Would you tell your partner ?

Jaxxy

The only reason I'd tell is if I knew there might be a possibility of my boyfriend/husband/OH/whatever finding out from someone else.

If the shoe was on the other foot and he cheated on me I wouldn't want to know. But if I found out from somebody else I'd be very, very angry. If there was no possibility I could find out from a third party I'd rather he kept quiet to be honest. I think telling someone to relieve or assuage your own guilt about what you've done is more selfish than doing the act in the first place. All you do is cause everyone involved more pain than necessary.

phill106

cruiser178 wrote: »

When your older you'll learn(if you have kids)its not just cheating on your partner its cheating on your family,its just something you just dont do

I was going to make an incest joke here, but was too tired.

Johnny Bitte

Have to say if it ever happened I would not tell the girl cause it would hurt her.
The only reason I could think of telling her would be to make myself feel better. And after doing that, I wouldn't deserve it!
If I slept with someone else, obviously I would not want the relationship I had and would end it.
That way I get the guilt for doing it (and deservedly so) and the gf gets the its not you its me speech.

Leelaa22

hondasam wrote: »

My first reply was of the cuff.

My honest answer is I would not cheat because my family would never respect me again. My husband would probably forgive me but my kids would not. Temptation is a fact of life but it's up to everyone to decide what is important for them.

I agree there is temptation everywhere and yeah that is a fact of life. But making a decision to cheat and making the decision not to tell the other half are bad ones.

hondasam

Leelaa22 wrote: »

I agree there is temptation everywhere and yeah that is a fact of life. But making a decision to cheat and making the decision not to tell the other half are bad ones.

I guess if you make the decision to tell you are probably ending the relationship. lots of couples move on after cheating or been cheated on. I think honesty is the best policy and let the other person decide what the want to do.

--LOS--

Dr_Phil wrote: »

What a brave statement... :rolleyes: I'd like to be so brave and certain myself...

The main thing I'm getting from this thread is that Dr. Phil has definitely cheated :P

I don't know why you find it so hard to believe that some people just would not do that, no matter the circumstances, there's no excuse imo.

I'm not even going to vote coz I couldn't even think of a hypothetical situation, it just wouldn't happen.

SV

Cheating is such a scummy thing to do.
There's no way I'd ever do it.


If the situation could ever possibly arise..which I don't think it could.
but if it did, I'd have to tell her. Straight away.

Dr_Phil

--LOS-- wrote: »

Dr. Phil has definitely cheated

That's a brave statement too

Novella

JaxxYChicK wrote: »

The only reason I'd tell is if I knew there might be a possibility of my boyfriend/husband/OH/whatever finding out from someone else.

If the shoe was on the other foot and he cheated on me I wouldn't want to know. But if I found out from somebody else I'd be very, very angry. If there was no possibility I could find out from a third party I'd rather he kept quiet to be honest. I think telling someone to relieve or assuage your own guilt about what you've done is more selfish than doing the act in the first place. All you do is cause everyone involved more pain than necessary.

I don't get why you wouldn't wanna know you'd been cheated on. I read a book once that said, "People prefer to believe prettier, neatly wrapped lies" and I guess that's right. Why though? If your partner has cheated on you, and you prefer not to know, what kind of relationship is that? One built on a foundation of lies and deceit. What would make anyone wanna live that? I honestly can't understand it.
You really think hiding the truth is saving everyone from pain? You really think that? I know I'd rather take the pain, and end up in an honest relationship than be with someone who was not only unfaithful, but also a liar.

Daniel S

What would Jesus do.....

Dr_Phil

The last word from the doctor in this thread

The point I was trying to make (despite the fact that this thread slowly heads into direction "I'm a saint and you're a cheating scum, die") is that in certain circumstances it's not worth to wreck i.e. 10 years of marriage, childhood, memories and future because of something that unimportant like 1 night sex that most likely will never happen again. At the end of the day it all proves that by telling the other half what we've done makes feel better only ourselves. I wouldn't like to know. The less we know, the better we sleep.

I am far from making statements whether cheating is good, bad, moral, immoral, acceptable or not - that's everyone's personal business and those who believe in God will be judged by Him at the end. I'm not a saint nor God Almighty himself who knows and judges everything and everyone, as different are circumstances, tempers, people, reasons. Someone may say: but the world is black and white, in binary 0 and 1, yes or no - you do or you don't. I'd really wish for it to be like that and whoever says "I will never" or "I will always" and is 100% certain of the future - well, doesn't sound very wise to me. Probable - maybe, but not wise.

I was asking myself many times how would I feel if it happened to me and I found out. I can't say 100% but from what I know myself I would try to understand what went wrong, at what stage, why did she go for it. It would hurt, definetely would I admit, but if it turned that it was me - never at home, always at work, drunk 5/7, abusive, rude or God know what else - I would have no one else to blame but myself along with my behaviour and nothing would fix it but me, by changing myself instead of calling her a whore. The problem seems to be, that way too many people consider themselves spotless and brilliant, therefore it must be 100% the other person's fault. Again - black and white. The more spotless and innocent the person appears to themselves, the louder they shout and the more they hate the other side.

It's just my opinion, it might be wrong but I'm entitled to it :P

Jaxxy

Novella wrote: »

I don't get why you wouldn't wanna know you'd been cheated on. I read a book once that said, "People prefer to believe prettier, neatly wrapped lies" and I guess that's right. Why though? If your partner has cheated on you, and you prefer not to know, what kind of relationship is that? One built on a foundation of lies and deceit. What would make anyone wanna live that? I honestly can't understand it.
You really think hiding the truth is saving everyone from pain? You really think that? I know I'd rather take the pain, and end up in an honest relationship than be with someone who was not only unfaithful, but also a liar.

You don't have to understand my take on it, because it's my take.

I've seen first hand what this sort of "honesty" can do to relationships, and I'm not just talking about the relationship between the person who cheated and the person who was cheated on. Sometimes the fallout from one stupid mistake just isn't worth it.

If someone cheats and they're genuinely sorry for it then a lot of the time it is a wake up call for that person. They can then decide what their reasons behind cheating were in the first place. Some of the time it can resolve to make the person appreciate their significant other all the more. Some of the time it can make them realise that their significant other isn't right for them after all.

If the latter is the conclusion reached then being completely upfront and honest with the person is only going to cause unnecessary pain and hurt. The only reason, IMO, that you'd do this is to assuage guilt, and in my book that's pretty selfish.

As I said, that's my take on it. Sometimes what you don't know really won't hurt you. But nobody has to agree with it or even understand it, each to their own.

snoepys

No way Id just keep chatting as long as I didnt get caught

Tar.Aldarion

Somebody did to me before, after years, they are dead to me. I could not do that to somebody i care about

ssmp

Hmmm sooo reassuring to see it was my husband that started this thread.

Apparently he's in the 'deny all' brigade.

Really inspires a wife to be full of confidence and trust.

Each to their own opinion, but there are some things that are just downright insensitive....

Dr_Phil

ssmp wrote: »

Hmmm sooo reassuring to see it was my husband that started this thread.

So he's fcuked...

Diapason

Ouch!

To answer the question, unless there was a reason, I wouldn't tell. My wife has told me that this is the course of action she'd prefer, and I feel the same way if the shoe is ever on the other foot.

I should say that I've never cheated and have no intention of ever doing so.

dafunk

Sh1t happens. Nobodys perfect. I wouldn't want to know either. Manogamy is not a natural, biological function. It's no wonder people fight against their desires trying to conform to social norms and morality. We're animals at the end of the day. It does probably reflect on a boredom or problem with your partner though.

BraziliaNZ

Never told them in the past. It's a bit of a spanner in the works methinks.

BraziliaNZ

I've cheated on every proper girlfriend I've had over the years. I never thought I had my fill of sexual experience and I also think low self-esteem and confidence made me try and fulfill myself by trying to bang anything I could get my hands on.
Seeing someone now and trying to change my ways, but because of my stupid behaviour in the past, I find it hard to trust anyone, even though AFAIK i've never been cheated on. It's reassuring to read this thread knowing there are people out there who say they'd never ever do it, I hope current chick is one of you!

jackiebaron

Course I'd tell. Not only that but I'd show her the photographs that the two other women took before I fcuked them.

phill106

ssmp wrote: »

Hmmm sooo reassuring to see it was my husband that started this thread.

Apparently he's in the 'deny all' brigade.

Really inspires a wife to be full of confidence and trust.

Each to their own opinion, but there are some things that are just downright insensitive....

No snu-snu for him tonight!

stovelid

cruiser178 wrote: »

When your older you'll learn(if you have kids)its not just cheating on your partner its cheating on your family

Only if you're sleeping with your kids?

ssmp

jackiebaron wrote: »

Course I'd tell. Not only that but I'd show her the photographs that the two other women took before I fcuked them.

Ah yeah...by the 'knuckle dragging' sounds of you, I'd say the only person you'd manage to get it up for is yourself over the 2 women you see on your PC screen in your Mammy's spare room that you should have moved out of years ago!