What's the most retarded thing you've done in your entire life?

The Bishop Basher

Back in the day when Panini’s were a new phenomenon, I started going to a new sandwich shop near work. Problem was the menu on the counter spelt it “Punani”. I read it and reread it and proceeded to order a Punani with chicken, cheese and mayo. Got a few strange looks alright but left with my “sambo” and it was delicious. It was so good I went back there for months ordering my favourite punani with chicken and cheese. I never really understood why the girls had a weird smirk everytime I ordered and must have had a brain freeze cause it never dawned on me what I was asking for. About 3 months later I happened to read the menu again while waiting in the queue, they had changed it to "Panini". I realized what a spanner I had been, left and never went back. I’m sure the girls behind the counter thought I was either a serious pervert or the biggest retard they’d ever served. Very embarrassing but sure you have to laugh at yourself every now and again.

kylith

mewithoutyou wrote: »

Hard men?

Have you never heard that? Hard man = Tough guy. "Look at him in the leather jacket, he thinks he's some hard man".

ruthloss

I persuaded my husband not to take up the offer of a great job in Canada during the Cetic Tiger years.:(

Bluestrike

Oh and also when i was like 7 i saw my dad shaving and so thought i would be just like him. Ended up cutting my face all over and looked ridiculous with the paper all over my face on the cuts :P

mewithoutyou

kylith wrote: »

Have you never heard that? Hard man = Tough guy. "Look at him in the leather jacket, he thinks he's some hard man".

Something, something, story about a naked girl, something, something, hard men? Sorry. I really shouldn't have bothered explaining that...

spankysue

I used soap and water to clean out a tape deck in my dad's stereo, in fairness though I didn't know any better, I was only about 25 at the time.

Hannibal Smith

MrMischief wrote: »

The Lotto syndicate in work a couple of years back won the jackpot (or so they thought) on the Lotto Plus 1 draw after checking the results on Aertel in work on a Sunday morning. 4 out of the 6 strong syndicate were in work at the time and all confirmed the winning numbers against the winning ticket. Hysteria quickly followed, one lad jumping on the desk and with each of them practically having their 40k spent on holidays, extensions, cars etc and then proceeded to contact the other two members of the syndicate to give them the good news.

Half way through this phonecall "Aghhhhhhhh bollocks, hang up the phone" was heard from the end of the office. Phone hung up, and the lads were then told they hadnt won the jackpot and had in fact won diddly squat!!
What happened??

Retard # 1 checked a printed copy of the winning numbers he had gotten in a garage that morning against the winning numbers on Aertel. Retards 2,3 & 4 then all confirmed the same. However, the most retarded thing about the whole story is that if they were indeed checking the winning numbers against the winning numbers, how in the jazus did they only win the Lotto plus 1??

brilliant

kylith

mewithoutyou wrote: »

Something, something, story about a naked girl, something, something, hard men? Sorry. I really shouldn't have bothered explaining that...

Sorry, I don't seem to have my 'dirty' brain with me today.

1ZRed

Tried on skinny jeans to see what all the fuss was about then started pissing myself at how much of a retard I looked like in them.

hardCopy

1ZRed wrote: »

Tried on skinny jeans to see what all the fuss was about then started pissing myself at how much of a retard I looked like in them.

I hope you paid for them

lorna doone

I stepped out into the porch and closed the door behind me. Went to open the porch door, it was locked, checked, had forgotten my keys... There was nobody in the house.

I was locked in the porch for two hours.

kylith

I may, or may not, have given interview slots to two people who shouldn't have gotten them. I cannot think of a way to ask them if they were given interview slots without sounding dodgy. I cannot remember for certain whether I called them or not.

Bossman not happy with me now.

overshoot

the stapler stopped working, opened it to see there was still staples inside... it kept sticking and didnt work so decided to pull the head back again (but not open it) and press on it with both hands till it did.... i then proceeded to staple my thumbs together

Andrea B.

My office chair got stuck when rolling it back this morning. looked down to see what was jamming the wheels..............................Sunday's underpants:o

smash

Andrea B. wrote: »

My office chair got stuck when rolling it back this morning. looked down to see what was jamming the wheels..............................Sunday's underpants:o

Why were your dirty underpants in your office?

stop animal cruelty

MrMischief wrote: »

The Lotto syndicate in work a couple of years back won the jackpot (or so they thought) on the Lotto Plus 1 draw after checking the results on Aertel in work on a Sunday morning. 4 out of the 6 strong syndicate were in work at the time and all confirmed the winning numbers against the winning ticket. Hysteria quickly followed, one lad jumping on the desk and with each of them practically having their 40k spent on holidays, extensions, cars etc and then proceeded to contact the other two members of the syndicate to give them the good news.

Half way through this phonecall "Aghhhhhhhh bollocks, hang up the phone" was heard from the end of the office. Phone hung up, and the lads were then told they hadnt won the jackpot and had in fact won diddly squat!!
What happened??

Retard # 1 checked a printed copy of the winning numbers he had gotten in a garage that morning against the winning numbers on Aertel. Retards 2,3 & 4 then all confirmed the same. However, the most retarded thing about the whole story is that if they were indeed checking the winning numbers against the winning numbers, how in the jazus did they only win the Lotto plus 1??

I did something similar years ago, there was a lotto ticket lying on the table so said l'd check on aertel.

So there l was checking the numbers, got every single one of them, jackpot! l actually started to hyperventilate, could not believe my eyes!! Ran to my mother, she has a look, what do you know it was one of those printed copies of the winning numbers............SICKENED :mad:

didn't even know those things existed, always checked the good oul Aertel.

I guess I kinda know what its like to win the lotto in a way :L

Andrea B.

Why were your dirty underpants in your office?

Fallen out of my jeans. Most likely stuck down leg.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

mccarthy37 wrote: »

In the day's when I was a good little boy went to confession and the priest got it out of me that I was playing with the baldy man, it wont happen again father. That promise lasted for about 4 hours. Lucky it was dark in that box as my face was on fire. Well it turned out this fellow forgiving my sins was doing a lot more than pulling his nob as it turned out.:o

How is that a retarded thing you've done?

playedalive

This one time in college, I was trying to put sugar in my coffee. I was so tired that I casually emptied all the sugar into the plastic bin. People thought I was off my rocker.

I accepted a summer job in Spain for cash-in-hand 2€ an hour. I was exploited something rotten. Though, it was better than doing nothing in Dublin for the summer.

con1421

In 4th year in school we have to chose a different language for 10 weeks. So I chose French. Anyway one early morning I was tired as I had a late night so went into class for half 8.Anyway the teacher asked me a question in French and I replied in German thinking that I was in German class proper embarrassed lol

Chemical Burn

Stuck a fork in a socket.

However, I was a young child and the fork had a thick plastic handle

akura

Jumped off a shed roof and completely smashed my right arm

james142

Watching that video Pain Olympics

fasttalkerchat

A few weeks a go I was getting drowsy at the wheel so pulled in to a garage for a rest. Fell asleep and dreamt that I was driving and about to sleep. I then woke up with my heart pounding and feeling very confused that the car wasn't moving.

I Heart Internet

fasttalkerchat wrote: »

A few weeks a go I was getting drowsy at the wheel so pulled in to a garage for a rest. Fell asleep and dreamt that I was driving and about to sleep. I then woke up with my heart pounding and feeling very confused that the car wasn't moving.

I've found I can't sleep as a passenger in a car anymore because of this. I'm just nodding off and think - "wait, am I driving this thing" and wake up again.:(

ShadowHearth

It happened about a year ago. We got a small dog and I was still not used to a concept of " going outside with a dog? Take keys with you ".
So obviously I needed to go out ASAP as dog was mad to go outside. I opened front door tapped the pocket and heard keys banging. Good, I got keys. As soon as I closed the door and did a few steppes I checked my pocket to be 100% sure. Those were not home keys, those were car keys...
It would be about 4 hours wait for misses to finish work. So I grabbed puppy and drove to work. Parked in the Main Street, poped hazards grabbed puppy and rushed to the butchers where misses works. Eyes down and try not to make eye contact... Got inside of butchers. Misses started laughing. I asked for keys and rushed back home as soon as possible.

Why she laughed? Well because I left house in a track suit and Homer Simpson fluffy slippers. I presume I looked fantastic in the butchers looking like this and holding a dachshund ( sausage dog ) puppy in my hands...

Zer0

drank a fair amount of vodka and tried to ollie down a 12 set of steps landing on my arse.. Tried to scale a fence with a racing bicycle and the spokes on the wheel got caught on the spikes, whilst trying to free the bike i then got "caught" on the spikes.... It was a difficult situation, trying to free myself and a poxy bike... the bike got free eventually and as did I! I was lucky to come off un hurt..

Cycling on said bike when I was late for class, cycling like I was in the tour de france, took a left turn too quick and cycled into a concrete monument, came over the handlebars and landed into the flowerbed in the monument and bruised the hell outta my hip, ribs and a burst eardrum.. =/ the worst thing was, all the teenagers going to secondary school watched this happen and I think recorded this.. hahaha was then brought away in an ambulance but was all good in the end!

whitewave

Not the worst, but I held a door for my shadow before

hattoncracker

Took my friend for dinner for his birthday to this lovely candlelit restaurant in Dublin city centre.. had a few bottles of wine and were taking loads of pics and I lean over to take a pretty pic.. Lean back up and my friend starts looking at me funny and suddenly jumped up and slapping my head.


Had put my far too hairsprayed hair too close to the candles and whooosh!! In my drunken haze I didn't believe him until I started smelling it. Then drunken tears and leaving..


Mortified!!! And I had an alfalfa stump that took 9 months to grow back!

genuine leather

Went to town to do a few bits one day, parked up, went on my merry way, cant remember how long i was, came back around the corner to where i was parked, the street was bumper to bumper,stopped, both ways, crowds( and gardai shicaloni) had even gathered looking at my car sideways across the street, left the handbrake off, and it done a herby on it.... that sure was an embarrassing walk to the car, in fairness there was no one irate, all just laughing thier ass s off........handbrake up....check...:-)