Dump Friends?

Arthurdaly

My main gang of friends are interested in one thing and one thing only. Going on the lash for the entire weekend and getting wasted! These people are early thirties and if anything are drinking harder than their early twenties.

For the past year ive been mad into sports and a weekend of drinking sets me back about two weeks between the beer consumed, ****e food and all the rest that goes with a bender!

What with a job, life etc the weekend is my only time to get some solid training in, Here I am with a really bad hangover and its 3 days since I laced up my runners!

My friends simply do not understand when I say im not drinking as I am training/racing!

Question is, when you guys kncoked the drink on the head did you lose your drinking buddies?

Ive changed but I honestly dont think my mates will ever change. They will be doing the same thing in their 40s/50s.

The thing is, they think I am a weirdo because I hold back on the drinking because I want to train the next day! They have actually advised me to give up all sports because they think ive become obsesssed with training! I have a problem apparently! WTF is wrong with people in this country and their attitude to drinking? Im a complete weirdo because I dont want to get wrecked drunk with them. Im convinced they just want eveyone in the same trap as them, lets all drink to oblivion together and nobody say anything and ignore the fact we are all alocholics!! Last night I consumed 12 cans of guiness, I was the lightweight, some drank a bottle of wine and a litre of vodka!

When you guys gave up did you dump your mates and find new non drinking mates? At the moment im just not on the same wave length as my mates and im sick of the strange looks when I say im not drinking!

cantdecide

Sounds like you're trying to move on and they're trying to hold you back. I never gave up alcohol because I never started and consequently, I've never been in your position but as an outsider, I feel you should be pragmatic about your relationships with these people.

CDfm

That seems like a skinful for a night and the question that you asked is rhetorical because you have answered it yourself.

You are in your 30's and your powers of recovery are not the same as they were in your 20's.

You need to ask yourself if they will drop you if you stop drinking or cut down. You had 12 pints or so last night and you can't train after it. You are in your 30's ffs & if you are drinking to fit in well thats a bit sad.

You are not the weirdo here. Try putting your training first and see what happens. You will probably notice that some in your group drink a lot less than you think and train except you don't notice.

People move on from these scenes and get relationships kids etc and a different set of priorities.

So your priorities are your job and health. Very adult.

Your priorities have changed. Thats your problem. Theirs haven't. Thats theirs.:)

Vourney

Yes, dump them.
They are alcoholics.
You'll never be compatible with them.

YUSS

you dont seem to be that close with them tbh...if my mates said that to me i would just be like whatever..your looking at it too deeply.

unreggd

Arthurdaly wrote: »

When you guys gave up did you dump your mates and find new non drinking mates?

You dont necessarily have to find non-drinking mates, just mates who are worth it and accept that you don't drink

Anyone who belittles your choice not to drink isnt worth havin as a mate

Also, the reason theres more drinkin later in life is because they're alcoholics. Theyve drank so much long term, that they prob have a new baseline of 5 drinks just to get started

CDfm

I look at it a bit differently, you should be able to go out with friends and decide not to drink or to not drink over a certain amount and that should be ok with them. They should respect that.

So really, it isn't about dumping friend as it is about people respecting your decisions and life choices.

Its about respect.

endurodave

Hi there Arthur,

I went through the same situation as you i wound up stopping drinking completely and this did not go down well with my drinking buddy's there was massive friction and bitching about me the made my life such a pain. At first i didn't understand why they were being so horrid but i eventually realized that these people were too afraid to move on with their lives this was all they knew so they took it out on me. Lucky i had good friends too and i have met some great friends through my sport. So id say go for it life is way too short to be held back by bitter small people get out there and achieve your goals and live your life.

Hope this helps.

P.s. this happened two years ago and they haven't changed a bit.

Sunnyisland

In your social situation that you describe. Certainly from what you explain, it is time to really examine your alcohol intake and habits, similar cycles flirting with sobriety, and I would agree with you that stopping seems to be the best thing you could do. A lot of us in here can tell you that we had similar habits, and eventually we ended up in a really bad place.

Deciding to go sober, is very complicated. I never really thought about it when I was drinking. I used to simply anticipate the physiological effects of not drinking. The social ramifications, especially in a situation like yours are complicated and cause a lot of anxiety for sure. Regardless of what others do, we need focus on our own wellness, it is hard work, but so worthwhile. Your ture and valued friends will still love you sober, and you will love yourself sober!

Wingman2010

OP I hope you're getting on well. I was in a similar position last year. I gave it up to get fitter etc and I was sick of hangovers. I'm one year off it today and I'm DELIGHTED I just had the best year of my life. I'm only 26. Best of luck and I'm sure you will do great!

HellFireClub

I've a very similar story to your own OP. Was hanging around with a gang of "mates", all in their late 20's early 30's who wanted to do nothing other than move between the same 2-3 suburban pubs all weekend and get sh*tfaced every Friday & Saturday night and then back at it on Sunday for the whole day & night.

As it happened, circumstances arose on my part that meant that I wasn't able to get out with them as much, and low and behold, I never hear from them now unless I initiate contact with one of them. Now I'm running my own business and they are still p*ssing their money away every weekend in the same run down kips that I hated going to.

I could not have started up a business if I was still in this scene, I couldn't be out spending money that I needed to start the business, all weekend and even if money wasn't the issue, you cannot be drinking all weekend and be fighting fit for work on a Monday morning. In my case, due to self employment there is no boss who is going to start giving me verbal warnings if I do a no show on myself or stay in bed until midday on a Monday.

When I do the analysis now, these folks were just alcoholic drinking buddies, not actually good mates at all. Try giving them a wide bearth for 4-6 weekends and you'll see that you won't even get a phone call from them after a few weeks, that's how deep you'll find that the friendship will be on their part... I know if I go up to the same pubs in 5-10 years time, they'll all be still sitting their drunk off their a*ses and talking sh*te, life really is a long series of choices, that's the way I've come to see it within the last 12 months...

Sunnyisland

Well done wingman 1 year alcohol free is great a feeling & accomplishment.

Monkeyto

Have to say I gave up drinking when I was 21 (due to skin condition) and once I did. I found going to pubs near impossible, due to being sober. I guess my friends find it hard to understand that I'm just not into going to pubs. There's 100000000 ways to be social without a pub (such as going to a mates house watching a movie, playing video games and such), so I've kinda fallen out of that particular circle. I'm much happier now tbh and spend time doing hobbies which I enjoy, not to mention the main thing: LOOK HOW MUCH MONEY I HAVE SAVED.

Seriously, leave the beer friends behind. Have fun finding a passion you never knew you had, once you find it, keeping having fun, meet poeple with the same likes and enjoy

Josh_Calvert

alcohol helps with talking to girls but generally it just masks how boring socialising is in ireland....

Pablo_

Thanks for thread, really good, kind of put all in perspective,been trying to understand if its really drink thats getting in the way of me moving on in life...

Living rurally kind of limits hobbies and drink for sake of it. Even myself, I prob indulge that self-destructive trait inherent in all irish people and feel rebellious by wasting, and knowingly wasting, my money, time and brains. Here's to just getting on with life, i'm not promising but will try again to knock it on the head again ... my social life has to be transported out of pub and into hobbies ...will just have to man up when my knees start knockin when i have to talk to people without my 6 cans of cider clouding my social awkwardness

Wingman2010

Pablo_ wrote: »

thanks for thread, really good, kind of put all in perspective,benn trying to understand if its really drink thats getting in the way of me moving on in life...

Living rurully kind of limits hobbies and drink for sake of it. Even myself prob indulge that self-destructive trait inherent in all irish people and feel rebellious by wasting, and knowingly wasting, my money, time and brains. Here's to just getting on with life, i'm not promising but will try again to knock it on the head again ... social life has to be transported out of pub and into hobbies ...will just have to man up when my knees start knockin when i have to talk to people without my 6 cans of cider clouding my social awkwardness

Rome wasn't built in a day. Just do your best and don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe try not to tell others your off it. They will just make a big deal about it and keep asking silly questions. I guess its the culture we live in that people have to start asking you questions if you order a mineral in a bar. I had a lot of that initially when I stopped drinking over a year ago but it gets less annoying as time goes on. Now all my mates are cool with it and if they weren't they're hardly worth calling friends!

If this is something you want to do go for. I love hearing stories like this when people want to give up the beer

Don't follow the crowd like the rest of the sheep and I can ensure you sobriety is brilliant

There is nothing like waking up on a Sunday with a fresh head!

Jubo

Have to agree with you, Pablo. There's a bit of a culture of drinking here, it's quite liberating if you can knock it on the head & do something else sometimes. Sounds boring to some but I've joined a gym, taken up golf & Im always looking round for something new to get involved in. Dunno, maybe it's just growing up! (just read that back & I sound like I'm about 80!) :