What's the most retarded thing you've done in your entire life?

Colmustard

af_thefragile wrote: »

I did step on a nail once when I was like 5yrs old to see what it would be like. I have no idea what I was thinking, I guess it was mostly like "ooh look a nail sticking out of a plank of wood. I wonder what would happen if I step on it..." Well luckily I was wearing shoes so the nail didn't go in too deep but I still had to visit the hospital.

You do some really retarded things as kids...

I did that stood on a nail it went right through my dunne stores runners, my foot and out the other side. Believe it or not it didn't actually hurt that much, but sitting in A&E with a bit of wood nailed to my foot was pleasing to everyone else there.

The doctor just got a claw hammer and removed it (not really) A tetanus injection and a cast over my foot for a few weeks. Me bleeden parents still sent me to school the next day.

I know how christ felt.

thefasteriwalk

Quandary wrote: »

1. Went out to walk the dog one day, I was the only one in the house with a key so I left the key under the mat.

I then thought it would be really helpful to write a note that said - "Taking Sam for a walk, the key is under the mat"

That was over 10 years ago & i still get slagged for it.

2. My brother and I both got our tongues stuck in two pub glass coke bottles. Luckily I managed to pull mine out before it swelled up too much. Brother had to go to the ER.

3. I dared my brother to see how far he could shove a frozen pea up his nose. Another trip to the doctor - doctor just made him wait till it defrosted and he was able to sneeze/blow it down :pac:

4. I had rented out a Sega Megadrive (yes, that long ago) and was cycling back to the video shop (yes that long ago too) to return it. While cycling through the town in broad daylight, I somehow got transfixed on the gearwheels of my bike spinning around and cycled into the back of a parked car at decent speed. Megadrive fell out of its case and spun across the road, I ended up on the roof of the car - I can still hear the people laughing. On the plus side the megadrive didnt break, every cloud and all that!

5. Finally, climbed countless trees up so high I that I got too scared to climb down. My father used to have to call my cousin to climb up and coax me down. In one particular case I was stuck up a tree for almost 2 hours.


Ssshhhhhhhh, my g/f doesnt know what kind of gene pool she's after hooking up to...

Yup. On several occasions, when I've not been able to find my phone, I went looking for my phone so I could ring it. Duh.

Colmustard

The last time there was a power cut I was gagging for a cuppa, I knew the kettle was out, but I got the bright idea I will boil the water in the microwave:(

af_thefragile

Colmustard wrote: »

I did that stood on a nail it went right through my dunne stores runners, my foot and out the other side. Believe it or not it didn't actually hurt that much, but sitting in A&E with a bit of wood nailed to my foot was pleasing to everyone else there.

The doctor just got a claw hammer and removed it (not really) A tetanus injection and a cast over my foot for a few weeks. Me bleeden parents still sent me to school the next day.

I know how christ felt.

If I remember it didn't hurt much either. Although I do remember crying my head off in the hospital when the doctor was cleaning out the wound.

I just stepped on it and then lifted my leg off it so didn't have to go into AnE with a plank stuck to my foot. I don't think it bled much either.

BlueSmoker

Colmustard wrote: »

I did that stood on a nail it went right through my dunne stores runners, my foot and out the other side. Believe it or not it didn't actually hurt that much, but sitting in A&E with a bit of wood nailed to my foot was pleasing to everyone else there.

The doctor just got a claw hammer and removed it (not really) A tetanus injection and a cast over my foot for a few weeks. Me bleeden parents still sent me to school the next day.

I know how christ felt.

It's amazing how we wonder how something would feel, when we have never experienced it, particualy when we are young, my sister dropped a block on her toe (she probably saw it on cartoons) and it was a heavy concrete block, just to feel what it was like. I prity sure she told me it was unpleasant.

Rubberlegs

My OH sent me one of those texts, "someone called Mr Ger Raff just called looking for you, can you ring him back please on 01- ....."
Rang the number straight away to find it was Dublin Zoo:o. Nearly had to call an ambulance for OH, he laughed so much:(
In my defence I thought it was to do with an upcoming hospital appointment in Dublin...

Duggy747

Was having a dream I was lying on my bed having a smoke when next thing I dropped the fag and it rolled in under the bed.

Cue me waking up, hopping out of bed and flipping my bed upside down to find the elusive cigarette.

About 10 seconds later my brain finally boots up and I'm standing there looking at an upside down bed and sheets everywhere when I realise what the fùck I just did.

hardCopy

thefasteriwalk wrote: »

Quandary wrote: »

1. Went out to walk the dog one day, I was the only one in the house with a key so I left the key under the mat.

I then thought it would be really helpful to write a note that said - "Taking Sam for a walk, the key is under the mat"

That was over 10 years ago & i still get slagged for it.

2. My brother and I both got our tongues stuck in two pub glass coke bottles. Luckily I managed to pull mine out before it swelled up too much. Brother had to go to the ER.

3. I dared my brother to see how far he could shove a frozen pea up his nose. Another trip to the doctor - doctor just made him wait till it defrosted and he was able to sneeze/blow it down :pac:

4. I had rented out a Sega Megadrive (yes, that long ago) and was cycling back to the video shop (yes that long ago too) to return it. While cycling through the town in broad daylight, I somehow got transfixed on the gearwheels of my bike spinning around and cycled into the back of a parked car at decent speed. Megadrive fell out of its case and spun across the road, I ended up on the roof of the car - I can still hear the people laughing. On the plus side the megadrive didnt break, every cloud and all that!

5. Finally, climbed countless trees up so high I that I got too scared to climb down. My father used to have to call my cousin to climb up and coax me down. In one particular case I was stuck up a tree for almost 2 hours.


Ssshhhhhhhh, my g/f doesnt know what kind of gene pool she's after hooking up to...

Yup. On several occasions, when I've not been able to find my phone, I went looking for my phone so I could ring it. Duh.

Every time I lose my keys or wallet, my first instinct is to ring them

Grayson

af_thefragile wrote: »

If I remember it didn't hurt much either. Although I do remember crying my head off in the hospital when the doctor was cleaning out the wound.

I just stepped on it and then lifted my leg off it so didn't have to go into AnE with a plank stuck to my foot. I don't think it bled much either.

It happened to me when I was 5. HURT LIKE FCUK

I was wearing sandals and was stepping over a piece of wood with a 6 inch nail sticking out. It went straight through. I lifted my foot and it came out again. Blood everywhere.

I remember the tetanus injection hurt too.

hollster2

spent 10-15mins one day looking for my phone under the couch ripped my room apart

THE PHONE WAS IN MY HAND ALL ALONG :eek:

DONT HAVE A CLUE HOW I DIDNT NOTICE LOL

Grimebox

I knew someone who once ran and jumped through a glass door. There is even video evidence. They were extremely drunk at the time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w2jqHazyO8

Real Life

hollster2 wrote: »

spent 10-15mins one day looking for my phone under the couch ripped my room apart

THE PHONE WAS IN MY HAND ALL ALONG :eek:

DONT HAVE A CLUE HOW I DIDNT NOTICE LOL

my mother was having dinner in a hotel one time and thought she had lost her phone, she went around asking people working there if they saw it. they all started looking so theres about 8 of us looking for the phone, then she realised it was in her pocket all the time.
I actually got pissed off at how stupid it was and walked out.

hollster2

Real Life wrote: »

my mother was having dinner in a hotel one time and thought she had lost her phone, she went around asking people working there if they saw it. they all started looking so theres about 8 of us looking for the phone, then she realised it was in her pocket all the time.
I actually got pissed off at how stupid it was and walked out.

i felt like an idiot alrite

Rich11

in work the other night and was sooooooooooo tired just wanted to go home to my bed, so anyway needed the blowtorch and i went over to the sink right beside me turned the hot tap on, turned the gas on, ohhhhh f**k what am i doing, got a lot of slagging for that:o:o:o

Omackeral

Two weeks ago I kinda got my car stuck in a puddle.... And when I say kinda stuck in a puddle I mean I drove it into the Irish Sea. It still smells like Bigfoot's penis.


Here is a small of photo of said disaster.

http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/292914_455105727863011_683712516_n.jpg

Colmustard

Omackeral wrote: »

Two weeks ago I kinda got my car stuck in a puddle.... And when I say kinda stuck in a puddle I mean I drove it into the Irish Sea. It still smells like Bigfoot's penis.


Here is a small of photo of said disaster.

http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/292914_455105727863011_683712516_n.jpg

I have to say I never smelt bigfoot's penis, I suspect he maybe hung.

Colmustard

Kind of reminds me, my last car had rust all over it, mainly on the drivers side. It especially got worse in the last year I owned it a hole was forming under the acc pedal. For the living life of me I couldn't work out why it was happening. A mechanic asked do I work around chemicals and I do but my car is outside, so I reckoned it must have accidently got sprayed once. So I took that as the explanation and knew it wasn't going to pass an NCT the following year.

But then one day I was going on my walk so I drove down to Dollymount parked my car on the Bullwall and off I went. Then a wind caught the ocean and sprayed me with a bit of water. It suddenly dawned on me, I have been doing that circular walk for the last 5 years about 3 times a week. I have been bathing the the right side of my car in salty sea water. I felt an utter thick when I realised

But luckilly the scumbags tried to rob it, couldn't and burned it out instead. I ended up getting 2 grand for it off the insurance. I now cycle to dollymount.

fatherted1969

Just got over one of the most stupidest things i've done in years. Went out to clean the chimney on my dormer bungelow (pitch on the roof is crazy steep) any way put in the brushes and got the chimney cleaned and as i was taking out the brushes they snapped in half leaving half the brushes half way up the chimney.

Cue me scratching my head and came up with a brainwave so i climbed out through one of my velux windows and crawling across to the chimney with a roap and a small brick in my hand and so i tied the brick and rope together and fed it back down the flues and lo and behold the brushes dropped to the bottom delighted with myself so i was until i tried to pull the brick back up the chimney and it jammed on the bend.Then i couldn't get off the roof as i kept sliding down it so had to get my sons to help me off.

Took about an hour to get back down off roof and another 2 days to get the brick out of the chimney. Easily the most stupid thing i've done in years.


Hate that word retarded stupid sounds so much better

RTT

I just caught my wife looking at a framed wedding photo while holding it in her hand. She then proceeded to try to zoom in on the photo with her fingers like you would do with an iphone. Had me in stitches laughing! Shes just gone to bed feeling totally embarrased and like a total gob****e! I better bring her a cup of tea!

af_thefragile

Omackeral wrote: »

Two weeks ago I kinda got my car stuck in a puddle.... And when I say kinda stuck in a puddle I mean I drove it into the Irish Sea. It still smells like Bigfoot's penis.


Here is a small of photo of said disaster.

http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/292914_455105727863011_683712516_n.jpg

Lol how the heck did you manage to do that?! Where is that btw?

I did drive through like almost two feet of standing water when Dublin got flooded last year. Was very very lucky the engine didn't get flooded while there were plenty of cars by the side of the road broken down from trying the same thing, my little Puma kept going!

BunShopVoyeur

Threw a boomerang. Turned around to say something to somebody. Turn back. Boomerang in the throat.

Omackeral

af_thefragile wrote: »

Lol how the heck did you manage to do that?! Where is that btw?

I did drive through like almost two feet of standing water when Dublin got flooded last year. Was very very lucky the engine didn't get flooded while there were plenty of cars by the side of the road broken down from trying the same thing, my little Puma kept going!

I was driving along Gormanstown Beach, near enough to the old Mosney complex actually (how awesome was that place?) and got to what should've been the end of the strand. However, I decided in my infinite wisdom to power on through a narrow and shallow stream to another 100ft of beach on the other side. After going exploring the surroundings and returning to the car, myself and my mate were no longer faced with a narrow and shallow stream but more so The Red Sea. Not being Moses, I couldn't part that motherf**ker so had to try drive through it. Got stuck about three quarters of the way through. Next thing I knew, water was nearly up to my crotch and we both bailed out.

Luckily some boys were there in a jeep and pulled us to safety while heckling and photographing us. Heck, I would've done the same! You can see the photo just above there :pac:

LenaClaire

BunShopVoyeur wrote: »

Threw a boomerang. Turned around to say something to somebody. Turn back. Boomerang in the throat.

I took a boomerang to the face once. Someone threw it, every one ducked, I turned around to see why they ducked

Lesson learned: when everyone else suddenly ducks, you should duck too!

Alan_Curry

One Halloween, I drank a 700ml bottle of Jack Daniels in an hour and blacked out, woke up in my neighbour's house - whom only moved in and didn't know who I was - and they asked how I got into their house and could I leave. When I was walking out of the house, I realised I lived two doors up the road. We've never met each other until that night and I pull my hood up every time I walk by their house. I also lost my phone and the end of my housing estate but someone found it, I somehow managed to leave my shoes in the front garden too.

About a month later, I took an ecstasy tablet one night and it f.ucked up my physical and mental health for the rest of my life because I never went to see a doctor about the pain I was suffering from the next day. At least I get free money off the state though because of this.

Bluestrike

When i was like 5 or 6, my mum was cooking something i didnt like, cant remember what it was, i told her i didnt want any but she came over anyway. I thought she was gonna give me some but in fact it was for my sisters, so i stuck my hand in the air hand to stop the pan. I was trying to push the pan away but because it had just come off the cooker, it was roasting. I ended up burning my hand and i had to go to hospital and im not sure about this as i was pretty young but i think they gave me anesthetic because i remember the bottle and going to sleep, and they might have operated on it. All because i didnt want some food my mum had cooked that wasnt for me :P

Also, my parents were in a restaurant full of hard truck drivers and the like, my older sister, aged 3 then decided to hide under the table and take of her dress, she then decided to go for a tour of the restuarant naked and my dad had to run after her, thinking it was a game, she ran off until finally going into the womens bathroom. He couldnt go in but soon a women came out with her. All the while, the hard men were watching and laughing their heads off

mewithoutyou

Bluestrike wrote: »

When i was like 5 or 6, my mum was cooking something i didnt like, cant remember what it was, i told her i didnt want any but she came over anyway. I thought she was gonna give me some but in fact it was for my sisters, so i stuck my hand in the air hand to stop the pan. I was trying to push the pan away but because it had just come off the cooker, it was roasting. I ended up burning my hand and i had to go to hospital and im not sure about this as i was pretty young but i think they gave me anesthetic because i remember the bottle and going to sleep, and they might have operated on it. All because i didnt want some food my mum had cooked that wasnt for me :P

Also, my parents were in a restaurant full of hard truck drivers and the like, my older sister, aged 3 then decided to hide under the table and take of her dress, she then decided to go for a tour of the restuarant naked and my dad had to run after her, thinking it was a game, she ran off until finally going into the womens bathroom. He couldnt go in but soon a women came out with her. All the while, the hard men were watching and laughing their heads off

Hard men?

Jason Todd

The dumbest thing I ever did still makes me cringe today. We were in 5th year French class and the guy sitting next to me was asked to describe a day at the beach or something stupid like that. He started stumbling so reverted to words he knew in French like nice and woman and basically started describing a hot chick sunning herself on the beach.

Anyway everyone had a good chuckle, as did the teacher, she was pretty cool in fairness. Of course, me being the plank I am decided to join in the fun and saw this as an unbelievable chance to use the latest buzzword/insult going around the school. "Your mother?" I said. The class stopped laughing. He turned to me and said "what did you say?" So I goes "your mother, was it?"

He needed to be dragged off me and it was only afterwards I found out his mother was had died from cancer the year before. Thus he was the one guy in the place immune to the 'mother' slagging, which apparently was common knowledge to everyone but me.

Still so so embarrassed about it, but luckily at the time he took my apology after school and never brought it up again.

Bluestrike

mewithoutyou wrote: »

Hard men?

I dunno its just how my parents described it, I'm guessing like men that wouldnt laugh at much and looked like they would beat you up???? Just my parents words to go on

Vicar in a tutu

Called the ISPCA on a plastic bag in the middle of the road:o

MrMischief

The Lotto syndicate in work a couple of years back won the jackpot (or so they thought) on the Lotto Plus 1 draw after checking the results on Aertel in work on a Sunday morning. 4 out of the 6 strong syndicate were in work at the time and all confirmed the winning numbers against the winning ticket. Hysteria quickly followed, one lad jumping on the desk and with each of them practically having their 40k spent on holidays, extensions, cars etc and then proceeded to contact the other two members of the syndicate to give them the good news.

Half way through this phonecall "Aghhhhhhhh bollocks, hang up the phone" was heard from the end of the office. Phone hung up, and the lads were then told they hadnt won the jackpot and had in fact won diddly squat!!
What happened??

Retard # 1 checked a printed copy of the winning numbers he had gotten in a garage that morning against the winning numbers on Aertel. Retards 2,3 & 4 then all confirmed the same. However, the most retarded thing about the whole story is that if they were indeed checking the winning numbers against the winning numbers, how in the jazus did they only win the Lotto plus 1??