7 months pregnant- getting a seat on train?

naughty1205

Hi,
I am 7 months pregnant and have recently been transferred to Dublin City Centre with my job, which means getting the train for a 40 min journey each way. I am just wondering if anyone else in a similar position could give me advice around getting a seat- do I ask someone to let me sit down or just grin and bear it?! I am just finding it difficult to stand for so long as I have a bad back. Some elderly woman offered me her seat today but I would never take the seat of someone who should also have one! I know everyone pays for their ticket and are as entitled to their seat as me, but am just wondering what people think. Thanks for your advice.

naughty

Vanbis

naughty1205 wrote: »

Hi,
I am 7 months pregnant and have recently been transferred to Dublin City Centre with my job, which means getting the train for a 40 min journey each way. I am just wondering if anyone else in a similar position could give me advice around getting a seat- do I ask someone to let me sit down or just grin and bear it?! I am just finding it difficult to stand for so long as I have a bad back. Some elderly woman offered me her seat today but I would never take the seat of someone who should also have one! I know everyone pays for their ticket and are as entitled to their seat as me, but am just wondering what people think. Thanks for your advice.

naughty

Well if they have manners and a bit of common sense they will offer their seat. A pregrant woman shouldn't have to ask for seat. If you have to ask they should be embarrassed.

If they don't offer just ask, some people are clueless and ignorant.

Congrats and good luck.

January

Ask for it! Don't expect to be given one, you'll be sorely disappointed! I was left standing on the bus right up until my last day in work with my first daughter, I was too timid to ask for a seat and no one offered one either.

patwicklow

its bad aint it when no one would give up there seat to a pregnant women or an old person. i dont travel by bus or train much but if i saw some one that was pregnant or elderly id gladly give up my seat with out a second tought.

naughty1205

thank you all for your answers. My husband keeps telling me to ask but I am also too embarrassed! I know there are priority seats just near the door that I hover around but no luck. I don't want to embarrass anyone either by asking. Maybe when I am fit to pop I might get lucky :rolleyes:
Adrienne- I can't believe you had to try and stay standing on a bus! At least the train goes in a straight line!
I think I might do what others do and just plonk myself down on the floor, but might not be able to get back up!

thanks again,
villager

bob the bob

In London, the Tube people will send you a badge saying "baby on board".

http://finkangel.blogspot.com/2009/03/free-baby-on-board-badge-tfl.html

Great for the early months when you are really tired and sick, and where you're not obviously pregnant yet.

Maybe there is an equivalent in Ireland?
Alternatively, there seem to be loads of types available on the web

http://www.google.co.uk/products?q=baby%20on%20board%20badge&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wf

Squiggler

OP, you totally have my sympathy. Six months pregnant here, take the LUAS to/from work every day and have the same problem. People are just so oblivious.

It's one thing having to stand on a Luas for 15 or so minutes, but if I was going to be on a train for 40 minutes I would definitely be asking someone to please let me have their seat.

Is it possible to ask your work to allow you more flexible working hours? To avoid the worst of peak times and make it more likely that I will get a seat I start earlier and leave earlier. Might be worth asking about it.

get_d_hand_in

Anyone with any manners/proper upbringin will offer you their seat straight away.

You be suprised some people may not see the difficulty and if you ask will only be delighted to give you their seat.

Others just ignorent!!!

Just ask for a seat and you'll have no problems.

I'm a lad by the way and thats my 2 cents.

Goodluck

Vanbis

naughty1205 wrote: »

thank you all for your answers. My husband keeps telling me to ask but I am also too embarrassed! I know there are priority seats just near the door that I hover around but no luck. I don't want to embarrass anyone either by asking.

OP, depnding on what train station you get on at you should walk to the very top of the platform and you should get a seat alot easier. That was my tip when i used the train and always worked well for me.

cynder

I'm not surprised you can get a seat, I went to Switzerland with a group of 30 seriously ill children, my daughter being one of them, we had to get the shuttle form the plane to the airport, Do you think that any of the swiss adults offer any of the obviously sick kids seats, NOT A HOPE.


I spotted a boy with down syndrome who could not walk and i kept a seat for him making my own daughter stand(i also stood), i found out later not only did he have down syndrome he was deaf and had leukemia.

If a person wont give it to a seriously ill child who cant walk they aren't going to give it to a pregnant lady.

MarkR

You may be falling victim to the worry that all men have. Is she fat, or is she pregnant?

Offer your seat to a fat bird once, and you'll never forget it...

bob the bob

MarkR wrote: »

You may be falling victim to the worry that all men have. Is she fat, or is she pregnant?

Offer your seat to a fat bird once, and you'll never forget it...

Never presume a woman is pregnant unless you can actually see a baby coming out of her It's the only safe way.

naughty1205

grindelwald wrote: »

I'm not surprised you can get a seat, I went to Switzerland with a group of 30 seriously ill children, my daughter being one of them, we had to get the shuttle form the plane to the airport, Do you think that any of the swiss adults offer any of the obviously sick kids seats, NOT A HOPE.


I spotted a boy with down syndrome who could not walk and i kept a seat for him making my own daughter stand(i also stood), i found out later not only did he have down syndrome he was deaf and had leukemia.

If a person wont give it to a seriously ill child who cant walk they aren't going to give it to a pregnant lady.

that is just terrible. So sad. It would really make you question humanity alright.

Thanks again for all your replies. I will definitely walk to the top of the platform and maybe even mention it to my manager regarding the times etc and perhaps get an earlier or later train. Must look up those badges too.
thanks again, appreciate it.
Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy Squiggler, took me years to get here myself!

villager

Squiggler

MarkR wrote: »

You may be falling victim to the worry that all men have. Is she fat, or is she pregnant?

Offer your seat to a fat bird once, and you'll never forget it...

Yes, I think this is probably part of it too. And in this weather, with bulky clothes and coats it's even more difficult to tell. Make sure you look pregnant?

Edit: Thanks, hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well too

Das Kitty

OP, do ask for a seat, it'll get easier the more you do it. There's no point being in pain.

Wolfe Tone

Id be wary of offering tbh, is she actually preggers? Is she one of those women who will lose the plot "Im not made of glass"

xzanti

I went to my GP last night for the flu vaccine, walked into a packed waiting room with a mix of (fairly able bodied looking) men and a couple of women.. I'm 5 days overdue and not one man stood up.. one of the women stood up and insisted I take her seat.. I was mortified taking it off her but she wouldn't take no for an answer, bless her.. My OH was fuming, but what can you do??

Anyway my point is, don't expect manners, you might be lucky, but don't take it too personally if they don't offer you the seat..

Another thing that I've noticed are the amount of men who take up seats in the Rotunda Out Patients waiting area, I've seen men having to be asked by nurses to give up their seats for pregnant women.. It's sickening!

January

xzanti wrote: »

I went to my GP last night for the flu vaccine, walked into a packed waiting room with a mix of (fairly able bodied looking) men and a couple of women.. I'm 5 days overdue and not one man stood up.. one of the women stood up and insisted I take her seat.. I was mortified taking it off her but she wouldn't take no for an answer, bless her.. My OH was fuming, but what can you do??

Anyway my point is, don't expect manners, you might be lucky, but don't take it too personally if they don't offer you the seat..

Another thing that I've noticed are the amount of men who take up seats in the Rotunda Out Patients waiting area, I've seen men having to be asked by nurses to give up their seats for pregnant women.. It's sickening!

That was a complete bugbear of mine when I attended the Rotunda, some men can be so clueless and it's horrible that the midwives have to go round literally shouting at the men to get up off the seats and let the women sit down. It's a maternity hospital!!!

username123

OP - practice a few times before you do it so you have the wording right, but something along the lines of 'Excuse me, could I possibly have that seat please, Im pregnant/expecting and in quite a lot of pain with my back?'.

Say it loud enough so not only the person youre asking hears it - but those nearby, for 2 reasons:
1 - it might embarrass someone who would otherwise not give up the seat to give it up and
2 - in the case of the person you ask needing the seat themselves (sprained ankle or whatever) someone nearby will overhear and may offer up a seat when they see the one you asked isnt.

Dont be afraid to be upfront and reasonably loud asking (not strident but sort of practical jolly hockey sticks type loudness). So long as you are actually polite I dont see an issue with asking at all.

How Strange

This is my BIG bugbear. I'm 34 weeks; have been pregnant ie bump for 10 weeks. I get the luas twice a day and I'd say out if 10 weeks x 5 days I've been offered a seat 5 or 6 times and ALWAYS by a woman.

The men suddenly become very engrossed in their newspaper, phone, finger nails whatever to avoid eye contact because if they can't see you then it's ok.

I'm shocked. I'd always give my seat up for an older person, pregnant woman, woman with a small child.

I've changed my working hours so I start at 8 to avoid peak time travel because I'd faint if I had to stand in a packed carriage and I need to sit down. Ultimately this means I work a longer day as I still stay until 5.30

The men taking up seats in the maternity hospital when it's packed also bothers me. Even worse is when the whole family are there taking up seats. Surely dad could bring the kids off somewhere for 30 mins.

Argh! The level of rudeness astounds me and believe me there's no question that I'm pregnant. Sometimes I'd love to start clutching my belly and moan really loudly like I'm going into labour just to see if Irish men are so oblivious/rude as to ignore that too.

ladypip

This is also major gripe of mine

When i was about 6 months pregnant three years ago there was a VERY heavily pregnant girl standing on the packed bus in the middle of a very hot June day i could see she was struggling to even stay standing so i got up and offered her my seat but not before i said to her very loudly its a shame when the only person who will give you a seat is another pregnant lady.
You should have seen them hop out of their seats!!! Its disgusting to watch someone struggle like that and stay seated.

When i was heavily pregnant myself i didn't have a problem asking for a seat at all.

If i were you and you were that much in pain id ask for a seat don't be embarrassed at all you deserve it.

Vel

I used to worry and stress so much about this when I was pregnant. I'm the first to give out about most things but I genuinely do think a huge amount of it is down to the fact that people just aren't sure if the woman is pregnant or not, particularly in winter when people have lots of layers on. Even I sometimes have found myself staring really hard trying to work out if the lady is pregnant or not.

I work with two women who carry all their excess weight around their stomachs and they both genuinely look quite heavily pregnant and I think would be mortified if they were offered a seat. I have also witnessed some poor guy offer his seat to a woman who turned out not to be pregnant and it was excrutiating for all concerned.

I do think, myself included that pregnant women can get caught up in their own little world of pregnancy and forget that not everyone is part of it!! I know, particularly in the mornings, I get on the Luas and don't pay attention to anyone around me so could easily miss a pregnant lady!

I think those people chewing their nails and fiddling with their mobile phones are probably going through what I have gone through in the past - the 'is she or isn't she' 'do I offer or don't I' internal terror:D

So, as others have said, just ask and I think it would be a horrible, nasty person who would say no, although I do remember seeing a series of 'letters' in the Metro from both men and women justifying not giving up their seats because pregnancy is a choice and not an illness :rolleyes:

Moonbeam

I commute every day previously on the Drogheda train and now on the Maynooth train,on the Drogheda train I nearly always had to ask for a seat,on the Maynooth train I haven't yet but have sat on the floor once or twice.
When I do get offered seats I have to say it is nearly always young men in their 30's so I reckon that they had pregnant wives or recently had kids:)
some people act very put out when you ask most are embarassed that they didn't see you or offer already.

cynder

Vel wrote: »

So, as others have said, just ask and I think it would be a horrible, nasty person who would say no, although I do remember seeing a series of 'letters' in the Metro from both men and women justifying not giving up their seats because pregnancy is a choice and not an illness :rolleyes:

Ive been told on here that *pregnancy is not an illness!


* when i said " i took out life insurance when i found out i was pregnant at 18 in case i died during labour, that the baby would be looked after". Made me feel that i was stupid for thinking such a thing, I was being anything but stupid I was being responsible.

People say different things to suit their own situations so they only have to think about themselves and not anyone else. You would find any woman in that frame of mind (choice and not an illness) gets pregnant would expect seats given to them, I suppose in some cases unless someone has been there and done that they lack empathy, others do have empathy and that why they give up their seats.

Jinxi

Not all men are the same. One of the things that made me fall for my OH is he always gave up his seat for elderly and pregnat ladies. Even when I met him at 18 with long hair and a Sepultura t-shirt.
Also, I have been offered seats on public transport by men. And I took them, too embarassed to tell them I was just fat.:D

amdublin

Yes if you feel you need a seat you should definitely ask.

amacachi

Seriously, ask. It only takes someone putting their foot in it once to stop them from offering again.

Butterflylove

I know im pregnant myself been around pregnant women my life and I still find it hard to tell everyones bump is so different I have a bump myself but with my HUGE coat you wouldnt even know, Im luckly get my bus early enough to get seat,


Also the whole its not an illness its a choice I wonder what their mothers would say if put with the same question :rolleyes: I have certainly suffered worst then any illness Ive had lol,
I would reply the seats are there for women in our position to have, at the end of the day its a question of manners!

Rodin

Jinxi wrote: »

Not all men are the same. One of the things that made me fall for my OH is he always gave up his seat for elderly and pregnat ladies. Even when I met him at 18 with long hair and a Sepultura t-shirt.
Also, I have been offered seats on public transport by men. And I took them, too embarassed to tell them I was just fat.:D

And there ye have it

bunty2008

Agree - Maybe your bump is not as huge as it should be? When I was pregnant, I consoled myself with the old school of thought - "I'd rather be pregnant and standing than fat and sitting" if you know what I mean.

But do ask. You'll need to get brave - it's only going to get harder.

Take care, and congrats:)

metrovelvet

Because the feminists yapped on for years 'its a pregnancy not a disability' this pleasant ritual of consideration is now considered an insulting gesture.

When I was heavily pregnant in the hot hot summer of New York City the only people to offer a seat were hispanic men, the last remaining bastions of good old fashioned sexism, and goddammit I was thankful being 200 lbs with water retention.

All the white middle class men have this internal dialogue to justify their selfishness

Thank you Gloria Steinem.