Really anxious and stressed

LegacyUser

Hi. We just had a baby boy two days ago by C-section.
Lasy night I had to leave my wife and child and come home. When I went back in this morning I discovered that the baby had been up all night feeding. My wife was so stressed. I tried to look after the baby all day today so my wife could rest. He is so hard to settl and I got really stressed after a few hours of him crying. When I had to leave this evening I got really anxious and stressed and sick to my stomach at leaving her alone with him again. I mean if I got so stressed after one day how is she meant to cope.
I really need help. I'm so stressed. I cant relax or sleep with worry. When will it get easier.

Nevyn

C- Section can be hard going when you are trying to recover and tend a newborn,
plus hospital wards can be busy noisey places, I know when I had mine I got very littled rest of sleep and I hadn't had a c section.

There are nurses around but they don't help unless they are asked to, so ask.
Speak to them about taking the baby to the nursery at some stage in the night to let your wife rest, if she is breast feeding they can bring him back to be fed and and then take him away again.

Once you get them home, in a more relaxed house, with less noises and bustle and things going on it gets a lot more managable, that being said the first 4/6 weeks can be hard as the baby needs to be fed and changed ever 4 hours or so but you manage.
You get to know what the baby needs and once it's needs are meet it will sleep, and you wife should try and sleep when the baby does too.

aniascor

Hi new dad

Firstly congrats on the new arrival.

Don't worry. You are not alone in feeling sick and stressed as you try to adapt in the first few days. If your wife is breastfeeding, the frequent feeds at night are common and in the first few weeks they are important for establishing her supply. It's easier said than done but try to relax and go with it. If your baby sleeps more in the daytime than at night in the first few weeks then your wife should too.

You mention that your wife had a c-section. If it was an emergency section both she and the baby may have had a hard time leading up to it. So your baby might cry a lot. The best thing you can do is don't be afraid to comfort the baby. Ignore anything you may have heard about spoiling the baby and just go with your instincts for these first few weeks. Lots of cuddles and skin to skin contact can help the baby adjust. I recommend you check out dr Harvey Karp and the five s's. You'll find videos of him on YouTube. It's a set of techniques for helping to calm baby.

It might seem overwhelming now but in just a few weeks time you and your wife will be old hands at this!

If your wife continues breastfeeding, the most help you can be is to ensure that that is all she has to do. If you can take care of housework and meals for the first few weeks it will allow her to concentrate on really getting the feeding established. For the first six weeks after my son was born I don't think I washed a dish. My husband did everything and it meant that I was able to take naps when I needed in the daytime to keep my energy up for all those night feeds.

I agree with thaedydal. It gets more manageable when you get home to your own environment. But while in hospital you should ask for all the help you can get. Don't be afraid to.

Das Kitty

Oh new dad, I really feel for you and your wife. The first few days are desperate. I cried the whole 3rd day. My poor husband didn't know what to do. A couple of things helped in the first few days. The ward I was in had a dedicated breast feeding room so I could bring him down there so I could relax and not be stressing about keeping others awake. The other was to empathise with the baby and what a shock it must have been for him to be born.

All I can say is that the first couple of weeks you just cope. That's all you can do. It gets miles better then. That period feels so long though. You're going to be wrecked when you get home from a day in the hospital so try to sleep. Get one or other of the mammies in to prepare the house for the homecoming.

You'll be great once you can get through the first patch.

Elle13

new dad wrote: »

Hi. We just had a baby boy two days ago by C-section.
Lasy night I had to leave my wife and child and come home. When I went back in this morning I discovered that the baby had been up all night feeding. My wife was so stressed. I tried to look after the baby all day today so my wife could rest. He is so hard to settl and I got really stressed after a few hours of him crying. When I had to leave this evening I got really anxious and stressed and sick to my stomach at leaving her alone with him again. I mean if I got so stressed after one day how is she meant to cope.
I really need help. I'm so stressed. I cant relax or sleep with worry. When will it get easier.

Hi ''New dad'',

first of all massive conrats on becoming dad!
My little man is 8 months old today. I had him after 16 hours of labour by emergency C-section.
I know well how stressfull it can all be.. specialy if you are not ready for news when they tell you it will have to be a C- section.
My little boy was born big (4,17 kg) and healthy but because we both had a bit of high temperature when he was born, he was put on antibiotics and was in incubator for about 16 hours.
My OH gave me massive support but there is only so much you can do and what you can help with.
If the baby is breastfed this has to be done by the mam and there is no way around it.
I was feeding our little man non stop for hours for first 2 days.. I was exhausted and had no sleep and not in a nice place at all.
The midwifes were nice and all but would not help much. I did not know I could have asked them to take the baby to the nursery or that they could take the baby and change him for me.. little things like that would have been massive help.
So my advice is ask the midwifes for all help you need! They are there to help you so just ask!
Your wife just went through massive surgery and needs a bit of time to recover and get used of having the baby beside her rather then inside.. sorry for sayin that this way.
Even if she is exhausted she will be well able to recover in the same time as take care of the baby you just need to be there with them ;-) So Get as buch sleep as possible when you are home and try to relax a bit. She is in good hand in the hospital and you will be needed when she is ready and comes home with your little baba!
I know its easy to say and hard to do but believe me.. I have been there and done it! Its tough and hard job to be a parent but yes it will get easier... so they say :-)
The best of luck and try to relax and enjoy your little man! x

oicherider

new dad wrote: »

Hi. We just had a baby boy two days ago by C-section.
Lasy night I had to leave my wife and child and come home. When I went back in this morning I discovered that the baby had been up all night feeding. My wife was so stressed. I tried to look after the baby all day today so my wife could rest. He is so hard to settl and I got really stressed after a few hours of him crying. When I had to leave this evening I got really anxious and stressed and sick to my stomach at leaving her alone with him again. I mean if I got so stressed after one day how is she meant to cope.
I really need help. I'm so stressed. I cant relax or sleep with worry. When will it get easier.

We had a baby girl by C Section 5 weeks ago so I know how you feel..

Ill try to keep it short and sweet:

1).The days in the hospital are tough enough.. it gets easier when you get them both home
2).They are hard to settle so just accept that fact and do what you can - the key is to be relaxed yourself.. Talk to him lowly and slowly, slow your breathing as if you are sleeping and keep your eyes barely open..
3).For the moment lean heavily on the mid wives as the other poster said - No need to stress as all the help is there..
4).When you get them home just remember that babies are tough out and YOU remain calm cool and collected for both of them

5).When you get home from the hospital - Open a beer, sit down and appreciate what life has given you

Relax, trust yourself and remember that babies cry - Your job is to cool-ly find out whats wring and sort it - You will get quicker at it! Mind your wife, mind your baby and mind yourself!

It gets easier - Enjoy it all!

LegacyUser

Thank you all so much.
I'm going in for my wee fella and wife today so hopefully it will all get better at home.
We decided to switch to bottles because my son just wasnt getting anything from breast feeding. Now he sleeps for 2-3 hours at a time.
I still feel very anxious about it all but I suppose thats normal and hopefully that sick feeling in my stomach will go after a few days.

Again, thanks for your replys, it really helps to know that people have gone through this and come out the other side.

aniascor

Hi new dad

It can take five or six days or more for the milk to come in after a c-section because the woman's body takes more time to realise it has had a baby. So it's possible your wife could try again - if she wants to (bottle feeding might be working perfectly well for you at that stage and of course thats fine). There's lots of information on kellymom.com about this if you need it.

Enjoy bringing them home - it's very special that first night with your new little family under one roof.

aniascor

By the way, I meant to say that my little guy was about a week old before my husband could eat or sleep properly so you are definitely not alone there.

Terpsichore

Had my little boy by emergency C section 6 months ago. Yes it is hard, but it is okay too.
Babies cry. That's what they do, so accept it and go through your check list: nappy, dry, feed time...
By now I'm sure the pediatrician has examined your baby, and if he doesn't flag anything wrong then all is great in the World!
I understand that little boys can be just ravenous (more than little girls) and need the right amount of milk to settle, so it's a good thing you went for the bottles.
A nurse told me to put my little finger in my baby's mouth to settle him, because babies need to suck a lot. Just make sure you have clean hands! It still works with my son.
In the ward, another baby was crying all the times and after 3 days one of the nurse said that it could be winds. The mother had to tap on the baby's back like a little drum, but it seemed to work after a while.
Hope you're doing better nerve wise after these 4 days.
Remember that your Public Health Nurse will give you invaluable help once you're all back at home. Don't hesitate to ask her all the question you want.
I found also that our baby sling was a God sent to settle little baba as well as to relax our backs!
Congratulations and all the best to you!

LegacyUser

Hi again everyone.
Just incase anyone else is scouring the net for help like I was and finds this thread, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
The moment we were all home it gets easier. I still feel a little anxious at times but nothing like when I was leaving them in the hospital.
Those first few days were really hard but things are looking better now.
Thank you all for your help.

caprilicious

I read in one of the million leaflets they gave me in the hospital that day two is supposed to be one of the hardest for baby.
Apparently the day of labour they're exhausted after the trauma of labour, day two they realise they're out of the nice safe womb and 'freak out' a little!

I know it happened with my little lady, nothing I could do would settle her!

I also found when I approached the midwives and asked for help (finally at 2am when I was literally tearing my hair out! ) they were brilliant. That said, they don't approach you & offer the help.
I think because they don't want to make you feel undermined or like you can't cope.

All I can say is things do get much better, I found those first few weeks an endless blur of sleepless nights, but wouldn't swap it for the world!

The best thing you could do for your wife in my opinion is do the night feeds for a night or two so she can catch up on a few hours sleep.

Congratulations to you and your wife on your new arrival!

CathyMoran

I had an emergency c-section in early April this year - I was totally exhausted from the pregnancy that had taken a lot from me, as he was so small we were advised that a combination of breast and bottle feeding would be better. I must admit that I asked for help straight away (once he was no longer in intensive care) in the hospital. My husband took a month off after the birth which was great for all of us. The first few weeks go by in a daze. It can not have been that bad for us as I am over 12 weeks pregnant now!

WWC1

Hi New Dad,

Huge congratulations to you and New Mum

I had our little one by c-section and felt like I had being hit by a train. Trying to breastfeed afterwards was so difficult as all I wanted to do was sleep. Also baby girl was a small bit tongue tied and finding it difficult too. Didn't want to go with bottles, obviously this works for lots of people and thats great, so I expressed. Double jobbing but it got the breast milk into her so maybe your wife might consider this, her milk is prob in now. Just another option...

Would agree with Aniascor, lots of love and attention. Babys love contact. Even now baby girl can be settled with some snuggling and kisses.

Enjoy all the wonderful things to come with your beautiful new son

bulmersgal

just in case anybody else reads this. My baby is not one for cuddles at all even at 8 months now she still will only cuddle for few minutes before wanting to do her own thing. When she was born she just wanted bottle and to be put down. This is what I done all the time as she use to give out when we cuddle her. So maybe for anybody else this might be worth trying.

January

Same with my youngest daughter too, even now at nearly ten months old she hates being cuddled, she'll give kisses but hugs and cuddles are out of the question, it's bottle and then leave me to go about my business please Mammy!