dreading Christmas

LegacyUser

I am sure there are loads of people out there dreading Christmas because of the people missing (especially for the first time).

I am feeling more and more dread and depressed as we get closer to the day. People wish me 'Happy Christmas' and it's more than I can bear.

I have lost my dear Aunty (cancer), my father in law, and my precious brother(too young) this year and all I can think about is them, all day long.

I am trying to focus on making Christmas special for the kids, but it's all eating me up inside that there are people missing and christmas will never be the same ever again.

Is there anyone with any tips on how to cope over the Christmas period? It's difficult enough everyday, but I feel it's going to be too much on the day, as Christmas is about families and I feel most of mine is missing.

axel rose

What a crappy year! I'm so sorry you have had to go through that. Although this is now the second Christmas without my husband, I feel like I've been hit by a brick this past week.

Last year I was in a daze, he was only dead a few months, I barely recognised the time of year. I dug a old toy out of the attic and gave that to my son for Christmas and didn't bother putting up the tree. (My son was only 18 months old so I could get away with it). This year I would prefer to just let it be another day but I have to make a bit of a show so I'm distracting myself by inviting the world and his wife to dinner in mine. If they don't like the dinner-they can just fake the yum yum noises. I dont want to write cards, so noone is getting them.

Every time I hear that song with the line 'Its the most wonderful time of the year', I want to punch the flipping radio! Its not in the slightest bit wonderful- Its really sh1tty actually!

Man I wish I could give you a comprehensive list of do's and don'ts that would help you sail past Christmas, but maybe a few pointers may help.

Verbalise to those around you that you are finding it tough. It really is good to share your feelings. Christmas will not be the same, a lot has happened to you in 12 months. I don't think anyone will expect the 'jolly' days of old. Try and take each hour as it comes, go and take time away from yourself, lie down, head out for a walk.

Delegate, and do things the easy way. Accept all offers of help. If you HAVE to have Christmas dinner in yours, then buy your meat cooked, cartons of soup, and ready made trifle. (or whatever you want)

Avoid the fake Christmas atmosphere and stresses by either shop online, hand out vouchers and cash, r get someone to do your shopping for you!


It may be an idea to book a week/weekend away soon after Christmas and focus on that. At least you will be done with 2010 very soon. Good riddance to it!


Good luck op.

Reesy

Hi OP, sorry, I don't know much either. This is my first Christmas without my Dad & it's darker for me, but my Mum is really struggling.

Anyway, how about rather than fight the celebration, we turn it to our own use? How about you take a bit of time of Christmas Day with some of your nearest & to celebrate the lives of the people that you have lost this year. Perhaps raise a glass to them, or, if you can, share some happy stories about them (maybe remember a few in advance & note them down), or visit the graves, if it would help celebrate them? Dig out old photos & pass them around?

Your question has inspired me to do something special to remember Dad on Christmas morning. For that, thanks. Among other things I'll be wearing the sweater that I bought my Dad for last Christmas. The guy in the shop told me that it'd last a lifetime...

LegacyUser

So sorry for your loss devastated... I lost my Mam very suddenly last Monday and I really dont know what to do. I would love to just cancel Christmas but ive two kids 6 and 3 in 2 weeks time so i couldnt do it to them. My 6 year old is taken it very bad as he and his Nanny were the best of pals did everything together. I feel like i wanna get into bed and stay there, feel like a dark cloud is over me and i dont know what to do..Im trying to be strong for them and my Dad but its so hard.

Heres hoping that as the days go by it gets a bit easier.

LegacyUser

Ditto about just wanting to get into bed and hide away and cry.

I'm mainly in bits about losing my brother ( 4 months ago), but my Aunty was a totally uniquely amazing person too and my world feels so empty. I have my Mum, Dad and other brother alive but they are in the UK and we are all so caught up in our own grief that we have actually become more divided through it all. We were not a very close family anyway and I have lost the members of the family that I was close to. So there won't be any raising a glass to those absent or happy memory discussions; I really wish there could be, but we are all too depressed.Maybe next year? I feel that all the firsts will be so painful; the first birthdays, anniversaries etc.

I hope that everyone else dreading this time, will be able to have those discussions about happier times, and I hope that I will have them in the future, but everything feels so bleak at the moment.

Christmas is one of those times that can be so hard for some people, and I am just aware of how superficial everything around me is. Everything seems so wrong and fake that people are carrying on as normal, when there are myself and others in turmoil out here.

Sorry I sound so depressed, but I tend to suppress my feelings in the day and it all comes out at nighttime! I havent had a full nights sleep since I heard about my brother.Christmas is going to be an unbearable day for me.

Rubberlegs

Hi devastated, so sorry to hear about the rotten year you have had:(. This was my first Christmas without my lovely Dad, he passed away on Nov 8th. He'd always been so healthy and full of life, took unwell in June and gone by November. Obviously I'm completely gutted and had no energy or enthusiasm for Christmas. Only the tree went up, kids are 17 and 10, they put it up. It was the first year in years we'd no Santa as well. This took a lot of the pressure off I must say. And the fact the kids are the age they are, they understood. On Christmas evening I got a call from my cousin in England to say my mother's brother had just passed away. I nearly went through the floor. In less than 7 weeks Mum had lost her husband and brother:(. I feel so bad for her. Stephen's Day I found hard as Dad always came out to get the girls and me, he'd be mad to see their presents. He'd bring us over to their house and we'd have breakfast. Its my Grandfather's anniversary, so we'd bring a wreath to my grandparent's grave. This year we went to my sister's, she couldn't face being at my parent's house without Dad. We went to the grave with a wreath, so hard and so weird that Dad is buried with my grandparents. I felt physically sick walking into the graveyard, kept expecting to turn around and see Dad behind us, checking out some new grave to see did he know who it was! New Year was hard too, last year was such a strain with Dad's illness, he was 3 months in hospital. I felt so guilty as I knew the only way Dad was going to have peace was for him to be gone. I didn't want him to suffer but didn't want to lose him either. It sounds silly but I felt panicky at the thoughts of the new year, like I was leaving Dad behind in 2010, like with every day that passes I'm getting further away from the last time I saw him and heard his voice. But, hey, its a new year. I feel something good has to happen, my family like so many others went through so much last year, we deserve a break. So to you devastated, and everyone else, I wish us all some peace xx