Boyfriend called me Pysco after romantic surprise

otwb

reprazant wrote: »

You see, I don't see it as breaking in or stealing the key. I see it as her borrowing the key so that she could surprise her boyfriend with a sexy santa costume.

To immediately call her a psycho and to compare her to Gen Close says more about you then her.

She tried to do something romantic, spontaneous and sexy and her threw her out and now won't speak to her yet she is the immature psycho.

If told him they were going somewhere dull and instead whisked him away for a romantic weekend somewhere, people here would probably accuse her of kidnapping him.

Err...it's been a couple of weeks. Is he even in the 'boyfriend' space yet?? This is a guy that she is dating, we don't know the background or how long they know eachother. It's one thing if they know eachother for years completely different if they only know eachother for the couple of weeks.

She took the key without permission. Entered his house without permission. I would have called the Guards.

Fluorescence

OP, you tried to do something nice, good for you. The way you went about was incredibly stupid though when you consider that you've only known him a short while. Think about it, you say he was surprised and laughed when he first found you there (ie, liked the surprise), but when he discovered how you got there he flipped out. Rightfully so too - you essentially broke into his home.

Your naievety comes across strongly in this thread (and I don't mean this in a cruel way). You immediately assume he's a cheater because he has a strong reaction to finding out you broke into his house (from his POV), and you fail to see why he got so angry that you took the spare key. You need to use this as a learning experience in respecting the boundaries of others, however humiliated you feel at the moment. He might have been a bit OTT with yelling/screaming at you while you dressed, but I completely agree with him for breaking off the relationship.

Retain your romantic nature and your desire to surprise and delight other people, but temper it with the ability to recognise when it is appropriate and when it is too much too soon. Best wishes

Toots

OP, I do feel sorry for you, because you obviously meant no harm when you planned your surprise, and I totally understand how lousy you feel now that it's blown up in your face. I'd be like you in that I do tend to get very excited about things, and I'd often form plans without thinking them through thoroughly and it's only when I go to actually put the plans into action that I realise there are a few stumbling blocks.

I really don't think the issue is with you deciding to surprise him. It's how you went about doing it. You mention that he asked you how you got the key and then he went ballistic, and honestly I can see why. Now perhaps if you'd approached the flatmate and they'd given you permission to take the key it would have been a different story, or if your boyfriend had lived on his own then maybe it wouldn't have been such a big deal. I reckon his reasons for being so angry are as follows:

• You stole the key. It doesn't matter whether or not you intended to return it, you took it without permission, and that is stealing.
• You used said key to break into his house, without the permission of either of the occupants.
• It wasn't just his house, it's his flatmates too, and you don't know how they'd react to you doing that. If I were living in a house-share and my flatmate's girlfriend of 'a few weeks' stole our key and let herself in while neither of us were there, I'd be furious. In fact I'd be strongly considering calling the Gardai. If the flatmate had come home early for some reason and had caught you there, the situation could have been a lot worse. And it would also have damaged relations between him and your boyfriend.
• You're only going out a few weeks, in his mind he was probably saying 'if after a few weeks she's sneaking into my house, what's it going to be like after a few months?'
• Bearing in mind the length of time you have been together, really what you did was a huge invasion of privacy, and breach of trust. For all he knows you could have been snooping around before he came home. I know you were only there for half an hour, but he only has your word for that.

Now I agree that he may have overreacted a small bit, screaming at you while you were getting dressed, etc. But I think that given the circumstances, it's understandable. He probably just got the shock of his life. I know that your intentions were good, but to him it probably came across as creepy and bunny boiler-ish. It would have been a different story if you'd been together for a few months, or if you'd been given a spare key for emergencies or something. Your relationship is most likely still in the stages where it's on the fine line between 'seeing each other' and being officially 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. IMO it was way to early to pull a stunt like this.

The fact that you're ringing and texting him after that is only going to compound any ideas he has about you being a 'psycho'. My advice would be chalk it up to experience, learn from it, and don't contact him again. If he rings or texts you and asks to talk, then that's fine, but don't initiate contact. I'd say it's likely that you've lost this one. You were humiliated enough when the surprise went wrong, but to continue to try and contact him and talk to him is only going to humiliate you further.

StupidLikeAFox

Its the sort of thing thats great on romantic comedys. These sort of situations dont work out in real life. I mean when you look at it, in real life Pretty Woman is about a rich guy who goes off with a hooker and Dirty Dancing is about a guy who takes advantage of a naive innocent young girl.

Basically what you may see in your head as a grand romantic gesture, others may see as breaking and entering and invading personal space. Chalk it up to experience and back off. The guy may realise what hes missing after a while, but he's only going to do that after a long while and with zero input from you. For the time being any interaction you instigate with him will re-inforce the stalker/psycho role he has you put down as

leggo

Yeah, I think people are wrongly villifying the poor gal here. It's not that she's incapable of seeing that she did wrong...it's that she's got on the defensive because she clearly went to such an effort and it blew up in her face. She's probably extremely embarrassed now and came here to get a shoulder to cry on and it's blown up in her face again. A bit of perspective lads, please.

Of course it was a mess-up. But we all make mistakes and love, lust and romance are the cause of so many of those mistakes.

You did it with good intentions.
You've definitely learned a lesson.
You're not a psycho.

But you're also not going to get the re-assurance you're looking for from this lad by continuing to try and contact him. I know that's what you're looking for but it's a catch-22 situation. As so many have said it's only hammering the nail in the coffin here.

Take it on the chin and move on. Maybe time will give him the perspective to laugh it off. Maybe it won't. Either way at least now you'll know to think the situation through and you can channel your good-will and romantic gestures so that they'll be better appreciated in the future. You'll be fine.

winston82

ted1 wrote: »

lucky guy i'd be over the moon to come home to this. he may well be playing around.

I'd love this too and i'm pretty sure 99% of my mates would too. So what if you borrowed the key. You didn't steal anything or wreck his house. It's a nice suprise and any man who reacts his way, imo, needs his head examined.

Moomoo1

reprazant wrote: »

I don't think what you did was wrong. In fact, I think it was quite nice and his reaction a bit weird.

I find peoples reactions here really weird. Its as if the Mary Whitehouse gang are writing responses. Bizarre.

welcome to PI :-P.

@OP: you are too good for him. Seriously, there are millions of guys out there who'd love to have a gf like you. Leave this saddo and find a real man with a real pair.

romanticsanta wrote: »

Try to imagine how foolish I felt when he yelled at me and kicked me out. I was wearing a santa outfit trying to be seductive. I had to get dressed while being called pysco and shouted at. It was demeaning and horrible. He was cruel to em and I don't see how you don't all see that!

I don't think this is a guy who ever cared about you. As mentioned above, a man who would talk to a woman like this isn't really worth wasting an extra second of your life on.

Seraphina

I'm with the naysayers I'm afraid, and for two EXTREMELY important reasons.

1) You're only seeing him a few weeks, you call him your boyfriend but does he see you as his girlfriend? You don't know the guy and he doesn't know you. You have not been together long enough to earn the kind of trust that allows you into someone elses HOME and very personal space while they are not there. He may also have had bad experiences in the past with exes who were very clingy and sneaky like this, stealing his personal items etc (some women ARE crazy).

2) You took the key without permission. My boyfriend had a similar idea over the summer. HOWEVER. He arranged it with my housemates, he did NOT take a key unknown to everyone else and let himself in. He picked a time there would be someone here to let him in so no one would feel uncomfortable about the situation. I was with him SIX MONTHS at that point, but if he had gotten into my house in the way you describe, I would have also freaked. It's just NOT COOL.

Meteoric

Seraphina wrote: »

2) You took the key without permission. My boyfriend had a similar idea over the summer. HOWEVER. He arranged it with my housemates, he did NOT take a key unknown to everyone else and let himself in. He picked a time there would be someone here to let him in so no one would feel uncomfortable about the situation. I was with him SIX MONTHS at that point, but if he had gotten into my house in the way you describe, I would have also freaked. It's just NOT COOL.

+1 if someone wants to give me a sexy surprise I'm all for it. So they agree terms with my housemates or at least one of them to let me in the house. Stealing a key they happen to know about it wrong. If I wanted to do what to OP did I'd wear the sexy outfit under a coat and open it when I knew the person in question was the only one present. If someone let themselves into my house after a couple weeks I'd freak. Having had a house with housemates would be cute it he had organised it with them cause I trusted them.

dixiefly

romanticsanta wrote: »

Morning Guys,

What do you guys think? Should I dump him for being so cruel. I am so angry at him and he won’t take my calls.

Thanks

It looks as if he has already dumped you!

BCC4LYFE

your man sounds like an absolute loser. i woulda absolutely destroyed you

Moomoo1

BCC4LYFE wrote: »

your man sounds like an absolute loser. i woulda absolutely destroyed you

he does doesn't he. If he were my mate he'd be the running joke for the next decade.

Zaph

BCC4Lyfe banned for a week.

Moomoo1, please remember that unhelpful posts can get you banned from this forum. Please take some time to read the charter.

BettePorter

Op you say he's your 'boyfriend' but given your ott actions i wonder how you've come to that conclusion? You known him a few weeks ? are we talking less than a month kinda thing? Either way, perhaps in his eyes you're just someone he's scored a few times, at the weekend etc.......
I could meet someone i really like every weekend and bring them home with me....but the idea that i would arrive home from work and find them in fancy dress in my sitting room would just freak me out beyond words.......Even if i arrived home from work and my best friend of 20 years was in my sittingroom with a curry and dvd as a birthday surprise having 'stolen' a spare key unknown to anyone who lived in the house i would be livid.
Think of what he's telling ppl now op?.........'you know that wan i was shaggin this last month......she broke into my house and spent the day rifling through my things (for all he knows) !

You need to move on op and home that no more ppl than need to find out about it. I don't neccessarily think you're a psycho,,,,,,,,,,but seriously op, you need to think things through before you decide to be spontaneous again.

sam34

i'm with the bf on this - if i were him, i'd be changing the locks and would never have any contact with you again.

my home is my sanctuary, and to walk in one evening and find someone had invaded my privacy in this way would actually repulse me. it shows such a lack of respect, and of basic cop-on.

adding insult to injury now, you dont even have the decency to leave the man alone.

he's not answering your calls - learn the lesson.

Lumen

I take from this thread that the population of Personal Issues has an overrepresentation of humourless, unromantic ****.

This is not psychotic behaviour. Maybe you pushed him further than he wanted to go at this point, maybe he doesn't really like you at all. Who knows.

The point is, if anyone I've ever been out with met me at my door in a sexy costume, I'd be all over it. Who cares if it's only been a couple of weeks - two of my best friends got engaged after one month.

If you want to know about psychotic behaviour, there's a great story I have involving sh!tty cushions which is probably more appropriate for AH.

OP: don't try to change yourself but maybe be a bit more circumspect in future.

Wagon

colonel1 wrote: »

Unfortunately, OP the fact that you "borrowed" the key without the consent of either your boyfriend or his flatmate means that legally you have stolen it under the provisions of the Criminal Justice (Theft and Fraud Offences) Act, 2001. Consider this to be a harsh but valuable lesson, and never "borrow" anything again, irrespective of your good intentions.

Bloody hell. She decides to surprise him romantically and gets quoted the law and accused or robbery.

In the interim, it would be best if you left your boyfriend alone for now, though it is unlikely that he will want to see you again imo. But only time will tell.

Yes, you should leave him. the man is clearly a ****in eejit and you're probably better off with a lad who's...i dunno...not a humourless ****in eejit.

seamus

Toots* wrote:

You're only going out a few weeks, in his mind he was probably saying 'if after a few weeks she's sneaking into my house, what's it going to be like after a few months?'

This, is what I've been trying to put into words to put on this thread.

OP, you got everything right but the timing IMO. Stealing? Pah, not that big a deal, there was no malice involved. Breaking in? Again, I doubt he sees you as a criminal mastermind.

But it's a few weeks. When it dawned on him that his flatmate might have found you, he probably imagined that conversation - "Eh, WTF is that girl you've just started going out with doing in our house?". I've rented in the past and if a housemate were to leave his brand-new girlfriend alone in the house, I wouldn't be overly pleased either.
Disconnect the romantic part of your relationship for a second and imagine that you and your boyfriend met a few weeks ago and have simply been hanging around as friends since then. Would you be happy to give him the key to your house and let him hang around in the house? Do you think his flatmates would be happy that he has left a girl (who he barely knows in reality) to wander around his house alone?

Yes, most men would be delighted to come home and find a sexy santa waiting on the couch for them. But Toots's comment above perfectly sums up what most men would think if they were to find a very new girlfriend presenting such a scenario.

In your defence, he massively overreacted and unnecessarily humiliated you IMO. I would be of the opinion that you should consider Toots' comment for yourself - If after a few weeks he's capable of shouting at you and humiliating you, what kind of shouting matches will there be in six months' time?"

ztoical

Lumen wrote: »

I take from this thread that the population of Personal Issues has an overrepresentation of humourless, unromantic ****.

Not unromantic **** but rather people who can tell the difference between reality and a romantic comedy or a porno. I don't think the OP is Psycho but I do think she is very immature and it's her attitude in the opening post were she thinks that the BF must be cheating on her to react the way he did and can't see that her actions do not read as 'romantic' to other people. You can have the best of intentions but still cross a line and the fact that the OP can't see it from any view but her own rom com tainted view is slightly worrying.

Lumen wrote: »

The point is, if anyone I've ever been out with met me at my door in a sexy costume, I'd be all over it. Who cares if it's only been a couple of weeks - two of my best friends got engaged after one month.

She didn't meet him at the door, she meet him inside his house after gaining access without his or his flatmates premission. The OP herself said he seemed ok until he asked how she had got into the house. Had she asked the flatmate he might have been ok but the fact that she had broken is what freaked him out and frankly I don't balame him. As others have said he doesn't know how long she was in the house and what she did, yes she says she only changed clothes but there's a serious trust issue now as she did gain access to the house in an under handed way. Look at it from his view, Girl he only barely knows has a key to his house that he didn't give her, has she gone through his room, his computer, his flatmates room etc, has she made copies of the key, is this normal behaviour for her or no? How does he know, he only started seeing her.

Lumen wrote: »

OP: don't try to change yourself but maybe be a bit more circumspect in future.

I agree the OP shouldn't change but she should learn that life isn't like tv and learn from this. Next time try asking the flatmate to loan you the key or let you in and maybe wait till your a little more established in the relationship.

prinz

Lumen wrote: »

I take from this thread that the population of Personal Issues has an overrepresentation of humourless, unromantic ****..

Eh no. All she had to do was ask the guy if she could borrow a key because she had a sexy suprise....and a quick text telling him hurry home that evening...problem solved. Or waiting until he got home and then arrived to do whatever. That could be romantic and entertaining.

The is nothing unromantic about having boundaries and expectations of a certain level of mature behaviour from someone you are dating. I dated a girl for 4 years without having a key to each other's place. We each had our own place there was no need. If she needed something from mine, or I from hers, we asked to use the key for x reason and then returned it.

bullvine

Lumen wrote: »

I take from this thread that the population of Personal Issues has an overrepresentation of humourless, unromantic ****.

This is not psychotic behaviour. Maybe you pushed him further than he wanted to go at this point, maybe he doesn't really like you at all. Who knows.

The point is, if anyone I've ever been out with met me at my door in a sexy costume, I'd be all over it. Who cares if it's only been a couple of weeks - two of my best friends got engaged after one month.

If you want to know about psychotic behaviour, there's a great story I have involving sh!tty cushions which is probably more appropriate for AH.

OP: don't try to change yourself but maybe be a bit more circumspect in future.

Nail on the head! If he was into you big time he would have been all over you!

Mark27

romanticsanta you might have done the whole thing a little bit early in the relationship but other than that i think it was a great idea and id love to come home and find that waiting for me!

(Dont go calling over to his house though)

Lumen

prinz wrote: »

Eh no. All she had to do was ask the guy if she could borrow a key because she had a sexy suprise....

It's not a surprise if you have to ask.

prinz wrote: »

Or waiting until he got home and then arrived to do whatever. That could be romantic and entertaining.

No, that's just dull.

prinz wrote: »

The is nothing unromantic about having boundaries and expectations of a certain level of mature behaviour from someone you are dating.

Really? Perhaps you should write a romantic song about boundaries, expectations and "certain levels of mature behaviour". It sounds like it would snap knicker elastic at 50 paces.

Let me try...

Her name was Lola...she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there...
I said "That's immature behaviour!"
She called me her saviour.
So I drew the boundary
She's said "but I'm hot like a foundary!"
And then she left me.

prinz wrote: »

I dated a girl for 4 years without having a key to each other's place. We each had our own place there was no need. If she needed something from mine, or I from hers, we asked to use the key for x reason and then returned it.

That sounds just peachy. How did that relationship work out then?

Wibbs

I can see both sides on this. I agree he over reacted, but I also agree that it would freak me out. Why? Mainly the presumption at this stage of the relationship. That in itself would not throw me as Lumen said people can get hitched in under a month. I'd be thinking more about down the line(like toots* and seamus). I'd be thinking she's not great at putting herself in another's shoes. Some of your responses here would bolster that. The "but I'd like it, so why not him?". I would be thinking like an earlier poster said would she be equally internally driven about other boundaries I may have? If it happened and then you had said, "ah yea, spur of the moment thing, but I do see your point" then fine, but the inability to would be a red flag for me. I'd be thinking this relationship will be all about her first.

Chinafoot

bullvine wrote: »

Nail on the head! If he was into you big time he would have been all over you!

Well maybe thats just it. Maybe he's not into her very much at all but she's so wrapped up in him she can't see it. Her complete inability to see why he would possibly react in such a way and her automatic assumption that he's cheating on her all screams "drama llama" to me. She sounds way ott. There's a good chance this bloke wasn't sure about her at all and this was the decider for him.

Personally I'm with those who say the timing was all wrong. It was way too early in the relationship for her to do that, particularly when he lives with other people.

prinz

Lumen wrote: »

It's not a surprise if you have to ask.

She didn't have to go into details did she?

Lumen wrote: »

No, that's just dull..

Seriously that's the most intelligent thing you can come up with?

Lumen wrote: »

Really? Perhaps you should write a romantic song about boundaries, expectations and "certain levels of mature behaviour". It sounds like it would snap knicker elastic at 50 paces...

I see what I am dealing with...

Lumen wrote: »

That sounds just peachy. How did that relationship work out then?

Happily married now ta. How has the OP's worked out?

Edit: Either way it's not about being preachy it's about demonstrating that people are different and in relationships you need to strike a balance comfortable with both parties. You cannot act unilaterally and just assume the other party will react a certain way, especially so early on as in the OP.

Lumen

prinz wrote: »

Happily married now ta.

I'm very pleased for you. However, someone who dates for four years before getting married is not the best source of advice for someone who breaks into their protoboyfriend's house wearing a sexy costume a couple of weeks into a relationship. Craziness should be exploited not suppressed.

prinz wrote: »

How has the OP's worked out?

Very successfully by the sound of it. Life is too short to waste on doomed ventures. She needs to find someone who appreciates the mental.

Chinafoot

Lumen wrote: »

I'm very pleased for you. However, someone who dates for four years before getting married is not the best source of advice for someone who breaks into their protoboyfriend's house wearing a sexy costume a couple of weeks into a relationship. Craziness should be exploited not suppressed.

Well actually, I'd suggest that point of view is the best advice that can be offered to the OP as its clearly the point of view her boyfriend has. Unless of course you think the OP should just be patted on the back for what she did, told the guy has no balls and isn't a real man, and then sent on her merry way... She asked for advice on the incident. Opinions from what appears to be her ex-boyfriends perspective could help her immensely.

Gone Fishin

When you say a couple of weeks, what are we talking here? 3 or 4 weeks? Or 12 or 16 weeks? Honestly, if you were asking me - 3 or 4 weeks in, if I really liked someone and was really into them, I don't think I would want to be having sex with them. I would still be at the stage of wondering about it, getting excited about when it would eventually happen and getting the whole mental picture/flirting thing going. So for you to steal his key this early in the relationship (if it was not stealing, you should have made his flat mate aware of what you were going to do), was completely nuts. If it was a few months into things and you had gained his trust, then yeah it probably would have been a nice thing to do but not that early.

I might be old fashioned in my approach but I can totally understand this lads reaction. If it was me I would be changing my locks and telling you to go boil someone elses bunny! Sorry if I'm harsh, just being honest.

prinz

Lumen wrote: »

I'm very pleased for you. However, someone who dates for four years before getting married is not the best source of advice for someone who breaks into their protoboyfriend's house wearing a sexy costume a couple of weeks into a relationship. Craziness should be exploited not suppressed.

Yeah right, because no one else has ever done anything crazy and spontaneous. Do you realise there are different kinds of people... with different ideas of what constitutes acceptable behaviour?..and that this generally changes over time in a relationship?

Next it will be "suprise sex"... sure it's romantic and crazy, how could he/she not want it..

OP. Leave your fella alone for a day or so - let him simmer. He was mad at you and ringing him constantly won't help that. When you say a few weeks.. do you mean one, two, three or more? This is kinda important - if after only one or two weeks, you were to pull a stunt like this, it would come across as very.. strange. The beginning of a relationship is when you are trying to get a feel for each other, get used to each other's company.

How long has he been living in this house for? If he is just newly moved in, or if his housemate is somewhat anal about company, then I can kinda understand your boyfriend freaking out so much about the housemate. If they were to find out, it probably wouldn't reflect very well on your boyfriend.

Were there any external factors to your boyfriend's freaking out? It's likely he could have been having a bad day and needed some space. I know I get like this and just need to destress.

Like I said, the beginning of the relationship is when you're getting to know each other and, unless you two have known each other previously, he may still be growing accustomed to your personality.

Let him simmer and cool down and then try to contact him. When you do, explain to him that you just wanted to do something nice for him, that you didn't intend any harm.

As for breaking up with him, it would be a pretty foolish reason to break up with someone because they didn't like your surprise. It isn't essentially being ungrateful.

Lumen

Gone Fishin wrote: »

When you say a couple of weeks, what are we talking here? 3 or 4 weeks? Or 12 or 16 weeks? Honestly, if you were asking me - 3 or 4 weeks in, if I really liked someone and was really into them, I don't think I would want to be having sex with them.

That sort of assumes they hadn't bumped bits already.

Wompa1

To chime in if it was early in a relationship I would be freaked out. It's also very disrespectful to his housemate who he has to live with. You are basically a stranger to his housemate and he is responsible for having you around, so it's his fault a stranger got a house key and let themselves in. Not a good situation.

santana75

The problem OP is that you're not even acknowledging that you did anything wrong. You stole the key to this guys house and basically broke in. You've crossed some pretty big personal boundaries but you're not even aware of that. You're blaming this guy saying he was cruel to you or whatever. You acted like an eejit and you were rightly treated as such.
Like others have said: LEARN THE LESSON!!!! Stop bothering this guy, leave him alone, its pretty obvious you've been dumped. Accept that, walk away and next time, think before you act.

Wolfe Tone

I would fcuking flip if I was the bloke.

I don't think it's clear whether or not the OP has been dumped. Has he said the words or even hinted at it? Not answering the phone would not necessarily mean that he has broken up with her, if anything it could be a sign that he is still mad. Like I said previously, leave him for a few days before you attempt to make contact again, then see if it is over.

Wibbs

santana75 wrote: »

The problem OP is that you're not even acknowledging that you did anything wrong.

I dont quite agree. I would say she's not acknowledging that what she thinks is fine he or someone else might not.

SheRa

When I started reading this thread I thought holy god they are just about going out and she is callinh him her boyf, no wonder he's freaked out. Jesus Christ when i read the rest of it I nearly fell off my chair! Ok it is quite a mad thing to do and if it happened to me id be very annoyed but more so id feel violated that without asking someone came into my home and was waiting for me! Anyway i dont think that you are going to get that. I've done the whole sexy santy thing as a surprise, but it was a surprise what i was wearing, I didnt borrow a key and enter first! Btw I could be completely off the mark here but I wonder are you confusing sex with love? You talk about doing something romantic, it actually wasnt, yeah it was sexy but not romance. Also it is a bit worrying that you say you are falling for him after a few weeks. You need to seriously take a step back assess your view of things.

Moomoo1

seamus wrote: »

I would be of the opinion that you should consider Toots' comment for yourself - If after a few weeks he's capable of shouting at you and humiliating you, what kind of shouting matches will there be in six months' time?"

I think that's the main point.

The OP's problem is not what she did, it's that she misjudged the strength of the guy's feelings towards her.

fungun

hmm, think some replies are over the top although i havent read them all.

I can see how he could be annoyed, even very annoyed, but you would hope a bf could see and appreciate the intent of what you...but thats where the fact that ye are only seeing each other a few weeks comes in. I can understand an immediate reaction on his part but would hope that he would calm down afterwards and see a bit of your point.

However you also seem incapable of seeing his point so maybe fairs fair

cats.life

op what would you have done if the flat mate came home before the guy who you say was/is your boyfriend..

beks101

In a way I sort of admire the OP's 'balls'...ahem...for doing this so early on in a relationship, but there's no denying the fact that putting herself out there after so little time of seeing someone, it's just batsh1t crazy behaviour.

None of us know the nature of your relationship OP, maybe it's predominantly a physical one and whatnot, but personally I'd need to be with someone enough to have earned their trust and vice versa to do this sort of thing. You can't possibly know someone, what their likes and dislikes are and what their boundaries are, after a few weeks. It takes months to establish that sort of bond, years for some.

So you took a risk, it didn't pay off. Fair enough, it's the gamble you took. But now if you want to have any chance of salvaging this relationship, you need to recognise the reason it didn't pay off - you misjudged this guy and overstepped his boundaries - and if you want any chance of recovery, you are going to have to apologise for that. If not, well he's probably going to put you in the 'psycho' category and move on, probably getting good dinner party fodder out of it this Christmas.

u_c_thesecond

Ok OP , im not going to go into a big "thief physco rant" here. Because i personally dont think you are. I have done that for boyfriends before, twice in face, though the first time i asked his flatmates to not be there and they let me in before they went. The second time i had a key for his place that he had given me.

I just think you misjudged the time fraMe, you said you were falling for him and maybe you got caught up in the whole "christmas love happy time" thing and thats not your fault, most women get like myself included. i think it was a lovely idea just maybe done a little too soon.

Who knows after a few weeks maybe you two can try get bk on track , and in 20 years it could be a funny story you tell at the christmas dinner table, ans if not at least it will be a lesson learned

Good luck

JonathanAnon

romanticsanta wrote: »

I tried to do a really romantic thing.

I wouldnt consider it romantic..... you copied his key, and broke in to this house... I would be shocked as well, and I would have been particularly worried that one of the flatmates would have come home before me, found you, and wondered what the fuk sort kinky games I was into..... He may see it as reflecting bad on him, and possibly putting him in a VERY embarrassing situation... It's also a pretty big breach of trust, and he may be wondering what other crazy things you are capable of doing..

What you did was well intentioned, but ill advised.. imo..

HellFireClub

SheRa wrote: »

When I started reading this thread I thought holy god they are just about going out and she is callinh him her boyf, no wonder he's freaked out. Jesus Christ when i read the rest of it I nearly fell off my chair! Ok it is quite a mad thing to do and if it happened to me id be very annoyed but more so id feel violated that without asking someone came into my home and was waiting for me! Anyway i dont think that you are going to get that. I've done the whole sexy santy thing as a surprise, but it was a surprise what i was wearing, I didnt borrow a key and enter first! Btw I could be completely off the mark here but I wonder are you confusing sex with love? You talk about doing something romantic, it actually wasnt, yeah it was sexy but not romance. Also it is a bit worrying that you say you are falling for him after a few weeks. You need to seriously take a step back assess your view of things.

+1, OP your posts so far on the thread actually sound completely deluded, not just the original post, but your bizarre insistence since then that you were right all along when so many people on here stated a serious reservation about the way that you went about doing this, not even asking for a key but sneakily arranging for underhand access to a key in what was a highly maniulative manouvre, and then ending up with a belief that your companion was cheating on you based on his reaction to your method of "surprising" him...

Have you ever found yourself in this situation before, where you found that you were falling out with a friend because you got some notion into your head that was completly irrational and unacceptable to someone else, but yet found yourself defending your actions afterwards???

In fairness I find it hard to believe that this is the first time that you've ran headlong into this type of a problem.

Also, I've read over all of your posts and one in particular seems to stand out in terms of basic typing errors, which are completly absent in your other posts, is there any possibility that alcohol consumption or another such impairment is a factor in your approach to and subsequent analysis of this whole episode?

Moomoo1

HellFireClub wrote: »

Have you ever found yourself in this situation before, where you found that you were falling out with a friend because you got some notion into your head that was completly irrational and unacceptable to someone else, but yet found yourself defending your actions afterwards???

exactly the question I wanted to pose to the Mary Whitehouse brigade in this thread.

ztoical

Moomoo1 wrote: »

exactly the question I wanted to pose to the Mary Whitehouse brigade in this thread.

I think your confused over who Mary Whitehouse was and what she was aganist. I haven't seen anyone on the thread being disgusted with the OP wanting to dress as a sexy santa for her OH, in fact several posters have admitted doing the same or something along the same lines for their OHs. No one is saying the OP was wrong for wanting to do something sexy/rommantic, the main issue people have is how she gained access to the property. As has been said several times she should have asked the flatmate to borrow the key or for them to let her in rather then just assuming she was free to take the key and let herself in.

Oryx

I ask all posters to stick to the topic in hand and to keep all posts helpful to the OP.

Big Bag of Chips

ztoical wrote: »

just assuming she was free to take the key and let herself in.

And that's it in a nutshell!

pickarooney

"we were getting ready for bed"... this sounds really out of whack with a 'relationship' that's a couple of weeks old. I think you may have got a bit carried away as to what exactly the two of you mean to one another after a very short time. Kiss this one goodnight and try get a better sense of pacing the next time.

This whole drama is really all about you, even from the way you describe it yourself; there's no real consideration whatsoever for anyone else in this story. Your whole approach is of someone whose hare-brained plan was thwarted by an unappreciative man, there's no self-awareness or recognition that you might have done something wrong or that he might have seen things differently. From the outset it's all about how you like this and and that and that's the way it's going to be. Any deviation from your world-view you simply consider wrong.

I think not only is this relationship dead in the water but you'll be looking at a long succession of failed romances if you don't start to seriously consider other people as opposed to them being bit-part players in your rose-tinted pscyhodramas.