What's the most retarded thing you've done in your entire life?

DEFTLEFTHAND

IM0 wrote: »

dedicated my life to my becoming a professional athlete

If you were good enough to go pro that must be a good thing, what sport are you involved in?

44leto

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

If you were good enough to go pro that must be a good thing, what sport are you involved in?

I was only talking about this last night, my brother perhaps in another lifetime could have been a pro golfer. He was that good and still is everything was just natural to him from putting to driving, his whole game, we could par courses at a very young age.

But alas it didn't happen, but he has done well, a first degree and a great job. So I asked, do you ever wonder about what could have been. He said no, he has seen the other side of the failed pros, they are bitter working in mc Guirks or other golf shops or scraping a living giving instruction. And he said no matter how good you think you are, or even how good you are, you still have to get lucky and there is always better, many try and a very tiny few make it.

DEFTLEFTHAND

44leto wrote: »

I was only talking about this last night, my brother perhaps in another lifetime could have been a pro golfer. He was that good and still is everything was just natural to him from putting to driving, his whole game, we could par courses at a very young age.

But alas it didn't happen, but he has done well, a first degree and a great job. So I asked, do you ever wonder about what could have been. He said no, he has seen the other side of the failed pros, they are bitter working in mc Guirks or other golf shops or scraping a living giving instruction. And he said no matter how good you think you are, or even how good you are, you still have to get lucky and there is always better, many try and a very tiny few make it.

Very true the pro golf world has a high rate of attrition, its very difficult to make it on to any of the lucrative tours and if you do keeping your card is a battle in itself.

dgt

First post in AH....

Sober: I don't know what was more stupid:
Urinating in the nip outside when it was snow and minus 16 or when I accidentally urinated on an electric fence. How I howled and walked funny for days after

Drunk: Tried to climb a street lamp, suddenly went dark. Then the head of the lamp fell down and smashed beside me...

paulanthony

I was buying lunch in a shop a few months ago. I was at the counter paying for a sandwich, apple and a coffee. While the coffee was brewing the girl at the counter offered me a slice of cake which I put onto a serviette to bring over to the table.

Then she had the coffee ready. At this stage I had four things to bring with me. I handed her a tenner and started to gather the bits up as there was a long queue so I wanted to hurry. I got a bit of cream on my finger from the cake and so I licked it off. Then the girl put my change down on the counter.

In the confusion between gathering everything up, being a bit flustered and having just licked my finger, I picked up my change (which was five or six coins) and put the whole lot into my mouth.

I don't think she knew what to make of me as I scuttled off!

bogwalrus

Fizman wrote: »

Breaking into a building site and climbing a crane at 3am whilst being quite drunk would have to rank as one of the sillier things I've done in my life tbh.

Same here!! I am s**t scared of heights and while drunk me and the lads broke into a building site new years eve in the icy freezing cold and climbed this absolutely enormous crane.

As I was climbing to the top we heard that song "its a mad world" playing from the top of the crane. Didn't the crane driver leave the cd player on in his cabin. Anyway it was all great fun and I really believed i had cured my fear of heights.

Until the next morning when i woke up screaming and not wanting to leave the safety of my covers......seriously traumatising realising what i did. I am even more scared of heights now=(

paddyandy

I bought a TV set .

languagenerd

Two recent ones that point to my lack of observational skills more than anything else:

While rushing to leave my house, couldn't find my mobile anywhere, ran around searching for it before picking up the landline phone and ringing it - and the mobile starts vibrating IN MY OTHER HAND.

While watching a DVD, accidentaly switched on "Audio Descriptions for the Visually Impaired" (I'm not visually impaired) and took TWENTY MINUTES to realise. In my defence I was watching it with someone else and there is a narrator at the beginning of the film... "This narrator is a bit OTT isn't it?" "Yeah, it's hard to hear the characters with him!" "Maybe the sound isn't set up properly".... ...... "Wait, have we got Audio Descriptions on?!"

(Not as bad as my previous posts in this thread, but still pretty stupid of me)

toodleytoo

paulanthony wrote: »

I was buying lunch in a shop a few months ago. I was at the counter paying for a sandwich, apple and a coffee. While the coffee was brewing the girl at the counter offered me a slice of cake which I put onto a serviette to bring over to the table.

Then she had the coffee ready. At this stage I had four things to bring with me. I handed her a tenner and started to gather the bits up as there was a long queue so I wanted to hurry. I got a bit of cream on my finger from the cake and so I licked it off. Then the girl put my change down on the counter.

In the confusion between gathering everything up, being a bit flustered and having just licked my finger, I picked up my change (which was five or six coins) and put the whole lot into my mouth.

I don't think she knew what to make of me as I scuttled off!

Brilliant, I couldn't stop laughing at this!

livinonaprayer

....Trust a woman???

Mollyd90

put €92 worth of petrol in a diesel car yesterday. luckily I noticed it before i turned on the car and wrecked it. had to call the boyfriend so he can for me and it took him 2 and half hours to pump the petrol out of the car. so mortified, the car was at the pump right outside the shop door and everyone that walked in and out was staring at us.:o

Debunker

I accidentally tried telling my mates I had no cash and after they didn't hear me I smacked my ass to get their attention (where my cash would be) to get attention. Needless to say there was a long awkward pause and the cashier woman just sort of gawked afterwards.

I'm embarrassed for them and myself.

southcentralts

Was a good boy all those years and Santa was a FAKE!!!
At least Satan has not deserted me.

Downlinz

Wearing a dutch soccer jersey on a daytrip to Derry.

The Princess Bride

As a child,I put 2 ducklings in a barrel of water for a swim,and went for a long long walk.
Came back and one of them had drowned!
Who'd have thunk it?-a duck that couldn't swim.
My mother went ballistic:mad:

donalg1

When I first started driving I put petrol in my car and after paying for it walked out of the shop over to the car and climbed in the passenger side and put my seat belt on, only then did I realise I was driving now and sitting in the wrong seat

Rooted in the glove box like I was looking for something and then did the walk of shame back round the car to the drivers side.

fasttalkerchat

bogwalrus wrote: »

Same here!! I am s**t scared of heights and while drunk me and the lads broke into a building site new years eve in the icy freezing cold and climbed this absolutely enormous crane.

As I was climbing to the top we heard that song "its a mad world" playing from the top of the crane. Didn't the crane driver leave the cd player on in his cabin. Anyway it was all great fun and I really believed i had cured my fear of heights.

Until the next morning when i woke up screaming and not wanting to leave the safety of my covers......seriously traumatising realising what i did. I am even more scared of heights now=(

Climbed up on to a digger when drunk one night. We were taking a shortcut through a new housing estate and raced to the top of the digger. When I got up I saw blue flashing lights! Police must have followed us into the building site.
We all ran for it and climbed over a fence from a big DIY chain. The fence was 6ft high and about 200 yards long. We, about 6 of us hopped onto the fence at once with the police gaining on us and the whole fence started to sway.

Somehow we made it home safe. Next morning we saw the damage we had done. Fence was being repaired after the whole thing had collapsed!

ShadowHearth

Me and my friend were at car meet. We came back to his house and while his wife and child slept we decided to have a few drinks...
Well we were quite drunk and got to the stage where we got very very hungry. He found "koldunai" in freezer ( it's like ravioli with meet ). So we got a pot of water and put it up to boil. We were watching some crap on YouTube and after an hour we became even more drunk and started to wonder why does it take so long for that water to boil?
Well we put the pot on cooker, but turns out we forgot to turn on the fecking thing... Feck...

Paddysboys

Went to the Dentist sat in the waiting room for 11.55,
at 12.30 still no one called me so weent to desk to ask
how come people comming in after me are be called before me?
She asked to see my apointment card, so i show it to her,
and she giggled and said sir your apointment is at the Opticians:eek:

red sean

Paddysboys wrote: »

Went to the Dentist sat in the waiting room for 11.55,
at 12.30 still no one called me so weent to desk to ask
how come people comming in after me are be called before me?
She asked to see my apointment card, so i show it to her,
and she giggled and said sir your apointment is at the Opticians:eek:

Shoulda gone to specsavers!:D

fasttalkerchat

Paddysboys wrote: »

Went to the Dentist sat in the waiting room for 11.55,
at 12.30 still no one called me so weent to desk to ask
how come people comming in after me are be called before me?
She asked to see my apointment card, so i show it to her,
and she giggled and said sir your apointment is at the Opticians:eek:

When I was about 15 I had a bad chest infection. After a few days I was sent to the clinic. I walked in to the clinic and sat down. After nearly an hour I realised that I needed to go to the reception desk and give my name!

Until that point in my life I thought they called out your doctors name and you stood up if it was your doctor!

Paddysboys

[QUOTE

Until that point in my life I thought they called out your doctors name and you stood up if it was your doctor![/QUOTE]

They still do that in my town:rolleyes:

reap-a-rat

ShadowHearth wrote: »

Me and my friend were at car meet. We came back to his house and while his wife and child slept we decided to have a few drinks...
Well we were quite drunk and got to the stage where we got very very hungry. He found "koldunai" in freezer ( it's like ravioli with meet ). So we got a pot of water and put it up to boil. We were watching some crap on YouTube and after an hour we became even more drunk and started to wonder why does it take so long for that water to boil?
Well we put the pot on cooker, but turns out we forgot to turn on the fecking thing... Feck...

Reminds me of the time I was on the phone to my boyfriend and he was waiting for his pizza to cook. "Feck sake, how come its taking so long?" *long pause * "oh... I know why - I never put it in the oven. Actually, i never even took it out of the freezer!"

Happy I'm not the only ditz!

Mysteriouschic

When I was like 6/7 I sprayed cleaning stuff in my eye because it was itchy thinking it'd be fine because you put eye drops in lol. I just had to get it rinsed at the eye clinic.

paddyandy

Two Black pvc bags one full of rubbish and the other clothes for the launderette left in the kitchen .Arriving at the launderette.....

Please Kill Me

Got married!! :rolleyes: F**k that sh!te, 16 years of my life wasted I'll never get back. Can't get more retarded than that!!!! :mad:

Red Hand

paddyandy wrote: »

Two Black pvc bags one full of rubbish and the other clothes for the launderette left in the kitchen .Arriving at the launderette.....

Excellent!

I remember once going to a GAA match in Pairc Ui Chaoimh and had parked a good way away from it. I was in a hurry to get there before the match started and I grabbed my denim jacket from the back seat of the car and threw it over my shoulder. When I got to my seat, I took it off my shoulder and was about to put it on when what did I notice?

It was a pair of jeans that I had grabbed and not my denim jacket. I had a pair of jeans slung over my shoulder for a good ten minutes.:o

CamperMan

wasting my time on boards.ie

racso1975

when i was 4 i painted the whole side of the dog in emmulsion paint. granny was not a happy camper i presume the dog wasn't best pleased either.

SusieBlue

Two things come to mind.

Last Christmas, I accidentally broke my mams favourite Christmas decoration, one that my late Nana had bought her. I knew I'd be in trouble, and she was out, so I went into the kitchen to sneakily glue it back together.

45 minutes later, I had to ring her to come home to take me to A+E because I had accidentally glued the decoration to my hand and I couldn't get it off.

When I was did my driving test I was extremely nervous. I was driving down a main road when suddenly, the damn Ice Cream Van behind me (that I hadn't noticed) turned on his music. It scared the shít out of me and I crashed into a step.

No injuries, but the Instructor was not impressed and needless to say, I failed