What's the most retarded thing you've done in your entire life?

watermark

oh and one that was me....

I was 16 working in a fruit and veg shop. a massive pallet of apple boxes came in and with the store room almost full i asked the boss where to put everything. he said (sarcastically) "on the fupping roof!" so i got the keys and proceeded to do what the boss man said!:p

about an hour later he asked me where i put the apples. i told him. he was not impressed!! i was bolloxed haha

allym

watermark wrote: »

not me but my father....

mid 80's after a nice few scoops he only has enough money for a chip + sausage or a taxi home. decides to get food. while walking back he sees an atm and goes to take out money and get a taxi too! really spoil himself!

he places his food on the atm.....enters the pin wrong 3 times....and a shutter came down over the atm and his food! he walks home hungry!

That was posted ages back by someone claiming it happened to them.....so I guess your dad's on boards!

Follow the Plan

Was in a chipper one evening. An older woman was standing beside me, she got handed her food and walked out. The girl behind the counter who was sexy out says to me 'did ya get the smell off ur one'

'No' says I laughing nervously 'I didn't, I couldn't smell it cos of the smell of silage off myself' I had been spronging silage just before going into chipper. Now I'm sure I didn't ruin my chances of a quickie out the back of the chipper but ffs

WHY WHY WHY ?

AllWasWell

Didn't happen to me I just witnessed it..Christmas 2010 when the weather was really cold and it snowed heavy for a while. I was just leaving the gym so I had gotten into my car in the carpark, guy beside me was putting water over his windscreen to defrost it. He poured water all over it and then reached into his car to put the wipers on (i think he thought it would clear it quicker). Anyway the result was that the wipers threw all the water he had poured back in his face. I could not stop laughing and he was mortified.

Tope

watermark wrote: »

not me but my father....

mid 80's after a nice few scoops he only has enough money for a chip + sausage or a taxi home. decides to get food. while walking back he sees an atm and goes to take out money and get a taxi too! really spoil himself!

he places his food on the atm.....enters the pin wrong 3 times....and a shutter came down over the atm and his food! he walks home hungry!

allym wrote: »

That was posted ages back by someone claiming it happened to them.....so I guess your dad's on boards!

I noticed this too, and it's just reminded me - wasn't there an advert years ago (possibly 1980s or early 90's) featuring this story?
Think it was for some kind of food, possibly an ice lolly.
Group of young people enjoy their ice lollies (or whatever) while their annoying friend stupidly opts for chips. He then goes to the ATM, the cover comes down, and he loses his card along with his food, to the amusement of his associates. There was a stupid song that ended with "No card, no cash, no chips!". Anyone of my vintage remember this?

Slightly off topic, sorry - I'm sure I'll think of some retarded thing I've done to add later!

Rocket19

podgemonster wrote: »

This is quite a long story and happened this time last year.

It was a Friday. During lunch,i left my workplace in Dublin with a few lads for a 10 minute stroll to the shops. While queuing in the local spar, i look to my left and saw the birthday card stand and immediately realised that it was my mothers birthday tomorrow. There was a picture of a turtle holding a sack of letters say "Sorry i'm late", i though that was perfect as if i was to buy it twould be Monday before she gets it down in West Cork. I buy the card and continue on my stroll. With the card in hand i saw the Post Office ahead and told my colleagues, I'd join them later.

The Post Office was busy with pensioners. As I queued my eyes wandered again and noticed the one for all vouchers, I thought i might aswell get one of these as I am hopeless at buying presents and wouldn't be home in a while. Eventually I reach the counter, its just me and the post mistress now, a mid thirties dark hard woman with a nice layer of fake tan and a thick Dublin accent.
P: Hi can I get €40 on the voucher
Clerk: Fine, there's a €3 charge on da.
P: What? for what?
Cleck: It just is alright, I don't make the charges
P: Fine, i'l pay by card
Quite clearly at this point we had established a hostility between us and her customer service skills were lacking. I thanked her and with my voucher,stamp, card and a red envelope all needed was a pen to complete the task. I turned and saw one pen dangling on a string by the window.

At the window, I open the card and began writing. Meanwhile a tall blond German man entered the Post Office, late twenties. He was distressed. In a fluster he goes straight to the clerk.
German: Hi, my parents, em, they send me money, i have to get.
Clerk: Wha?
German: My parents in Germany have sent money over here to me for me to collect.
The clerk isn't intuned with his urgency but instead has the enthusiasm of dead hedgehod in a wet cardboard box.
Cleck: Fill out this form here, and we'll sort ya out...
I was listening intently to the scene and was now currently writing on the little card that came with the voucher. The german bounds over to my area and immediately starts testing the other pens as I am sealing the envelope, none of the other pens work. Sweating now he turns to me and booms "Pen, Pen, Pen!!". I hurriedly hand him the pen as i put the stamp on the envelope. With my mind mostly wondering on what predicament this poor guy was in i throw my sealed envelope into the post box. Almost like a scene from the matrix the red envelope hung mid air as it left my grasp, it was then I realised I forgot to write the address on the envelope!!!!

Panic stations! I stood there for a good 10 seconds thinking "what the fúck did i just do". Part of me said "Just forget it, get another card" while another was like "you just threw away €45!!". Another voice said "dont worry, it will return to sender", then i said to myself "no it won't, how can it, you idiot Podge". Eventually I sum up to courage and go back to the wagon behind the counter.
P: Hi again
Cleck: eh yes? (suspiciously)
P: Ya.......i'm after posting the voucher there in an envelope and i didn't write an address on it.
Cleck: You Wha?
P: I'm after posting a letter with no address (it hurt to say it twice)
Cleck: There no address on it!
P: No
The look she gave me then was akin to a look you give someone who just dropped their pants and shat in front of you.
Clerk: Right well theres nothing I can do it.
P: What!!! You're the Post office
Clerk: Ya sorry I don't have the key
P: What! (stunned)
Cleck:I dont have the key for that, there a guy that comes at 4pm and 5.30pm to collect the post and he has the key.
P: When he comes could you get for me, its red envelope (I wouldn't be able to leave work that early)
Cleck: No! No I won't...sure I wouldnt know which letter it is
P: Its the red one with no address on it.
Cleck: Look if you here at 4pm or 5.30, he'll open it for ya?
P: Why would I come back here at 5.30 if he's already collected it at 4pm
(pause)
Cleck: (confused) oh ya, i actually you have to be here at 4.
In my anger I was going to call her a dope but then shes not the one who threw a letter with no address into the post. Dumbfounded, i stood there before Hans brushes past me with his form complete. I leave the Post office.

At 3pm, i head for a cup of tea with lads who get the whole story much to their amusment. One of them describing my conversation with the clerk as "When two idiots collide". Others are convinced that when I return at 4, there will a german guy looking in the post for the letter.

I sneak out of work at 3.50 thinking i'll only be 5 mins. I walking to the Post Office, its busy again. I wander around for a bit before approaching the counter to find a different girl there
P:Hi, has anyone collected the post yet.
Cleck: No, (bewildered), its collected at 4.
It was 3.55 but the way she said it you'd swear I was a week early. Not wanting to look suspicious I waited outside the post office as I walked out i heard the new cleck say to another "I thinks that's yer man". They clearly had been inform of my reatrded action earlier and became "yer man".

Outside it began to drizzle, i was cold and in a tshirt. I just did not want to be in that post office anymore. A post van pulled up and a guy (splitting image of Pat Mustard) started unloading boxes. I smile and nod at him, he looks cautious at me (I later learn he's not here to collect the post) but i continue to make eye contact and then offer him a hand with the boxes to which he tells me to abruptly "No! get away from them". He heads in with a stack of boxes with one eye on me. Inside I hear him talking with the clerks and then I see him looking out and laughing in my direction, they were clearly filling him in. He then heads out gives me a wink and drives off.

Its now 4.30 and eventually a little green van pulls up. The post man approachs looking suspiciously at the soaked, embarrased spiderman-tshirt-wearing young fella leaning by the post box keyhole. I tell him the story and he says again give me a look like i pissed in his cornflakes. He searches for the red envelope and it's there at the bottom of the pile. I thank him, go inside, write the address and post the letter. My mother got the card Tuesday, she liked the voucher but she loved it when I told her the story behind.

Where is the punchline???? Also, where does Hans fit into all of this??? So many questions...

latte2010

:oTook aload of ecstasy tablets and got thrown into the back of a squad car for talkin to a statue in main street at seven o clock in the morning. Very retarded!

The Cool

Made an absolute numpty of myself several times in school as a very awkward teen. Not a bit wonder everyone thought I was weird!

I had the misfortune for two separate years to be plonked right beside my teacher in maths class. She was a right divil and because of where I sat I was the victim of her pranks more than once. One April 1st, she says to me to go up to the biology lab and ask the teacher for a "long stand". Away I go, nothing strange about it occurring to me at all. Landed back with the biggest retort stand I could find out of the lab. It was only then as 30 other students laughed their arse off at me that I got the joke!!!!

Also, you know the feeling that Baby has in Dirty Dancing when she's like, "I carried a watermelon?!"
One maths class when I was in fifth or sixth year I was zoned out completely and the same teacher gave out to me, saying that I had been sitting there all class picking my split ends and not paying attention at all to what was going on.
My bright answer? "I haven't got any split ends."
I still facepalm when I think about it, to this day.

namloc1980

So my father had just painted the kitchen and that night I was opening one of those coke twin packs and I thought it would be an awesome idea to use a really sharp knife to cut the plastic around the bottles!

So I brought the knife down in a cutting motion but it went straight through the plastic and cut into the bottle. The coke literally exploded everywhere...it was like a fcuking fountain....ceiling, walls, doors, floor and me got absolutely covered in the stuff. My mother went nuts when she saw the state of the place and the nicely painted walls covered in sticky brown coke!

wp_rathead

Had these jeans- which were slightly worn and prob shouldn't have been wearing them to work..
Anyhow basically they ripped down my ass and all down left leg when was helping tie one of the service users shoes- so they were totally unwearable
Now as soon as this happened the Area Unit Director arrives at the centre- so I need to run into town and get some pants.. (I need to anyhow, but all the more so when he shows up)

So i take of my jumper and tie it around my waste to cover my ass and head out side door and try make it up town..
Its a very windy day, end up mooning a loud of tourists on way to shop..

So get to shop and realise don't have laser card with me and only have 20 cash on my. Only pants can find I can afford are these XXL Waterproof slack trousers- only they are way to big. I buy them and had to nervoulsy ask could i change into them in changing room..

So ya, I get back to work and can hear me walking from miles away cuase of the noise of the pants- Area Unit Director comes up to me and my legs sweating like hell cuase of the heat in these pants and is like "So your the new guy"

EDIT: just wana add i post in this thread reluctantly as i don't agree with the title of it

fasttalkerchat

namloc1980 wrote: »

So my father had just painted the kitchen and that night I was opening one of those coke twin packs and I thought it would be an awesome idea to use a really sharp knife to cut the plastic around the bottles!

So I brought the knife down in a cutting motion but it went straight through the plastic and cut into the bottle. The coke literally exploded everywhere...it was like a fcuking fountain....ceiling, walls, doors, floor and me got absolutely covered in the stuff. My mother went nuts when she saw the state of the place and the nicely painted walls covered in sticky brown coke!

In work one night it was a late one. Sent all the staff home and spent 20 mins making space for the delivery coming that night before heading off myself. some idiot had built an overhanging pallet...

http://logoslogistix.com/shipping_info/index_clip_image005.jpg

With Fizzy orange on it.
In my haste to get home I smacked the pallet into place against the warehouse wall. Only to have the pallet rupture and explode all over me. I was stunned and was showered for a good 3 seconds before I got out of the spray.

It was horrible and sticky. I made a half arsed job at mopping it up before leaving a note and throwing my shirt in the sink. Even my hair was sticking to my face. Drove home topless ruining the car upholstery in the process and went straight for the shower.

fkt

Being born.

SerialComplaint

Killer Pigeon wrote: »

Dear ALL,

Now I'm not going to start this thread by giving an account of something retarded I may have done in the past

Not sure if this has already been covered in the thread, but just in case it hasn't - the nastiest thing the OP has ever done is to use the word 'retard' or 'retarded' in a jokey, derogatory way. Here's why;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T549VoLca_Q

fasttalkerchat

SerialComplaint wrote: »

Not sure if this has already been covered in the thread, but just in case it hasn't - the nastiest thing the OP has ever done is to use the word 'retard' or 'retarded' in a jokey, derogatory way. Here's why;

They way I see it it means slow. Idiot used to be a medical term but certainly isn't offensive now (in the same way). For me it only has one meaning so I have no problem with it. I would be careful using it because some people may understand a different meaning.

LiamKK1982

The most retarded thing I have ever done would be creating a facebook account.

SerialComplaint

fasttalkerchat wrote: »

They way I see it it means slow. Idiot used to be a medical term but certainly isn't offensive now (in the same way). For me it only has one meaning so I have no problem with it. I would be careful using it because some people may understand a different meaning.

How did you come to the conclusion that it 'certainly isn't offensive now'? Have you spoken to many people with intellectual disabilities or their families about this?

Some Yoke

1. Getting one of those small lightbulbs, putting it in my mouth, and chewing.
2. Going for a wee all over my aunts new sofa and carpet in the sitting room cos apparently 'itd be funny'.
Thankfully I grew out of that once I hit 6 but the one I regret the most-
3. Sticking at a course I absolutely hated for a couple of years, making myself genuinely miserable, just because I didnt want to be a quitter.

Some Yoke

1. Getting one of those small lightbulbs, putting it in my mouth, and chewing.
2. Going for a wee all over my aunts new sofa and carpet in the sitting room cos apparently 'itd be funny'.
Thankfully I grew out of that once I hit 6 but the one I regret the most-
3. Sticking at a course I absolutely hated for a couple of years, making myself genuinely miserable, just because I didnt want to be a quitter.

donvito99

Posting a duplicate post.

Some Yoke

donvito99 wrote: »

Posting a duplicate post.

My laptop decided it would be apt

Owen_S

SerialComplaint wrote: »

Not sure if this has already been covered in the thread, but just in case it hasn't - the nastiest thing the OP has ever done is to use the word 'retard' or 'retarded' in a jokey, derogatory way. Here's why;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T549VoLca_Q

Strong username to post content correlation.

Tunage

I used to play basketball in school....
For some unknown reason (which I still try to figure out to this day)...when I had the ball to throw in, instead of passing to my team mate, I forgot that I was near my own basket and scored the most amazing 2 pointer from the side ever................. into my own basket. Still cringe about it today!

kulareggae

ok here's mine

I was 15 and as u do i used to smoke hash i live kinda far so I went to my mates for a session a few days before it was my Junior Cert, I was there but we had no phones, newspapers etc to tell what day it was and what I thought was only the next day i was there for 5 days lol I also was high on xtc and the Garda came looking for me

I went into exams high as a kite on xtc and halfway through apparantly I blacked out and Raving apparantly i shouted Are you Ready Temple Theatre( i am a dj lol) in the middle of the exam:o:confused:

I was mortified absolutly mortified when people told me

EoghanIRL

kulareggae wrote: »

ok here's mine

I was 15 and as u do i used to smoke hash i

what do you mean as you do . Most 15 year olds don't smoke hash

fasttalkerchat

SerialComplaint wrote: »

How did you come to the conclusion that it 'certainly isn't offensive now'? Have you spoken to many people with intellectual disabilities or their families about this?

Eh well I would fall into the family category. If someone uses the term retard to mean disabled I correct them on it and point out that it means "slow" and points to someone being an idiot rather than having mental difficulties. Thankfully the main usage of the word is the context that its used in this thread.

lostwithbuster

While drunk jumped off the roof of my house and broke my ankle then just ignored it till it still haven't been to the Dr but it healed grand took a few months till I could run again

Feelgood

Whilst experimenting with a new designer drug called Ecstasy during the 90s, a fellow party goer explained to me that you could heighten the experience by rubbing vicks vapo rub on your balls. Being the eager little fcukwit that I am, I gave it a go.

Had to stick my coin purse in a pint glass of ice water for 6 hours afterwards and was walking like John Wayne for about 4 days.

Dont do drugs kids....

saiint

paddyandy wrote: »

Bought a TV but found a fool who took it .

i dont know if that was you or not
but that was already said like 2 years ago :P

FatherLen

SerialComplaint wrote: »

Not sure if this has already been covered in the thread, but just in case it hasn't - the nastiest thing the OP has ever done is to use the word 'retard' or 'retarded' in a jokey, derogatory way. Here's why;

it has already been covered early on in the thread. and probably again somewhere else and probably sometime after that again.

Lisha

the most stupid thing I ever did in my life was to drive around a round-about the wrong way.(against the traffic) In my defence I was pregnant and crying. Definatly the most scared I ever was in my life.
Thank God no-one was hurt