Unmarried Dad - right to choose school?

Splendour

metrovelvet wrote: »

Is this a new law? When did that come in?

How do you do that if one of the parents refuses to go to mediation?

Myself and ex were ordered by a judge to go for mediation. I wanted to go but ex didn't and during mediation he said as much to the mediator (also mentioning how much he hated me). The mediator's reply was, 'there's no point in attending mediation unless both parties want to be here, so no point in continuing'.
I pointed out that I was willing to attend and would this be mentioned in the letter the mediator had to send to the court? He said that he had to say that mediation just didn't work out and no reason given as to why. Absolutely frustrating and maddening!!

LegacyUser

PopUp wrote: »

OP, I don't think posters here have an anti-private school "agenda" so much as they're trying to help you see that your ex's objections could well be reasonable and not just purely to spite you.

I'm pretty sure that if it were your ex posting here, posters would be endeavouring to point out all the benefits your daughter could get from the private school and encouraging her to try to see things from your perspective.

From the sounds of things, you are both predisposed to see the worst in each other. That's not good for either of you and it's REALLY bad for your daughter. You need to talk about this reasonably, and accept that there are valid reasons on both sides of the argument for your daughter to go to the private school or the local school.

If you actually listen and try to assume the best about each other (ie, that you're trying to work out what's best for your daughter, not screw each other over), you might have a chance of one of you being persuaded. But if you approach this where she's just totally unreasonable and hates you and can't possibly have good reasons for what she's saying, you won't get anywhere. And your daughter won't thank you for it.

You have actually managed to take my last post completely yhe wrong way and I really don't feel like explaining it any further.

Big Bag of Chips

OP can I just say, I find you very dismissive and almost insulting to posters who come on here and take the time to offer you an alternative view point. What would be the point of you posting to have everyone come on and agree and say - yeah you're right and your ex is wrong?

People are posting, obviously not knowing anything about the situation or any of the people involved, poster are just giving opinions as to why they think your ex might be objecting to this.

-have you discussed this with your ex? As in have you both sat down together and talked about it?
-have you told her why you'd like her to go to the school?
-have you told her you are willing to pay ALL costs?
-have you asked your daughter what she'd like. She's only in 4th class at the moment from what I can gather, so I'm guessing secondary school is not really on her radar just yet (and if it is, it's probably the one her best friend is thinking of going to)
-have you listened to your ex - has she come up with ANY real reason not to send her?
-is it possible that the 2 of you can put your own differences aside and agree to make a decision on what is best for your daughter, and not about getting one up on each other?

The impression I get.. just from your posts.. is that you are a very difficult person to talk to, and maybe don't really listen to other's view points if you have already made your mind up. I may be completely wrong about that because, as I said before I don't know you or anything about the situation. But that IS the impression given in your post.

You need to talk, you need to listen, and then you need to try come to a decision.

Ultimately, if you feel that strongly about it, you can go to court and probably win the right to choose the school. But it would be better if you could all talk about it and come to agreement without court.

metrovelvet

Having gone to private school myself I can say I am very pro private school in general if only for the class sizes, however I can understand how another parent would be insecure if I sent my son to the school I graduated from because as an alumna member I would already have a privaleged relationship with the staff and they would more likely take heed of me becuase of that and ignore him.

Your ex may feel because you are an alum of this school that you will have the stronger relationship with the child's education and she will be squeezed out altogether.

I think you need to take on board what some people are saying here so you can get the other perspective and try to work with it.

Fad

If you cant decide between the two of you, sit down with the child, outline the pros and cons to her, and let her decide.

I went to a private school. My dad wanted me to go there because he has a nicely coloured memory of the guys who went there (He went to a bigger neighbouring private school, and my one didn't do the leaving at the time).

The pleasant memory you have of the school might not be in anyway indicative of how the school is now....