie theatre...........only an up escalator.......looked outside and realised I was in a different street to the entrance and in my stupefied jet lagged state I decided the only thing to do was go up the down escalator!! What followed was several minutes of what can only be termed as slapstick comedy resulting in grazed knees, fear, panic and excessive sweating, and ultimate failure........I live in fear of it turning up on the interweb as the only witness was the security camera.

20 minutes later I made it to the entrance of the cinema to be met with the Sister in a panic in the foyer, explaining to the Manager that her sister, an "out of towner" had been abducted!! What a feckin' day!!

MarthaMyDear

I'm terrible for getting song lyrics completely wrong- I have really bad hearing

A while back I was at a party and the song Brim Full of Asha came on....

I said "oh I love this song! Grill Full of Rashers on the 45..."

never, ever let live it down.

newmug

Myself and a mate of mine went to New York for a holiday. We were drinking on the plane soon before landing and were both dying for a piss, (you know the way they wont let you go while the plane is decending). When we landed, we headed straight for the jacks, but everybody else walked on, so we lost the rest of the group of passengers. We had no idea where to go, we were just two Irish youngfellas lost in JFK with our backpacks. So this airport cop sees our predicament, comes over and says "against the wall", and motions with his truncheon for us to follow the wall along towards the baggage claim.

I knew what the cop meant, but my mate didnt! In his state of semi-paranoia and tipsyness, he took the cop literally, put his arms in the air and held himself spread-eagle against the wall!

ziggy23

got a tramp stamp on my ankle a few years ago:o was p1ssed though and is halfway gone from laser but still the single most stupid thing I've ever done.

daithieoghan

New level of retardedness has been attained. Just threw my phone into toll change basket on the m6. It doesnt take phones by the way

superstoner90

I broght my mothers car up to the mechanic to get it serviced, Which is 23 miles away. She drove up behind me and picked me up outside the mechanics garage. We went home, That night I took off me jeans to go to bed and found the keys in my jeans pocket. Then I remembered locking the car. So I drove 23 mile just to park outside a mechanics garage.

Sky King

boomkatalog wrote: »

For years when I was younger I thought people were saying "Peas Berry Chew" at mass when they shook hands....

Hello be thy name in the our Father for me.

And that guy that was referred to in the Silent Night carol, Round John Virgin.

paddyandy

I bought a TV set but i've since dumped it on a mental defective .

Please Kill Me

The most retarded thing I've ever done?? Em - got married! Actually, no. That was dumb, but staying with the bitch for 16 years of hell, now THAT'S retarded! Thankfully I got the fook outta there a few years back. :cool:

superstoner90

Please Kill Me wrote: »

The most retarded thing I've ever done?? Em - got married! Actually, no. That was dumb, but staying with the bitch for 16 years of hell, now THAT'S retarded! Thankfully I got the fook outta there a few years back. :cool:

when ever I read your post, my head reads it in the microsoft sam voice. :eek:

Installed my own water meter! :rolleyes:
They're going to swap it for the new type and I'll still end up paying for it!!!!! :mad:

ddogsbollix

when i was very young my brother was eating a boiled egg and i wanted one. but me being young thought i would cook it in the microwave....! put it in for 1 minute..? open the door and the egg blew up in my face nearly blinding me... had to where patches on my eye for a week

Out Of The Night

Decided to clean the inside of my lockers drawers. I filled them with water and washing up liquid....

Leaving plastic things and tea towels on hot hob

So many others that I just can't remember them all!

Wetai

Deleted User wrote: »

Installed my own water meter! :rolleyes:
They're going to swap it for the new type and I'll still end up paying for it!!!!! :mad:

Even if you installed the new type one they'd probably feckin' charge you.

tomasdoyle

Came home rotten drunk, stuck on some rashers and co. under the grill. Passed out. Missus of the time was on night shift and came home to a gaff full of smoke with me spralled out on the couch snoring.

slept in a salt bin on a train platform in Berlin after losing my keys, it was freezing. I stuffed the bin with branches etc for warmth. Woke up very confused and sprung up, bursted open the lid. Boom, platform full of commuters going to work. Shame.com

fell off a stool at cousins wedding bananas drunk, trying to play guitar on to a table full of fresh pints

Got caught having sex with a random chick in my aunties gaff when I stayed for a night. They said she was a local bike... Nice, please don't tell mum


I reckon there's more....

tomasdoyle

Kold wrote: »

Horsed a load of ket when I thought it was charlie that was offered to me by two randomers on the street.

What a hilarious misunderstanding.

Haha jaysus unfortunately I know that disco. By God such a night of utter confusion. Ape man was reborn.

fasttalkerchat

I didn't know the Our Father was in English until I was at least 8. I could pick out the words Heaven, kingdom etc. but thought they were the same in English as in Latin or whatever.

herisson

last week i slept in my wardrobe...i was convinced it was my bed....i was very drunk

fasttalkerchat

donalg1 wrote: »

It wasnt something i did but a friend of mine when shaving couldnt get all the hair out of the razor using the tap and water in the sink he couldnt find anything else nearby to get it out so he decided to lick it out!!! I laughed my a** off at that, then laughed even more when he put salt and vinegar on his chips that evening:D

I wiped mine with my finger once but god, tongue.... ouchhhh

LH Pathe

Hung from the marina at grand canal dock one time on a lunch break, one handed. For a laugh, like. Bravado, for the boys. didn't have the strength to pull myself back up... *cough* got wet. was supposed to just go the toilet n come back. Though I'd surprise the lads in just appearing up there; like that. Garnered more laughs than intended

fasttalkerchat

LH Pathe wrote: »

Hung from the marina at grand canal dock one time on a lunch break, one handed. For a laugh, like. Bravado, for the boys. didn't have the strength to pull myself back up... *cough* got wet. was supposed to just go the toilet n come back. Though I'd surprise the lads in just appearing up there; like that. Garnered more laughs than intended

A mate of mine tried something similar at Newry canal one time on a night out. He fell and it was dark we couldn't see him. He somehow landed on a barge that was at least 10 foot out from the riverbank. Man who lived on the barge wasn't too happy at being woken up

superstoner90

Today I was driving along the road, when I noticed a light rattling sound. I pulled in and checked the engine, everything hunky dory, I continued down the road and the rattling sound continued. So I brought the car up to the mechanic to get it checked out. He open the door and sat inside. He turns to me and says, "I found your problem" I was trilled and asked him what it was. "You had a pen stick between the dash and front window."

44leto

LOL I was once driving to Cork and I seen a bumper go down the road in the mirror and I said to my passenger some poor sod has lost their bumper.

Anyhow it turned out I was that sod.

beano345

loaded drunk one night at a party put a banger in my mouth and lit it like a smoke,it went off but blew outwards leaving me with only a shocked looking head and ringing ears

Snowie

Either surfing in stupid conditions

that gives me anxiety from time to time...

and the other snowboarding off piste on my own which is pretty much stupid

PhlegmyMoses

beano345 wrote: »

loaded drunk one night at a party put a banger in my mouth and lit it like a smoke,it went off but blew outwards leaving me with only a shocked looking head and ringing ears

That has to be a contender for the Darwin awards.

IM0

dedicated my life to my becoming a professional athlete

fat bloke

IM0 wrote: »

dedicated my life to my becoming a professional athlete

*must.....not.......make.....joke.....about......................................
...special olympics.....!!!!*