How do I know if it's time to let go?

is_it_time

Hi all,

I have a 16 year old border collie and I don't know how I'm supposed to decide if it's time to put him to sleep. He was diagnosed with liver cancer and we were told he was going to live for a few months. That was 3 years ago!

He's lost quite alot of weight over the last few months though. He was 25kg a year or two ago, he's 16kg now and visibly thin. He's never like to lie on blankets so when he lies down, you hear a big thud as his hips hit the floor.

He's still eating plenty though and is interested in everything that's going on in the house. He's still likes to go for walks but can only make it halfway down the street now.

Over the last week he's woken us up every night to be let out to go to the loo and has had a few night time accidents. I'm assuming bladder and bowel control are only going to get worse.

We're going away for 2 weeks next week and although I have another family member to mind him, I'm worried about what I'm going to come home to if he survives. I'd much prefer him to die when he's ready, but I don't know if he'll be in a lot of pain by the time that happens. Is it cruel to wait for him to die, or should I put him to sleep before he starts to be in any more pain?

I don't know if I'm just being selfish for wanting to keep him going at this stage but the thought of him dying (I know, it's inevitable) is making me so upset (I'm bawling as I write this)

Thanks in advance for any advice

portgirl123

i had to make this decision in june, the hardest thing i ever had to do. my only regret is i think i waited just that little bit 2 much. i know i should have got her done maybe a week before. only you can make the decision but from what u said if he is losing weight while still eating dont look good. i would bring him the vets ask him after looking at him, if it was his dog what would he do? myself i think as you are going away, u have 2 choices either do it before and u can ensure that you were with him or wait till you come back and maybe decision will have been done for you.

Good luck with wat ever u choice, aint going to be easier wat ever u do. but i think ur no1 concern should be with the dog and if vet thinks the time is now i would do it.

dillodaffs

oh God, I totally sympathise with you. my own two dogs are still very young but I am dreading the day when their time comes...just dreading it.

Have you spoken to the vet about him lately? I know he has lived on three years, just wondering what the vets opinion on it is? I think that as long as he is not in pain he is ok... but it does sound as though he is deteriorating now. He is an old dog now and I bet you gave him the best life. Its hard to let go, but I think between you and your vet you will know when the time is right.

My heart goes out to you x

Toulouse

It's a hard decision to make, I don't envy you.

Personally I think if they are on the way down then it's better not to leave them for too long. If you are not going to be there then if it were me I think I'd be considering it now rather than later.

It's not a nice decision to make but he's had a good long life with you and the last bit of kindness you can show him is to let him go with dignity and before he really starts suffering.

Linguo

My heart goes out to you and your doggy.

You need to decide is your dog in pain and does that outweigh the enjoyment he's still getting out of life?

You're looking after him and making the best decision you can for him so it's all out of love and he knows that. Thoughts are with you are remember you can have a good chat with your vet and ask their professional opinion while explaining his day to day routine, what he still enjoys and the areas he's finding tough.

He's lucky to have such a caring owner

Cherry Blossom

Hi OP, I had to have my lab PTS recently and your situation sounds very like the situation my nan was in with her old lab many years ago. She was completely torn over what to do with him and found it too hard to let go and unfortunately couldn't bring her self to do it untill he finally reached the stage where he was unable to get up off the floor and she spent her day cleaning up toilet accidents. She finally made the decision to have him pts the following morning which was christmas eve incidently. When morning came though he had gone during the night . Only you can make the call and you are the person who knows him best. If it were me I'd be inclined to cancel the trip so I could be there to make the call when its needed or make it before I went. In my mind it would be more important to ensure he wasn't suffering unnecssarily than to prolong his life by a week or 2 which may not be of very good quality life. I'd also worry for you if you wern't there when his time came.

is_it_time

Thank you all for your responses.

It's so hard to decide. Sometimes he's doing really well, like following me about the place and really alert. Then other times, he's not good at all. He barked to be let out the other night but couldn't even make it to the door before he started to go to the loo.

I feel like he's borderline at the moment and that's what's making the decision so hard. If he was very obviously in pain, not getting up, not eating, then the decision would be obvious.

Linguo

Would you take him to the vet or ring them to discuss his current changes in his toilet etc just to get their opinion?

I know there's nothing that can ease this situation but all you can do is focus 100% on giving him the best quality of life and making whatever decision you can to keep him safe and out of serious pain.

Please give them a ring and see what they say, they'll be more than happy to take the time out to talk through it with you. It could be an issue that could be managed but it's best to get their professional opinion. He's amazing having defied their expectations, you should be proud:)

carleigh

I'm so sorry to hear about your dogs condition. Remember, you know him best and will make the right decision. And how lucky you have been to have him in your life for so long, and that he has such a caring owner. My own 12 y/o Golden Cocker was diagnosed with liver cancer just last Saturday, and I take comfort in the fact that your boy has enjoyed 3 great years since his diagnosis. Like you, I was told my dog has only a few months left, so now I will be more optimistic as obviously if they have a good quality of live and attentive care, they can keep going. On the question of is now the right time to say goodbye, you will make the right decision for your dog. Our vet told us this week that when the time does come, we will just know, and he said that the dog wont feel any pain as he gets worse, it will be painless. The signs to watch out are orange coloured urine, jaundice in the eyes, and a bloating belly.

I dont know what I will do when the time comes, but you obviously love your dog very much and are monitoring his condition closely, so you will do what is right. He is lucky to have such a fantastic owner.

portgirl123

Is the bad times more than the good? if yes then i think you know wat the answer is. i left it as long as i could, millie would get a good day and i would think oh great see how well she is doing. that would be followed by 2 bad. in the end i could see myself wat was the point of one or 2 good days followed by 4, 5 bad.
i know when the time comes with my 3 now this time i think i will let her/him go before they reach this stage. hopefully i will this time think more of the dog than myself.

is_it_time

Thanks to everyone who replied to my op. Just to let you know that we had to put my gorgeous guy to sleep yesterday afternoon.

He had a wonderful life and we decided it just wasn't fair to him to keep him going. We were told his heart was strong so he wouldn't just die by himself for a long time, he'd just get progressively more ill.

The vets were amazing. They covered him with a blanket, we held his head in our hands and he was gone within a second or two of them injecting him.

I've been digging out photos of him today and it's amazing how you get used to having an old, sick dog around. He looks almost fat in the photos because I've gotten used to seeing him so skinny. You forget that he once used to jump up, climb the stairs, run up mountains.

I miss him so much already and it's going to take some time to get used to him not being around.

He gave me so much love and happiness over the last 16 years and I'll never forget him

andreac

Awh im sorry to hear that, its never easy to make that decision, ive been there with the family dog we had for 16 years too, so i know how hard it is.

Sounds like your dog had a wonderful life and you were with him at the end to see him off to Rainbow Bridge, and he will be grateful to see a loving, familiar face as he went.

RIP doggy

barbiegirl

I can only imagine as I'm crying now Mine is only 20 months old and I dread the day I have to make the decision. You know you did the right thing by him and gave him a great life. Big hugs

DeadlyByDesign

I was nearly in tears reading this. If it is not too painful, do you have any photos you could share with us?

carleigh

I'm so sorry to hear your dog has passed. It must have been really tough saying goodbye, but take comfort in knowing that you gave him a fantastic life full of love and happiness. Hearing your story and how long your dog fought his illness has given me hope that my own dog, who was diagnosed with liver cancer almost 2 wks ago, can hopefully defy the odds and be around for a little longer.

RIP to your loyal friend x

candy_pants

This is a subject very close to my heart. My own dog was 14 when we had to let her go last November. Very similar situation. She had lost weight, her bladder/bowel control had gotten quite bad but worst of all, she had lost all her personality and character. I also feel I held on, unfairly, for too long and I still feel the guilt now - both of making an active call to put her down but also guilt that she may have resented us for not letting her go.

I read around that time that putting a suffering/sick dog to sleep is a loving owner's last duty. That's how I try to see it. You absolutely did the right thing and you have to try and hold on to that. I 100% feel your devastation and I hope you have friends/colleagues around that understand. As someone mentioned - have a read of the rainbow bridge. Also, should things get very bad there is a pet bereavement website called Solace.

I hope you're doing OK and thanks for letting us all know.

Cat

is_it_time

Goat2 - Thanks for your reply but I only posted again here to let people know that we put him to sleep yesterday

DeadlyByDesign - This is Panda a few weeks ago

We got him at 6 months from the WSPCA. They brought over three dogs for us to see and the other two just ran around the garden. Panda sat down beside me, and performed every trick under the sun. He had made up his mind that he was home!

candy_pants

Aw what a gorgeous dog - he sort of reminds me of my dog oddly enough but I'm probably mad.

In response to Goat2's suggestion (which I don't think was intended to sound the way it did), my dog had the same issues and they were not going to go away or be cured after a few weeks. They were the signs of a very ill dog and you absolutely did the right thing.

luvdogs

You made the best choice for your best friend, i know only too well just how hard it is to decide when the time is right but we have to think of them and not us!!
i did this last year with a young dog which nearly broke me...but when its time...its time!:(
i truely believe they never really leave us.....if you think you feel them...then believe it!!!
Rainbow bridge has another playmate....thinking of you xxx