Which fairytale character do you relate to most?

Pighead

For Pighead, it's always been Rumpelstiltskin. Good looking dwarf with ridiculous skills whose talents were eventually overshadowed by his innate greed and inability to say enough is enough. (Pighead's not a dwarf but everything else checks out)

Everytime Pighead reads that story he shouts at his book "Why the hell are you doing a deal with the Queen, Rumpel? You've already won this battle. You've got her baby. Walk away you tiny fool."

Whilst Pighead is in full flow shouting at the midget man, Rumpelstiltskin turns away from the Queen and shouts back at Pighead "You're a fine one to talk you ridiculously tall hypocrite" And he's right. Pighead is no better than the wee fella. Greed has always been this posters downfall.

Pighead was born with a gift. A gift from the Gods. He's a top class juggler. Give Pighead two or less objects and he will juggle for you til the day he dies. Non stop, juggle, juggle, round, round, all day long. Mesmerised people in a juggling daze.

Pubs are a great place for utilising this gift. Nothing impresses a drunken eejit more than a juggler. Pighead always starts off with a single glass juggle. Round, round, round round and round. "Wow", go the drunks! That's not juggling shout the sobers. To juggle you need more than one object you absolute chancer" At this point Pighead ups the ante and grabs another glass. "Eat this sobers" he shouts as the two glasses magically spin around and around his tall tannned body. The drunks are rubbing their eyes in disbelief at this stage. "You're not real" they say. "Kill the magic voodoo man" they slur.

At this point Pighead should put down the glasses and triumphantly leave the bar leaving a trail of drunken gasps in his wake but the sobers never let this happen. The sobers bring out Pighead's Rumpelstiltsken by taunting "Let's see you juggle three glasses, Mr fancypants magic man"

"Leave now Pighead", Pighead whispers to himself. "You can't juggle more than two, leave now you stubborn fool. Better to be thought of a fool than to drop three glasses and remove all doubt". But it never happens. The taunters always win. Pighead always strides back. Always lifts three glasses. Always look at the drunks faces whose minds are about to explode. And always drops the bucking glasses, leaving the sobers and the drunks to point and laugh at the juggling fraud as the three glasses smash to smithereens all around him.

Pighead would like to say that next time he will leave after the two glass juggle but he knows he's lying to himself. Like the heroin addict, Pighead just can't say no to that one last fix. Until Pighead finds a pub with every single person inside drunk his juggling skills will never be fully appreciated. And thanks to the designated driver phenomenon that ain't gonna be happening soon. Pighead's inner Rumpelstiltskin has ensured he will never get the juggling credit he craves.

So which fairytale character can you most relate to?

Sykk

Please tell me you show up to the AH beer nights?!

KeithM89_old

Well that was just epic...

Pighead

Sykk wrote: »

Please tell me you show up to the AH beer nights?!

Not allowed to. Pighead's ugly sisters attend and leave him in the house to hoover and dust off all the cobwebs.

Sykk

Sykk wrote: »

Please tell me you show up to the AH beer nights?!

He does, but he'll make you give up your first born if you can't guess who he is.

AnonoBoy

I've always been a bit of a Hanzel man myself.

I love gingerbread, always fall foul of witches and seem to drop crumbs after me wherever I go.

brummytom

This is the internet - everyone here's the Wizard of Oz.

Appears to be great and knowledgeable, in reality, they're a scrawny little bloke hiding behind a curtain


Actually, that's not a fairytale, is it?
OK then, Pinnochio. Permanent wood

pickarooney

brummytom wrote: »

This is the internet - everyone here's the Wizard of Oz.

Appears to be great and knowledgeable, in reality, they're a scrawny little bloke hiding behind a curtain

Come off it, Rapunzel.

Chuchoter

Mulan

Feeona

The Virgin Mary. My bit on the side is called Gabriel.

OutlawPete

Robin Hood, except the "give to the poor" bit.

Gunsfortoys

God.

Orando Broom

A sub-bridge dwelling, goat-eating troll.

Pighead

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I've always been a bit of a Hanzel man myself.

I love gingerbread, always fall foul of witches and seem to drop crumbs after me wherever I go.

Probably one of the most horrific fairytales known ever created. Deadbeat parents drop their two young kids into a forest in the hope they never find their way back home and starve to death. Kids get kidnapped by a witch who try and fatten them up like a big bucking turkey so she can eat them for her dinner. Kid throws witch into an oven where she is burnt alive screaming "Aaaaggghhh" Most of these fairytales have a moral at the end of each story. Not quite sure what this one is?

Worse than any Childs Play DVD or episode of Eastenders.

WindSock

The porridge in the Magic Porridge Pot. Overproductive and consumes whole towns. Oh no wait, that's not me at all.

Oranage2

I'd be Happy out of the snow white and the seven dwarfs because I like unconscious girls

Orando Broom

Pighead wrote: »

Probably one of the most horrific fairytales known ever created. Deadbeat parents drop their two young kids into a forest in the hope they never find their way back home and starve to death. Kids get kidnapped by a witch who try and fatten them up like a big bucking turkey so she can eat them for her dinner. Kid throws witch into an oven where she is burnt alive screaming "Aaaaggghhh" Most of these fairytales have a moral at the end of each story. Not quite sure what this one is?

Worse than any Childs Play DVD or episode of Eastenders.

Oul wans cook at gas mark 6.


I know one rapscallion who took it's message on board.

mikemac

Troll under the bridge of course

candy-gal1

Thumbelina!

As im so teeny.

Daisy Steiner

Bluebeard!

(the scary bastard)

Pighead

Pighead's a huge fan of fairytales and devoured them as a kid. There were no posters of Tiffany or Debbie Gibson in this posters bedroom. Christian Anderson and The Brothers Grimm were Pighead's idols. Used to love it when nighttime came and Mama would enter the room armed with her "big book of fairytales" ready to enthrall her handsome son. So many fantastic nights spent listening to those wonderful enchanting stories.

It all ended horribly though three years ago when Mama came to tuck her still handsome son and prepared to read him a fairytale. Trouble was she'd been reading him fairytales for nigh on thirty years at this stage and to be perfectly honest the barrel was beginning to be scraped at this stage.

She begins "And this story my favourite little man is called, The Turnip" Alarm bells immediately went off in Pighead's head. How enchanting could a bucking turnip possibly be? Pighead was right to be alarmed. It was a godawful woeful fairytale. Made fcuk all sense and was obviously created during the Brothers Grimm later years when fame, drugs and beautiful women had addled their once genius minds. It was their equivalent of McCartney releasing Pipes of bucking Peace.

Heres the rubbish story in all its "glory". Worst fairytale ever. Stupid turnips.

Two brothers, one rich, one poor, served as soldiers, but the poor one had to become a farmer to escape his poverty. One of his turnips grew to an enormous size, and he gave it to the king. The king gave him rich presents in return. The rich brother gave the king many great presents, and the king gave him the turnip in return. Angry, the rich brother hired murderers and lured his brother on a path, but when the murderers were going to hang the poor brother, they heard someone singing, and they threw the poor brother into a sack and hanged it, before running off. The poor brother worked a hole in the sack and saw the man, who was a student. He told him that it was the Sack of Knowledge, and he was learning marvelous things in it. The student asked to change places with him. The poor brother agreed and hefted him up, telling him that he was learning something already, but after an hour, he sent someone to let the student down.


Absolute nonsense.

Princess Peach

I don't relate to any fairytales.

All those princesses find a lovely prince

Capt'n Midnight

Pighead wrote: »

Not allowed to. Pighead's ugly sisters attend and leave him in the house to hoover and dust off all the cobwebs.

can you send one of the sisters instead ?
I've got some rohypnol
I'll slip it in 'er glass

PeterIanStaker

Can't think of any fairy tale character to relate to. Does Goatboy count?

Dudess

Snow White - I'm pale as fook.

Terry

The giant from Jack and the Beanstalk.

Tall, powerful, angry and arrogant, but inches away from the massive fall which will lead to my demise.

Terry

Oh, by the way, if you haven't already seen them, the films "Freeway" and Freeway 2: Confessions of a trick baby" (not a sequel) are must sees.

Both based on fairytales.

alwaysadub

Goldilocks.
Except for the blonde hair...
And i don't like porridge....

But i do like my bed to be just right.