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Humorous Smartass Replies (Help Wanted)

2»

Comments

  • #52
    Saila
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,751 ✭✭✭Saila


    "what did your last slave die of!?!?"

    EXHAUSTION! was that really that hard to figure out?


  • #53
    thankswhore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭thankswhore


    i find a swift slap to the jaw is the best medicine


  • #54
    cml387
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,528 ✭✭✭cml387


    thankswhore wrote: »
    i find a swift slap to the jaw is the best medicine
    or a KICK IN THE HEAD.


  • #55
    sh1tstirrer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,489 ✭✭✭sh1tstirrer


    humberklog wrote: »
    -What did your last slave die of?
    Lack of work.


  • #56
    phill106
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,821 ✭✭✭phill106


    Why are you so fat? (or any other fat jokes)
    Because everytime i ride your, she feeds me biscuits!


  • #57
    CreepingDeath
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,015 ✭✭✭CreepingDeath


    If anyone brings up that TV programme "Fair City"...

    "If I wanted to watch a show about Northsiders I'd watch Crimeline".


  • #58
    JohnnyBananas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 306 ✭✭JohnnyBananas


    Rockn wrote: »
    A popular reply in primary school:

    Where's John?
    Up me hole picking brown daisies.

    Have you seen Mary?
    Yeah she's up me hole picking brown daisies.

    A "Where's John?"
    B "Is my face red?"
    A "No"
    B "Well he's not up my arse then, is he??"


  • #59
    JohnnyBananas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 306 ✭✭JohnnyBananas


    mikom wrote: »
    Does my ass look big in this this?

    Reply: Not as big as your font size

    A "Does this make my arse look big?"
    B "No, chocolate cake makes your arse look big!!!!"


  • #60
    jd007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,094 ✭✭✭jd007


    No you're a comeback!


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  • #61
    sorrywhat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 951 ✭✭✭sorrywhat


    No, You're a towel...


  • #62
    OutlawPete
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,689 ✭✭✭✭OutlawPete


    "They haven't gone away you know".


  • #63
    ClutchIt
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 709 ✭✭✭ClutchIt


    chin_grin wrote: »
    "If I wanted my own come back, I would've wiped it off yore ma's chin."

    Good enough for you?

    Oh yeah?

    Well your ma swallows


  • #64
    EverEvolving
    Registered Users Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭EverEvolving


    What are you gonna do for a face when the monkey wants its arse back?


  • #65
    Ghandee
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,653 ✭✭✭Ghandee


    If I wanted to listen to an arsehole, I'd have farted!


  • #66
    JohnnyBananas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 306 ✭✭JohnnyBananas


    If I could care less, I would!!


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  • #67
    JohnnyBananas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 306 ✭✭JohnnyBananas


    "Is it Friday night already?"

    I think I heard this in the film "The Usual Suspects". It can be useful to turn something into a sexual reference.

    EG
    Woman says to Man: "Shut up or I'll hit you"
    Man replies to Woman: "Is it Friday night already?"


  • #68
    wonton
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,214 ✭✭✭wonton


    "I know you don't want to admit it, but fcuk off!"




    a bus driver to a passenger saying thanks when they get off

    "ah you're alright love,I was going this way anyway"


  • #69
    minidazzler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,739 ✭✭✭✭minidazzler


    "You are infectious human waste"


  • #70
    jennytightlips
    Registered Users Posts: 121 ✭✭jennytightlips


    your re made up of the sperm ur ma should have swallowed!


  • #71
    blaze1
    Registered Users Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭blaze1


    your ma sideways

    said this was years ago and resulted in me gettin a hiding


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  • #72
    orourkeda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,918 ✭✭✭✭orourkeda


    So's your ma


  • #73
    orourkeda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,918 ✭✭✭✭orourkeda


    EverEvolving wrote: »
    What are you gonna do for a face when the monkey wants its arse back?

    Response: I'll just do your ma.


  • #74
    Mackman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,810 ✭✭✭Mackman


    * thruck driver got stuck under a bridge*

    Gard - Get stuck did ya?
    Truck driver - no i was delivering this bridge and i ran out of gas

    :pac:


  • #75
    Wompa1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,184 ✭✭✭Wompa1


    "Working hard or hardly working?"

    "Jaysus I'm flat out like an "insert racist term" 's nose" - Sorry I know it's inappropriate but I worked in a centra and when a farmer came in and said that to me I nearly shat myself.


  • #76
    MyKeyG
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,282 ✭✭✭MyKeyG


    Do you want a pint?

    Well I'm not here for the company!


  • #77
    uch
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,017 ✭✭✭uch


    You've a face like a Bulldog licking piss off of nettles

    21/25



  • #78
    bungler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 831 ✭✭✭bungler


    Your as innocent as a nun doing press ups in a field of cucumbers


  • #79
    judestynes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 267 ✭✭judestynes


    If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I'd fart.


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