Couple Of Funnies

MonkieSocks

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot.

The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".

"Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man.

The shop owner says, "well, the parrot knows how to use a computer".

The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars.

Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?"

To which the shop owner replies,

"to be honest I have never seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

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There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods.

The little girl asked the boy, "What is a penis?"

The boy replied, "I don't know."

At that time he hears his mum calling him for lunch.

He goes home and eats his lunch.

Then he sees his dad on the couch.
He goes up to his dad and ask him,

"What is a penis?"

The dad whips his out and says to the boy,

"This is a penis, as a matter of fact this is the perfect penis."

The boy leaves to go find his friend and brings her to the woods.

The girl again asks him what a penis is.

He whips out his penis and says to her,

"This is a penis, and if it was two inches smaller it would be the perfect penis!"