(made up) paper reaction to Englands loss against France

gimmick

This made me laugh. FFS, it is almost what would appear in the tabloids.

from F365

Under the clever punning headline 'The Despicable Eyetie in The Tie', The Planet is in no doubt that Fabio Capello's era has come to an end.

'With all the brilliant players at his disposal, we should be beating the likes of World Cup wieners France at a canter. Many of their players do not even play in the Premier League, the world's greatest. But the Dopey Dago seemed totally unable to have even the slightest influence on the game, with England's new-look Platinum Generation made to look pedestrian and technically stumped solely as a result of their bungling manager. Sack him now, and make him pay back all his wages. To a nurse.'

Over on tabloid rival The Comet, there was total agreement, almost as if these people sit together in a little room gassing amongst themselves and coming up with one identical opinion.

'Finally, the Wop Flop stumbled upon a tactical system - more by luck than judgement. With Newcastle's Andy Carroll - the future greatest player in world football - on the pitch, even Crapello could see the right thing to do. England's players, who would definitely be World Beaters if it weren't for their hopeless foreign manger, heroically began thumping the ball up into the air for the world's greatest centre-forward to head down. This tactical vision from the likes of Steven Gerrard was the sole bright spot of the night.'

The view from the broadsheets was much the same, only with slightly longer words and more self-importance instead of naked jingoism. And a free pull-out of recipes from Nigel Slater and a wallchart about seabirds. The Sentinel wondered:

'Surely this was Fabio's Waterloo? Not since the fall from grace of the libero system in the mid-1990s has Italian football appeared so bereft of ideas. I was told I would be allowed to write about golf and rugger, you know.'

In the Daily Hate, there was anger about the appointment of a foreign manager. Still.

'Would Harry Redknapp have stood there gibbering and simpering in Esperanto or whatever the hell language this migrant worker communicates in? Would he heck. Like millions of his kind from Romany to Mexico, Senor Capello is over in England to get fat and happy as the result of our hard graft, before high-tailing it back to Bongo Bongo land with a suitcase full of our goodwill and no doubt a tasty bit of freebie treatment at your and my expense on the NHS. Well, if your kid dies of cancer because Fabio Capello has hovered up the last lung transplant, don't go running to the PC-gone-mad loonies at the FA, because - NEWSFLASH - they're too busy appointing a disabled black lesbian to be his replacement.'

Alan Tyers

super_furry

Parody still doesn't come close to the reality of the Daily Mail, where those bloody foriegners even ruined the so called 'World' Cup.